Weekly Questions w/o 1/28

SkilledSailor

Here's where you ask all those questions that Google is just not answering well for you   

pourmeanothermocktail

Maybe this is obvious, but for those of up who don't have childcare during the day generally, do we bring our toddlers to our prenatal appointments? I mean, I have nearly no other option. I'm not shy, it just seems like a difficult experience for my 20 month old who's not yet verbal. 

JLyn821

pourmeamocktail said:

Maybe this is obvious, but for those of up who don't have childcare during the day generally, do we bring our toddlers to our prenatal appointments? I mean, I have nearly no other option. I'm not shy, it just seems like a difficult experience for my 20 month old who's not yet verbal. 

When I was pregnant with #2, I took my son (then 20-28 months) to most of my appointments. I tried to avoid taking him to my appointments at the end of my pregnancy just because of the internal exams. I was more comfortable with him at th regular belly checks. 

This is go around, I’m trying to get my mom to watch my son and daughter during my appointments just because taking two kids would be more of a pain. But, of course, I’ll be taking both to my next appointment. Haha

Edit to Add: I usually kept my son in a stroller for the appointments and I’ll plan on keeping my daughter in a stroller when I take her this time. 

knitknitread

pourmeamocktail said:

Maybe this is obvious, but for those of up who don't have childcare during the day generally, do we bring our toddlers to our prenatal appointments? I mean, I have nearly no other option. I'm not shy, it just seems like a difficult experience for my 20 month old who's not yet verbal. 

Ok, so DD is 4 but I do take her with me. I usually try to have coloring things or I'll put Netflix on my phone for her to watch.

When she was 2, I had to take her with me to a few gyn appts. She did really well. Same deal, I just made sure to pack activities and a snack.

pourmeanothermocktail

@JLyn821 Yes, definitely to the stroller! I figured on snacks, books (his favorite thing ever) and stroller and hope for the best. We have no grandparents in the area, and the one close family friend is already watching him like 10-12 hours per week for...nothing...so I just don't feel like I can ask for more. I do get her a nice gift card to her favorite restaurant every couple of months, but she won't accept any money...

I am planning on declining all internal exams other than I think I am due for a pap, so that might be a little not fun, but at least he's still super young. 

DanyTargaryen

@pourmeamocktail - If I had to bring DS, I would. I would just put him in the stroller and if there were any internal exams, I would have them close the privacy curtain in the exam room. Even though he would have no idea what was going on, I'd still prefer the barrier between us. Hell, I even had them pull the privacy curtain when it was MH in there during a pap last pregnancy.

cdepperschmidt

Hi ladies,

I’m actually going to be on the October board when it opens up later this week, but I’m posting my question here because it’s not open and I haven’t had my first OB appointment yet. Did you/are you planning to get the flu shot? I’m not looking to start a debate at all. I’m really wondering if anyone has talked to their doctor about it. I usually don’t get one, but with flu season being so awful, I’m considering it. 

MandyMost

@cdepperschmidt yes, I got a flu shot before I was pregnant this year, and during my pregnancy previously. My doctor, and all reputable medical organizations, recommend the flu shot during pregnancy. There is absolutely no evidence that the flu shot causes any harm during pregnancy (unless you are allergic), and extensive evidence that the flu can be VERY harmful during pregnancy. You should of course make a decision that is right for you, but if you base your decision on scientific evidence at all it’s a no-brainer. 

MrsBigTime

@cdepperschmidt I had my flu shot before becoming pregnant, but if I hadn’t already had one, I’d have gotten one. The flu has been so terrible this year, it’s just not worth risking. 

meg+on+the+DL

@cdepperschmidtI had my DD in Feb16. My OB really pushed for the flu shot which I got. Flu during pregnancy is not something I’d want to mess with. Your immune system is already compromised. And this year it’s been especially bad. They are saying that people should still get them, which is not usually the case this late in the season. IMO... I would get it ASAP. 

cdepperschmidt

Thanks for you responses ladies! @Mandymost @mrsbigtime @meg+on+the+DL You’re thoughts echo mine! I just got a little concerned after reading so many moms being totally against it in a Mom group I’m in on FB. 

megnwingate

@pourmeamocktail if your OB office allows children I don’t see why you can’t being your child. My last OB would not allow children under 12 in the office waiting room. My OB now doesn’t mind children. 

@cdepperschmidt yes to the flu shot. It’s required for me at work (hospital). Any illness miserable and even more miserable while pregnant because you are limited to a very few medications 

lilsebastian

@cdepperschmidt - I also got the flu shot with my last pregnancy. DS was a September baby and I had the shot at around 36 or 37 weeks pregnant with him. I plan to do the same this year.  

cdepperschmidt

@lilsebastian Did you get it already with this baby? I got a Flu shot with DS, but he was a November baby so I was well into the third trimester.

Spylon

@cdepperschmidt I got it my first pregnancy early in the first trimester. I'll for sure get it again next fall with this pregnancy. 

Kabazaba

Not sure if this is the right thread for this, or if there will (eventually) be a thread about this: announcing at work. I'm a lawyer and already have 1 trial scheduled for October, when I now know I'm likely to be on maternity leave. I will need to tell work earlier than my second trimester, so we (me, other attorneys, and the client) can decide if we will be seeking a continuance or having someone take over the case. I will also need to let them know because I work at a small firm and everyone will notice pretty quickly that I'm not scheduling cases mid-Sept to December. All that said -- any advice about breaking the news to my boss? I have decided to wait until after the first doctor's appointment (next week, I'll be 7 weeks 3 days), but haven't decided anything else yet. Whether I tell him that day, if I should wait any additional time, if I mention the leave I plan to take at that time or not, if I go ahead and tell everyone in the office the same day (again -- very small office so everyone will know by end of the day whether I tell 1 person or all of them), whether I go in with the plan already laid out for my clients (which feels a bit premature but also might be comforting to him?). Why am I expected to figure out adult things when all I want to do is cry and sleep World, please help me.

DanyTargaryen

@Kabazaba - With my first I basically walked into my boss's office, sat down and said "So, I'm having a kid and I'm due in September." I did mention my plan to take leave at that time, but we didn't get into the details that day. Once I told my boss, I told my co-manager since he would be the most impacted by me being out and let the news travel from there.

Once you decide to tell him, I would just be up front about it. Whether you need to request a meeting or just drop by like I did will depend on your general office culture. As for the rest of the office, if you weren't ready for anyone else to know yet, I would let your boss know you're not ready for others to know yet. I would friggen hope he'd honor your wishes. Otherwise it's up to you whether you want to let the news spread or be the one to tell everyone yourself.

And it's completely up to you if you want to tell him the day of your appointment or if you want to wait longer. Only you will know how much time you need to transition the case currently booked for October (assuming transition, not continuance for that statement) and whether or not another month would make that big of a difference.

megster0418

@Kabazaba I think those are all very personal decisions. I think most people wait until they are in their 2nd trimester to tell their employers, but as you mentioned, that's not an option for your lifestyle. Whenever you decide to do it, I would tell your boss before telling anyone else in your office so it doesn't make it to her/him before you do! Good luck! 

prpl11butterfly

@Kabazaba as for when you tell him,  I'm not sure. But I think the most adult thing to do would be put everything out there at once (hey I'm preg, due on ..., planning to take .... amount of leave time) and have an action plan for how clients can/should be handled. 

I totally hear you on adulting. It's a lot of work right now.

arbell615

Hi! I wasn’t sure which board would be best to post this: has anyone else read ‘Expecting Better’? I’ve been really enjoying it. If you like research and statistics to back up making decisions in pregnancy (with your doctor’s approval of course) I highly recommend it! https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0143125702/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1517347994&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=expecting+better&dpPl=1&dpID=51zDEUVKJqL&ref=plSrch 

treeofcheem

@cdepperschmidt I just got mine about 2 weeks ago (I was around 7 weeks pregnant then). I'd been putting it off, but after I got pregnant I knew I should get it. As others mentioned, DNW to mess with the flu while pregnant, not only because it would feel horrible but it can be much more dangerous. It's an easy way to lessen the risk.

Patience7150

@Kabazaba Also an attorney here. With DD I waited until after the 12 week ultrasound to ensure everything was checking out before telling work, especially in this field. I will probably do the same this time around. 

klj0228

@arbell615 thanks for the recommendation. I researched it and read some reviews. I went ahead and ordered it. Looks like it will be a great read to get informed.

SkilledSailor

@arbell615 Yes! I devoured that book! So good. 

adirat

@kabazaba I'm not an attorney but I'm in a field where things are being scheduled far out in advance regularly. I already had to awkwardly decline a conference presentation in late September. I like @patience7150's advice to wait for the 12 week ultrasound or a similar milestone but still be on the earlier side to manage your workload.

Just my experience, TW for past loss:
I told my supervisor and the director of my biggest project about my first pregnancy at about 9 weeks. (I had horrible HG so it was getting obvious something was going on, and I also needed to get out of some commitments they were putting me in for around my due date.) Sadly, I experienced a loss at 14 weeks. But I was actually glad I had told the two of them, because I needed to take time off around/after that loss and I was glad I could say "I have lost the baby" to them as an explanation. I'll note that both of them are women and both of them are mothers, so I felt a little more comfortable. But basically the way I look at it is that if I get that far into a pregnancy again, I'm not going to be able to hide my grief from a loss, so it's relatively low risk to tell a couple of people I trust at work. Meanwhile the benefits were huge because they could help me field assignments and events to others on the team.

Mandamay1414

@Kabazaba I've had to tell several people at work because I am a pharmacist who has to handle toxic chemo drugs in the course of my daily duties. I told my supervisor and a few pharmacists who would have to cover that part of my job as soon as I found out. I didn't really want to tell that soon, but it was kind of necessary for safety reasons. I'm really hoping that nothing happens, but I guess I will deal with that if it becomes necessary. You do what you feel most comfortable with. 

olliedog3

@Kabazaba I had to tell my work early because I scuba dive as part of my job and scuba diving isn't a safe activity during pregnancy. I told my direct supervisor first and then theboss and the rest of the crew. I really didn't want to tell anyone so soon but I was left with little choice. I hope you find a resolution that works for you.

Lcardinal04

@Kabazaba I'm an attorney too, in a small practice, and I think you are D.C., right? I'm right outside D.C. 

I can't say what right for you as I think some of it depends on the office relationships and your bosses personality. Last time I told early and gave the full plan of action, more because my boss would worry and I wanted to reassure her that I was already considering the clients best interests on what to do. I'll likely tell my boss very early this time too, along with my plan. (Try to schedule my trials before mid. sep or after late December. And we need to hire a contracting attorney for hearings I can't schedule conveniently.) My main co counselor already knows.

wkuandrea

@Kabazaba I'm not an attorney but have a lot of projects that are planned far in advance (IT product releases) and so have told my direct reports and my direct supervisor. I agree with PP that though I'm not really excited to tell people at this point, it helps with me needing to take time for appts now, and will be understandable if I need to take time in the event of a loss. It's such a personal decision to make -- but I hope our experiences help you make a decision that works best for you!

JLyn821

@Kabazaba I’m not an attorney, but when I was pregnant with DS, I told my boss pretty quickly. I had been seeing an RE and had quite a few appointments between 4-7 weeks. I didn’t want anyone to know, but I couldn’t just keep blowing off work for appointments without a good reason. As soon as I told her, she was A-OK with whatever I needed to do. 

It it sounds like you’ve got a good plan in mind, as far as leave, meetings, client interests, etc. Go into your meeting with your boss with all of that and you’ll be good. I’d say tell when you feel most comfortable. If that’s soon, great. If not, it’s ok. Telling early is ok. 

Kabazaba

(@Lcardinal04 good memory! I practice in Tyson’s Corner, so also right outside of DC.)

Thanks for the thoughtful advice everyone. I think my boss will be excited for me, and am not worried about professional blow back due to being pregnant. I think I was feeling like saying something before 12 weeks was wrong, but also feeling like I needed to say something sooner than later to give the firm and my clients as much lead-time as possible. I'm more comfortable now telling him next week, and confident in making decisions that may not be right for everyone, but are right for me. Thanks again!!

megnwingate

I’m in X-ray. Mostly in fluoro cases in the OR, plus there are some chemicals in the ortho room that I’m in thag I can’t be around. I had no choice but to tell my boss. So your situation isn’t quite like mine where I had to tell other co-workers because I had to have relief. 

I say say if you tell your boss and you don’t want anyone else to know make your boss aware that you would like to keep it between the both of you. 

MandyMost

@Kabazaba it seems like you have a good plan! I keep reminding myself that I’m not the first person to get pregnant while working, and it’s no big deal. I was so worried telling with my first, but my boss was just like “congrats. When do you expect to be out?”. My only real advice is to have a firm idea of when you will (ideally) be out. I had to continually reiterate that I planned to work until almost my due date, and that I planned to take the full time I was allotted but no additional vacation days tacked on. 

ashh2018

@arbell615 that’s the book my doc recommended - it’s in my amazon cart! 

SkilledSailor

Question for those with scars on their abdomen. Is there anything other than shea butter lotion that should be used on the scars to prevent them from growing/itching? Mine are fine so far but I've been wondering if there's something more preventative I should be doing now before the abdomen starts stretching. 

ashh2018

@SkilledSailor I have used coconut oil and vitamin e on scars in the past. Can’t speak from specific experience as this is my first pregnancy but both of those products have helped with scars and itching! 

Redpuma119

Are you ladies already starting with stretch mark creams? 

SkilledSailor

@redpuma119 I started with a shea butter cream after that nipple fiasco. I've been thinking about getting something more, since I'm worried about my scars from the laparoscopy. I'd rather start the habit too early than too late. 

Redpuma119

@skilledsailor I hadn't even thought about it- glad you guys brought it up. It's probably smart to get started. I am still torn on if I think you can prevent stretch marks or not.. but I will still be lathering up with the best of them!

sreysaw17

The birth center DS was born at seems to think all problems are solved with coconut oil or olive oil. I did a lot of coconut oil last time but more for dry itchy skin than stretch marks. I was lucky and didn't have that problem. But maybe it helped? I don't know.

spottedginger

@Redpuma119 I’ve been using the muestela oil again (I have a little left over from before). Science says you can’t prevent stretch marks, but skin gets so itchy from stretching and growth that is it worth a good product for comfort even if it doesn’t help with marks.