Baby shower

csfirsttimemom

I'm curious to know when others are planning to have this with Christmas coming up? I'm thinking of doing it at the end of Jan or in Feb.  I'm due March 27/28 ish. Do you think if I do early Feb I'd still have enough time for everything? I live with in-laws and husband so would have some help setting stuff up. Just wondering what others are doing. 

csfirsttimemom

Sorry by this I meant the title which is have a baby shower 

bb3vj3n

mine is Feb 4th and I'm due March 14th

kiki75

@csfirsttimemom Am I understanding correctly that you're planning your own? If this is an accepted practice in your community, power to you. But you might check to be sure. Where I'm from it's frowned upon to throw your own. 

AFM, we're looking at doing it around 32 or so weeks. 

syssa-o

I’d say that’s a decent timeline you’ve given yourselves. 

Im due with twins March 21 but with the chance they’ll come early, ours is being thrown in mid January. 

Also, even if you guys are hosting your own baby shower and even if some people may side eye you for it, who cares. Whoever wants to participate, will do so. Nobody should have to miss out on the experience because nobody offered to host a shower for them.  

csfirsttimemom

I had some disappointments with the way my bridal shower was done and it would have been much less stressful to do it on my own so this time around with baby I'm just going to plan my own. I don't really care what the norm is and if people don't like it they don't have to attend. I'm also doing a co-ed one which isn't all that normal either. 

becausescience

csfirsttimemom said:

I'm curious to know when others are planning to have this with Christmas coming up? I'm thinking of doing it at the end of Jan or in Feb.  I'm due March 27/28 ish. Do you think if I do early Feb I'd still have enough time for everything? I live with in-laws and husband so would have some help setting stuff up. Just wondering what others are doing. 

I see this is your first post on our board.  Please introduce yourself on our introduction thread (pinned near the top) and read and comment on some of our weekly threads so you can get to know us and we can get to know you.

Gingermom15

Early February gives you plenty of time. That timeline would also give people a break from the holidays before the shower. 

stardustskies

My mom and aunt will be throwing mine on January 27th. I’ll be 32 weeks. We wanted to give people time to catch up after the holidays but didn’t want to wait too long so that I would have time to buy everything else I need. 

fatstagnation

I don't live near my family, so my mom is throwing a shower for us on Dec 30. This will be for family and friends of the family/mom's friends who have asked to come. It kinda sucks that it has to be so close to the holidays but I can't imagine traveling again when I'm even more pg. 

We'll also have a party at our house late in February for local friends. Both with be pan-gender welcome.

While I'm here, I'd like to ask that we ditch the judgement, please. On this board we've discussed showers as a UO a long time ago and I was so offended I almost entirely quit this board. Instead I just never looked at the last shower thread. 1. I'm intergender. So when you say a shower "Should" only have women, you're basically saying I "shouldn't" be invited to my own shower. 2. We recently moved. We have friends who have offered to help but no one has offered to host. Yet a lot of people are asking to be invited because they want to celebrate with us. In the end, a friend offered to fly here to "host" for us, but since they aren't familiar with the area, it will be friend and I doing it together, at my house. I'd appreciate not hearing that it's "tacky" or "rude" or whatever. 

ksmwalters

I’m having mine the first weekend in February, and I’m due 3/20. Thankfully I’ve had several people offer to host, but I agree with the other posters - don’t worry about what people think re: hosting your own shower. If there aren’t folks close by who are offering and/or you’d rather just take care of it yourself, then I say go right ahead. The people who are huffy about it don’t have to come. 

calecorvus

I'm a bit torn on the timing for my shower. January seems ideal since that's the only month with nothing going on, but then my birthday is just about mid-February and it might be nice to just roll a shower and birthday into one event? I'm due March 13, so mid-Feb might be pushing it a little though.

I also am thinking that, no matter who ends up volunteering to throw it, I'm going to ask for it to be hosted at my house. Aside from being well-located right between both of my main social circle locations and near both my parents, that'll also save us all the hassle of trying to load up the gifts and transporting them after (and then if I do roll it with my birthday I can just set myself up on my own couch so it might not be as uncomfortable to have a shower so late).

csfirsttimemom

I've actually posted before and I also posted an introductory thing as well 

csfirsttimemom

Perhaps you don't recognize the name because I just changed it from the generic long list of numbers the app just gave me. 

becausescience

@csfirsttimemom Did you post under a different username?  I don't see your introduction or any other posts on this board in your post history.

csfirsttimemom

I don't remember the previous name, it was a bunch of numbers. I can post something if necessary

[Deleted User]

My sister is throwing one in mid February (I'm due at the end of March) and my mom's coworker/family friend is throwing one in mid January.

Agree that I think throwing your own party, asking people to give you gifts is tacky AF and I haven't read a single post here or anywhere else that will ever convince me otherwise.  

enigmaticjj

I'm all for co-ed showers. My wedding shower and baby shower were co-ed. For both, it's not like the gifts are specifically only for the woman. I also see it as showing all the responsibility/pressure isn't just on the woman, as marriage and a baby clearly involve both people. I don't turn my nose up at female-only wedding/baby showers either though (I just encourage the co-ed when I have the chance).

I think giving yourself two months is good (if I remember right, mine was about two months before my EDD). One month may be pushing it in case baby decides to come early.

cford08

Co-ed shower January 27th. Can't wait! I gave people a month from the holidays to get everything together!

orbmaker

My mom keeps suggesting having my "shower" after the baby is born, but I'd much prefer to have it late Jan - Mid Feb. I think she just wants to be able to host (partly) outside and is paranoid about a snow storm. I'm not opposed to a Meet the Baby party, but: 

1) I'd want to wait until she is at least a few months old and I am returning to functioning human. No crowds for newborn and wigged out parents, please! 
2) I feel like this isn't even a "shower" any more... I don't want to focus on gifts, but isn't that kind of the point? Most of what we actually need/want, we'll have to accumulate one way or another before she's born...

gh515

I agree to having a more relaxed co-ed shower.

I don't like how men can remain so clueless about birth and child-rearing (after my appointment last week when the doctor mentioned tearing during birth, my beloved DH asked me, "wait, what tears?"... yeah), and I think including them in the shower suggests that they should be as "in" as the women. That said, I think it is entirely up to the host as to the guest list, and I imagine my aunts and most older relatives would poo-poo the idea of a coed shower.

(I also am still hoping I get out of having a shower- I hate being the center of attention and opening gifts in front of people- but am not optimistic ) 

ksmwalters

@gh515 We're doing one ladies-only shower (mainly because it's going to be huge) and one co-ed shower with some of our friends. The cluelessness of men re: anything ob/gyn related is hilarious (and frustrating) to me. My DH missed the first ultrasound because *TW* I had some bleeding and had to go in early *end TW* and I wasn't sure if the AS would be an internal or external US (FTM) so I warned him beforehand. He was like "They do WHAT??" He has already told me he's going to be holding my hands and rubbing my shoulders *above the waist* because he's not sure he can make it through watching the full birth without passing out.

crossfitbabybump

I'm weird about being early to everything and with the baby being due mid February and Minnesota winters, I want everything done sooner rather than later. I have two showers coming up, one Dec. 2 and another one Dec. 16.

I'm due Feb. 23 but I want to have everything in place and ready to go just in case. Call it paranoia. lol

gh515

@ksmwalters
haha, I do find men oddly endearing with their lack of knowledge sometimes... my husband also missed the earlier ultrasounds since I too *TW* was bleeding to prompt going in *TW*, so he was extra clueless when he did go to the anatomy scan last week. 

I also don't blame your DH for wanting to stay "above the waist" in delivery... I feel like I might literally WANT mine to do the same. I think any of his even passing facial reactions would not be helpful for me/us. 

ksmwalters

@gh515 Oh yes, I told him I'm totally OK with him being above the waist, because he has the most expressive face ever and I think he'd freak me out even more than I already will be!

day38

In terms of timing - my baby shower with my first was when I was 34 weeks and that timing worked out well. I'm not having one this time as it's my second.

I don't think a baby shower has to be women only, it's just whatever makes sense for the specific mother/couple/family/whatever. However, no one will be able to convince me that asking for gifts for yourself isn't tacky.

I don't think having it at the mother's house on it's own falls into that category or that the mom to be has to be completely hands off. I helped my mom organize behind the scenes (choosing a date/suggestions for activities/providing guest list - she doesn't know my friends' contact info, finding favors), partly because it's not something that is part of the culture/country where my mom was raised and I was born. She'd never been to a baby shower so even though she wanted to host she needed some help with what is typically done.

kiki75

With all etiquette/way it's done things, I think it's important to look at why it is that way and then decide.

As far as co-ed v. girls only, they're traditionally girls only because taking care of babies was considered chick stuff. Why would a guy who considers spending two hours watching after his own children while his wife shops for groceries to be babysitting care to go to a baby shower, kwim? None of that stuff is "for him" it's all "for her" because she's the caretaker. But, I disagree with that. Both from the front where H is really excited about this and I don't believe in pushing him to the side and also, that he and I share equal responsibility for this. Even if our care model were going to be that I would be a SAHM and he would go to work, this is still his baby, too. But especially since our care model is going to have him home with the baby 2-3 days a week while I work, this is absolutely his thing, too. So for us, co-ed makes sense. For others, doing ladies only works for them either for helping out the host and keeping the guest list smaller or because they just want to be surrounded by their besties and their besties happen to all be ladies. 

In regards to throwing your own, I never said that a person can't throw their own, especially if there are extenuating circumstances that make it make sense. I just want people to go into it eyes wide open and prepared for any fallout. The point of a shower is pretty much the gifts so throwing your own is asking for gifts. Personally, if I wanted to have a party but no one offered to throw a shower for me, I'd do a sip 'n' see and include "Your presence is present enough." on the invitation. If people want to buy gifts they will but it doesn't create a situation where I'm basically asking for stuff. If people are well aware of all of this and choose to proceed, like I said, power to 'em.

@csfirsttimemom It looks like the reason no one recognizes you is because you posted on the 2nd Trimester board a couple times but hadn't posted here in the March BMB before. Each birth month forms their own little community. Typically we'll intro on the intro thread, read the posts about organization, and participate in supporting each other on numerous threads. Boards like the Trimesters, Names, Baby Showers, are more into the pop in to talk about one topic and move on thing. Welcome!

enigmaticjj

@orbmaker, I totally agree that doesn't sound like a good idea to wait until after the baby is born. A big reason to have the shower before baby is so you have the gifts ready to use for the baby, and so you know what's left to buy. Also, how on earth are you supposed to relax when juggling a newborn and a group of people. And maybe you wouldn't want your newborn around so many people at once pawing at them with with all their germy-germs.

ShawnnaO

My baby shower with my daughter was at 23/24 weeks, due to traveling constraints. Had it been under different circumstances I definitely would have expected to have it a couple weeks later. I loved being prepared, but I wasn’t even showing yet and it would be nice to have been able to actually tell I was pregnant in the pictures. We’re all definitely in kind of an odd boat given the time I’d usually expect a shower to be is around the holidays. I think January/early February still gives plenty of time though. 

LaurenAnn0405

I think late Jan/early Feb is plenty of time.  My shower with my first was actually at 36 weeks, she was due Dec 15th and we had it the week before Thanksgiving.  Looking back on it, it seems kind of late but luckily for me the host lived 4 doors down from me so I didn't have any travel to worry about.  I also had a second shower planned for me and thrown when DD was 2 months old (different group of friends) which was very nice, she just slept in her car seat the whole time so people just looked at her and didn't try to hold her because it was February and I didn't want any germs on her.  I was glad to have the "main" shower before she was born because that was where I received the bigger gifts like the stroller/car seat combo, tons of diapers, diaper pail, things I needed to set up before she was born.  So my long answer to your original question-Jan/Feb should be fine

fatstagnation

I guess I think this whole belief that just because someone else "plans the shower with your input" means you are somehow magically "not asking for gifts" is thinly veiled bs. If you put together a gift registry, you're asking for gifts. period. 
So, I guess that's my UO, gift registries are tacky af.  :-P

That said, I reluctantly did one because everyone kept asking me to. I've made it clear that for our showers, gifts are absolutely not necessary. We just want to celebrate this little one that took so much for us to bring into our lives. 

[Deleted User]

fatstagnation said:

I guess I think this whole belief that just because someone else "plans the shower with your input" means you are somehow magically "not asking for gifts" is thinly veiled bs. If you put together a gift registry, you're asking for gifts. period. 
So, I guess that's my UO, gift registries are tacky af.  :-P

That said, I reluctantly did one because everyone kept asking me to. I've made it clear that for our showers, gifts are absolutely not necessary. We just want to celebrate this little one that took so much for us to bring into our lives. 

Hmmm not sure I agree with this.  A lot of preggos use those registries for the registry completion discount and just to keep track of what they need to get and what they already have.  For a while I thought maybe no one would be throwing me a shower and I set up a registry anyways for these reasons.  But I am also that person who asks my host/s not to put the registry information on the invitation because I think it's a little demanding.  If they ask for the registry location me/my host/my family will tell them.  

Showers are absolutely 100% about receiving gifts (and honestly you just confused and give your guests anxiety when you say otherwise).  If you consent to someone throwing a shower for you then you are consenting to people buying you gifts after someone has asked if that's okay because they want to do that.  If you actually host your own shower you are directly demanding gifts without anyone offering anything to begin with.  To me there is a difference there.  


eta for typo and clarity

notthefather

Oh man, I have shower-phobia so I'm not sad at all that this is my second and no one has asked to do a shower. But, I love registries when it comes to buying for other people. My family all sets up wish lists (which is exactly the same as a registry) for Christmas and it makes it so much easier!

LaurenAnn0405

I'm totally setting up a "secret" registry even though I'm not having a shower (that I know of! this is my third child and second girl so there's not a ton we need) but I'm just setting it up so that I can get the discount on the items left on the list.  I might even set up two-one at BRU and one at Target and I don't feel bad about it

Edit-words are hard

[Deleted User]

LaurenAnn0405 said:

I'm totally setting up a "secret" registry even though I'm not having a shower (that I know of! this is my third and second girl so there's not a ton we need) but I'm just setting it up so that I can get the discount on the items left on the list.  I might even set up two-one at BRU and one at Target and I don't feel bad about it

I might set up a secret one at Target for the same reason.

ashleyf911

@LaurenAnn0405 Same! No shower for me but I have an Amazon registry and a Target registry set up (both private) for the discount and to keep myself organized. 

missnc77

Is it weird I used to be all about co-ed showers until I actually had a kid? Now it's nice to leave my DD behind with Dad so I can go to someone's baby shower and enjoy the occasion rather than chasing my toddler. And he does help out with her at events and parties where the whole family is invited, but it's always inevitable that I look over as the kids are all sitting on top of the moms trying to talk and the guys are just chilling drinking a beer. It's like the law of the universe no matter how well meaning the Dads are.

fatstagnation

Reviving this thread because I have some questions! 

What are your plans for party favors? and what about a gift for to give to the generous person/people who host the shower for us?
A lot of what I see on pinterest involve candy which I'm just not thrilled about, or booze (my hosts don't drink so doesn't work for them), or bath/girly stuff but we're having a coed party. Anyone got any creative ideas to share? 

[Deleted User]

@fatstagnation I think the hosts are in charge of the party favors, but for the host gift maybe you could do a spa gift card?  Or maybe some cute jewelry if they like that sort of thing (I always like Kate Spade for this)? Depends on your host. Figure out what they love doing and make it happen!

ShawnnaO

@fatstagnation I took my host out to lunch the next day. It was a surprise shower so I didn’t have anything planned ahead of time, but she’s my best friend and food is the way to both of our hearts. As far as party favors, I don’t think she did them? If she did, I’m completely failing to remember what they were (this was almost two years ago) but I agree that whoever is hosting is probably the one who needs to worry about that (but if you have good ideas, don’t be afraid to pitch in and give them your thoughts - it’s your party after all) 

I think ultimately it depends on the person. Wine works for some people as a thank you, food works for others, spa days, movie tickets, etc. Whatever is within your means that you think they’ll appreciate. And try to keep in mind that they probably (at least shouldn’t be) aren’t throwing you a party just so you’ll buy them a thank you gift, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If it were me, all I’d need is an “I appreciate you” and anything beyond that is just extra and not expected.

becausescience

@fatstagnation For guests I did decorated sugar cookies. I got each host a candle/lotion/soap and a gift card (and nice thank you card with that).