Can I take a moment to complain about baby showers.... — The Bump
Infertility

Can I take a moment to complain about baby showers....

mcgeevamcgeeva member
Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
edited February 2018 in Infertility
Okay I know this is the Infertility board but I need to vent! I have a sprinkle and a baby shower im co-hosting in April. Which I want April to be as stress free as possible for my FET. With that said I am trying to get things nailed done to take care of before hand. Long story short im stressed as [email protected] One the sprinkle turned into a shower (Never had one so no clue but I'm pretty sure it's not a shower) where my friend is having two and being a diva. The second is a shower for a friend having twins who I think lost her mind. I found out two weeks ago it was around 40-50 people. To me that's a ton so I was nervous then I was told she wanted it out at a restaurant which was charging 600 for 40 people. Yesterday the guest list turned to 65-70 I almost threw up. She knows I'm doing IVF and money isn't growing on trees so now I feel I am in a situation there is no cap on money which I don't have unlimited funds to spend?!! What is an acceptable amount to offer to pay? I made it clear this won't be 50/50. I never agreed to 70 people. Thoughts would be greatly appreciated :/

Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

Re: Can I take a moment to complain about baby showers....

  • tosh24  thank you I was wondering if it was just me. The only showers I have ever gone to were at friends homes.I hosted one for a best friend two years ago and I hosted so I made all the food, got drinks etc. It adds up but it was fine and I told her I couldn't do a person over 40 because I was covering the cost. The friend with twins has known all my struggles over the years and for one just complained to me how she can never afford her bills not to mention getting a new ac unit before the kids. We commiserate all the time about bills right. So this is why im so thrown off guard. Her best friend tells me yesterday when I snapped that I can't afford that many people that it's fine it will be 50/50 I said no dice my husband will not be okay with that either. I was thinking I was helping make decorations etc, which I'm already making a framed guest book/picture that people will sign. But never expected to pay for 1k of food etc even if split because it doesn't include cake. Would if be bad if I just say I am happy to contribute x amount of dollars to the shower and leave it at that? 

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • You are definitely nicer than me, too! I’ve helped with 2 baby showers since we started trying but I put my foot down this year on even attending a 3rd. I don’t have much experience with them, but for the ones I helped with, we had a team of us so the planning and costs were spread about. Also, we hosted it at our church, which was much cheaper than a restaurant. But I recognize that’s not an option for a lot of people—although surely there’s a cheaper venue your friend can choose!

    I agree with everything @tosh24 has said. I’d also ask other mutual friends to help you. Likely there are at least a few who would be delighted to help plan and execute a party, and you can each take responsibility for different parts. Your friend or her family should be paying for that restaurant, though. 

    Also, what in the world is a “sprinkle”?
    *TW*
    Me: 35 | DH: 39
    Married: January 2014
    TTC #1 since August 2015 -- Diagnosis: MFI (low count/motility), RPL
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    IF History:
    August 2016-June 2017 - 6 IUIs (clomid x 1, letrozole x 5), 6 BFNs. DH on clomid Oct. 2016-June 2017. July/August 2017 - IVF - 9 retrieved, 5 fertilized (ICSI), 3 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 2 frozen. BFN. :/ October/November 2017 - FET #1 11/2. CP. :'( January 2018 - Second opinion and changed clinics February/March 2018 - IVF #2 - 19 retrieved, 15 mature, 13 fertilized (ICSI), 5 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 4 frozen. CP. May/June 2018 - FET #2 5/30. Loss at 6 weeks. July 2018 - PGS testing = 2 normal embryos August/September 2018 - FET #3 cancelled (wonky hormones); September/October 2018 - FET #3 10/4 BFP EDD 6/22/19
    adirattinjp78greenhillgirl
  • Bababatty problem is I don't know these 70 some people to enlist help and the mother of the baby mama, the best friend and sister in law are calling the shots. 

    Aye..spinkle - for a 2nd kid. Mind you...it's her second daughter 2 years later and she is a having a shower the day before. Not exactly sure what she would need besides diapers. Again I didn't grow up with this crap just like gender reveals.    

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    Bababattytinjp78
  • what tosh24 said 100%... no way in hell id pay all that. Its legit like paying for someones reception or something. games and stuff is reasonable (even though i hate them with a passion) and i have totally done a few showers for friends and my only expense was snacks and beverages and whatever gift i got them. If a person wants to have a restaurant shower they need to be paying for that themselves. Unless you're their mom or dad you shouldnt have to invest that much

    mcgeevaBababattyadirattinjp78
  • dragonette505 yes I feel exactly the same. I guess I was upset it wasn't what I expected and im also not the best friend so if the best friend wants to do all this with the mom so be it. But I can't afford it. Yeah there was no discussion it was this is what we are doing and this is what she wants. I'm trying to keep the mom to be out of it and now just feel like avoiding her on gchat. I'm sure the best friend probably complained about what I said anyways yesterday. Oh they won't change anything. Just like the request for a diaper raffle which I already made it clear I won't participate. Yeah I sound like stick in the mud - im 100% I just thought a shower was a gift so now that everything is dictated im over it. 

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    Bababattytinjp78
  • roisis I think a sprinkle is when you already have a kid and instead of going all out with the second, you do a smaller more limited shower (since the idea is you should still have a bunch of stuff left over from the other kid?)
    Also... with IVF as expensive as it is.... how can someone expect people going through IVF to pay for stuff like this??? people really are self centered

    Bababattytinjp78
  • roisis trust me people do whatever for me me me time these days. Maybe im old school but I also find it redic that the people that haven't had to pay to have kids have the craziest expectations for what they need a deserve. I had one friend that hated every minute of her pregnancy that I had to stop spending time with her for a while for my own sanity. I told her I guess it was the deep want and the struggle that make you want it and appreciate it that much more. Totally off subject- but speaking of that situation - that was the friend who we are doing the sprinkle she requested.  I told myself after this I will only attend no more assisting on crap. 

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    Bababattytinjp78
  • @mcgeeva I’m so sorry you’re in this position. It sounds like the mother and BF should be doing all of this, and if they really want an expensive restaurant they should pony up and really take greater charge of the planning. Not much help, I know, but your rant is well-placed!

    Also now that you’ve explained a “sprinkle,” I say that is BS. When did it become a thing where you need a shower for every baby? 
    *TW*
    Me: 35 | DH: 39
    Married: January 2014
    TTC #1 since August 2015 -- Diagnosis: MFI (low count/motility), RPL
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    IF History:
    August 2016-June 2017 - 6 IUIs (clomid x 1, letrozole x 5), 6 BFNs. DH on clomid Oct. 2016-June 2017. July/August 2017 - IVF - 9 retrieved, 5 fertilized (ICSI), 3 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 2 frozen. BFN. :/ October/November 2017 - FET #1 11/2. CP. :'( January 2018 - Second opinion and changed clinics February/March 2018 - IVF #2 - 19 retrieved, 15 mature, 13 fertilized (ICSI), 5 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 4 frozen. CP. May/June 2018 - FET #2 5/30. Loss at 6 weeks. July 2018 - PGS testing = 2 normal embryos August/September 2018 - FET #3 cancelled (wonky hormones); September/October 2018 - FET #3 10/4 BFP EDD 6/22/19
    tinjp78
  • Bababatty  bc people are greedy as f*ck. Oh well rant done ill put a price on this crap and call it a day and make my crap next month so april I can just show up day of!

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    Bababattytinjp78
  • cseley321  I agree with all this. But I feel I can only tell the best friend since I don't want to involve the mom to be in the drama - yet clearly her mother and best friend told her any amount was fine. Two I don't know her mom or SIL to straight up tell them look this is more then I can afford although I'm sure they can figure it out based on my comments.

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

  • @mcgeeva Good for you! Hopefully she’s understanding about it all, but if not that’s on her and not you. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you.  :)
    *TW*
    Me: 35 | DH: 39
    Married: January 2014
    TTC #1 since August 2015 -- Diagnosis: MFI (low count/motility), RPL
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    IF History:
    August 2016-June 2017 - 6 IUIs (clomid x 1, letrozole x 5), 6 BFNs. DH on clomid Oct. 2016-June 2017. July/August 2017 - IVF - 9 retrieved, 5 fertilized (ICSI), 3 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 2 frozen. BFN. :/ October/November 2017 - FET #1 11/2. CP. :'( January 2018 - Second opinion and changed clinics February/March 2018 - IVF #2 - 19 retrieved, 15 mature, 13 fertilized (ICSI), 5 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 4 frozen. CP. May/June 2018 - FET #2 5/30. Loss at 6 weeks. July 2018 - PGS testing = 2 normal embryos August/September 2018 - FET #3 cancelled (wonky hormones); September/October 2018 - FET #3 10/4 BFP EDD 6/22/19
    adiratdragonette505mcgeevatinjp78
  • kristimh80kristimh80 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2018
    I agree 100% with what everyone else has said! Bump that! I can't even believe your friend(s) would be ok with you paying for them and their 100s of friends! I'd feel bad and that's something usually the mom, sister, etc take care of. It's one thing for you to help out, but it's not your obligation....even if you were helping with the ideas. During fertility treatments, I refuse to go to any baby stuff, baby / kid bday parties. Not because of $$, but for my own sanity. It's hard enough without having it shoved in your face. We were invited to my niece and nephews join bday party this week...luckily it's in another state.  :D Proud of you for speaking up...now they can make plans to take care of the rest!
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    June 2016 - CP
    2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
    IVF w/ PGS  - January 2018
    FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
    ERA Cycle May / June 2018
    ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
    FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP <3 Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
    U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
    Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
    EDD March 28, 2019
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker



    dragonette505Bababattytinjp78
  • kristimh80 trust me I wish I could skip them. I told my husband the week before these events start will be in between retrieval and no meds so I will want to get out of dodge to clear my head and get away. 

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    Bababattytinjp78
  • @mcgeeva The entire situation is honestly unbelievable. I'm just so glad you spoke up and let them know your max!! Good for you.

    TTC 12 months before medical intervention

    IUI #1 - 50mg Clomid, Ovidrel - BFN

    IUI #2 - 100mg Clomid, Ovidrel - BFP 1/10! CP diagnosed 1/12.

    IUI #3 - 100mg Clomid, Ovidrel - BFN

    IUI #4 - New RE, 10mg Fermara CD 3-7, 37 units Follistim CD 7-9

    BFP 3/20! Beta 14DPO 104, 17DPO 250, 21DPO 1,055! 


    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Advice"><img src="http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1dca1e" alt=" BabyFetus Ticker" border="0" /></a>

    mcgeevaBababattytinjp78
  • kristimh80  I know I get it :/

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    kristimh80tinjp78
  • fertilizemeplease Oh I did. She basically said rudely..we already discussed this. I told her well this is what I can afford and she said well we will see what the final number comes in. Either way I don't give a [email protected] anymore and I will contribute what I said. DONE! Exactly I give and give to my friends. But where were people when I was on bed rest for 5 weeks? Yep no where. I love my friends I just hate that people always have these ridiculous expectations they don't do themselves. And these same friends would complain about other friends requesting such things. Oh it's myself, her mother and the best friend. But still..Oh god yes and the other friend is having two sprinkles..I just can't go there either. Lol...

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    Bababattytinjp78
  • Girl I don't even know where to start with this! People are so rude and insensitive. They'd be getting no shower no sprinkle no nothing from me!
    mcgeeva
  • @nurserin07 oh don’t worry I have mentally checked out on that crap! Until my feet is done they take a back seat 

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

    nurserin07
  • @mcgeeva good for you! Take care of yourself and good luck!
    mcgeeva
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