1/6: Why my SO is bugging me (aka hormones plus foolishness)

pourmeanothermocktail

I don't remember or care what day this is supposed to be, lol, I got frustrated and hoped that hearing from everyone would help me laugh it off.

pourmeanothermocktail

So Tuesday is my only day totally off during the week. Lately I've been lazy but today I decided to get my crap together. Did laundry, a bunch of dishes, and took my cranky teething toddler to Costco, plus ya know, tired, nauseous, and puppy.

He usually gets home around 5:15/5:20, leaves at 7 am. He's under strict orders to text me if he's leaving late (preferably within 15 min of when he usually leaves, because it's a 45 min drive home, and I need to know how long my sanity has to last.

I texted him at 5:45 pm, find out he had just left 10 min ago (nearly an hour late!) ran into traffic and won't be home until 6:30. Toddler goes to add at 7, 7:15. Jerk! 

Again, it happens, but I don't want to find out you're late a half hour after I expect you home....

episcowitch

Mine is a carry over from Sunday. We were planning on being home for the sports ball game Sunday. 

SO's parents had just returned from a trip to visit his brother. They invited us over for the game AFTER I had prepared a ton of food. I told him to invite them to our place. He wouldn't! We ended up packing all the food up and went to their house for the game. I was so pissed, but I had been cooking for hours and didn't want to miss out on the food. I took my own car and bounced at half-time. 

He came home to a messy kitchen and a sleeping spouse. 

pourmeanothermocktail

@episcowitch Damn, tell me he cleaned the kitchen! I hate leaving the house after I've planned to stay home.

We invited my in-laws over for that, because they live an hour away and baby bedtime....they politely declined, then a week later proceeded to invite us over there... luckily husband was smart enough to say no. 

Jyoung327

@episcowitch I really hope he took the hint and did them dishes!!! I would be exponentially pissed to wake up in the morning to a still full sink. 

episcowitch

I can't really complain. He always does dishes...and laundry...and cleans the bathroom. I just hate leaving home. We are at in-laws tonight too, but for a UK Basketball game. This is what I get for not wanting cable. 

stothi

My SO is bugging me cause he's not here and he sucks, I mean suuuuuuuuuuuucks at communicating. When he's physically present it's easier to deal with his shitastic lack of communication skills, but when he's away and all I can get from him is verbal/written support I get really annoyed really fast. I can only see, "I sorry," and, ":'(" in response to my struggles/concerns so many times before I want to start getting stabby. 
Am I a massive jerk for wanting a full sentence? Maybe something like, "I'm sorry I can't come home and help. I really miss you guys and can't wait to get back. I know it doesn't help you at all now, but when I get back I'll do all the early morning stuff so at least you can look forward to sleeping in. I love you. Thanks for keeping our toddler child alive while gestating our unborn child. I appreciate all that you do for this family."
Ok. I'll admit that's a totally unrealistic expectation to think my husband would write something like that but for f's sake, could he meet me halfway and do more than, "I sorry " !?


Eta: dear husband, if you are stalking the bump and reading this- write moar!!!

Redpuma119

@stothi What does your husband do, if you don't mind me asking?

stothi

Redpuma119 said:

@stothi What does your husband do, if you don't mind me asking?

Stuff and things and business. I don't mind you asking but some of what he does is fairly confidential. Some of it isn't and I could totally talk about it, but we decided a long time ago that it's easier to not talk about any of it so I don't put myself in a position to slip up and share something I shouldn't. His two main work things in the most generic terms involve computering and being management organizer guy. It just depends on which project he's working on. Currently he's mostly management organizer guy. 
I'm pretty sure he's not a Russian spy nor does he have a second secret wife and children somewhere. I'm pretty sure...

nlc8424

@stothi I totally hear you on the lack of communication skills, my DH is very similar. He told me last week that his manager wanted to catch him on the phone with me to say thanks and I told him I'm glad she didn't because (although it's not her fault either)I'd  want to slap her since I've got no choice but to deal with the home front while he's gone. Some days I wonder if it would be easier to deal with my H being gone for longer periods like yours instead of gone for 4 days, back for 3. Feel free to PM me anytime to vent!

Mandamay1414

+1 for wanting to know exatly when H is getting home. He is a first year resident so his schedule is super unpredictable. I feel like more often than not, I will expect him to be home around 5:30 or 6, but he won't show up until after 7. I know it's not his fault, but when I'm on duty all. day. long. with DD, it's nice to know that I might get a break before she goes to bed. Unfortunately, when he come home, he is usually so tired that he dozes on the couch for a hour.. 

Redpuma119

@stothi gotcha! I was wondering he was a pilot.

klj0228

@stothi and @nlc8424 count me in! My H is home, but because he works 12 hour night shifts and we live an hour from his work we might as well be in different cities. He is not a big communicator whether we are side by side or if he is at work. I feel like I’m pulling teeth to get something from him. I asked him the other day if he is freaking out about the baby and he said, “no.” I said, “well I am! We are first timers and our lives are great now, I’m terrified of all the changes coming.” No response from him. Ohy, I just want you to participate in what is going on with me and the baby. 

In non-pregnant life I am not as annoyed by it because we have been together long enough that I just know it’s his personality. 

nlc8424

@klj0228 I don't think either myself or my husband had great role models for communication growing up, even though my parents have been married for 45 years. I'm seriously considering couples counseling for some preventative measures to help keep our heads above water. My H is pretty against it since he's firmly in the "counseling is just for when things are broken" mentality where I'm always searching for ways to improve. I love my H's work ethic, but I'd also love more time together.

stothi

Redpuma119 said:

@stothi gotcha! I was wondering he was a pilot.

Nope, not a pilot. I think that would drive me totally bonkers. Fortunately his job normally doesn't involve this level of travel. This much gone time should, *should* just be a one time thing.

stothi

@klj0228 exactly. In our day to day not pregnant not in the middle of a huge work travel thing life, his not being a good communicator is annoying but mostly eh, whatever. It's just one aspect of his overall personality and it's not his best (obviously) trait, but it's not so bad that it's a deal breaker. 

fwtx5815

I’m still annoyed with the pregnancy announcement idea my husband suggested last night. He said we should put our son in a big brother shirt I bought a while back and just post a picture of him wearing that without any caption/real announcement “and just see who notices”.
I barely stopped myself from telling him I thought that was a terrible idea. Also, this was after I already told him that I bought a couple of small things on Etsy to use for the announcement (a pair of knit baby booties and a little September calendar page with EDD circled) so too late for that, bud. I don’t actually know if he was being serious but it rubbed the wrong way, more than is reasonable haha. 

nlc8424

@fwtx5815 that's actually my plan for social media, so it's funny to me that you hate it! But to be fair I'm going to add a caption along the lines of, "they say a picture is worth a thousand words, or maybe just two...".

stothi

nlc8424 said:

@fwtx5815 that's actually my plan for social media, so it's funny to me that you hate it! But to be fair I'm going to add a caption along the lines of, "they say a picture is worth a thousand words, or maybe just two...".

I had a friend do that with her kiddo. We all thought it was cute. She did a couple of follow up pictures later with her kiddo holding the ultrasound picture and whatnot.

fwtx5815

nlc8424 said:

@fwtx5815 that's actually my plan for social media, so it's funny to me that you hate it! But to be fair I'm going to add a caption along the lines of, "they say a picture is worth a thousand words, or maybe just two...".

Yeah I can’t even fully articulate exactly why it bothered me so much haha. I think the idea of not saying *anything* a long with the photo was the most off putting, because we did have a bit of a sappy blurb when we announced for DS. And maybe the fact that I’m the 2nd child in my family, I’m being overly sensitive to making sure this baby is not treated like he/she doesn’t matter as much. I just want to state how excited we are when we share the news, tell the due date, etc., so his suggestion just didn’t jive with what I had in mind. Totally would not think anything of it if I saw a friend announce that way though!