The Great Birth and Postpartum Advice Thread - Page 5 — The Bump
December 2018 Moms

The Great Birth and Postpartum Advice Thread

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Re: The Great Birth and Postpartum Advice Thread

  • @tumbleweed-1 from my experience a little bit of both. The tracking helped me with answering the questions of how many wet/soiled diapers, hours of sleep, and how much/often baby eats at the doctor because it feels impossible to know without tracking. Also, it as neat seeing his progress and any changes overall.
    Married: 6/6/14
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  • Yup, exactly what @temmetime said. I was also a bit obsessive about how much sleep my son was getting so. Yeah. I finally forced myself to pull the plug on it...at 11 months. :flushed:
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    Together since 2003 | Married 2010
    TTC #1 January 2016
    BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
    Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017

    TTC#2 March 2018
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  • @tumbleweed-1 The poop/pee tracking is to check baby is getting enough food. I think this applies more to breastfeeding since you can’t tell how much they are getting. So if you have a certain number of wet diapers a day (say maybe 8 in the beginning? Maybe more) you know they are getting food. Poop is a little less important for breasted babies because they can not have a poop for like more than a week and be fine. When you are between appointments and weigh-ins, it’s just a way to make sure babe is getting enough food. Tracking oz of formula or breastmilk in the bottle is basically the same idea. They’re supposed to have however many oz a day ideally, so you track how many they drink per bottle and add up at the end of the day. Again though, this becomes less necessary as time goes on and I’m sure a lot of people are less obsessive about it than I was. Chalking it up to ftm jitters I guess. 
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  • @temmetime @PensiveCrayon @rosebud332

    thanks! I got so used to dailies at work that when my first niece and the first kid in my friend circle were born it felt weird tending to them without writing it down. My friend & sister never mentioned that it was a thing to do to keep track of how much baby is eating, and they both started off bf-ing. They acted like I was weird for even thinking about recording it. 

    PensiveCrayonrosebud332
  • coco2787 said:
    My son didn’t want to nurse much the first few days and since I had him at a birth center we went home a few hours after birth.  One thing no one told me was that if they aren’t taking in much milk they will have pee that is red/dusty.   I freaked out when I saw it because I thought it was blood, but apparently it’s not a big deal.  
    Oh I forgot about that!! Freaked me out, too. We were in the hospital still though so I just asked a nurse right away. Pregnancy, birth, and babies are weird...

    @BumpAdmin STICKY PLEASE!!!!!!!
    DS1 born 2/28/16
    DS2 due 12/12/18

    coco2787
  • I am just so confused about why @BumpAdmin won't sticky this thread! That is all.
    tumbleweed-1
  • @maureenmce Seeeeeeriously. 
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
    Together since 2003 | Married 2010
    TTC #1 January 2016
    BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
    Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017

    TTC#2 March 2018
    BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
    maureenmce
  • Do we max out af 5? Maybe the spreadsheet one can go into the board organization?

    DD1 | Jan 2009
    DD2 | June 2011
    DS1 | Oct 2013
    Adopted teenager | Oct 2014 (April 2001)
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  • artemis618artemis618
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    edited June 2018
    Just bumping (since this isn’t stickied) because I just consulted it to confirm the name of the Snoogle for a friend. @prudence9-2 That is all :)

    Edit:  added tag for her ease of reference.  Also, I went ahead and got myself a Snoogle at Bed Bath & Beyond (love those coupons!).  Thanks for the rec!
    About me:
    ***TW***
    Married 6/18/16 (Me 41.5, DH 44), prepping to TTC #2
    Natural BFP 8/10/16 --> mc our NIPT-normal little girl at 11w5d on 10/1/16 :(
    As of 12/2016:  AMH 1.42, FSH 6.1, AFC ~10
    Self-benched Nov-Dec 2016 for
    IVF #1 Jan-Feb 2017 (OCP, testosterone primed antagonist w/HGH - ER 2/2/17 - 12R, 7M ICSI'd, 3F, 0B)
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    **New RE**
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    PensiveCrayon
  • @PensiveCrayon I think we can have up to 5 things stickied, and we already have five. We'd have to ask them to unsticky something first.
    DS1 born 2/28/16
    DS2 due 12/12/18

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  • I keep trying to think of a good question, since I think this is a really good thread.. this is a bit of a lengthy/complicated one:

    It looks like my hospital will allow two people in the delivery room. Should I just stick with my DH being there? I mean, since I found out I could have two, I was thinking of asking my mom, but I'm not really sure since I feel like I'm not a little girl and don't need mom, you know? And my DH is my best friend and my rock. My only concern is he will also be very tired, especially if delivery is long, and I would want him to be able to take a break.. although now that I'm typing this, I realize that he probably wouldn't want to leave my side.. 

    Anyway, what are your opinions? What should I REALLY expect during delivery in terms of logistics? How does the first 24 hours after that go (my hospital's policy is to keep you 24-48 hours after delivery)? 


  • hkomhkom
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    @ab_canada ; I can't speak from experience as this will be my first baby, but no one else will be in the delivery room with me except my husband.  He wants it that way as well.  I would ask your husband's opinion, since it should be just as much up to him IMO.  The way I look at it is that this is our baby, and no one else's, and we want to share this experience with only each other.  Our views may change with subsequent children, but for this first one it's only us.





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    katy0990
  • @ab_canada this is my personal opinion and I know others in my other BMB disagreed.
    I wanted my husband and mother in the room.  My mother was a nurse, so I wasn't particularly worried about the icki-ness factor related to her seeing my whole vagina (plus at that point, I didn't really give an f who saw my bits). I had a relatively short laboring process (induced at 8, intense contractions by 10, epidural at 1, sleep until 4, started pushing, baby at 5). My husband came and went as he was hungry throughout the day, but he was pretty bored because I didn't particularly need either of them until it came time to push.  He held a leg and my mother held my head. My mom thought the whole process was so cool and actually demanded to be in the delivery room for the second baby  :D 
    My after-delivery was pretty easy. I was able to get up and pee immediately, I didn't tear, and was "fine" for all intents and purposes.  Breastfeeding was a struggle, but I did manage to get some sleep in between feeding and nurses checking on me and baby. We stayed the whole next day and left the day after that (baby was born 5pm monday we left Wednesday at noon). 

    There was really only one moment where I yelled at both of them to shut up while I was contracting before the epidural where I disliked their presence. Other than that, it was perfectly fine. The plan is to do the same thing again. 
    We also had a plan that if god forbid the sh*t was hitting the fan and both of us (me and baby) were not doing well, he would follow the baby (NICU/another hospital/etc) and my mother would stay with me.

  • @hkom

    That's a good point, it's not like I would be comfortable with someone from his family there, so maybe he wouldn't be comfortable with someone from mine. In the end, it's a pretty intimate moment (aside from the hospital staff, but let's not speak of the vast number of people who will get to see me naked lol)


    hkomkaty0990
  • hkomhkom
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    @ab_canada Exactly - I would absolutely not want either of his parents in there, even though his mother is an exceptional ER nurse, so he needs to have the same input.  I would definitely ask him.  My husband and I are private in general and have a very private relationship.  We don't get bored with each other just sitting around (we actually enjoy long car rides together, etc.)  He is a reader so I will encourage him to bring lots of books and he will be perfectly content.  I also have no problem with him stepping out and wandering around or going to the cafeteria if things are going slowly.





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  • @Jens_Hoes

    Huh, I didn't realize I might even be able to fall asleep during labor. Shows how little I know about what actually happens.

    That's a good point about being able to have a person with you and a person with the baby if things go wrong.  I will have to discuss that as well..


    Jens_Hoes
  • @hkom

    If I know my husband, he will bring comic books and a Nintendo DS and he will be content ;) 


    hkom
  • prudence9-2prudence9-2
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    edited June 2018
    Just bumping (since this isn’t stickied) because I just consulted it to confirm the name of the Snoogle for a friend. @prudence9-2 That is all :)

    Edit:  added tag for her ease of reference.  Also, I went ahead and got myself a Snoogle at Bed Bath & Beyond (love those coupons!).  Thanks for the rec!
    Thanks @artemis618 ; <3
    TTC history in spoiler box:
    Me: 42, single
    Hysteroscopy: 2013
    IUI #1-2: 2013 BFN
    Surgery 10/2015: Planned to start trying again but had a surgery. (Not related to fertility)
    Surgery 5/2016: Planned to start trying again but had another surgery. (Not related to fertility)
    IUI  #3-5 (with Clomid): summer 2016 BFN
    IVF #1: 11/2016. 30R; 21M; 20F; 8B (6 day5 & 2 day6); 4 normal after PGS
    Medicated FET #1: 1/31/2017 transferred 1 embryo 3AA. BFP. Embryo stopped growing at 6w 1d. MUA at 9w 3d.
    Medicated FET #2June 2017 - cancelled...
    Hysteroscopy #2: June 2017
    Medicated FET #2: 8/7/2017 transferred 1 embryo 5BB. BFP. Ended in CP.
    Medicated FET #3: 10/11/2017 transferred 1 embryo 3AA. BFN
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    Medicated FET #4: 1/24/2018 transferred 1 embryo 4AA. BFN
    Out of embryos.  :'(
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  • ab_canada said:
    @Jens_Hoes

    Huh, I didn't realize I might even be able to fall asleep during labor. Shows how little I know about what actually happens.

    That's a good point about being able to have a person with you and a person with the baby if things go wrong.  I will have to discuss that as well..
    @ab_canada your family member in the waiting room can also come in at some point if needed. So if H suddenly needs a break / someone needs to stay with you and someone with baby / you all of a sudden have a urge for your mom to be right there, a nurse will go get her.
    I know when my step mom gave birth to my sister her mom and my dad were in the delivery room. The plan was for her mom to leave once labor progressed and to just have her husband in the room when baby was born but as it progressed she decided she wanted her mom to stay. 
    So have a rough plan that works for you and H but don't be afraid to change plans as the day progresses. 
    Jens_Hoeshkomkaty0990
  • @ab_canada I think it’s a super personal decision. I ended up with a c section but if I had had to actually go through labor I would’ve wanted my mom there. My husband is a nervous nelly and my mom is a calming presence to me so she would have added that factor. It all depends on your relationship and what you’re comfortable with. I would say definitely do not let yourself get guilted into letting anyone there that you don’t want. I do understand asking your husband what he’s comfortable with, but I also think as the person doing all the hard work, it should really be your final call on who you want present. Obviously if he would be super uncomfortable that would be an issue, but other than that in my opinion it’s your call.
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  • I agree @rosebud332, @ab_canada my mom was going to be in the room 100% because that is what I wanted/needed for labor. My husband didn't really have a say in that, and honestly I would have said no if his mother wanted to be there. I don't know if that is selfish, but I'm the one doing the work.  I suggested maybe asking if my sister wanted to be in the room this time around since I don't think she'll ever have kids and my husband immediately shot that down. I didn't care that much, so the idea was dead.

    kadeephd
  • hkomhkom
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    edited June 2018
    I must have a UO then.  I am definitely the one doing all of the work, and I take full credit for that, but this is my husband's baby every bit as much as it is mine.  He has such little control because by nature he is physically removed from the pregnancy/birth experience, which I think is a uniquely difficult situation to be in, so I'm going to give his feelings equal weight in the decision making.

    ETA:  I think that if something truly traumatic he would be cool if I wanted my mom to come in.  But if everything is going swimmingly then the parents get to chill in the waiting room until after we're done.

    ETAA:  BUT! Like others have said, it depends on relationships.  I love my mom and dad, but no one calms me like my husband does, so he is really all I feel I need.  If your husband is going to be a PITA and your mom is more likely to keep things calm and you happy, then by all means go for it!





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    rosebud332
  • @hkom I get it. Again, I think the whole thing is extremely personal. No one will be able to say what works for one person will work for another in this particular situation. I think you have to go with your gut on this decision generally.
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  • hkomhkom
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    @rosebud332 You caught me in the middle of an edit!  It's totally personal!  You do you, for sure.  I just think it's important to at least ask him first!





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  • @ab_canada I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer, other than don't let anybody give you shit for doing what's right for you. Some women 100% need and want their moms or sisters in the delivery room with them. I didn't even want anybody to know I was in labor, because I knew that they'd show up in the waiting room, and I didn't want to feel any extra pressure to rush those first few precious moments with our new little family, nor did I want the added stress of feeling like people were waiting on my while I was laboring. We did notify my sister and SIL, on the off chance that something were to happen and we needed to get information out to the whole family, but we knew we could trust them to respect our boundaries. Our daughter did briefly go to the NICU after my section; at the time, I didn't know or care where my husband was, because I was pretty out of it. 

    @hkom It's my husband's baby, but I'm the patient (one of them, anyway, and the primary one during labor and delivery). He definitely gets a say in our post-delivery baby introduction strategy, but no say in who gets to be in on the actual giving birth part. And honestly, recovery being what it was, I wouldn't have felt guilty about telling him that he had to take her out to them instead of letting them come into my hospital room in those first 24 hours, either (I didn't, but I did sleep through our moms' visit, so...).


    Jens_Hoesrosebud332katy0990hbmama21
  • @AGK2015 We did the same thing with not telling people! I had a scheduled section and I told my mom, my dad and DH's mom (who doesn't live near by). No friends or other family knew. My mom was in the waiting room by the time I was brought in for surgery (she wouldn't be able to sit home knowing I was in) and my dad came shortly after since they couldn't come in for an hour or so after I was out anyway.
    Both of their spouses stayed home until I was moved to my own room, then they came. They really respected me and my desire to be with my new little family first before bringing them in. 
    and it was nice to have them there when I started getting really sick from the meds. 
    We will probably do the same thing this time. I just didn't want any visitors.
    katy0990
  • kristah2 said:
    ab_canada said:
    @Jens_Hoes

    Huh, I didn't realize I might even be able to fall asleep during labor. Shows how little I know about what actually happens.

    That's a good point about being able to have a person with you and a person with the baby if things go wrong.  I will have to discuss that as well..
    @ab_canada your family member in the waiting room can also come in at some point if needed. So if H suddenly needs a break / someone needs to stay with you and someone with baby / you all of a sudden have a urge for your mom to be right there, a nurse will go get her.
    I know when my step mom gave birth to my sister her mom and my dad were in the delivery room. The plan was for her mom to leave once labor progressed and to just have her husband in the room when baby was born but as it progressed she decided she wanted her mom to stay. 
    So have a rough plan that works for you and H but don't be afraid to change plans as the day progresses. 
    Re: the bolded part - not necessarily. My hospital doesn't have a waiting room on the delivery floor because they specifically don't want family members waiting around. I am allowed two people in the room during delivery, but as soon as baby I saw out the person who is not DH would have to leave so we have our "golden hour" (ended up being 3 hours before we were moved to our mama/baby room on a different floor). I don't think I would have been able to have people coming and going during labor. So definitely check with your hospital's rules. 

    Me personally, I didn't want anyone else, just DH and I. We actually didn't even tell anyone I was in labor until after he was born lol. That happened mostly because we were scatterbrained and trying to survive labor and delivery, plus it was 2:30am when my water broke. This time we'll have to tell someone so they can watch DS, but there's a good chance I'll be induced this time anyways. Though I may only tell the person who we plan to have babysit when the induction is and just leave it up in the air for everyone else. I personally want DS to be the first person (besides DH and I) to meet baby, no other family members. I know that's going to piss off my MIL, but she can deal with it.
    DS1 born 2/28/16
    DS2 due 12/12/18

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  • My own experience with who was in the room while DD was born was my SO, and my mom. My dad and brother were there too but when things got moving they stayed/slept in the waiting room. (we went to the hospital around 1130pm, and my family arrived around an hour later) So my mom and SO and nurses were the main players in the room with me. I wouldn't have changed it and am kind of bummed my mom likely won't be able to be there for the birth of this baby as we'll be in diff states this time but she'll be coming out with my fam shortly after the birth and probably stay with us for a week or two to help out and visit. :) 
    Image result for jackson april gif baby
  • I’ve heard a phrase repeatedly “for every person in the delivery room add an hour to your labor”- does that seem true for anyone who has given birth before? For those with more than one kid, if you had more/less people the first or second time, did you notice a difference? Kinda curious where this phrase came from and if there’s any truth to it. 

  • @tumbleweed-1 I mean...what's the baseline there? I've never heard the saying before. I just figured I would have a longish labor for my first and shorter for my second. 

    That said, I had...(counts on fingers) five people besides me in my apartment when I gave birth. Labor lasted almost 24 hours.
    Me: 31 | DH: 31
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  • @PensiveCrayon I don’t really know the baseline, it’s just a phrase I’ve heard a lot of people say (around here at least). I know that first babies tend to & are expected to be longer labors. 
    I think it might be like a stress thing? But if the people in the room with you are a calming presence, then that doesn’t make sense either. Just thought I’d ask if anyone else has heard that or if it seemed true/not true.  

    PensiveCrayon
  • trucksntutustrucksntutus
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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    edited June 2018
    Hmmm, idk if that's true because I labored at home most of the time. (19 hrs worth of laboring at home, 26 hrs labor total) and only SO was home with me. Got to the hospital and had DD 7 hours later and it was my mom and SO (and the staff). I've never heard that phrase before I just am hoping it doesn't take as long this time around. 

    I'll have to update this later though because this will be my second. 
    Image result for jackson april gif baby
    katy0990
  • @ab_canada I think this question is a tough one to answer, not knowing what your birth experience will be. With my son, the plan was for DH and I to be the only ones in the room.  We were not even planning to tell anyone until after he was born.However, I ended up having to be induced and my labor went on for 40 hours before I ended up with a C-section.  Since we were at the hospital for so long, we ended up telling people. I ended up having visits from my mom, my dad, both of my sisters, and my in-laws while I was in labor. Most of them stopped by to bring food for DH and out of inability to sit at home knowing what was going on. In the end, DH was the only one in the operating room. 
    @tumbleweed_1 I have never heard that phrase, and honestly I would not put too much stock in it. I ended up having more people because my labor went on for so long. A friend of mine who planned on having several people present for her labor ended up having no one but her husband because her labor went so quickly. So, I feel like the length of the labor is more the cause for the number of visitors, than the other way around.


  • I won't tag because there are so many great responses and I'm on the app, which makes it a huge pain.
    Great discussion, ladies. Thanks for all the responses. Definitely lots of various opinions, so I know it's something to bring up with DH. Honestly, I hope the pregnancy classes will help as well.

    Speaking of: I have two choices of classes, one for before baby arrives, one for 5 weeks before and 6 after. As far as I know, they cover the same things. Any thoughts what would be more useful for a FTM? Will I be grateful to have some reassurance having classes with a newborn, or will it be a huge pain to even get out of the house? I live in a place where it gets to -30C sometimes in winter and then the snow...


  • @tumbleweed-1 agree with @katy0990 I think when things take longer more people wind up there, whether family or an influx of medical folks. 
    katy0990
  • @ab_canada while I was itching to get out of the house after DD, I’m not sure I would like to HAVE to go somewhere. Especially in the winter when we are risking snow storms. Plus I wanted to get out of the house WITHOUT the baby and I’m not sure if the class would have you bring the baby lol

  • @ab_canada In my personal opinion, I would not want to feel obligated to go to a class for several hours after the baby was born. It just seems like a pain. Also, 6 weeks after almost seems like it might be too late? I would think that you’d be already learning by doing at that point and it might be useless information by then.
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  • katy0990katy0990
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    edited June 2018
    @ab_canada I would definitely recommend before. It may help you feel more prepared. Also, as others have mentioned, it really stinks to have a scheduled place to be with a newborn. Their feeding schedules are so restrictive, you will be tired, and winter driving sucks. Also, if you end up with lifting restrictions, it can make things complicated. For example, I had a C-section and I was allowed to lift my son and I was allowed to lift his car seat, but I was not able to lift the two together, which was a gigantic pain.


  • @Jens_Hoes @rosebud332 @katy0990

    Thanks ladies, that sounds like a pretty unanimous response! 


    rosebud332Jens_Hoes
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