TFAS w/o 2/5

Whitmore1027

Ugh. I just gotta open up my feelings. The last few days I have felt super upset thinking "What if it is just as hard to get pregnant this time?" I started googling stuff on conceiving with low sperm count, and some of the stuff I have read about lots of people having even MORE trouble the 2nd time around. That some men's sperm count go down even lower. I am just really freaking out. We don't have ANY money to do anymore testing. I really would like to get his sperm checked again since it's been 3 years. I also feel like I personally am doing SO much work trying to pin point my exact O date, and I could be doing everything right, and it still doesn't happen. I mean, it took 17 months before we got pregnant with DS, and to be honest, some of that time I was like...okay with holding off on the pregnancy, like it didn't bother me AS MUCH as it does now. Because then it was me and hubby, and we had money and could vacation and just have fun, so it was okay if it took awhile. NOW I am just SO upset and because I see what we get from a baby, the most precious gift, the love of my life, I feel it hurts me more now if it's going to take a while or if it ever happens again. I want it SO much more than I did before. I don't know if that makes me sound like a horrible person, but I really do. I know we are only on the 2nd month/cycle. But I can't stop thinking about when TTC DS, and every month, negative after negative after negative, and I just don't want that to happen again. I feel like the stress will really get to me.

Sorry to open up so much. I thought maybe you ladies who have babies already may understand. It's just been super heavy on my heart the last few days.

offtoneverland

@Whitmore1027 While it didn't take me a long time to get pregnant with DD, I can understand where you're coming from. It's hard to think about TTC taking a long time. I never expected for it to take more than 9 months and *TW* I never expected to have 3 losses along the way. *end TW* TTC is really effing hard and I hate every second of it. I understand the pain of just wanting it to happen so badly. DD keeps getting older and I want her to have a sibling so badly, but there's no way we can speed any of this up. Your body will do whatever it does and there's nothing you can do about it, besides having sex and trying to be as healthy as possible. It's hard not knowing what's going to happen, so I've just been trying my hardest to let go of control and trust that things will work out in their own time. But it's really, really hard. 
It seems like it would be a good idea for you to have YH get another SA. It may have gotten better and it may have gotten worse, and you'll never know unless he gets an SA. 

Whitmore1027

@offtoneverland You are super right. It really is super hard to not know what's going to happen. One minute I think "I'm getting pregnant this month!" Then I have a flash thought of the future of it taking months and months. I really need to learn to focus on the thought that "It will happen this month!". *TW* I can't imagine going through 3 losses. I am sooo sorry that happened to you. Three!! That breaks my heart for you. I have known lots of friends close to me that have had losses too, and it scares me because I feel like if it can happen to them, it can happen to me. Then I get super negative again and think "What if I do get pregnant, then have a mc?!" Gahh! *end TW*  I know those thoughts don't help anything. But it does help to talk about it. I also didn't have a support group the last time we TTC. I actually didn't join TB until after I was pregnant. It's super nice to be able to talk to people who have experienced similar circumstances.
(As I typed this, MH said, "Whatcha typing", and I quickly explained what I was saying and he was like "What am I chopped liver? You can talk about that with me." Haha. I was like "But these are ladies who know what I am feeling!" Hahaha.)
The more I think about it, the more I think he should get another SA done. I think I am too scared to ask him because I don't want him to feel bad. But it's also the money. We don't have proper insurance right now. What we have is CHM, Christian Healthcare Ministries, which is a sharing program. For my husband they pay any medical bill over $5000 I believe. (He is actually SUPER healthy normally, so we put him on the smallest level.) I honestly haven't looked to see if they help anything with fertility issues. They do cover pregnant and birth, which is fantastic.
Thanks for the words of encouragement but also being super real about it! It's okay to admit that it's scary and hard!!

wrensnest

@holly321 @offtoneverland @nmbrcrnchr1 thanks for the anemia advice, ladies. I’m a pescatarian, but have been for almost 10 years. I’ve known that puts me at risk for anemia, so I pay close attention to my iron intake, and I thought it should have been plenty - lots of iron-rich leafy greens, beans, eggs, fish, etc., plus the PNV I’m taking has a lot of iron, so I don’t know. The supplements haven’t been messing up my stomach as much as I feared, so that’s good at least. Hopefully they do the trick.

@offtoneverland the A’14 super moon was right around then too. I still credit that super moon for getting things going for us, lol.  

@PensiveCrayon I think the mental image of a kid in a crayon costume is even better than the image I’d already conjured up, lol. I also changed my username due to search-ability. Ah, how we learn, haha.

ETA: just realized I keep reverting to my old SN when tagging @offtoneverland, woops - fixed. Old habits die hard.

josie12367

What number are you trying for? 3

Cycle/Month? 5/14

WTO/TWW? Forever stuck in WTO

Ages of other child(ren)? 7 and almost 2

Any thoughts about this cycle? I'm incredibly frustrated, but this is my third round of struggling while ttgp. I'm an an-o pro! I have my first referral appt on the 20th. So if this cycle doesn't turn around by then, at least I'm prepared with next steps. Most women are bummed by a bfn....I'm bummed because I hardly get the chance to test. Goes to show that we all have our struggles!

Any questions? Nah...not unless anyone has advice between medicated cycle options, and lab tests for a work up...specific for pcos gals

Rant/Rave/Brag: My youngest who is language delayed said, "Bubble." I was thrilled! Each new word is such a blessing. Her next evaluation is in March. Hoping it shows progress! 

GTKY: Birth Stories

Our first took 18 months ttc, metformin, and Clomid. I had advanced dilation with her. At 35 weeks I was 3cm, and at 37 weeks I was 4cm, and almost completely effaced. I want contracting though, so they let me go home at that point. At 38 weeks exactly my midwife called me in for an extra evaluation, and found that I was 5cm. She had several labours already on the floor and two c-section moms, so she told me to go home and try to get myself in labour. She said she'd call me to check in later that evening when the ward slowed down. I'm so thankful for her because she allowed me to have a chance of starting my labour naturally.

So I went on my way. I bought castor oil on the way home, and tried a little of that...went on a walk for two miles, and then somehow managed to seduce my husband with my big ole belly....lol. And nothing....not a hint of labour by that evening. So my midwife called me about 7pm. I told her that I didn't feel a thing and that I was for sure NOT in labour. I was just about to get a bath and go to bed....well, she insisted I come on in to get checked out anyways.

So I shower and eat, and then begrudgingly make my way to L&D. I get settled at about 9pm, and she checks me, and I'm 8cm! Contracting, and my water was bulging. She breaks my water, and I get to walk around for the next hour or so. Finally I'm getting uncomfortable so she checks me again, and I'm completely dilated. I start pushing and thirty minutes later my DD enters the world at 1156 pm. The whole experience was textbook perfect and I'm incredibly grateful for that. I worked on that ward for three years, and with my midwife on several births, so I know how lucky I was. My midwife and I are still close friends

 

Our second took 13 months, metformin, and Clomid. It was weird timing because just as we finished testing, and started our medicated cycle, my husband got orders to Korea for a year. Our BFP was on September 11th, and he left for Korea at the end of October. Because our first had advanced dilation, we planned for him to come home on leave two weeks before the due date, and stay until two weeks after my due date. So he gets home, and I'm only 3cm, and like 50% effaced.

So a week and half go by....two membrane strippings, lots of walking, sex...and nothing! Ugh. Now we're worried that he came home too soon, and he's going to only have a few days with the baby before he had to go back.One night after everyone was asleep (I'm a night owl) I was just finishing up in the shower, and thought I felt a contraction, but wasn't sure. It was about 11pm. So I go ahead and go to bed. About 20 minutes later I get a contraction that f'ing hurts! I wake up my husband, and I'm tell him to get dressed, I want to go in because I *think* this is the real deal. This time we waste no time getting there as it's a thirty minute drive in from the country side.

We get to L&D about midnight, and they check me....I'm 8-9cm and completely effaced. They have trouble getting my IV in, but by the time they're done checking me in and getting me settled, I'm ready to push. She came flying into this world at 1:10am. Definitely more of a painful birth, and my doctor was horrible. She kept shoving her hands in my vagina, and stretching me, and I kept telling her that it hurt....but she didn't stop. I don't think she was used to delivering non-medicated births. It sucked...I yelled at her several times, and completely lost my cool with her. Totally different experience than my first...because with my first I stayed in control even with the pain, and my midwife allowed the baby to naturally stretch me instead. In the end, baby and I were healthy...So it is what it is. I felt a bit violated though that she was so rough with me. I should have filed a complaint in hindsight.

 

Mylitta

What number are you trying for? 2

Cycle/Month? 7/7 (3 were ntnp)

WTO/TWW? Tww

Ages of other child(ren)? 12.5 months

Any thoughts about this cycle? Not really. Same as always that I hope it works! I am starting to wean a bit, and I ovulated earlier this time! I'm hoping that I have a longer lp of this month isn't the one. 

Any questions? Nope

Rant/Rave/Brag: He can use a sippy cup! I was very concerned about weaning/bottle weaning because he couldn't grasp the cup. I figured we'd have to help him in the beginning. But a couple days ago when I gave him a cup, he just uses it like he's always known how. He's amazing! 

GTKY: If you could choose if your kids went to bed earlier at night or slept later in the morning which would you pick?
Later on weekends. I don't get home until about 745 at night and become is at 8, so I don't want to mess with that. But similar to @kns1988, he wakes up at 4-5 to nurse then sleeps again until 7-9. On work days I'm gone by 6 so my H is responsible for mornings. But I'd like 9 to be consistent or even 930 on my weekends. (It's usually more like 730-815)

Birth story 

I was almosta week overdue. The last appt my dr told me I was 2cm but thinning out and she didn't think I'd make it to the next appt - which was sad as she was out of town that weekend. 
Went to work (which shocked everyone) and decided to use the next day as a sick day to get stuff done around the house. At home after dinner, I start to feel small contractions. After about an hour I can tell they're consistent. I decide the first always takes a while so I say we go to bed. My H makes me call, but they agree with me. Said to head in when they come about 5 min apart. So I sleep off and on lightly through the night and around 5 am cab do it any more, and time them at about 5 min. Wake my H and we go.   
When we arrive (6 am) they say I'm 3 cm but almost completly effaced, and baby is low, so they admit me. I labor until 6 pm and I'm only at 6 cm. I'm leaking a little but they think it's a year high up, so we break my water to speed things up. I labor for a bit longer and the nurse brings up pitocin. She says me contractions are ineffective to dilate me. My H bargains for me to be able to go in the bath and we'll do it - I kept feeling the need to push and it was starting to hurt! But they kept telling me I can't push or I'll tear my cervix. (Looking back that's a terrible thing to say because it made me so concerned I didn't even pee, because I was scared the natural pressure from that would cause a tear.) I didn't want an epidural - giant needle in your spine! - so we were shooting for med free. 
Got the pitocin about 3 am. By 6 they agreed I could push. At this time I realize I can't actually feel the contractions and haven't been for a while, the only thing I can feel is baby's head and the pelvic pressure (which now makes much more sense.) So I have to feel my stomach to know when to push. 1.5 hours of pushing and a little boy comes out! Start to finish I think it was 37 hours of labor and only cat naps, we were both tired. But he latched right away.   
The issues came later when he ended up being jaundice and pretty intently at that. Luckily my milk came in quickly so that helped. He wouldn't nurse then but at least he got it. We figured out nursing at home. We also got a call the day we came home that he had thyroid issues and needed immediate medication - lack could permanently cause developmental disabilities. Also explains the jaundice as we had no other risk factors. Yay 24 hr heel prick testing.

Eta: posted before I was done

wishiwaspreggo

@Whitmore1027 - I understand wanting a baby even more after already having had one. Before I got pregnant I always liked the *idea* of having a baby but I had no idea how much I'd love having a kid. I would have like, 15 if I could afford it but I think we just want one more. My mom's been needling me to have a second and I freaked out on her because it's so stressful and I want one so bad but we need buckets of money to make it happen. If you want me to have another baby so bad write me a check for $8000

Anyway, got my AMH results and they're high (8.3). Now I'm worried they're *too* high but I don't have PCOS. I don't know. I have an appointment with my old RE to discuss doing another injectable IUI cycle since it worked before. I'm waffling between that and the INVOcell IVF program... I'd save $4K if I got pregnant with an IUI but I'd lose $2K if I didn't. But then I'd lose $7-8K if I did INVOcell and it failed.

I just want to be done this all sucks.