January 2019 Moms
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UO (Unpopular Opinion) 6/13/18

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Re: UO (Unpopular Opinion) 6/13/18

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    UO: In a few moms groups on facebook and moms LOVE to post pictures of their kid's rashes or more recently poop and have the group diagnose what is wrong with their child. This has become acceptable in the place of seeking medical advice.  I'm no doctor and have no idea about your child's health history, why would I know what is the cause of a rash??  I get going to the doctor is expensive but really....
    Thank heavens that's not a thing for my groups. Ew. Okay back to read the rest of the posts. 


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     These forums are like people.  You get certain things from certain people in your life right? Maybe you have a big group of friends you can go have fun with,  that thrives on chaos,  you like to hang out with them once in awhile definitely not all the time...  Maybe you have a more intelligent group of friends you like to go get coffee with, or play board games with,  maybe have over for dinner, that feeds the science and thoughtful conversation side of your brain. Most likely you also have a best friend that gives you a little bit of both. These forums are just like that. If you want more chaos BC is the place to go.  TB isn't BC. If it was I wouldn't be here.  We have 9 pages of introductions. We don't need 100 posts about single symptoms.  We're trying to get to know each other here and maybe one day move to Facebook where we are sharing more intimate details of our lives.  The purpose of this specific community (our bmb) is that we're having shared experience and offer each other support.  I'm not interested in indulging drive bys and AW that aren't giving back to this community. I am also totally fine with one off posts IF they are one of the following -
    are inclusive, you need support, or spark conversation.  One off symptom threads are a huge pet peeve of mine. 

     But all that to say,  I don't own this BMB. If everyone else enjoys the one off AW symptom threads I'll keep my mouth shut and go with the flow.  
    I mostly agree with you regarding the first part of your post. However, those types of groups are formed through trial and error and how a group naturally evolves. It doesn't start out with a specific set of rules. So I don't necessarily agree that this has to be a certain way because we aren't BC. Holy hell that place is nuts. I think there is middle ground and we haven't figured out what our board rythm is yet. I should evolve as we get further along. 
    And I know this seemed like it was aimed towards you specifically and I only meant it in that way in a minor sense. I would have felt that way if it was anyone. Not just you. So I hope you didn't take it personally. I don't want you to feel like I'm out to get you. I don't dislike you or anything. Is the sorta self appointed board ruler annoying to me, yes. But I would have felt that way if it had been eleven_ or AshVa as well. I think it's probably just your desire for organization that drives it and that's not a bad thing. 


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    I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017

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    @sparkymcgeee I agree. The organization of the board definitely works well for some but, for me, it feels like overkill. Limiting ourselves to specific check-ins and weekly posts feel really repetitive. If I fit into the AMA, STM, High Risk and Ticker change groups, I feel like I'd be posting a lot of the same stuff four different times each week. I was really active in the S15 board, but I felt like conversations were more organic, and people really had a chance to get to know each other. Who knows...that could happen here. One off posts and AW posts are annoying, but they do add some interest. 

    I do love the other posts that are popping up regarding natural birth, products, etc. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

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    I personally don't even like the check ins.  They are boring and repetitive. I barely participate in them.  But I really hate the one off symptoms threads.  I'll never not hate them.  
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    @kns1988 I think a lot more people are inclined to agree with you about college not being for everyone than you might think. Many of the teachers I work with feel that way as do most of my friends group. Maybe it’s the area where I live, but I think a lot of people are realizing that massive student loan debt just isn’t worth it when you have so many other options.

    @saltedcaramel518 As someone who was named the nickname instead of the longer, more formal name... it’s seriously awful. I have spent my ENTIRE life correcting everyone from teachers to employers who assumed my “real name” was the formal version. I fully plan on giving my kids formal names so they at least have the option.
    married 7.11.09
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    BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
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    I'm sorry you felt attacked or something. Not the intention. However, I didn't say anything about how people react to the drivebys. Post what you want in a driveby. I don't white knight the posts because to me the pet peeve isn't the post itself. I don't care what someone posts. If it's flameworthy because content then flame it for content. Like Ramzi. Not the fact that it's been posted. You may think all of these posts are AWish but others might not. My point was that it shouldn't irritate you so much of one happens and the constant smack down immediately seems unnecessary. 


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Pregnancy tickers

    I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017

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    @saltedcaramel518, I'm guilty of giving my kid one name when I fully intended to call him by a nickname. I actually do regret it! I should have just named him the nickname. He gets the full name treatment more often now that he's turning into a toddler and doesn't listen.. lol
    Me: 29, DH: 31
    Married: October 2014
    Began TTC: April 2015
    BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


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    I agree that we need to find the right balance to the one off threads. The thing that gets me is why someone would feel that it’s okay to create a new discussion even without introducing themselves and reading at least some guidelines to what we strive to accomplish as a group. No one wants one off threads that are also repetitive - we can all create one off threads by symptoms discussion alone (sore boobs, fatigue, nausea, the list goes on!) but there is some clarity and logic to organizing all of that under one thread: Symptoms. 

    It’s definitely a challenge to find that fine line but what I don’t want here is crowded one off threads that can simply be organized under one. I get the worrisome one off posts per the board guidelines but we can’t have some people consistently following some organization vs. others who DGAS and will continue to create new discussions despite the fact that their discussion already exists in another thread. 

    I get both sides but some are just so noticeably AW LOOK AT ME posts that frankly get the snarky responses for a reason. And pointing those that are new to the right discussions also is an option that helps them in the long run. Personally, I’d like to read what others have said previously about a question I had that I may have started as a new thread if I didn’t know about it and continue that discussion. 

    Just my two cents (worth exactly that). I’m all about some level of consistency here in board organization.


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    julesf817julesf817 member
    edited June 2018
    I agree with @sparkymcgeee

    i feel like things are so regimented it’s just kinda...boring. The check ins are great, but aside from the GTKY questions, I HATE the formatting. I would so much prefer check in threads where we just check in organically with out a specific list of questions that seem to repeat over the several check ins i fit into. Like do I copy and paste the same answer? 

    I also HATE the “How big is baby?” question.

    Small. It’s small. Who tf knows how big a kumquat actually is? Nobody. 

    Edited to add: @galactickates I totally do appreciate the fact that you start a lot of threads and get things going when no one else does. I really don’t want you to feel attacked at all. I think there’s gotta be a happy medium. 

    image


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    @julesf817 I know how big a kumquat is  ;)


    but agree, it’s bs. 
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    @julesf817 I hate the baby size question too! Especially on the EDD check ins, because everyone there is all within a week of each other, so the answers are all the same.


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    The problem is whether or not it seems worth it to start a new thread if it's just going to be shut down in a "couldn't this be discussed in xxx thread" right from the start. 


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    I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017

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    Well if it's about symptoms all of us are having..... then yeah maybe just go to the symptom thread. Or if you want to start a thread just for your own U/S maybe go to the U/S thread. 

    I haven't seen any other one off thread get shut down.  Not that I can remember at least.  Some one might need to refresh my memory though
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    Um, I have started threads. But you tend to start all the threads we need so I don't need to start my own very often. 


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    I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017

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    I can't wait to see all the new threads created by @sparkymcgeee and


    Hopefully we'll have some fun discussions now that we have volunteers to start more fun threads  :kissing_heart:
    FFThC...I hit refresh more times than I'd like to admit before I realized the lovetits were a screen shot, and not some new Bump app formatting disaster. 


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    Um, I have started threads. But you tend to start all the threads we need so I don't need to start my own very often. 
    I've literally created one offs the entire time I've been in this BMB.... I started a June symptoms because people were still using the old one from may. Because why?? No one was starting them weekly.  I just find it rich that of all the people on this bmb i'm being accused of policing one offs and a strict format. 

    My UO it annoys me when people complain about something they aren't willing to do anything about.  Because apparently that is a U/O here. 
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    Anothe unpopular opinion I have- I refuse to get the flu shot while pregnant. I am a nurse and told my work I would quit before I would get the flu shot while pregnant.
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    Anothe unpopular opinion I have- I refuse to get the flu shot while pregnant. I am a nurse and told my work I would quit before I would get the flu shot while pregnant.
    Why? Every doctor and other medical source I've ever seen have all agreed it's safe as long as you get the shot rather than the mist.  Is there any reputable medical literature that contradicts that? 

    I've only caught the flu once, in my mid 20s when I was otherwise super healthy, and it was horrendous. I can't even imagine how miserable and dangerous flu would be while pregnant.


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    Anothe unpopular opinion I have- I refuse to get the flu shot while pregnant. I am a nurse and told my work I would quit before I would get the flu shot while pregnant.
    I won't get the flu shot while pregnant either. 
    TW
    Me: 33 DH: 32
    DS:  March 2014
    DD: May 2015
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    BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
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    AshVA said:
    Anothe unpopular opinion I have- I refuse to get the flu shot while pregnant. I am a nurse and told my work I would quit before I would get the flu shot while pregnant.
    Why? Every doctor and other medical source I've ever seen have all agreed it's safe as long as you get the shot rather than the mist.  Is there any reputable medical literature that contradicts that? 

    I've only caught the flu once, in my mid 20s when I was otherwise super healthy, and it was horrendous. I can't even imagine how miserable and dangerous flu would be while pregnant.
    I’m glad you asked. There have actually been very few studies done. There was one last year which claimed to prove the flu vaccine was safe when given to pregnant women, but when you actually read the study, they excluded women who started the study, but later has a miscarriage, still birth, or early labor. Which means that if the flu vaccine increases the incidence of this things, the study would not reflect it. 

    This was a large scale study from the 2009/2010 flu season which shows a significant increase in miscarriage and fetal death in women who get the flu vaccine while pregnant.
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3888271/
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    I did tell everyone I was feeling salty and it would cause hurt feelings. Y'all asked me to post anyway because you wanted drama. There are obviously differing opinions on the matter which is why I put it here. Since that's the whole point of the thread. 


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    I did tell everyone I was feeling salty and it would cause hurt feelings. Y'all asked me to post anyway because you wanted drama. There are obviously differing opinions on the matter which is why I put it here. Since that's the whole point of the thread. 
    She did warn everyone. 
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1dd1cd" alt=" Pregnancy Ticker" border="0" /></a>
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    eleven_ said:
    I did tell everyone I was feeling salty and it would cause hurt feelings. Y'all asked me to post anyway because you wanted drama. There are obviously differing opinions on the matter which is why I put it here. Since that's the whole point of the thread. 
    I have no problem with your opinion. It was the call out of @galactickates. It felt unnecessary to me. 
    That's fair but I did make it point to say it's wasn't really about her. It would have been about anyone that was doing the same thing. I specifically said I didn't want her to take it personally because I have nothing against her at all. She inferred it was about her because of her own actions. Not because I specifically said "galactickates does this". It wasn't meant as a passive aggressive dig at her. It was a general you (especially the queen bee comment that you references earlier) that she took to heart and when she did I addressed it. 


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    I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017

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    eleven_ said:
    I did tell everyone I was feeling salty and it would cause hurt feelings. Y'all asked me to post anyway because you wanted drama. There are obviously differing opinions on the matter which is why I put it here. Since that's the whole point of the thread. 
    I have no problem with your opinion. It was the call out of @galactickates. It felt unnecessary to me. 
    That's fair but I did make it point to say it's wasn't really about her. It would have been about anyone that was doing the same thing. I specifically said I didn't want her to take it personally because I have nothing against her at all. She inferred it was about her because of her own actions. Not because I specifically said "galactickates does this". It wasn't meant as a passive aggressive dig at her. It was a general you (especially the queen bee comment that you references earlier) that she took to heart and when she did I addressed it. 
    Excuse me don't speak for me, I never said anything about the queen bee comment.  Also you're post was 100% passive aggressive. You didn't even mention me in your original post but I'm not stupid and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out.  I responded with a general response when you responded and confirmed my suspicions.  


    You are literally saying "i wrote that post about you,  but don't take it personally"

    Uhhh Wut?
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    That study only related to two seasons, and the H1N1 vaccine, not the regular flu vaccine. It's own comparison claims that H1N1 resulted in a marked, aberrational increase in VAERS reports from the previous 17 flu seasons. 

    Meanwhile, the flu itself significantly increases risks to the health of the mother and baby. Personally, I'd much rather avoid the significant and proven risk, rather than the hypothetical, unproven risk. Particularly in our case, where we're all well into second/ third tri during flu season and the overall risks of MC/ stillbirth are low. I'd much rather have the peace of mind that my vaccination will continue to protect my baby during the dangerous winter months when s/he is too young to receive the flu vaccine. 
    That study is only over one flu season because there has not been a similar study conducted since then, other than the one I mentioned which excludes negative outcomes from their study. 

    This is is a link to the vaccine insert for one of the more common flu vaccines this past flu season. This is one my work had available for administration for our patients. You’ll
    notice on page 4 that H1N1 is listed as one of the flu strains in the vaccine. You’ll also notice that it states that safety and efficacy have not been shown in pregnant women.
    https://www.vaccineshoppe.com/image.cfm?doc_id=13812&image_type=product_pdf
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    Mandamay1414Mandamay1414 member
    edited June 2018
    @libertymomrn, just curious.. would you take tamiflu if exposed to people who have the flu? The CDC states that pregnant women are at higher risk for serious complications from the flu and recommends the vaccine +/- tamiflu if they have contact with ppl with confirmed influenza. The flu is no joke, I personally would be more worried about contracting the flu (esp if you work in a healthcare setting) than the vaccine.

    ETA: I briefly looked at the study you posted. Your right in that it shows a 43 fold increase in fetal loss (statistically significant), however I wonder how clinically significant this is.. we're talking 4 in a million increased to 174 per million pregnant women vaccinated.. still seems like a very very small risk to me. I wonder if there is any data on women who experience fetal loss from contracting the actual flu? That would be an interesting comparison. 

    PS, I'm a pharmacist and love the healthcare related UO.. I also love that you have data to back your UO:)
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    eleven_ said:
    I did tell everyone I was feeling salty and it would cause hurt feelings. Y'all asked me to post anyway because you wanted drama. There are obviously differing opinions on the matter which is why I put it here. Since that's the whole point of the thread. 
    I have no problem with your opinion. It was the call out of @galactickates. It felt unnecessary to me. 
    That's fair but I did make it point to say it's wasn't really about her. It would have been about anyone that was doing the same thing. I specifically said I didn't want her to take it personally because I have nothing against her at all. She inferred it was about her because of her own actions. Not because I specifically said "galactickates does this". It wasn't meant as a passive aggressive dig at her. It was a general you (especially the queen bee comment that you references earlier) that she took to heart and when she did I addressed it. 
    Excuse me don't speak for me, I never said anything about the queen bee comment.  Also you're post was 100% passive aggressive. You didn't even mention me in your original post but I'm not stupid and it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out.  I responded with a general response when you responded and confirmed my suspicions.  


    You are literally saying "i wrote that post about you,  but don't take it personally"

    Uhhh Wut?
    I never said you did. Eleven did. Which is why I was responding to her. But okay. 


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    skilouiseskilouise member
    edited June 2018
    As a direct comparison, one of the flu seasons mentioned in the study cited above caused the deaths of at least 75 pregnant women in the US.  12% of those deaths also resulted in the loss of the baby.  The remaining 88% of the babies were born alive, but left motherless (along with any older children the mother may have had). The study didn't address health consequences to the babies themselves. 

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4557717/



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    @sparkymcgeee She's talking how you said she took it to heart. 
    eleven_ said:
    I did tell everyone I was feeling salty and it would cause hurt feelings. Y'all asked me to post anyway because you wanted drama. There are obviously differing opinions on the matter which is why I put it here. Since that's the whole point of the thread. 
    I have no problem with your opinion. It was the call out of @galactickates. It felt unnecessary to me. 
    That's fair but I did make it point to say it's wasn't really about her. It would have been about anyone that was doing the same thing. I specifically said I didn't want her to take it personally because I have nothing against her at all. She inferred it was about her because of her own actions. Not because I specifically said "galactickates does this". It wasn't meant as a passive aggressive dig at her. It was a general you (especially the queen bee comment that you references earlier) that she took to heart and when she did I addressed it. 

    TW
    Me: 33 DH: 32
    DS:  March 2014
    DD: May 2015
    BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
    BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
    BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
    BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN  <3 

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