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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
HELP: Pregnant while SIL m/c
I need advise on how to act/handle being pregnant with twins while my SIL (who was due around the same time as me) m/c 6 wks ago.... I try to be respectful of her and not bring up anything pregnancy related because she is very dramatic.... but every time we are at a family function she immediately asks me questions about my pregnancy but then she immediately ends up crying.... I only answer the questions shes asking and it’s not like I try to rub in her face that I’m still pregnant..I honestly don’t like being anywhere around her now because no matter what I do she brings up my pregnancy and then turns it into something like “I woulda been xx weeks today” or “we should be bringing three babies home in Feb not just your two” and I honestly don’t even know how to respond to her because I’m not the one who brings it up. I feel like inside she is holding a grudge that I am still pregnant and she’s not and I get being upset because it would be hard however I personally wouldn’t bring the subject up if I knew it were going to upset me.... has anyone had something similar or have some advise on how I can handle this the remainder of my pregnancy because I don’t want to be at family events if she’s going to do that every time and make me feel bad.
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Re: HELP: Pregnant while SIL m/c
I for one was a glutton for punishment and even though it hurt, I would talk about my loss to any kind ear.
You two were pregnant around the same time, think about how she is feeling, seeing your two babies grow while hers is gone.
I'll leave it at that. This is really not the place for you to be posting about a grieving mother making you feel uncomfortable. Really, read through some of the posts on this board for a reality check. And more importantly, maybe read through some of the heartfelt, understanding, wonderful responses by some of the other women on this board and maybe use that as inspiration in your next converation with your SIL.
Look, your SIL even asking you questions about your pregnancy is *extraordinarily* kind of her, because she's struggling, but is still actively trying to support you.
That is one of the hardest things *anyone* can do after a pregnancy loss, and she's never been through this before, so yeah, it's not going to be graceful.
My goodness, you don't want to be around her because she makes you "feel bad"?
You know what else is going to make you "feel bad" from time to time? Those two little babies you're going to take home, as they grow and learn to become people.
You know what you should do in both cases?
Put on your big girls pants and act like a grown woman.
I have four kids, ages 14, 12, and 11 year old twins. When my friends lost pregnancies, I never knew what to say, so I just listened. Then, in the last 3-4 yeas, I have lost no less that 15 consecutive pregnancies. After that I always knew how to react when someone has a loss.
Turns out, you doe *exactly the same thing*; you shut up, and you listen.
To accomplish this in your case, I'd say a good start is too feel more bad for her and less bad for yourself.
She's trying to be kind to you and to reach out to you despite the fact that her baby DIED and her entire world is falling apart and she probably feels a cavern of pain on the inside. Sorry that her DEAD BABY makes you feel bad, but maybe you should just STFU and listen to her. And you 'feeling bad' after talking to her is probably because dead babies make you uncomfortable. I get it, I've got 4 of them and they make me feel like a mental nutcase every day; especially because people don't want to talk to me about my children.
Please try to have some sympathy for your SIL and deal with the sadness you feel from talking to her. I promise you, it's not even a blip on the screen of the amount of sadness she's dealing with from looking at you and talking to you, and yet she's going out of her way to try to be kind TO YOU.
So... Suck It Up, Buttercup!
**Removed for TOU violation**
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