May Randoms

mmom3

A new month, a new randoms!

It’s finally warm enough (for a few days) to open the windows.  We aren’t putting away our winter gear just let but a few days of warmer weather and sunshine was needed!  The fresh air has knocked Charlie out the past few days.  

megpeg

@mmom3 our windows are all open today for the first time too. I love this fresh air! 
I am ready to give all of my daughters toys away. She refuses to clean them up and her 5th birthday is in 2 weeks so more crap will be making its way in.

DDRRT1982

@megpeg my daughter's 5th birthday is a week from tomorrow!  I also vote you donate them.  She can start over and respect the new ones.  My kids have an issue with this and so we regularly donate as a result.

bexster05

When do babies usually start teething? Jeffrey is 7 weeks and is showing signs that he’s teething. 

maelily15

@bexster05, this is one of those that it varies by child. DD1 had her first tooth poked through at about 3 months. But some of my mommy friends had LOs whose teeth came in extra early and others that were late. If he is teething, I recommend the baby Banana. It’s actually a toothbrush but doubles very nicely as a teether because the baby likes the feel of the bristles on their gums. 

mmom3

@bexster05- DD got her first tooth just shy of 7 months and DS got his first at 5 months.  My niece and nephew were after 9 months each.  It varies so greatly.

@maelily15 - Charlie got the banana toothbrush in his Easter basket!  

mccurleya

I don't know where y'all live but it's been hot here in Georgia for a couple weeks. Too hot to stay more than a few minutes outside with Nate once noon hits

sgrn18

@mccurleya South Texas here. Wer have the wind in our favor right now but soon it's going to get really hot! The car takes forever to cool down too so I'm afraid to put him inside for a bit.  I definitely don't care for snow but I could do without 100 degree summers with a baby

ashtuesday

Sorry if this is an overshare, but I currently have my period for the second time post-baby, and I'm on day NINE.  WHEN WILL IT END?!!?!?

DDRRT1982

ashtuesday said:

Sorry if this is an overshare, but I currently have my period for the second time post-baby, and I'm on day NINE.  WHEN WILL IT END?!!?!?

With each baby my period gets longer and heavier.  I for sure have had nine day periods. I am sorry.

mmom3

@ashtuesday - how many weeks PP are you?  

slr1229

This is a STM question and something you working FTM will have to look forward to.  I got a call today that our 2 year 10 month old daughter refusing nap and won’t sleep on her cot and it’s disturbing the other kids.  It’s been an Issue for a few weeks and she’s doing the same for us at home; except at home on the weekends she’ll sit in her bed and “read” books until she falls asleep or she just never naps after we give her 2 hours. 

They said if its it’s still an issue they’ll start calling us to come pick her up.  Any advice?  I don’t see how a daycare can make that rule because I’m paying them to watch my kid, I can’t leave work every day?  She’s almost 3- can’t except 20 3 year olds to all take 2 hour naps.  I thought about taking away her bookshelf in her room so she has nothing but her bed, but I don’t know what to do.  Any tips?  

Edited to add:  my kid is smart too, if she realizes every time I don’t nap, Mom comes to pick me up?  She’d be doing it on purpose to be with me!

ashtuesday

@DDRRT1982 Stronger and heavier FOREVER?  I thought it would go back to normal after a few cycles!

@mmom3 I'm 12 weeks PP - exclusively formula feeding, so I got my first period around 6 weeks PP.

@slr1229 That is ridiculous!  No ideas here, but as a teacher, I hate that day care is refusing to be flexible for your LO.  Good luck!

becausescience

@slr1229 Can she go hang out in the next room during nap time? It is ridiculous that they'd want you to pick her up for a reason other than illness. Don't a lot of kids grow out of naps by 3?

(My oldest is only 20 months, so no direct experience.)

BrittnieMariee

@slr1229 I feel like that’s pretty ridiculous of them to decide? They could at least offer her a book or quiet activity?? That way she wouldn’t be disturbing the other kids. 

DDRRT1982

Completely unreasonable and honestly not practical.  Who the hell can pick up their kid every time they don't nap?  For me, if I make it into work then I can't leave, so that would definitely not work for me.  
@ashtuesday at least for me.  Mine are terrible now.

maelily15

@slr1229, I think my response to them would vary based on what type of facility they are and how long she’s been enrolled. If it’s a center facility, you can talk to them about bumping her up to the next “room” with the older kids who don’t nap as much. Biggest issue with that is most facilities want children in the 3-4 classroom to be toilet trained.
I think the suggestion that @BrittnieMariee made is good as well- they can distract her with a quiet activity.
 I’m with you- you pay them to care for your child, they should evolve their expectations as she grows older. They can’t expect you to take time off work just because your toddler won’t sleep for them, especially considering you just took so much leave with your new baby. 
My 3 year old DD will still lay down for nap time at daycare but she’s also been going to that home based daycare for a year and a half so she knows the routine and the owners and the other kids and they know how to keep her calm. 
You can also proactively start looking for a new facility if they refuse to be flexible- it sucks for your LO because her routine will suffer but these people don’t seem to really care about your needs as a working mom or hers as a developing child. 

lexigirl1228

Yay May! And to start May off, and since I am so good at spreading good news, yesterday my fiancé got laid off with no warning and no reason. Not even a reason on the paperwork they gave him. Just says "discharged". So we are screwed. He still has his second part time minimum wage job but that is no where near enough. And in the state I live in it's so bad that even getting a job as a cashier is difficult (believe me, I tried right after college). Unemployment, the DSS, and moving in with my mom is in our near future. I almost want to just sell everything and live a nomadic lifestyle with the twins. And another year I'm stuck inside all day because we can't even afford gas to go to the beach which is going to further my poor attitude because being in a tiny apartment all day is going to drive me insane.

I can feel myself getting depressed. I just want to cry. Any advice on how to shake depression when you can feel it creeping up? I need to stay strong for my boys and I worry for their safety and well being if I go down the road of depression. Don't mean to throw a pity party or anything; I'm looking for genuine advice because I feel like no one around me cares. Like I just mentioned it to my mom and she moved the conversation along. And therapy is not an option right now for multiple reasons including insurance.

DDRRT1982

Uggggh, this is terrible, @lexigirl1228.  I am sorry.  First, I would start stabilizing yourself with as many programs as possible.  Get the kids medicaid or chips, see if you guys qualify for Medicaid.  Apply for food stamps and WIC.  Make sure you have access to insurance and food. Move in with your mom if you have to.  It can just be temporary, but at least the stress of rent will be gone.  Look for jobs you can work from home.  I think I heard Amazon was hiring work from home employees.  There are options out there, especially ones online or on the phone.  If anyrhing maybe look into moving.  If the job market is that terrible maybe look into other options.  I hope your SO finds a better job soon and thinks improve.

slr1229

Thanks for all your replies regarding my oldest child’s nap issues!  She’s been going to the daycare for almost 2 years now.  I’m making a list before I discuss with the director.  Glad I am not unreasonable thinking they’re being ridiculous about picking her up.  As my Mom always says, “if it’s nothing, it’s something else!”  

She’s also potty trained and sometimes when I pick her up they tell me “she refused to potty this afternoon”.  Well, did she have any accidents- no- so clearly she didn’t have to go!  Can’t force kids to do everything on a specific schedule all the time.

lexigirl1228

@DDRRT1982 Thank you! We already have Medicaid, I already have WIC and I am going to apply for everything I can! Unfortunately the housing is so unaffordable in Connecticut that even moving into a one bedroom would most likely result in a higher rent; it raised that high in the last couple of years. Like if we move out of our apartment the rent will probably double for the next tenants. We already live in a pretty bad spot, too and rent is still insane ($950 a month for a one bedroom on average). Mom is the only option if he doesn't find a new job but since I have a bachelor's I'm going to try to apply to jobs in my field as well and whoever can get a job first will be the one who works. I hope so too for my sanity's sake!

lexigirl1228

To add onto my good news, we found out fiancé has a 20% chance of having cancer and if anyone knows anything about statistics you know how remarkably high that is. A 1 in 5 chance. He said he has been feeling weak and he takes forever to get out of bed, etc. He went to the doctor already with issues before I gave birth and they assumed it was an infection without even doing any tests and now new issues are present. I don't even know how to feel. I don't have any friends in my offline life except one flaky one who has been making excuses not to meet my sons for 12 weeks, so I have no one to talk to about any of this besides my mother, but we know how moms can be "Everything will be alright, everything happens for a reason." Real helpful, mom.

I look at my sons now and think of how they might never remember the time they spent with their father because he could be severely ill and never recover. Of course it's easy to say "Don't think like that," but it's natural to, especially because we would need to figure out something if he cannot work and needs treatment, meaning he wouldn't be well enough to care for babies if I were to get a job. Things finally started looking up and I thought these boys would be the start of a new positive chapter, but it seems things just keep continuing to crash down. I think depression is inevitable at this point.

mccurleya

Y'all.... my husband's grandma comes over unannounced and takes the baby and tries to wake him up so she can see his eyes. Who tries to wake a baby up!? I said, "I don't know why you're doing that." and she quit but my goodness. I'm annoyed with this. 

DDRRT1982

@lexigirl1228 so sorry, so much going on.

Lol, sorry, @mccurleya.  No boundaries!!!

megpeg

I am feeling so much lighter, I got my first haircut since I quit working at the salon last July! 8 inches cut off so maybe baby fingers won’t get quite so tangled.

senora76

@megpeg my kid wont stop pulling my hair!!!!

Random musings: things I am grateful for that didn’t exist 15 years ago when I had my firsr baby: smartphones (its 3 am, I’ve placed an amazon order, checked my email, caught up with a good friend if mine in spain iver text, and am now posting here!) nosefrida + boogie mist, pee indicators on diapers... I know there are a zillion other things these days but thats what I have found most helpful!

megpeg

@senora76 I second that- I have an almost 10 year old and the phone thing is huge. I had a laptop and would try to use that when pumping and it was hard. The baby Brezza is another thing that is awesome and I can’t believe no one thought of sooner.

katester91

I haven’t been on for a while but I hope everyone and all the babes are doing well.

@lexigirl1228 I’m sorry you’re going through all that.

For those who have older children I need some advice. I have an almost 3 year old son who has been challenging lately and I feel like I am disciplining him sooooo much and it’s not doing a thing. How do you all go about getting your child to listen without feeling like you’re losing your marbles? He’s been talking back or doing the exact thing I told him not to. I had to call my husband yesterday to have him leave at 5 from work (this is when he’s supposed to leave but he works for his family so he literally works all the time) because I just COULD NOT take anymore. I’m sure this is all a normal 3 year old thing but I’m pretty sure I got a free one way ticket to crazy town and I need to find my way back.

lexigirl1228

Thanks guys. I just don't know how to think or function right now. It keeps getting worse. Now my mom and her now ex fiancé got into it (let's just say he is a scumbag in many ways) and she is moving in with her friend. So now we have absolutely no where to go if he cannot get a new job. My fiancé's mom lives with his brother and is moving back to Puerto Rico in a couple of months anyway, and neither of us have active fathers in our lives. His brother would never let us move in, and my brother lives with his dad. Neither of us have any family (or friends) who would be willing to take us in. Not that it is anyone's responsibility. So completely screwed. We are at the end of the line. I'm going to leave this thread since all I have is negative news.

megpeg

@katester91 it’s the age. My nephew is the same age and is out of control right now. He is an only child and is nuts. My sister does timeouts or takes things away.

megpeg

Also, breast pumping in the car at my grandmas showing. Fun times. I hope no one sees me in the back seat through the window tint and tries to come talk to me.

katester91

Thanks @megpeg I don’t know if I’m going to survive this age! So sorry about your grandma.

maelily15

@katester91, DD1 turned 3 last month and is really trying my patience also. She will literally just repeat the same sentence every 15 seconds until she gets what she wants (today it was juice, yesterday it was birthday cake). And she won’t listen to her dad at all. I have to get out my “scary mommy voice” to get anything done. For me, it helps to get on her level (literally kneel down or pick her up so we’re face to face) and give her instructions after I make sure she has eye contact with me. We’ve put door knob locks on her bedroom so she gets timeout if she’s really misbehaved. And if it’s egregious and something she’s been warned about recently (usually mistreating her baby sister or the cat), she gets a spank. I know not all parents believe in it and it’s never hard, but just enough to get her attention and let me explain why her behavior isn’t desired. 

katester91

@maelily15 I feel like you are explaining my life right now! He repeats himself all the time after I’ve told him no to something. He listens to his dad a little better than me but I’m the one home with them right now. His newest thing is asking for a certain thing to eat and then not eating it. I’ve resorted to telling him he is either eating it or not eating at all. I feel like he is spending the majority of his day in timeout. Mostly for mistreating our dogs. I think he could test the patience of a Saint.

senora76

@katester91 my first was almost 3 when i had my second... my two oldest we total terrors and 3 is among thr toughest age- they are realizing their independence and want to prove it... im no help now- all i remember was a LOT of time outs... a lot of counting to 10, and i started chores early with my boys... i can show u the light at the end of the tunnel is somehow my older boys turned out respectful and responsible... and fairly chill compared to their peers but man, they were a handfull for thwir first 8-10 years!!!

mmom3

My son is three and a terror.  He’s such a handful and a half and most days I’m at the end of rope with his behavior.  My husband is gone 16-18 hours a day so I have him all day all by myself.  I feel like my parenting has gotten so negative because of his behavior so I recently bought a book called Stop Reacting and Start Responding.  I just started it but hopefully it will help me as I’m so frustrated every day.

sgrn18

Over the past week we saw a dramatic increase in spitting up, moving from every now and then to ever feeding then increasing amounts. I was worried that LO was developing reflux and took him to the pediatrician today.  They said that reflux can start to manifest randomly at about 8 weeks (didnt know that and LO is 7 weeks now). We had some gas issues early on that I'm now wondering if it was a symptom of the reflux.  They started him on Zantac and I know a couple of you ladies have your LOs on that.  How long did it take to see improvement?

DDRRT1982

My three year old is an angel compared to my 21 month old (I think that's how many months he is).  He isn't testing me as much as he is in to every damn thing.  I think he has started to figure out the luxury of freedom he has when mommy is tied up with the baby.  It's driving me crazy.  To make it worse, I caught him telling the baby "no no" and I know that's because that's mostly what he hears when he is going through all the things he isn't suppose to.   I feel terrible.  I have started changing up what I say to him to redirect, but I can't help but feel bad that I am not as available to lovingly guide him away from things like I use to.  Instead he hears a lot of "Jack, no no".

nancysimp

Hi mamas,

What are you taking if you have a cold and are breastfeeding? My throat is very sore and my nose is starting to run.  My babe is 8 weeks...ugh don't want to get him sick.

senora76

@nancysimp breastfeeding will help your babys immunity to whatever you have my defenses I take prior to tey and fight off the sicks myself are: gargling with diluted hydrogen peroxide (its gross, and toxic if you swallow it, but it does kill bacteria) Taking spoonfuls of manuka honey, and also drinking applecider vinegar diluted in water plus a ton of vit c and water arouns the clock... the only meds id take are expectorant and advil if needed... its better to let the mucus run out than dry it up... taking anything with decongestant may dry up milk supply. Good luck and feel better!

nancysimp

Thanks! @senora76