Weekly Randoms 4/23

offtoneverland

@phoenix870509 We haven't done a siggy challenge yet. Feel free to start it up if you'd like! 

goldie987

@runningyogimama I turned down a baby shower with DD in part because I didn't want people rubbing/touching my belly and baby showers always seem to be the prime time for that.  I'm seriously considering getting an "I'm pregnant, not a petting zoo" shirt this time around.  I like being pregnant, I just don't like how other people seem to forget boundaries still exist and people who aren't into being touched still aren't into it.

runningyogimama

Oh, another one. I had pregnancy insomnia pretty badly the first few weeks after I found out I was pregnant. It went away, and has seemed to come back randomly tonight, in spite of being exhausted. Great....

hollyeva

I hated it when people thought they had a right to touch me at all. The first time I was pregnant I was due around Christmas. This woman at Target who was partially blind was asking me for help finding something. Then she realized I was pregnant and asked about the due date. She grabbed my hands and started praying right there in the middle of Target, that the baby would be born "...on Jesus' birthday."

Meanwhile my husband was oblivious because he was comparing undershirts. It was straight out of a comedy skit and I was definitely uncomfortable with the situation!

pelorunningmama

@runningyogimama my insomnia has been awful. I hate taking medicine so am trying to avoid Unisom too frequently, but I think it may have to be an every other night thing. Twice this week I've woken up between 3:30 and 4 and could not get back to sleep. It is so frustrating.

lifesabeach85

@runningyogimama @wannaflickone yes to the insomnia! I go back and forth between sleeping like a log and being up for hours in the MOTN. It’s awful 

pelorunningmama

@lifesabeach85 #solidarity 

serabjorn

A small vent:  I have told a few select people (best friends, MIL, immediate co-workers) about being pregnant.  Hubby and I give my MIL updates on my appointments.  She called hubby yesterday asking how my appointment yesterday morning went, and he told her that I got a lot of blood work done.  MIL apparently got very excited and asked if we did "the test that tells the gender early."  Being the honest person he is, he told her yes, we did, but we do not want to tell ANYONE (even people who know we're pregnant) before our big reveal to everyone on Mother's Day.  He is respecting my wishes because I just want this to be the icing on the cake surprise for everyone, I guess is the best way to explain it (a little piece for hubby and I to enjoy together and process together for the extra ~1 week before we tell everyone).  MIL said "Why?! I already know you're pregnant!" ...anywho, hubby warned me that she is going to pressure me into telling her early.  WHY?!  It's only 2.5 weeks until Mother's Day, and it's going to take 1-2 weeks to get the results anyway.  Maybe it's just the hormones, but I am feeling very ugh over this.    Also, I am still very cautiously optimistic about the pregnancy in general, being only 11 weeks at this point and having just gone through an (early) miscarriage last November. 

It feels good to get that out.  Thanks for reading

pink_polkadots

+1 to the insomnia club. I go to bed exhausted at like 10 and fall asleep like a rock. Then around 3 I wake up to pee and I feel wide awake. Last night it took me 2 hours to finally fall back asleep. 

troystory17

I feel you ladies on the insomnia I was up from 230-6 and then overslept.  I'm struggling today and still haven't been able to get the words out about being pregnant to my boss. 

phoenix870509

@serabjorn if MIL keeps nagging at you, your DH needs to have a conversation with her about boundaries. YOU have decided when you are going to tell people. NO ONE ELSE can dictate when you tell them. If you want to find out and then keep it a secret the rest of your pregnancy, then that's fine. It's your and your DH's decision. And he needs to remind his mother of that. She can GTFOI. I'm petty though, and would have no issue telling her she's going to be the only person who DOESN'T know.

serabjorn

@phoenix870509 Thank you so much for your response, it really makes me feel better about wanting to keep this between hubby and me.  We have eight grandsons and zero granddaughters in the family, which is why I think that MIL is really wanting to know (if we are having a girl).  I already feel enough pressure from that!

lifesabeach85

@serabjorn definitely a good idea to set boundaries with grandparents. Don’t feel bad! 

lurvleybunchococonuts

@serabjorn Not gonna lie, one huge reason I'm team green is because my MIL would drive me up a wall.  (she already drives me bonkers enough as is).  I'd consider finding out and keeping it between H & myself but MH is like... the WORST secret keeper on earth.  

phoenix870509

@serabjorn we knew DS was going to be a boy and told only certain people. They were asked not to mention anything on social media or to anyone outside the people who knew (we did a small reveal with everyone we wanted to know present, so they knew who they were). We did this to prevent some members of DH's family from finding out, as a boy would be preferred and favored over a girl (boys pass on the family name). So I get feeling that pressure. Luckily they have all proved me wrong and are just happy he was born healthy and that we named him after DH's grandfather. So this time around I have no issues divulging who this little one is when we find out on Mother's Day. Stick to your guns, and if you don't feel comfortable knocking your MIL down a peg have your DH do it. It's your baby, not hers.

CandyM305

Same here! Dying reading this thread. I plan on doing a quick turnaround when people make the move to touch my belly. Likeypu
wouldnt touch it when I’m not pregnant, why now lol

mockingjay1

It is so annoying when people have a preference for the sex of your baby. At least if you do, keep it to yourself. When we found out DS was a boy, DH's family was already talking about how hopefully the next one will be a girl because they are so much fun to shop for... wtf this baby isn't even born yet?!?! It was also the first grandchild on both our sides so you wouldn't think they'd care. If we did find out (which we are 99% sure we'll be team green) I don't think we'd tell anyone else the sex.

goldie987

@lurvleybunchococonuts we did exactly that with DD.  Everyone thought we were team green but we found out at 20 weeks and kept it a secret.  MH is one of 3 boys, his dad is one of 2 boys, his dad is one of 3 boys, his dad is one of many, all boys.  That paired with MIL saying multiple times that younger BIL was convinced in hopes of a girl and then she decided she'd have to wait to "get my girl" in her grandchildren made us less than thrilled with the prospect of telling her and it was easier to just keep it a secret from everyone at that point.  

@serabjorn if your MIL pushes on getting priority info, I'd definitely have YH have a talk with her about boundaries.  If anything, it'll be a good start to setting boundaries for when the baby gets here.  

lurvleybunchococonuts

Ugh... so massive apologizes in advance this is gonna be a big old MIL rant.  All the MIL talk is reminding me and getting me annoyed about my MIL and making me remember when H told my in-laws that we were expecting LO.  MIL's reaction was something along the lines of how glad she is and hopefully it'll calm me down and I'll relax about certain things... excuse me? Eff you lady.  You may have some good qualities but what the hell kind of comment is that?  I guess sorry, not sorry for being upset when you treat DSD as a doll or when you act like a child throwing a temper tantrum because you didn't get your way?  She literally will POUT if you tell her no, or when MH has flat out told her "Mom, I'm the parent".  Her favorite go-to is "well I'm your parent so that beats you being her parent" (which thankfully at that point is cue to leaving).  She's done some outrageous things and pulls BS comments like "she's being withheld from her grandchildren" if she doesn't get to spend time with DSD often enough (essentially whenever she wants).  We get DSD every other weekend, every other week in the summer.  That time is meant to be spent with her FATHER, not her grandparents. 

The woman is selfish, childish, and thinks she knows better than anyone else because she's "the elder of the family".  I swear if she thinks she's going to be with this LO the way she is with DSD and her other grandchildren she is in for a RUDE awakening.  On top of it she'll makes comments ALL the time about how DSD should act like a girl, and how she should dress like a girl, and be more girly etc. DSD is 7.  She likes to play and has a variety of interests, not all of which are dressing up, shopping, and doing her make up *eyeroll*  I've ranted before about how MIL convinced DSD she has an "ugly" smile and DSD refused to smile in at least 1/2 the photos at my mom's wedding because she "doesn't know how to" and MIL proudly went on and on about how she had DSD practice smiling "correctly" in the mirror. 

She thinks she's entitled to these "special bonds" with all her grandchildren where she should be allowed to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, with zero regard to what we have in mind.  She's constantly making plans with DSD and then pouts if we say no because we have other things going on.  Like wtf lady, you're in your 60's, soon to be 70's.  The 7 year old does NOT dictate what she is and isn't allowed to do.  She is provided with MORE than ample opportunities to spend time with DSD, it's not our fault if her misplaced priorities are more important.  Example, we invited the in-laws to go to the zoo with us last weekend.  First we were told it it was that's too early, then it was they needed to be back by x time.  So we adjusted to accommodate their plans.  We called to let them know when we were leaving and planning to be at the zoo the morning of, got an okay.  Get there at the agreed upon time, and they are two and a half hours late and then MIL whined and pouted and went on a rant about how she didn't get to see the animals with DSD. 

Ugh... Plus if I hear one more time, "no... she's a good girl, she NEVER gets in trouble and is ALWAYS a perfect angel, you two are too hard and mean to her" Ima straight up scream.  DSD is a great kid.  But she's a kid.  She messes up just like any and all children do and sometimes there are consequences for those actions.  MIL is constantly telling DSD she's perfect and how dad is too strict.  Who does that?  I am TERRIFIED of the inevitable blow up that will happen once LO gets here because as much as I want to bite my tongue and let MH handle his mother, if she says or does something and he's not around I will not put up with it.  I dunno... Maybe I am just a controlling biotch that needs to learn to let go, but this is my first (and likely ONLY child) so I will be damned if I let her take over how s/he's raised. 

Ugh... did I mention we live less than a mile from them?  Thankfully for as batsh*t cray MIL is, is how awesome FIL is.  I swear that man is destined for sainthood for dealing with her.  He just nods and smiles and does his own thing.  I dunno if he's deaf, has that thick of a skin, high as a kite, or in a constant zen-like world.  Both he and MH says I need to just ignore MIL and not take anything she says seriously and to just not let her get to me.  My question is how the heck am I suppose to do that?  I was NOT raised that way and it's the complete opposite of who I am.  She is blatantly disrespectful of everyone but you say one thing for her to take wrong or to correct how she's acting it's "we're so mean to her and how MH is the cause of her mental issues".  She plays the victim and expects everyone to just kowtow to her demands, she is truly the most bizarre person I have EVER encountered.  In the past I would quickly distance myself from anyone behaving in even just one of the bizarre ways she does, but it's not like I have that option.  I WANT to be able to just ignore what she does and says, but it's like... how do you ignore that?  

TL;DR version... my MIL is cray cray and am sooo down with setting boundaries early.  Hopefully MH is as on board as he claims to be cause this may end disastrously otherwise.

mockingjay1

@lurvleybunchococonuts - I think I told you before when you mentioned MIL and DSD, but you've put up with more from her than I ever would. If my DH wasn't standing up to her we'd have major problems. It sounds like she's gotten away with that behavior her whole life so she keeps doing it. If there were consequences for her behavior maybe it would change? And if she won't change then I wouldn't be seeing her. I am really sorry you have to deal with her. You're not in the wrong at all. 

highsteaks

@lurvleybunchococonuts i’m sorry. all of that is insanely frustrating. what is it about grandkids that causes grandparents to go off the deep end?

ginny_203

lurvleybunchococonuts said:

The woman is selfish, childish, and thinks she knows better than anyone else because she's "the elder of the family".  I swear if she thinks she's going to be with this LO the way she is with DSD and her other grandchildren she is in for a RUDE awakening.  On top of it she'll makes comments ALL the time about how DSD should act like a girl, and how she should dress like a girl, and be more girly etc. DSD is 7.  She likes to play and has a variety of interests, not all of which are dressing up, shopping, and doing her make up *eyeroll*  I've ranted before about how MIL convinced DSD she has an "ugly" smile and DSD refused to smile in at least 1/2 the photos at my mom's wedding because she "doesn't know how to" and MIL proudly went on and on about how she had DSD practice smiling "correctly" in the mirror. 

What in the actual f&*#?!?  I can't believe what I'm reading. I'm so sorry she's never learned how to act appropriately, and that you have to put up with her to an extent because she's family. You are such a good sport and I give you ALL the credit for putting up with it, especially now being pregnant and hormonal and everything. You deserve... idk like a medal. Or at least a spa day or something.  

hollyeva

@lurvleybunchococonuts your MIL and my mom are the same person. Whacky, controlling, mentally unstable, and incapable of understanding that they are the only ones responsible for their own happiness. The struggle is real, setting boundaries is your friend.

@serabjorn set your boundaries and don't let anyone push you. If she starts in with trying to get you to tell her the sex early, remind her that people stressing you out could impact you and the baby. 

I really don't understand why some folks feel like they have more of a right to anyone or anything when they're grandparents. 

lurvleybunchococonuts

Thanks ladies. I know she's beyond bonkers but sometimes I don't know if it's me just being overly... Sensitive(?) or what. Thankfully MH does stand up to her a lot and we'll go lengths in time not seeing her before she'll adjust her behavior/apologize (at least temporarily). It's just a frustrating situation. I need to make sure I maintain not being around her alone and have been distancing myself as much as I can especially while pregnant She DOES have some good qualities such as she's very generous and she'd do anything MH and DSD but like ugh...  

lifesabeach85

@lurvleybunchococonuts yikes.... so moving isn’t an option then? (Jk) I’m glad you and DH are going to stand up for yourselves and set boundaries, it doesn’t sound like she’s the kind of person who will hear you and respect them though... hopefully she doesn’t start showing up unannounced or some nightmare. I don’t even know what to tell you on that, it makes me anxious just thinking about having someone like that in my life. 

lurvleybunchococonuts

@lifesabeach85 one of the only savings grace is that we live in the upstairs apartment and she HATES how many steps we have to get to our place plus she despises our couch. It's too "squishy" and she has trouble getting up from it so it's on rare occurances that she actually comes over

bqtmom25

@lurvleybunchococonuts I'm  so sorry you have that stress.  I would set huge boundaries and you'll  probably have to encourage DH to unpack before he'll be able to do that.  I mean she raised him, right?

It's one thing to put up with someone who is selfish but telling your own granddaughter any part of her is ugly, wtf? I wouldn't be able to deal and would cut it off.  

lurvleybunchococonuts

@bqtmom25 agreed! The worst part is that she doesn't see the problem with it. When H spoke to her and said that is NOT okay and will never happen again she responded "oh SD knows I'm just teasing her, it doesn't bother her we laugh about it". Uhm... No. First of all it does bother her, but she's 7 and isn't going to stand up for herself like that especially to her grandmother. And maybe she laughed but heck I laugh at uncomfortable moments too when I don't know how to deal with a situatuon. You don't "tease" like that. MIL herself often talks about how as a child her brother nicknamed her tubby and how her family always said she was fat and clearly it has affected MILs self image, but she can't see the correlation or how this can/does affect DSD. 
Thankfully H is a lot like FIL and I swear there is truth behind nature vs nurture. He was adopted and is quite different personality wise and temperament from his parents. But yeah, boundaries have been a BIG decision as of late. 

runningyogimama

I’m 13 weeks, and I definitely felt flutters of baby moving twice today! Kind of excited, kind of scared, because I felt my younger daughter move this early, and she ended up being super active through pregnancy and is my “spirited” kid.

goldie987

@lurvleybunchococonuts I'm seething reading that.  Omg.  Definitely set boundaries and have time outs (for lack of a better word) when she crosses lines that she shouldn't cross.  We've had to take time away from seeing the ILs when they cross boundaries and it does seem to help, at least short term.  

I can't stand the insistence on being "girly".  MIL keeps going on about how she's so excited to get manicures and girls days with DD.  She's been doing this since she was 2 months old and shes not quite 2 yet.  It's gonna be awhile before she gets girls days "if* that's even something DD is into.  At the moment, she's into dirt, mud and rocks....

offtoneverland

@runningyogimama Oh yay! I've been feeling some movement too, but I thought I was just crazy since everything I read online seems to say it's too early. I really think it's movement though, so I'm glad I'm not the only one! I've been a bit anxious as well that this might mean it's a super active baby. 

herewegoagain3rd

Anyone else notice that time has practically stopped? Up into this week I felt like it was zooming, I think because I was nervous about my weekly appointments and ultrasounds. Now that I am more confident is just seems it is going so slow! I just want it to be Monday so I can see our little tater tot again!

lurvleybunchococonuts

@goldie987 YES! Some of Dsd's favorite activities are playing wih/being in charge of the worms when we go fishing, hiking, and wrestling with dad she's "girly" on occasion but that's not ALL she is. When she was a toddler she was bff's with a rock for about 2 years  

lifesabeach85

@runningyogimama @offtoneverland wow that’s amazing! I’m so jealous! I didn’t feel DD until like 17-18w. I’m hoping this one will be sooner but trying not to get my hopes up 

offtoneverland

@lifesabeach85 I felt dd around 16-17 weeks I think. I read that STMs can sometimes feel movement sooner, so hopefully you'll feel it soon too! 

therealfrizzle

Today is my last day of work! It's been super busy making sure everything is done and cleared, but today should be easy. Happy Friday everyone!

tessiesmom26

@PMForbie Yay!! Happy last day!!

Eveinshock

lurvleybunchococonuts said:

@bqtmom25 agreed! The worst part is that she doesn't see the problem with it. When H spoke to her and said that is NOT okay and will never happen again she responded "oh SD knows I'm just teasing her, it doesn't bother her we laugh about it". 

NO that stuff sticks with you FOREVER! I think my first ever memory at like 3 years old was my grandmother and her friend talking about my belly. And I knew what they were saying and I sucked it in and they cracked up, thought it was hilarious (which it prob was) but there we go.....self conscious about my looks and weight for the rest of my life. 

troystory17

I cant believe the January board is up we are moving right along! I don't know about you guys but this seems to be going by so fast.  then again Its also not summer yet.

middleschoolmommy

My mom has been staying with us this week and she cleaned the house. My husband asked me if I felt bad that my mom was cleaning the house when "we" should be doing it. Nope. Not one bit. I cleaned that lady's house like her own personal maid. She's leaving to go stay with my grandfather today so that my FIL can stay with us. We get to get him from the airport now (in rush hour traffic... yay). I wish she would have been able to stay one more day since DS bday party is tomorrow.