Cant help but to feel at fault... — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Cant help but to feel at fault...

This would have been my first child. I am 28 and to be a mother is all ive ever wanted. I am a type 1 diabetic and while my A1C is 7 (a good number for type 1 diabetic) during my 7 weeks my blood sugar would rise and fall with no warning. 
My doctors said this was to be expected... With my first ultrasound i could see my baby wiggling like a fish. Ive never felt so much excitment! The only problem was that there was no heart beat... My doctor said that she wasnt worried because it was still early. A few days later i got another ultrasound and once again no heartbeat and no movement. A third ultra sound ... Nothing. My doctor confirmed my missed misscarriage. 
I cant help the feeling that if i had had better control my baby would still be here. As a diabetic i grew up hearing that i wont be able to bare children. I just pray that i can prove them wrong.
I would love to hear from other diabetics if you have a chance. ❤

Re: Cant help but to feel at fault...

  • I am SO so sorry that this is the end of your very first pregnancy story <\3 I’m also a T1D and today, I just found out that my baby’s heart has stopped (at 9 weeks, after two healthy scans earlier) I can 100% empathize with what you’re feeling. I also had a loss last year, at about 5 weeks. HOWEVER, I am also over 35, and have celiac, and a far worse A1C than you. 

    So, I want to give you this news. I have THREE healthy babies who are age 9/11/13. My blood sugar control was far from perfect during that time, despite my best efforts, but it is possible!! I was telling these “babies” of mine today, as we were talking about and mourning the loss, that they were my miracles. I have a scientist/coder, a football player, and a musician dancer who were all born from the body of T1D (since age 11)

    My non medical expert advice? Take the time you need to grieve and heal. Forgive yourself. You were the best possible mother you could be for as long as that baby was yours to care for. Sometimes these things just happen, and it SUCKS. And it hurts. So bad. Stay on your vitamins, stick with your treatment plan and listen to your medical team. 

    Thinking of you <3
    jamieroberts-beall
  • I am so sorry for your loss as well. Sounds like you have amazing and beautiful children and i so appreciate you taking the time to tell me about them! ❤
  • @jamieroberts-beall I hope it gives you some hope in the midst of this. I have other T1D friends who had very successful pregnancies, one with twins! It’s absolutely possible. Are you on pump therapy? 
  • No I am not on pump therapy. I really want to get a Dexcom meter though. My hubby and i are trying to get me one but they are so dang expensive...we will get it though, before we try again. I tried the pump once but i couldnt handle being attached to tubes. I would rather stick myself everytime for a shot. 
    How did your pregnacys go? Were they easy? What kind of things did you struggle with, if you dont mind me asking? 
  • 40momma40momma member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I am not diabetic but I can tell you - it is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Miscarriages are unfortunately way too common and happen to a lot of women, diabetic and not diabetic. There is nothing you did wrong. It sucks and I don't have the answer but I do know that for the most part, we have no control over what happens. 
    I am sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself 
    jamieroberts-beall
  • My dr put me in pump therapy with a loaner through the hospital, when we first stared trying to conceive. Her reason was that I showed significant “dawn phenomenon” where my blood sugars would rise started at about 4 am because if hormones and such. I could go to bed with an untreated blood sugar, give full long acting insulin and still wake up high! She said for pregnant, I would either have to wake up at 3:30 to inject short acting,or the pump could adjust basal rates for me. That’s how the pump made things much smoother, in my experience. 

    I realize now how relatively easy things went for me. We “tried” three times and had three kids (I was age 22/24/26 at conception. I am now remarried and age 36, so things are very different) The pregnancies were monitored closely with a high risk ob, fetal assessments (weekly at the end), endocrinologist, ophthalmologist, and gallons and gallons of blood and urine for tests along the way! You will find a drop in blood sugars around week 9-12, as growth hormones that baby produces makes you more insulin sensitive. I lower my basal rates and find that I go to a carb:insulin ratio of 1:12 rather than my usual 1:8. After that point, insulin requirements rise constantly, so the appointments help you adjust as you go. By the end, I was using about 3x my normal amount. That drops immediately after delivery, so monitor closely then. I would take my pump off during labor and then put back on wh bg started rising. 

    My first pregnancy was the easiest, and DS was 7lb 15 oz, born when I was induced at 37.5 weeks. My second, I had a really hard time catching up with my insulin requirements and he was a 9.5 lb “preemie” induced at 35.5 weeks. He was pretty bruised during delivery because my dr said he was the biggest my body could handle. That, combined with being premature lead to extreme jaundice and the challenges that brought. However, he was released after one week, with follow up lab work. He’s still a monster of a kid now! My third was a difficult pregnancy emotionally as my H was starting to pull away, so admittedly, I didn’t have my full focus on controlling my diabetes, as well as keeping up with my 1 and 3 year old boys. DD was 8 lb 12 oz born at 36.5 weeks. They induced because they didn’t want her to get bigger, but think her lungs were not yet mature, contrary to the amino results. She had difficulty breathing and had to be intimated, then nasal tubes for oxygen, and some other complications from delivery. 

    They are all healthy, happy school age kids now! T1D is definitely a complication, but it sounds like you are already on your way to a controlled, healthy pregnancy, when it’s ready to happen. Miscarriage is HORRIBLE and heartbreaking, but it’s not your fault. I’m here if you ever have any other q’s :)
    jamieroberts-beall
  • So sorry for you loss. It's not your fault. I hope this short film will bring you comfort: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ND9YZD1wE1E
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