Gender Disappointment After Loss

rg0119

Hello - I lost a baby girl at 20 weeks pregnant 6 months ago. The pregnancy was very normal and healthy until it wasn’t which was shocking and devastating. I am very grateful to be pregnant again and recently found out it is a boy. I am much more disappointed and sad than I thought I would be and feel like it’s reopened the grief process all over again. We just thought our family was starting with a little girl and while we can’t replace the baby we lost with another girl it’s like giving up that future you imagined all over again. There are a lot of different layers as to why I was wanting a baby girl but long story short I could just use some encouragement. I want to feel happy and excited about what a boy will bring not sad about what I’ll miss out on with not having a girl. I almost feel like I want to avoid telling friends or family that I’m having a boy because comments/opinions on gender just upset me and feel like I’m dismissing the baby I lost and desperately wanted.

What do you love about being a boy mom? How did you cope with gender disappointment? Obviously after everything I have been through bringing home a healthy baby is all that matters and I know that but could still use some support and encouraging advice. Thank you! 

missy8805

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I can't imagine how tough it must have been, already knowing the gender. I do not have a boy but I would imagine that your baby will be so special, no matter the gender, as soon as you meet their beautiful face. Everybody copes with a loss differently and there is no right or wrong feeling. I think/hope as time goes on you will feel more connected with the idea of having a boy. Even if you were told you were having another girl, that doesn't mean that they would have been similar. Each baby is so different in their own ways. I do work with a woman who has had this happen and she LOVES her boys. She did say that she finds it difficult at times but her boys bring so much joy. I hope my answer helps. 

projectalice

I have a boy. He is the sweetest, kindest, most helpful child I know. He's wonderful. 
I actually hope I get another boy because he's so lovely! Plus once you give birth you will bond with your baby and you won't even worry about what sex they are. 
Try not to dwell on it, boys are awesome and they love their mamas!