August 2018 Moms

Calling all second time moms (or anyone that can provide insight)

lee143lee143 member
10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
edited December 4 in August 2018 Moms
I'm pregnant with my second while getting to know my first. I started everything later in life, and knew I wanted #2 before 40. Didn't think I'd get my wish! Anyway, going through a bit of a bump with my sister, which I'm very close to both relationship wise and proximity. Ever since my baby was born, she has been obsessed to the point of wanting me to leave her with her and telling me what I should or shouldn't do with the baby. I want to be with my baby every day and am not comfortable just leaving her with anyone. She is 7 years older and childless. When the baby was only 3 days old and a relative told her to pass the baby to my husband, she said no he lives with her. DH was insulted but didn't say anything.It has been uncomfortable for a while, but this weekends' incident at my home caused me to say something today even though I hate confrontation and didn't want to hurt my sister.

 I told my husband to change the baby's diaper because my sister was talking to a friend while holding the baby and I didn't want to interrupt the conversation. He took her to the changing station and my sister got up and ran behind him asking why he took the baby away. That she was going to change her. She took over and he was obviously bothered. I told her today via text that I had sent my husband to change the baby because I was cooking and that anyone else would have been upset by her taking the baby from him, but he took it well. She said that she was surprised by my text, that she was only trying to help and that she feels she never sees the baby and he does. She sees the baby at least twice per week. She also said that I'm too sensitive. I felt very guilty afterwards. Any insight would be appreciated. My hormones are going crazy, am taking care of my dd and growing #2. New mom problems! 

I'm wondering if I overacted and what would you have done in this situation? Anything similar happen to you. I didn't foresee these problems.

Re: Calling all second time moms (or anyone that can provide insight)

  • P.S. it is almost like she thinks she is my baby's mothers too
  • Can't really advise you regarding your sister, other than to say this sounds like a good addition to the Twatwaffle Tuesday post coming up in a couple days! 
    westphillyecwk
  •     
  • Or today's Monday Bitchfest! Or randoms! 
    westphillymrslittlemacecwk
  • lee143lee143 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    edited December 4
    I agree- twat waffle or bitchfest!! Lmao I was just wondering if anyone thought I should have let it go or say something... feeling super guilty and need all the advice I could get, so I started my own thread. Thanks ladies!! 
  •     
  • Speak up! If you don’t put your sister in her place she will be just as bad about #2.


    Formerly known as Kate08young


    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017


    westphillyKrysta6msmonalisavitoproudparent2b
  • As a silver lining, it's great to have so much love for your little ones and the extra hands. So, I agree with everyone; speak up! She wants to help, so maybe if you talk to her and direct her energy to places you want/need it, and tell her where you don't want/need her help. It'll be better to get everyone's expectations sorted out before #2, so when you're juggling two LOs, she knows where and when her place is to help. 
    Also agree that this should be a Bitchfest or a random so we don't clutter up the board. 
    mrslittlemac
  •     
  • Lol well those threads don’t exist yet so kinda weird to say to post in them (head scratching emoticon). 

    I had  a similar issue with mil when my first was born. I was a new mom and hormones were strong, and they were visiting from far away so I felt obligated to let her just hold my new baby. I was so frustrated! 

    The good news is I have found that a lot of things are easier with 2+ because of the learning curve you experience as a ftm, and your confidence as a mom is much greater too. With 2&3 I had no problem just taking charge and scooping my baby. And letting them hold him at specific times and then taking him back. Plus, the big kid wanted and needed the attention from visitors. Your situation is a little different but I hope my example helps ease your mind.

    also, let your husband handle his own self. If he’s upset he’s a big boy and can speak up. Maybe he isn’t as upset, in which case, try to let it go.




    11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
    05/2017 cp
    08/03/17 no hb 8w

    princesslocknesslee143jchpg
  •     
  • Ok come on now. It’s a little ridiculous, correct?! Let’s be light here, yes? 
    But yes I’ve been on 3 bmb boards in the past year, since the bump pushed these new rules onto the boards (and I was on 3 boards prior to the rigid format). I’m well aware of the “reasons.” 

    just kinda funny to suggest saving a question for 3 days to post in a thread that isn’t up yet because it’s a wednesday post (/gavel!!) god forbid the board gets clogged up with the 7 (I didn’t count just guessing) threads we have today ;) 





    11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
    05/2017 cp
    08/03/17 no hb 8w

    TeacherMom2517jchpgKrysta6
  • krashke said:
    **lurking**
    pghctwife said:
    Lol well those threads don’t exist yet so kinda weird to say to post in them (head scratching emoticon). 
    I think the point is that she could have started one of those threads just as easily as she started this one and it would have been one everyone could participate in vs her own specific thread. 

    There are three underlying problems that we have seen on the BMB's lately that this fits into:
    • one off posts clog up the boards (the first page is very important real estate; and while August is new and doesn't have pages upon pages of posts, if everyone makes their own one off post it will become a cluster)
    • people popping in to use the BMB as their own personal google to AW for support and then never come back
    • the same 4-5 people starting all the regular threads each week. We want everyone to feel involved and a part of the community and starting threads really facilitates that. If she would have started one of the regular threads and then put her post in the comments it would have been received much better. I have started threads multiple times and then put my post in the comments with "selfishly started because..." 
    this is my first time using the Bump. I don't know the unwritten rules and didn't think I was clogging a board that's bare bones. I didn't think it was that serious. It's free and we're free to use it as we please, I thought. 
    sbandrews86
  •     
  • pghctwife said:
    Lol well those threads don’t exist yet so kinda weird to say to post in them (head scratching emoticon). 

    I had  a similar issue with mil when my first was born. I was a new mom and hormones were strong, and they were visiting from far away so I felt obligated to let her just hold my new baby. I was so frustrated! 

    The good news is I have found that a lot of things are easier with 2+ because of the learning curve you experience as a ftm, and your confidence as a mom is much greater too. With 2&3 I had no problem just taking charge and scooping my baby. And letting them hold him at specific times and then taking him back. Plus, the big kid wanted and needed the attention from visitors. Your situation is a little different but I hope my example helps ease your mind.

    also, let your husband handle his own self. If he’s upset he’s a big boy and can speak up. Maybe he isn’t as upset, in which case, try to let it go.
    Thanks!! Very helpful!!!! 
  • lee143 said:
    krashke said:
    **lurking**
    pghctwife said:
    Lol well those threads don’t exist yet so kinda weird to say to post in them (head scratching emoticon). 
    I think the point is that she could have started one of those threads just as easily as she started this one and it would have been one everyone could participate in vs her own specific thread. 

    There are three underlying problems that we have seen on the BMB's lately that this fits into:
    • one off posts clog up the boards (the first page is very important real estate; and while August is new and doesn't have pages upon pages of posts, if everyone makes their own one off post it will become a cluster)
    • people popping in to use the BMB as their own personal google to AW for support and then never come back
    • the same 4-5 people starting all the regular threads each week. We want everyone to feel involved and a part of the community and starting threads really facilitates that. If she would have started one of the regular threads and then put her post in the comments it would have been received much better. I have started threads multiple times and then put my post in the comments with "selfishly started because..." 
    this is my first time using the Bump. I don't know the unwritten rules and didn't think I was clogging a board that's bare bones. I didn't think it was that serious. It's free and we're free to use it as we please, I thought. 
    This is only partly correct. While TB is free to use, there are still written and unwritten rules. This rule was discussed in the 'READ ME FIRST' thread, and like you said, there aren't many other threads yet; so expecting someone to actually read the others and use the rules posted shouldn't be uncommon. 


    Formerly known as Kate08young


    Me: 28 H: 24
    Married: 7/22/14
    Baby L: 8/4/2015  August 2015 Moms
    Baby E: 11/18/2016   December 2016 Moms
    TTC #3 08/2017


    westphilly
  •     
  • edited December 4
    Hey @lee143, I encountered a lot of issues with my parents after having DS1, largely just around respecting my boundaries and wishes for my son. Something that really helped was sitting them down and explaining how I was feeling, why, and where they fit into the picture. Maybe this is something you could do with your sister? Tell her you love her so much and are so happy that your kids have such an amazing aunt to love and care for them in their lives, but you also have a plan for how you want things done and maybe part of that includes the fact that you're just not okay with leaving them alone right now, or that you want things to occasionally be done they way you would like them, as they are your children. Try letting her know it's not necessarily about her or a problem with her loving your daughter, but its about you trying to do your best as a parent, while having some control over your feelings/anxieties that you have right now. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    westphilly
  • lee143 said:
    krashke said:
    **lurking**
    pghctwife said:
    Lol well those threads don’t exist yet so kinda weird to say to post in them (head scratching emoticon). 
    I think the point is that she could have started one of those threads just as easily as she started this one and it would have been one everyone could participate in vs her own specific thread. 

    There are three underlying problems that we have seen on the BMB's lately that this fits into:
    • one off posts clog up the boards (the first page is very important real estate; and while August is new and doesn't have pages upon pages of posts, if everyone makes their own one off post it will become a cluster)
    • people popping in to use the BMB as their own personal google to AW for support and then never come back
    • the same 4-5 people starting all the regular threads each week. We want everyone to feel involved and a part of the community and starting threads really facilitates that. If she would have started one of the regular threads and then put her post in the comments it would have been received much better. I have started threads multiple times and then put my post in the comments with "selfishly started because..." 
    this is my first time using the Bump. I don't know the unwritten rules and didn't think I was clogging a board that's bare bones. I didn't think it was that serious. It's free and we're free to use it as we please, I thought. 
    This is only partly correct. While TB is free to use, there are still written and unwritten rules. This rule was discussed in the 'READ ME FIRST' thread, and like you said, there aren't many other threads yet; so expecting someone to actually read the others and use the rules posted shouldn't be uncommon. 
    I did not know how strict this forum was. Duly noted... I am too busy navigating my second pregnancy, my infant and crazy anxieties. Thanks for helping enforce the rules. 
    astraealynn
  •     
  •     
  • lee143 said:
    lee143 said:
    krashke said:
    **lurking**
    pghctwife said:
    Lol well those threads don’t exist yet so kinda weird to say to post in them (head scratching emoticon). 
    I think the point is that she could have started one of those threads just as easily as she started this one and it would have been one everyone could participate in vs her own specific thread. 

    There are three underlying problems that we have seen on the BMB's lately that this fits into:
    • one off posts clog up the boards (the first page is very important real estate; and while August is new and doesn't have pages upon pages of posts, if everyone makes their own one off post it will become a cluster)
    • people popping in to use the BMB as their own personal google to AW for support and then never come back
    • the same 4-5 people starting all the regular threads each week. We want everyone to feel involved and a part of the community and starting threads really facilitates that. If she would have started one of the regular threads and then put her post in the comments it would have been received much better. I have started threads multiple times and then put my post in the comments with "selfishly started because..." 
    this is my first time using the Bump. I don't know the unwritten rules and didn't think I was clogging a board that's bare bones. I didn't think it was that serious. It's free and we're free to use it as we please, I thought. 
    This is only partly correct. While TB is free to use, there are still written and unwritten rules. This rule was discussed in the 'READ ME FIRST' thread, and like you said, there aren't many other threads yet; so expecting someone to actually read the others and use the rules posted shouldn't be uncommon. 
    I did not know how strict this forum was. Duly noted... I am too busy navigating my second pregnancy, my infant and crazy anxieties. Thanks for helping enforce the rules. 
    No problem.
    Everyone is busy, so we try to organize things so when you only have a 90 seconds you can find what you need. If you check out other older BMBs they have had this type of organization. My August 2015 board was the same way. It truly helps once we get the typical 100+ ladies if everyone made their own posts instead of starting a different thread a couple days early then we get 100s-1,000s of threads in days. Which is a problem when people  start having losses or questions about spotting. 

    I'm not meaning to come across a bitchy, it just is a serious issue later on. So if we can get our board organized now, as everyone who gets a late BFP or finds TB later will better be able to figure things out.  
    Thanks for clarifying! Totally agree 
    princesslockness
  • You are the mom, you make the rules, try not to feel guilty. Two times a week seems nice if that's what works for you. My family would be envious they are all located out of state. Congrats on your second blessing. :)
    Pregnancy Ticker
    TeacherMom2517lee143
  •     
  • I’m all about organization, but I don’t think this is the hill to die on, there. OP asked a specific questions wanting specific advice. She wasn’t just venting. Sometimes it actually is OK to start a new thread. 

    OP: TBH I can see your sisters side. She wants to babysit? Great! She wants to change the baby’s diaper? Please! Now, if she tries to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, I’d shut that down. Otherwise, I’d welcome the help. When #1 is a toddler and you have a newborn, you will be happy to have it, I’m sure!
    Lurking: I agree- she was asking a question, not just venting. 
    lee143AllyTheKid
  •     
  • I’m all about organization, but I don’t think this is the hill to die on, there. OP asked a specific questions wanting specific advice. She wasn’t just venting. Sometimes it actually is OK to start a new thread. 

    OP: TBH I can see your sisters side. She wants to babysit? Great! She wants to change the baby’s diaper? Please! Now, if she tries to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, I’d shut that down. Otherwise, I’d welcome the help. When #1 is a toddler and you have a newborn, you will be happy to have it, I’m sureneludelu said:
    I’m all about organization, but I don’t think this is the hill to die on, there. OP asked a specific questions wanting specific advice. She wasn’t just venting. Sometimes it actually is OK to start a new thread. 

    OP: TBH I can see your sisters side. She wants to babysit? Great! She wants to change the baby’s diaper? Please! Now, if she tries to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, I’d shut that down. Otherwise, I’d welcome the help. When #1 is a toddler and you have a newborn, you will be happy to have it, I’m sure!
    Lurking: I agree- she was asking a question, not just venting. 

     she tries to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do, I’d shut that down. Otherwise, I’d welcome the help. When #1 is a toddler and you have a newborn, you will be happy to have it, I’m sure
    Thanks ladies! I didn't think I did anything wrong by asking a question. We should all be supportive and happy, especially in today's crazy, crazy world. 
    jchpgTeacherMom2517
  • @lee143 I will say that it’s preferable to try to make a thread you start an opportunity for a greater discussion. So a more broad “How do you deal with family trying to hog the baby” and then asking your specific question, can make it a more helpful thread. (And you’re less likely to get flamed).
    *Siggy Warning*
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    TTGP Dec. Siggy - Holiday Movie Moments
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    ecwkmrslittlemackiki75AllyTheKid
  •     
  • I have some friends who are childless not by choice and I think they are navigating a lot of emotions when being around those with little ones. It's hard, especially when you reach the point where you realize it's not gonna happen. My advice is to focus on the positive--you have family and eager help nearby. It could be worse. A LOT worse. But I don't discount the awkwardness of it and I'm sure it's difficult for you, too. 
    Me: 38; DH: 41
    DS: Born 5-17-16 

    pghctwifelalala2004
  • @lee143 I will say that it’s preferable to try to make a thread you start an opportunity for a greater discussion. So a more broad “How do you deal with family trying to hog the baby” and then asking your specific question, can make it a more helpful thread. (And you’re less likely to get flamed).
    Yikes... ok, this forum has more regulations than the TSA. Lol thanks for the suggestion. I promise not to start another thread unless absolutely necessary.
  •     
  • lee143 said:
    @lee143 I will say that it’s preferable to try to make a thread you start an opportunity for a greater discussion. So a more broad “How do you deal with family trying to hog the baby” and then asking your specific question, can make it a more helpful thread. (And you’re less likely to get flamed).
    Yikes... ok, this forum has more regulations than the TSA. Lol thanks for the suggestion. I promise not to start another thread unless absolutely necessary.
    Nobody will pat you down so you feel like you’re being molested. Of that I’m quite certain :lol:
    *Siggy Warning*
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    TTGP Dec. Siggy - Holiday Movie Moments
    Image result for white christmas sisters gif
    princesslocknesswestphilly
  • @lee143 I understand your desire to want to keep your sister from having too much of a heavy-handed role in taking care of your baby or telling you how you should do things. At the same time, I think it would be good for you to take advantage of the help and get away and do something for yourself -- be it self-care or a date with YH. I know you say you're not comfortable just leaving her with anyone, but (especially with a second on the way) you may want to consider getting outside your comfort zone a little on this. As the saying goes, "it takes a village".
    BabyFetus Ticker

    Me 38 - DH 40

    Married 8/26/07

    TTGP Jan '15 - BFP 9/11/15 - DS born 5/31/16

    TTGP #2 July '17 - CP July '17 - BFP 11/21/17 - EDD 7/30/18


    lalala2004
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