Chemical pregnancy. TMI.

momma_bear2016

I was due for AF 2 days ago. Tested with a dollar store cheapie Faint BFP. Confirmed next day with FMU on FRER. The line was faint but not a squinter. That night I got period cramps and orange/pink spotting with a little red. I thought oh no. But wait maybe since I have a 12 day Luteal phase this is just implantation bleeding being 14 DPO. Nope. This morning I’m passing blood clots and thick dark red and bright red blood. We have decided to let it run it’s course without medical attention unless there is a medical need. I don’t need to see my hcg levels drop I don’t want to see an empty uterus. We want to try again when I ovulate. But this is hard. My SO is like oh well better luck next time and it’s frustrating that he’s not even effected by our loss. I understand we only knew for a day. But it’s so hard on me. It’s not as hard as when I had my D&C @11weeks in 2013 but I had 11 weeks to get attached and I didn’t have my rainbow baby girl to hold and love. I feel like I’m being stupid for being so upset over this loss. I’ve bawled my eyes out over a baby I’ve known about for 1 day. I just need some incouraging words from other moms who have been threw chemical pregnancies? Is what I’m feeling normal? 

offtoneverland

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I wrote to you on the TTCAL board, but didn't want to ignore your post here. Your thoughts and feelings are so so valid. Even though you only knew about the pregnancy for a day, it doesn't negate all the exciting feelings you had as soon as you saw the BFP. Even though you might not have lost a "baby" in the true sense of the word, like with your previous 11w loss, you're still feeling the pain of the loss of your hopes and dreams.
About your SO, my husband has handled it the same way. I had 3 CPs last year, and MH hasn't seemed to be affected by any of them. I know he wants a baby, and he's sad seeing me upset about it, but he tries to support me by saying "it's okay, let's just try again," which isn't helpful in the least. It makes me feel like he doesn't care at all about my pain. Just try to remember that it's different for men because they don't understand the feeling of knowing you're growing a baby, and then having your heart drop out of your chest when you see the bleeding. If you can, try to remind him that you just need some time to grieve and know that he supports you through it all. 
I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling right now. Take care of yourself. 

legalmamanyc

I am so sorry. I had a CP about a month ago, only knew I was pregnant for about 6 days, and was devastated. (I can't even imagine what the 11w was like.)  The rational academic in me tries to remind myself that I only knew I was pregnant because we tested early since TTC, had we not been TTC I would have thought AF was just 2 days late.  But that only helps sometimes. Sometimes you just have to grieve. I was inconsolable that first night.