Lost My Little One and Got a Baby Shower Invite — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Lost My Little One and Got a Baby Shower Invite

Trigger warning...


A week ago we went in for our first ultrasound and our 8 week old baby was measuring 5 weeks and 6 days. I knew in that moment that we were in for a hard time. While some might have miscalculated their dates, my monthly is like clockwork so there was absolutely no reason for me to be off that much. A week later and we've confirmed that my hcg levels are going down and other signs have started to let us know that this is a loss. I'm lucky, my work has let me work from home this week and have been so supportive...I don't know how I would have made it through this week without them.

So, I'm barely keeping it together and we get a FB message from distant cousins on my husbands side with an invite for a baby shower. I just lost it.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Trakena

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: Lost My Little One and Got a Baby Shower Invite

  • @thshaw I'm so sorry.  Getting shower invites at times like this are so hard. My first loss happened a few days before mother's day and I lost it many many times. I'm glad your work is being so supportive. 
  • This whole thing just plain sucks. Mothers day, baby shower invites, Christmas, EDD, there are just so many dates to kick us when we're down. Sorry you are going through this 
    chelletndpjenniferjessielynn1
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  • I got invited to a baby shower after my loss. I went because it was a good friend. I ended up having to leave holding my broken self together bawling my eyes out. I was okay until she started opening the gifts. I tried to be strong for her. I went to sneak out and she came running after me mid opening a present and just held me and told me it was okay and thank you for coming. It was so extremely difficult. If you are not ready for it don’t go. I definitely should have stayed home and mailed her her gift. 
    thshawsuzycupcake
  • I'm so sorry. Being happy for family and friends after a loss is legitimately one of the most difficult things you can possibly do after an experience like this. 

    Before I had any of my own losses, I had four wonderful children, and my BFF finally decided to have one of her own after meeting Mr. Right. She went into labor at twenty weeks and lost her little girl. I didn't know what to say; my heart absolutely broke for her. 

    Fast forward to 2014, and she became pregnant again; high risk, had to have a cerclage, bedrest, etc. July of 2014 I discovered I was spontaneously pregnant and I miscarried in August. She supported me unconditionally, and when her baby shower came up during December, she made sure I knew that it was okay if I didn't go. 

    I did end up going, and it was hard, but I genuinely don't regret it. I think the fact that we had both lost babies really helped make that more tolerable, and she was incredibly sensitive to me at her party, and I appreciated it deeply because I had flown to California from Texas to attend. 

    The hardest part, I think, was that the day I was flying home, I had another BFP. She and I were both excited, then I lost that baby too. 

    After that, I kept trying, kept losing, and even though it was really, really difficult, I took the time to be happy for her when her healthy son was born, and I kind of just took my own grief and used it to bond with her kid. He's an amazing joy for me to be around, and he adores me as much as I adore him. 

    After losing 15 pregnancies since August 2014,which no cause ever found, I am now almost 20 weeks with what seems to be a pretty healthy baby girl, and my friend has been an absolute godsend to me in terms of her helping me manage my genuine anxiety that I could lose this pregnancy at any moment. I can always count on her to admit that the fear and worry doesn't stop until you're holding your baby, but to also remind me that she'll be there if I need her regardless. 

    My advice is, if you are close to your husband's family and you know that they'll support you, then go and try, if you can, to be happy for them. If you don't know them well, just send a gift and a sweet card. It's just really brutal unless you know you have someone there who gets it. 
    thshaw
  • I'm sorry for your loss. 
    I know the feeling exactly and feel for you.
    My sister in law has the same due date as I did except I lost my baby at 3 months. They're planning her baby shower (where I live)for April since she lives out of state. I cried my heart out when they told me.
    Stay strong and know your not alone.
    I pray we all get through this and have healthy babies 
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