Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Heterotopic pregnancy after IUI

This journey has been rough. We did an IUI in Jan, got a bfp and then I started cramping and bleeding at almost 6 weeks. I felt like something had been wrong because my HCG numbers stayed very low. We were devastated. But then I kept bleeding for over 2 weeks. We did an u/s and saw the empty sac and did another beta test on Monday, Feb 19th. My beta came back higher than before and I started feeling pelvic and thigh pain midweek. It was more achy and crampy than sharp. I worked through it and it was a feeling that would come and go. I did another beta on Wed and another on Fri. The test on wed had risen but the Fri results were down a little. My Dr said he just wanted to keep monitoring my betas and that it was fine at this point because the numbers were dropping. He called me on Sat to see how I was doing. My pain had gotten worse so he told me to go to the ER. Once there, they did an u/s. In the first report, they said they found a cyst and a follicle in the left ovary but nothing to be alarmed about. They couldn't figure out what was causing my leg pain. The OB took another look at the u/s and found that they had missed a 2cm mass on my right side. They did an emergency laparoscopy which turned into a laparoscopic salpingectomy. Turns out I had a heterotopic pregnancy. 1 intrauterine and 1 ectopic. Luckily, the ectopic was only leaking and had not yet ruptured. They had to remove my right fallopian tube. I had thought that a miscarriage was bad enough but I felt absolutely crushed to know I lost two babies and 1 tube. I'm recovering and went in for a Dr appointment yesterday to talk about when to start trying again and I couldn't help but just cry. I have a lot of great friends and family caring for me but I still feel so alone. I want to try again but I'm feeling terrified. Chances of an ectopic increase after having one. I don't know that I could go through this again. People just keep telling me well at least you know you can get pregnant. It almost seems worse because it's like if I get pregnant again, I'll be worrying about losing it or another ectopic. I just started my period on Wednesday. I told the Dr I didn't want any more poking and prodding for a little while but at the same time, I don't want to lose time. He ended up prescribing me some Clomid and my husband and I will just use ovulation kits and try naturally. This morning I'm wondering if I'm really ready but I already took the first dose. Anyone else ever deal with this? Sorry this is so long. I feel like I needed to expel this from my being. Maybe putting it out there will help me let go.

Re: Heterotopic pregnancy after IUI

  • I have no experience w/ectopic or the clomid. But I would like to say I am so sorry for your loss. It's never easy but to lose 2 in the same pregnancy must be devastating. **tw** I have a DS and people saying things about how we have him and at least know we "can" make me so angry. *end TW** That doesn't change the fact that a pregnancy was lost. It doesn't make it okay just because I know I can get pregnant. Pregnancy will forever be changed by a loss. You will always be worried in a way that wasn't on the radar before. I understand your need to get it out, no need to apologize, that's why we are hear. I hope you get a rainbow as soon as you ready.
  • I don't think you ever feel ready again after a loss.  With my first loss, we started trying right away, I felt anxious the whole time.   This time, I lost the pregnancy in August and won't be able to try again until next month, and I am still terrified.  I am sorry for your lost.
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  • @holly321 yea, it's a whole different kind of ready after a loss. I know I'm going to be paranoid the whole time now.
  • Thank you ladies. I'm sorry for your losses too. Crossing my fingers for all of us. At least we have each other for support and we're not alone. Does the anxiety ever let up at all?
  • @vivy370 I'm just over 3 weeks from mine and I do feel better emotionally. I know I'm going to be super anxious when we conceive again. Hopefully not too much though. Being part of this and the TTGP board has really helped me. Everyone has been super supportive no matter how I'm feeling on a given day.
  • It just feels like I'm going to be an emotional wreck as long as I'm feeling the physical pain. I haven't been able to get back to work or my daily routine and it just feels so..... Can't even think of the word. Trying not to wallow but the pain keeps sending reminders. I just want it to be over!
  • That makes complete sense. Once I was physically feeling better, my emotions started to feel better as well. I was even better after last week's post op when the doctor said we could try again as soon as we were ready. 

    You'll get there, just be patient with yourself :heart:
  • The emotional recovery can really fluctuate depending on the attempt, other stresses, how early the last loss was, and so many other things. 

    I had 15 losses in 3.5 years, and there were times where I was cautiously optimistic, and other times where I wondered why I even bothered. 

    I think what makes a world of difference is if you know why the losses are happening and whether or not there are things in your control to increase your odds. When you don't have answers, it feels a lot more difficult and frustrating. 

    You'll probably always be anxious, but as long as you maintain good self-care and surround yourself with people who will remind you to be gentle with yourself, you'll be much more okay. 

    I hope that helps. 
  • Thank you @kathrenne. I can't even imagine 15 miscarriages! It's really nice to have support from others here and to also hear about their experiences.

    I'm finally starting to feel healed physically. Hoping for rainbows for all of us.
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