Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

In limbo

My DH and I found out we were pregnant with #3 on a Tuesday. We have a 2 1/2 year old and 14 month old. I never had any bleeding with either of my first pregnancies. Last month I had a strange period that started early with spotting and then got heavier. I thought it was possible it was a CP, but had not tested so did not know. On Thursday, after finding out on a digital HPT on Tuesday, I started spotting. I assume I was around 4 weeks. It ended up getting heavier, bright red with small clots, and cramping started, as well. I completely assume that it was a CP/MC, but can’t help but have a tiny glimmer of hope that all is well. And by tiny, I mean absolutely minuscule. I got my serum hCG drawn on Friday with a repeat tomorrow. I haven’t even gotten the first results, and I don’t want an u/s since I’d have to pay out-of-pocket for the full cost. I’m looking forward to trying again, so just want to confirm it and move on, but it doesn’t be help that I’m still having mild symptoms (that all started after the bleeding started): nausea, heightened sense of smell, fatigue, sore breasts. I know it’s probably just my hormones coming down. Anyway, just sharing because I know I’m not the only one that feels like this. Being in limbo is pretty rough. I do see all the blessings that are in my life: I have two beautiful children, and it is not like we have been TTC for years, and it was so early that it hardly even registered so there was no time to get too attached to the idea of pregnancy (although any loss is difficult). I just keep trusting that God is sovereign and good and that if this was His plan, even if it hurts me, it is somehow for His glory. That is somehow reassuring and comforting. Praying for those in similar situations. 

Re: In limbo

  • Update: My serum hCG was only 5 when they checked on Friday, which is strangely reassuring. The bleeding came well after the levels had started dropping. And it is somehow easier to move on than to be in limbo, just waiting for results. 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Ivy: July 2010  |  Stella: Dec 2012  |  BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020

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