Children's hurtful questions

meganttc3

Fairly recently my in laws moved in with us because they were struggling financially. I knew when they moved in that they keep my niece (6 yo) and nephew (2 yo) every weekend. I knew that would hurt but it was also good getting to spend time with them. 
This morning my niece asked me "aunt megan, what if you never have children?" 
That hurt and my mother in law looked horrified. I didn't know what to say because all I kept thinking was what if it is true. 
That innocent question has really ruined my mood today and the sweet girl didn't mean to hurt me and I know that. 

How do y'all deal with situations like this?

funkykey

Oh man, I'm sorry.

I haven't had questions like that from children... yet. But I have had some from well-meaning strangers. Even a simple: "So, do you have kids?" can make me wince.

I try to stay as calm and cool as possible. Depending on the person, I'll say: "No, not yet." or: "No, we've not been so lucky." or even a simple: "No." I'm honest, but I'm also concise. I'd like to think if my niece asked me, I'd say: "I don't know. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to." and leave it at that, or veer the topic in that direction, like about how to handle situations when you're very sad.

From the mouths of babes!

meganttc3

I am a pediatric nurses and a lot of my patients parents will ask if I have kids so I'm used to that question and while it still hurts I can deal. 
But I just didn't know what to say to her. It really hurt to hear my fears said out loud. 

wishing-and-hoping

@meganttc3 my nieces sometimes say things like "but you're not even a mom" (typically when I am trying to discipline them lol).  Of course in that case they're being little turds so I explain to them why that isn't something you should say and, oh yeah, I'm the grownup so they have to listen to me even if I'm "not even a mom".

How to respond to her... I think just keep it uncomplicated, maybe say something like "well no matter what, I'll always have you to love and help take care of".  I often feel like my 5 nieces are a bit of a consolation prize while I wait for my own babes.

How you deal with that in your own heart is a whole different story.  Sometimes I go to anger and sadness, sometimes I think "well there's always adoption if I truly cannot conceive", and sometimes I just push it out of my mind.  I have no good answers for you there.  I wish I did.

meganttc3

@wishing-and-hoping thanks for the advice! 

hoffmanr7

Yikes!  Sorry you had to go through that, that had to be really tough.  I have lots of nieces and nephews through DH's family and I'm actually a little surprised we haven't gotten that question from any of them.  

If I did, I think I would probably use a combination of @funkykey and @wishing-and-hoping mentioned.  It probably would be something like "I don't know, sometimes things just don't work out....but we'll always have you to love and spoil"

meganttc3

@hoffmanr7 basically what I told her was that if we didn't have kids then at least we had her to love. Luckily she left it at that but I never know what she will say next.

BWhitta

The other day I was talking to my nephew about cousins and second cousins, etc. and I said “my babies will be your first cousins” and he said “but how do you know you’re going to have babies?”  He hears my sister and me talk about this all the time and he was old enough to understand when I was pregnant and lost it, but it was still a bit of a gut punch!  I said “well Brian and I are fighting so hard to have them, we’re just not going to stop trying until we get them!” Turns out he meant more like how do you try....hahaha.  He was like “yeah I know but HOW do you know you’re going to have babies?  Like what are you guys doing to try?”  I said “oh, go ask your mother.”

meganttc3