Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How do you honour/remember your loss?

I am planning a tattoo that will honour my two babes lost. Also, a little memorial (no words, or plaque, just a statue over where we will bury them that my husband and I will know) in the yard where we will bury their remains. What do you do? Is it very personal, or somewhere where you can see it regularly? Am I making a mistake, and may regret seeing it all the time later? When I started plannng these things, I found that it really helped with the grieving process. To have something I can see that says “you were real, you were lived, and I did everything I could to be a good mom to you while I held you.” What are your thoughts or experiences?

Re: How do you honour/remember your loss?

  • First off, I am so sorry for your loss. I had thought about getting a tattoo to honor our lost "Nugget," but I decided not to for fear of having more losses later on. Sounds horrible, I know, but I figured if I had another miscarriage later on in life I would feel obligated to get another tattoo and that would make me sad all over again. Plus, people will probably ask about the meaning of it, so keep that in mind if it will make you emotional to talk about it. If not, go for it! One of my friends gave me a little angel keychain that had a short quote that came with it. I keep that on my keyring all the time. Makes me feel like my baby is always with me. I also kept the one ultrasound picture that I have. I have it saved on my phone and plan to get it printed out soon. My husband and I already decided that we don't want our loss to be something that is "unspeakable." We don't want to not talk about it or be an awkward thing to talk about, so we keep the lines of communication open and talk about it often. That in and of itself has helped me to cope.
  • I don't think you'll regret it. After maybe 6 of my losses, I started having hash marks tattooed over my heart, and with recurrent loss, I'd get a mark added each time. Up to fifteen now, and no regrets. 

    Might be a little dark for some people, but I take comfort in the knowledge that my memory of them is kept close to my heart.
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  • I plan to get a tattoo once I’m done with my TTC journey.  I also have a garden stone with the date for each of my losses and have them in my flowerbed.  I’ve planted a perennial at each stone.  This way I have a place to go when I want. 
  • I’m planning a tattoo as well. It will include something to signify dh, ds and myself as well as all my losses. If we happen to have another loss, I will be able to add to it easily. I’m very open about our struggles to conceive so I try to use the questioning as a teaching moment to help people understand. We move around a lot so a memorial or something that is permanent wouldn’t work for us. 

    I dont think you will regret anything you decide to do. It’s a part of your healing process and whatever helps you is the right choice. 
  • I have a shadow box from my first loss.  It hashmy good ultrasounds, positive tests, a gift we received, my hospital band, etc.  For ky second loss, I don't have much, I still have the positive test in my bathroom, even though it has been nearly a year since I got pregnant.  I have a small knickknack angel holding a baby for my first loss.  I plan to buy something for my second, but haven't found what I want yet 

    I have had plans for years to get a tattoo, but haven't had the chance yet.   And partly because I am indecisive and don't know where I want it, and need to get a memorial tattoo for my brother first, but wasn't able to because I got pregnant, the sick, etc. 

    TW children mentioned

    I plan to something with lilies for my kids, and unopened lilies for my losses.  

  • We are planning to plant a decorative tree in honor of Baby C in one of our gardens. We will get a little angel or stone or something like that to put next to it. We just experienced our loss earlier this week so we haven’t had a chance to do this yet but it is definitely something we are going to do. 
  • I'm planning a memorial tattoo for both our pregnancy loss and my grandmother once our TTC journey is completed.

    I've looked at jewelry some but haven't found anything that I really want.

    Recently, I've added this Willow Tree figurine to our living room.

    Me: 34 | DH: 46
    SD: 21 & SS: 17
    BFP #2 6/3/2020

    *Trigger Warning*
    TTC 6/13/2015 | BFP #1 5/14/2017 | MMC 7/28/2017 (Trisomy 18) | IL + D&C 8/4/2017

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