Harkening back to yesterday's UO, I gladly attend every MLM house party someone invites me to, watch the demo, eat the snacks, then take home the brochure and say, "I'll think about it!" and never order. I'll sit through anything for food. Sometimes I even get a door prize. I'm typically not invited to more than one.
There's a really nice coffee shop near me, they have caffeinated drinks and pastries and they are donations based so you can give however much (or little) money you want for a treat. But the best part is they have awesome indoor and outdoor play areas for kids. It's a great place to take my daughter during the week. But it seems like all the mommy groups in town are finding out about it because a few times we've gone there have been tons of kids with their moms hanging out. I'm glad the place is getting more business but my confession is I'm also kinda sad that it's not such a hidden gem anymore lol.
Plus a lot of times the moms are so busy chatting that they aren't watching their kids and I've seen some of them get pretty aggressive (the kids, not the moms). So that's annoying.
@oneblessedmess that really sucks about losing your hidden gem. I lost one recently at a play cafe that was really low key and the same thing has happened now. My daughter is so gentle she doesn't hit or push back and she doesn't run away. Im always worried she is going to get bopped a good one when shes with groups of older/more aggressive children.
@oneblessedmess I have zero patience for parents who don’t watch their kids. I am not saying that they need to be a helicopter parent, but they should at least be aware if their kids are pushing little kids, plowing them over, walking up slides as others are waiting to go down....
@Miz_Liz I have had to seriously yell at other people's little kids who just come up to mine and start harassing and pinching and shoving. It's like, WTF how does a 1.5 year old learn to act this way?
@notaknottie912 My daughter is the same! She will not hit or bite back. She's only two so right now my job is to be watchful and make sure she knows I have her back if someone messes with her. Hopefully as she gets older I can teach her to be more assertive.
@Miz_Liz Exactly. And I mean, I know that for stay at home moms, that interaction with other adults can keep you sane, but at the same time you shouldn't be so engrossed in your conversation that you have no idea what your child is up to, especially if they have a history of being rough or aggressive.
@Miz_Liz@basemodel couldn't agree more! I take my son to a mom and me class once a week and there is a child who pushes, shoves, puts fingers in faces, throws things at other children and the mom is typically too busy chatting. My son now just avoids him but the few interactions with him I just went into teacher mode about it and when mom noticed she didn't even come over or say anything. Some kind of acknowledgement would have been cool. Even if to reinforce with her own child, but what can you do?
@tepr14 it makes me so sad, especially if it’s in my own community because I keep thinking that these are the kids that my kids will be going to school with and if no one is taking the time to teach them how to play with others/keep their hands to themselves...
Second Son - born 2014 - Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) and Double Outlet Right Ventricle (DORV). First open heart surgery at 5 days old. He's had 3 open heart surgeries and several other procedures and is currently doing amazing. Third Son - due June 9, 2018
@Miz_Liz Its scary to think about. I myself didnt have an easy time of school as I was gentle, eccentric, and didn't find my peers' behaviour to be fun.
Posted about this in my due date check-in just now... I have a 12w pregnant... frenemy might now be the right word... and I know she thinks it's fine to drink during pregnancy. Even though I think women should be able to make their own informed decisions about their bodies, and even though I think a small amount of booze is probably not harmful, I am still going to be judging her based on how much she drinks tonight at girls night out. Yes. I am petty.
@zamora_spin I would judge anyone who drinks during pregnancy with the exception of the occasional glass of wine later in pregnancy that has been shown to be safe (I still choose not to, but I don’t judge those that do). 12 weeks?!
1. I totally have a LLR dress I love but I didn’t buy it and never would spend that kind of $$ on it.
2. I’d have a hard time not saying anything to your friend @zamora_spin. I may have one glass (or half) during third tri, but with DS2 I did and proceeded to throw it up immediately
3. People who don’t discipline their kids... can’t even. I feel bad for my kids when other kids don’t get in trouble for being mean to them. (Not that I’m perfect by any means!!)
4. AFM I have no baby bump to prevent me from it but my legs haven’t been shaved in QUITE A WHILE. wore capris to the gym and cringed when I realized I look like an ape.
@zamora_spin I'd probably say something...I can't sit back and watch that... I've almost talked to randoms about smoking in their cars with their babies. DH had to hold me back at Taco Bell (I know classy establishment) once. I was at a low point after our second loss and was like, I would give anything to have babies and they get to have babies and are being reckless.
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
@Miz_Liz Its bound to happen especially with littles as they are learning how to communicate with eachother and being physical is a form of communication. But like you said thats why its important for someone to teach or model a way to play/communicate with others.
@fantasticmrsfox Ive had alot of moments I realize I look like an ape...pregnant or not
On the drinking - she apparently asked a mutual friend for her opinion because frenemy's H does not like that she is drinking wine during pregnancy, and mutual friend refused to comment. Idk how much wine it is, like most of you I think much later in pregnancy a half glass (maybe even a glass?) of wine is probably nbd. I will be very curious to see how much she actually drinks. She is under five feet tall and two glasses of wine normally gets her drunk so, to me, more than half a glass seems like a really poor plan. Like @PatientlyWaiting10 I have had losses and I can't really see how drinking during first tri (or smoking, jeeze) is worth it from a guilt management perspective.
It's so frustrating when parents don't watch and discipline their kids. IMO they are setting their kids up for failure if they don't teach them how to behave and interact with others.
I agree with others about having to say something about drinking this early. Why would you do something so cavalier with the life/development of your child.
chiming into this discipline/watching your kids thing. I'm coming at this at a weird angle. my FFC is I AM that helicopter parent. DS is on the autism spectrum and adhd.. and he doesn't understand boundaries, consequences, or when he's just being to rough or pushy. So when we're out, I actually worry if I'm not on top of him constantly that i'll be looked at by other moms as that mom that doesn't discipline... when we really try. hard. he just has reasons why he doesn't 'get it' yet.
me:35 DH:34 DS: born oct 2012 TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16 BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17 BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18 fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
It is interesting to hear how many folks on here are against drinking during pregnancy. Maybe it is social circles or where we live, but all my friends/acquaintances who have children drank a glass of wine (or maybe more?) when they were out in social settings. I assume it was post first trimester only, but I only assume that because they were showing. I never thought it was a big deal. After reading some on the subject I don't have any issue with it and will presumably do the same once I'm out of first trimester.
@laceybee522 I think it's the amount of drinking that bothers people. I read the studies on alcohol during pregnancy (or summaries of the studies) and am comfortable having a sip of wine now, or having a small glass later. But, I totally judged another mom who, at 7 months, had at least 3 glasses during our holiday party - - that seemed excessive.
@LaceyBee522 I just think if it is something that I can easily avoid to prevent possible challenges why not avoid it? I know there are A LOT of things that could fall into that same bracket and I guess I'm not really even a social drinker so it's NBD for me to go out and have a glass of water with friends instead of an alcoholic beverage but still. And I could be considered a hypocrite too because I don't eat incredibly healthy all the time or exercise regularly. Just my two cents.
BFP #1 October 2008 | m/c Thanksgiving weekend | November 2008 | 7 weeks 2 days BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
Testing on mom and dad for possible reasons all came back normal.
BFP #3 8/4/2009 | DD born 3/28/10 @ 38 weeks
BFP #4 5/13/11 | m/c 6/15/11 | 8 weeks 6 days
BFP #5 2/13/13 | CP 2/19/13 | 4 weeks
BFP #6 3/21/14 | Heard the HB on 4/16 | m/c 4/21/14 | 9 weeks
Testing results all returned normal and baby was a GIRL.
More testing on mom and dad for other issues all returned normal results. BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap & tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap & tell them about me?" All are welcome!
@LaceyBee522 from what I understand, the book Expecting Better says it’s basically fine as long as you don’t get drunk. That would be a few glasses for me, so no thanks, but I will confess when we were in Napa, DH chose one wine from the tasting that was the best and I had a teeny tiny oh so small sip. I smelled the rest of them lol. I love how wine smells, literally id choose the best smelling of the tasting and just hold it and smell it. Sigh. God I miss wine.
My FFFC is that I laugh whenever I see women on TB debating getting a body pillow bc I’ve had one since I was 7yo! I was a super cuddly sleeper and I wouldn’t leave my parents bed so they bought me a body pillow which I named huggy pillow. I instantly loved it and (jokes on them) brought it right into bed with them and refused to go to sleepovers without it. I still sleep with it every night. DH hates it. I have at least gotten past the point of needing to bring it on vacations.
I personally get drunk so easily (a single beer or glass of wine is enough to make my cheeks blazing red and giggly) so i feel no amount is safe for me. I could never drink 3 glasses of anything not pregnant and walk out without an arm. I dont like when people tell me to lighten up and let loose. I also have liver disease so its not particularly great for me to indulge in the first place but considering all fats and alcohol fats arent good for me I live a little here and there. On my own terms.
@catlady1215 I understand what you're saying. I think as parents and as the people watching the situation (I would hope) we'd be able to recognize the difference of any child "not getting it" or still learning versus being purposeful or doing something out of malice. Hopefully I didn't come off judgey previously.
@catlady1215 I agree with @tepr14 that I think most parents watching would (hopefully) recognize the difference. I have a close friend whose daughter is on the spectrum too and she is the same way - always on top of her in case others don’t realize, etc. I personally think that just means you’re an awesome mom because you recognize that issues could arise and you are doing your best to prevent them. I also applaud your hard work, I have seen how hard it can be with her. Your son is lucky to have such a great mom.
@LaceyBee522I agree with the sentiment that it seems like most people on this thread aren't necessarily against drinking, but against an excessive amount. Personally, I will drink my occasional small glass of wine or beer (or glass of champagne on NYE!) after the first trimester and feel great about it.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
@LaceyBee522 Like I said, I feel a little petty judging her because it is ultimately her body. Alcohol is not arsenic. @doxiemoxie212 I would not judge anyone for a sip, or even a couple sips once in a while, even during first tri. I have also read Expecting Better, I thought it was a good read. The author was more comfortable with booze consumption than I would be, but I liked that she set a good framework for making your own decisions (which, again, here I am being judgy). I really do think it's safe to have an occasional glass of wine or whatever later in pregnancy, I just think it's not worth the possible guilt to have more than the occasional sip in first tri.
When I first got pregnant, I thought the whole 'don't drink alcohol, don't eat soft cheese, don't eat sushi, don't eat deli meat, etc etc etc' was completely fear mongering and thought I would never be they type of women that made sure the waiter knew that there was not to be any feta anywhere near her salad. But then I lost that pregnancy, and the next one. And my thoughts on all of the warnings totally changed. I still know in my head that all of these things are probably fine (in moderation) but when you go through a loss, you blame yourself for every.single.thing. Every single thing you did, you ate, you drank. Even though you know in your head it wasn't any of those things. So now I think it's just not worth the blame. I have no qualms with others indulging (in moderation) but I know for my own sanity, I'll stick to sparking water.
Drinking - with DD I drank a beer once a week or every other week once I passed 1st trimester. DH and I are for sure social drinkers, so for me the hardest part was not having that first drink with everyone else. Once I allowed myself that, I often didn't even finished it, yet I didn't feel deprived.
Confession - I'm kinda excited for jury duty on Monday because it means I have a day to mess around on Facebook and my computer. I hope I didn't just jinx myself and I end up on a trial.
I love how reading all the replys and everyone was supportive of each others choices and opinions...glad to see we have some classy ladies in this group!
FFFC - DD ate peaches for dinner...she wouldn't touch the mac and cheese I made her...oh well
FFFC - We have some friends that are sailing on to the southern part of the country tomorrow and they anchored across the canal from us, so we went and had pizza dinner as a farewell. It was delicious... However her DH opened a bottle of wine (as we did the day we met them for our first pizza dinner many months ago) and he poured me a tablespoon size glass... I smelled it (divine!) and had a wee sip (so smooth) and instantly felt queasy. I guess we won't be doing that again anytime soon.
Obviously this is anecdotal, but my friend drank quite a bit during all trimesters and her kid has a lot of problems now. But she was getting tipsy/drunk off hard liquor, not just having one glass of wine. I personally don't drink unless I'm getting tipsy, so I don't drink when pregnant. Just my personal choice- I don't really care what others do and even if I do, I'm not going to say anything out loud haha.
Re: Flame-Free FriYAY Confession
Plus a lot of times the moms are so busy chatting that they aren't watching their kids and I've seen some of them get pretty aggressive (the kids, not the moms). So that's annoying.
@Miz_Liz Exactly. And I mean, I know that for stay at home moms, that interaction with other adults can keep you sane, but at the same time you shouldn't be so engrossed in your conversation that you have no idea what your child is up to, especially if they have a history of being rough or aggressive.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
Flame away.
First Son - born 2013
Third Son - due June 9, 2018
2. I’d have a hard time not saying anything to your friend @zamora_spin. I may have one glass (or half) during third tri, but with DS2 I did and proceeded to throw it up immediately
3. People who don’t discipline their kids... can’t even. I feel bad for my kids when other kids don’t get in trouble for being mean to them. (Not that I’m perfect by any means!!)
4. AFM I have no baby bump to prevent me from it but my legs haven’t been shaved in QUITE A WHILE. wore capris to the gym and cringed when I realized I look like an ape.
ETA sent it before I was done.
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
@fantasticmrsfox Ive had alot of moments I realize I look like an ape...pregnant or not
I agree with others about having to say something about drinking this early. Why would you do something so cavalier with the life/development of your child.
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
BFP #2 February 2009 | m/c March 2009 | 4 weeks 3 days
BFP #7 10/15 | DS born 6/4/16 @ 36 weeks
BFP #8 9/28/17 AHHH!!! | EDD 6/6/18
All are welcome!
My FFFC is that I laugh whenever I see women on TB debating getting a body pillow bc I’ve had one since I was 7yo! I was a super cuddly sleeper and I wouldn’t leave my parents bed so they bought me a body pillow which I named huggy pillow. I instantly loved it and (jokes on them) brought it right into bed with them and refused to go to sleepovers without it. I still sleep with it every night. DH hates it. I have at least gotten past the point of needing to bring it on vacations.
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@tepr14 oh no you didn't come off judgey at all!
DS: born oct 2012
TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
BFP #3 sept17 EDD 5/31/18
fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
Confession - I'm kinda excited for jury duty on Monday because it means I have a day to mess around on Facebook and my computer. I hope I didn't just jinx myself and I end up on a trial.
FFFC - DD ate peaches for dinner...she wouldn't touch the mac and cheese I made her...oh well
FFFC - We have some friends that are sailing on to the southern part of the country tomorrow and they anchored across the canal from us, so we went and had pizza dinner as a farewell. It was delicious... However her DH opened a bottle of wine (as we did the day we met them for our first pizza dinner many months ago) and he poured me a tablespoon size glass... I smelled it (divine!) and had a wee sip (so smooth) and instantly felt queasy. I guess we won't be doing that again anytime soon.
I personally don't drink unless I'm getting tipsy, so I don't drink when pregnant. Just my personal choice- I don't really care what others do and even if I do, I'm not going to say anything out loud haha.