Trying to Get Pregnant

Benched/TTA W/O 11/27

*please notice*

This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched. (There is also a TTCAL "sister" thread.)

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons
TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here? 

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY: How long have you been with your SO?

Me: 30 DH:32

DD 3/11  

MMC 2/12

DS 1/13

TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

Re: Benched/TTA W/O 11/27

  • Are you benched or TTA?   Benched

    What brings you here?   Malignant molar pregnancy

    How long do you think you'll be here? Around 5 more months! (That's a happy exclamation point, time is actually moving again)

    How have things been going?
    Good, I am getting my last hemo infusion right now.  Saw the oncologist today too, I will started 1 month of weekly blood work, then blood work every month for a while.  Emotionally, usually okay.  
    Any R/R/CS/Q? No

    GTKY: How long have you been with your SO?  We have been together for 12 years, married for 8.  We met each other the day I graduated high school.  

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    wishiwaspreggoofftoneverlandzamora_spinCraftyG
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  • @ChloandCoco and @wishiwaspreggo - I'd love to hear your secret for staying together so long. Or your best relationship advice.  The best anewer I ever got to that question was "you and your SO are going to grow no matter what.  Make sure you grow together" I keep these jewels of wisdom in my heart.  Only if you feel like sharing though.

    As for my question I'll put it in a spoiler because it's about bleeding

    I'm just wondering how long the bleeding lasts.  I'm not sure if surgery is the same as other losses, I would think it would be, because your losing your lining no matter what happened. It's been a week and it's lightened up significantly today but I thought the same thing yesterday and it ended up being the same bs as previous days.  I think that's honestly the worst part of recovering. I feel like I'm chained to my bathroom and don't really enjoy leaving the house for very long. I am not worried about the amount,  I know when to check in with my Dr. Just mentally I have no idea how long this lasts. Any day would be great now.... 


    **TTGP Dec Siggy Challenge**

    Me:33 & DH:35 - Married 
    TTC #1 since Aug17
    BFP 10/20 ended with EP 11/20 at 9 weeks.


  • @galactickates , I think that 2 weeks is normal.  With my first loss,vi was still bleeding at 2 weeks, and I was told to call if it didn't stop within another week (it stopped he day before I was to call). This time around it was different, but that was expected.

    As to the secret to being together, honestly, I am not sure.  We used to fight a lot, now not so much. It has gotten easier as time goes on.  I will think more on this and see if I can come up with an answer.


    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    galactickates
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  • Thank you @holly321 - mentally it really helps to know what to prepare myself for. After the big screw up at my Dr's office,  I honestly don't have confidence in anything they say anymore.  


     I love my DH but in a moment of frustration from me crying.  He was like why are you thinking about it?  He also said it's hard for him to see me upset and not be able to do anything about it,  but that's a whole other thing.... but I had to remind him I've got physical scars on my body that are healing and sore. Every moment of the day I'm thinking about what my next trip into the bathroom is going to be like. It's not so easy to be distracted while your body is going through this.  

    This all blows...


    **TTGP Dec Siggy Challenge**

    Me:33 & DH:35 - Married 
    TTC #1 since Aug17
    BFP 10/20 ended with EP 11/20 at 9 weeks.


    holly321CraftyG
  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 27
    (I have no idea why I cant unbold this  :/ 
    @holly321 my SIL had a molar pregnancy 2 years ago and had Chemo as well, they benched her for like a year after the shot.

    @galactickates  TW when I had a MC like 17 years ago, I bled for about 3 weeks.

    @wishiwaspreggo I hear you about family brawls! We have a few gems in our family that really make the holidays interesting.

    @ChloandCoco  When we had our first app with the RE AF was supposed to show up within a couple days(I timed it that way lol) and guess who decided they wanted to be 9 days late that month?!?! Yup AF , so I understand the waiting game for her to get here! 


    Are you benched or TTA? Benched 

    What brings you here? Just waiting it out.. I got A Rubella booster last week so I’m not supposed to have unprotected sex for 30 days... ummmm really?!!! That’s a long time! And it’s not like we have condoms laying around!
    SOs 2nd SA is on Thur and then we can start moving foward with the ER!

    How long do you think you'll be here? Probably till Feb/March. Even though we are doing our ER this month I need a minor surgery to remove a septate uterus ( hopefully at the end of Dec, latest early Jan), then we can move forward with our FET when I heal

    How have things been going? Well I’m on the tail end of a vicious stomach bug ugh, yesterday was HELL! Puking all afternoon was not how i pictures my Sunday after a long weekend going.

    Any R/R/CS/Q? Not right now 

    GTKY: How long have you been with your SO? Less than 2 years ..you know when you just know?? Yup that’s how it went with us! We literally fell in love and have been together ever since..  Started TTC a few months back I just turned 37 and he’s 42 so we wanted to get a move on..Couldn’t imagine going through this life and this crazy infertility train with anyone else. 
    Alyeena
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  • @galactickates I don't really know what works, but I have discovered over the last couple of years that it's really important to go on dates and find something you like to do together. I think as long as you both have the same life goals, you can generally make things work.

    As for the bleeding, during my first nmc, I bled heavily (I should've called my doctor due to the blood loss) for a week until the mc was complete and then I had medium to light bleeding for another week. I found the bleeding to be the worse thing about a mc, it kept me from moving on. 

    I've found that my DH moved on relatively quickly and he didn't understand that certain things would remind me of my loss. But once I started talking to him more openly about the bleeding/pain he started to understand that I was still struggling.
    DD - August 2015
    TTC #2 - April 2017
    BFP May 13, 2017 - NMC June 5, 2017
    BFP August 6, 2017- CP August 17, 2017
    BFP October 14, 2017 - NMC November 5, 2017


    offtoneverlandgalactickates
  • Thank you @ChloandCoco for sharing.  I completely agree with you on not being able to move on because of it.  My DH has done an incredible job with being loving and supportive,  but he's also dealing with house stuff at the same time.  He's really mechanical and so his brain has moved on to problem solving the next item on the list.  I totally get it
    **TTGP Dec Siggy Challenge**

    Me:33 & DH:35 - Married 
    TTC #1 since Aug17
    BFP 10/20 ended with EP 11/20 at 9 weeks.


    ChloandCocoofftoneverlandCraftyG
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  • @galactickates, I find, with this loss more than our last ( I was 2nd trimester last time) that DH and I are grieving very differently.  I think men feel like they can't have or show the emotional side with a miscarriage since they feel it is their job to make it better.  But men feel like they have to fix things, and they can't fix this, so they don't know how to help, so generally they think it best to not bring I up, since they feel that makes it worse.
    The farther we get from the loss, (it's been 3 months) the more emotion my husband is showing.  Initially, I was bitter towards TW my pregnant SIL.  Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them, but it sucks. DH didn't get it.  The farther out we are, the more pregnancy (of others) seems to upset my husband.  Sorry if I rambled and I probably over generalized and explained my husband, but I have seen it in others too.

    @ndz2018 condoms are the worst!  We have had to use them since the beginning of September! We have 3 more weeks until the chemo is out of my system and we don't need them!

    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

    galactickatesndz2018offtoneverland
  • @holly321 - mine is the same way.  I think he doesn't want to bring it up because he hates seeing me sad. Ps I never think anyone is rambling. I really like the discussions we all have and learning about everyone. 
    **TTGP Dec Siggy Challenge**

    Me:33 & DH:35 - Married 
    TTC #1 since Aug17
    BFP 10/20 ended with EP 11/20 at 9 weeks.


    offtoneverlandCraftyG
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 27
    @holly321 I guess I’ll just have to go buy some :(
    YAY for 3 more weeks!!
  • @ChloandCoco, I get the general idea of a HSG, but don't know much about them.  So you get the results immediately at the test, or is there any pathology taken?

    @wishiwaspreggo, did you do reciprocol IVF last time?  And that's great the family drama is getting settled.  Mine only did because I stopped talking to 75% of my family, lol.

    @ndz2018, my gynaecological oncologist was saying she wanted to benched me for 1-2 years, my regular OBgyn (and regular oncologist, whose opinion doesn't matter to me, lol) both say 6 months.  My OBgyn may be flexible to a bit less of a wait, but I haven't pushed the subject yet.   I hope your procedures go well in the upcoming weeks!  And the stomach bug is the worst!  I hope you are feeling better!


    Me: 30 DH:32

    DD 3/11  

    MMC 2/12

    DS 1/13

    TTC #3 since 2/17.  Malignant molar missed miscarriage 8/22/17

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  • @holly321 Yeah, not looking foward to this procedure but I had A feeling , call it woman’s intuition if you will, something was wrong when we were first TTC so I booked An app with the RE a lil bit sooner.. and I’m damn glad I did. We got our initial US the same day as the first app and they saw I had it. Then it was verified with the HSG(yes, you get your results immediately like while they’re doing it they tell you) and confirmed by the saline sono I got the next day. Now all of this would have been fine to start TTC on our own but SOs semen analysis come back low and 0%morph, which we can by pass with IVF.
    holly321
  • @holly321 I should get the results immediately, but I’m waiting on genetic bloodwork test results which take a couple of months to get back. 
    DD - August 2015
    TTC #2 - April 2017
    BFP May 13, 2017 - NMC June 5, 2017
    BFP August 6, 2017- CP August 17, 2017
    BFP October 14, 2017 - NMC November 5, 2017


    holly321
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  • ndz2018ndz2018 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 28
    @ChloandCoco Months? That’s a really long time. We had ours Genetic testing back in 3 -4 weeks. 
  • @galactickates - I think it's important to be on the same page with your spouse philosophically first and foremost (i.e. agreeing on how finances are handled, how you deal with family dynamics, your political beliefs and how strongly/actively you participate, etc.). We agree in every area that matters most which is good. Beyond that, having mutual respect, open communication, and readily forgiving them for mistakes helps a lot. We never swear at each other (but we cuss like sailors otherwise). We don't snoop through each other's stuff, phones, purses, etc. We always ask first. Stuff like that. We both place high value on experiences over material possessions and if someone handed us $5K to do whatever we wanted with (aside from the obvious) we'd say simultaneously "VACATION!" We do bicker a lot, like any other couple, but don't have serious fights anymore, probably because of our personalities, willingness to compromise, and we just know each other really well now. That pretty much sums it up!

    @holly321 - previously we did IUI and it worked on our 6th attempt with me. I'm pushing for reciprocal because 1) her eggs are probably better than mine; 2) she's not a cooperative patient (she's the type that stops taking antibiotics when she feels better - yeah). 3) she's afraid of giving birth whereas I've BTDT and it wasn't traumatic for me so I don't mind doing it again 4) she has a much better response to meds than me. Good news is the RE said there wouldn't be a cost difference if we did reciprocal. I'm just trying to figure out if they'd reduce the cost of IVF if we didn't move forward with ET, froze the embryos, and did FET later on. If it WOULD reduce the cost, then I'd just have DW do the first part (stimming, retrieval, and fertilization) and then I'd do FET in late spring. It would give me a little time to lose some more weight and probably make pregnancy a little easier on me than last time.
    I'm 35 and my DW is 34. DS was born 2/5/15. Trying for number 2 starting August 2017. After 2 failed IUIs with DW, moving on to reciprocal IVF in 2018.



    galactickatesholly321
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  • @ndz2018 Ya, the OB said 2 months. But I live in Canada and things move a lot slower here.
    DD - August 2015
    TTC #2 - April 2017
    BFP May 13, 2017 - NMC June 5, 2017
    BFP August 6, 2017- CP August 17, 2017
    BFP October 14, 2017 - NMC November 5, 2017


  • Are you benched or TTA? 
    Benched

    What brings you here? 
    Loss at 9 weeks In October

    How long do you think you'll be here? 
    Not very long now! After I get my next period which should be due next week I should be good to go.

    How have things been going?
    We haven’t really been talking about trying again because we’ve both just been healing quietly this time but now it’s getting closer I’m feeling more and more apprehensive about it. Like I’m so excited for it to be our time but I also have a lot of anxieties surrounding trying and getting that positive test again.

    Any R/R/CS/Q? 
    Rave - I’m back at school and it’s been going really well! I’ve been learning a lot and am actually excited to write my essays and I’m feeling so much more productive and positive than I was before I took a break. I think it just shows that the break was really the best thing for my career.

    GTKY: How long have you been with your SO?
    5 and 1/2 years on Christmas Day! We started dating when we were in school so our friends like to tease us that we’re childhood sweethearts haha
    holly321dukestar5Alyeena
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  • @ChloandCoco Ahhh gotcha! Yeah we had our genetic testing done on 10/27 and our consultation in 11/22. So it was just about a month. I came back completely fine and SO is a carrier of  weird absurbtion disorder but since I’m not the chances of our LO getting it Are very slim but it was pretty cool hearing the results. 
  • @CraftyG Sorry to hear about your loss :(
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  • @ndz2018 I'm pretty sure that the genetic test will come back normal because we already have a daughter, but our OB just wants to cover everything before he gives us the all clear to try again.
    DD - August 2015
    TTC #2 - April 2017
    BFP May 13, 2017 - NMC June 5, 2017
    BFP August 6, 2017- CP August 17, 2017
    BFP October 14, 2017 - NMC November 5, 2017


  • @holly321 I know I’ve said it before but I’m just going to keep congratulating you on finishing up chemo, you’re doing amazing! I also second what you said about you and your husband feeling regarding pregnancies. I usually get bitter when people announce because while I’m so happy for them it’s just a reminder to me of what we could have had and Fi didn’t really understand that and seemed fine around that information. He recently though has gotten vocal about seeing the babies in the family which didn’t used to bother him as much, or it did but he didn’t admit it.

    @galactickates With my first loss I had surgery and did bleed for over a month I think which definitely impacted my mood. I completely agree with everything that you said about having constant reminders because you in yourself are a reminder. For me personally I had a lot of other factors going on but I feel that I found I could really start to heal when the bleeding stopped and it made me feel more positive in a way about everything.

    And well done to all you ladies for keeping such long relationships going!

    galactickatesholly321ndz2018wishiwaspreggo
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  • First time posting here! Hello : ) 

    Are you benched or TTA? Benched

    What brings you here? Waiting for my next FET.

    How long do you think you'll be here? Should be around March-April. We're going to call to make our appointment after the holidays. 

    How have things been going? Good right now, happy to try again soon. But trying to be cautious about getting too exited and a little stressed out because our fresh transfer ended in a miscarriage. We have five more frozen embryos so I am really hoping we can get another take home baby.

    Any R/R/CS/Q? Not right now

    GTKY: How long have you been with your SO? A little over six years now. 
    Me: 30 DH: 34 Together since August 20th 2011, Married since August 16th 2014
    TTC #1 Dec 28, 2011
    Me: PCOS, Hypothyroidism. DH: Low count / motility
    First IVF cycle June 5th 2015 --- BFP 
    Miscarriage at 8 weeks
    FET December 15th 2015--- BFP!
    We first saw  at 6w4d
    It is a boy!
    Luciano Alessandro Maximiliano was born on September 3rd 2016

       
    We are planning to adopt a sibling group of two or three from Haiti. Once we are married for five years we can start the process.



  • @Alyeena Hey! Sorry to hear about your MC. When did you guys do your retrieval? Ours is coming up in a few weeks, then PGS testing and to freeze..then i have a minor surgery and have to heal. We’re also looking at a March FET too. 
    Alyeenawishiwaspreggo
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  • @ndz2018 Thank you. We did our retrieval May 31st 2015, that seems so long ago now... Good luck for your retrieval, I hope you get a lot of healthy embryos!! 
    Me: 30 DH: 34 Together since August 20th 2011, Married since August 16th 2014
    TTC #1 Dec 28, 2011
    Me: PCOS, Hypothyroidism. DH: Low count / motility
    First IVF cycle June 5th 2015 --- BFP 
    Miscarriage at 8 weeks
    FET December 15th 2015--- BFP!
    We first saw  at 6w4d
    It is a boy!
    Luciano Alessandro Maximiliano was born on September 3rd 2016

       
    We are planning to adopt a sibling group of two or three from Haiti. Once we are married for five years we can start the process.



    ndz2018
  • @Alyeena Thanks!! Hope to we all get our take home baby soon!  
    wishiwaspreggogalactickatesAlyeena
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