Me: 34 DH: 35TTC #1 since Nov 2015.dx: unexplainedDec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFNJuly 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freezeOct 2017 - D&CNov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFNSep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryosNov 2018 - FET #4 - TBD
@funkeykey I totally understand. And nothing you could have done would have guaranteed a different outcome. People always say having children is starting a family but you do have a family with you and DH. Don’t forget that you still count as a family too. hugs.
Beta Results in Spoiler
@funkykey I am so sorry you were triggered so hard, it sounds like one big thing after another . I know it sounds awful to say (and I mean this in the most loving way) but finally feeling the grief is a good thing. You can't keep all that suppressed. I'm so sorry for the reason you are grieving. Holidays are always the toughest, and it's ok to not fully enjoy them from time to time. Taking care of yourself mentally and physically is top priority.
@businesswife that goes for you too. If you can't find the Christmas spirit this year, it's ok. Or if you find just a touch of spirit that's ok too. Grief shouldn't have a timeline, we all grieve differently and it takes us all different times. When your soul is ready, it will be ready. The last thing you need is to put pressure on yourself to feel a specific way, just feel what you feel.
Thank you both for sharing. Hopefully there is some comfort, albeit temporary, to our words. Hugs all around.
@2momshoping congrats on the beta! How very exciting.
@natehk i will continue to
Cross my fingers for you.
@natehk I’m sorry beta number#2 didn’t double I saw your
updated and my heart just dropped so it took me so long to come back to post. Your beta is still rising and they have you
on meds so it sounds like there is still a chance for a happy ending, I’m
wishing you the best. We have such similar
first betas that I am praying for us both of us get some good news on
@BusinessWife I hope your labs tomorrow are all clear so you
can move on to your transfer in December I’m just so happy that you are able to try
again in December!
@coco305 I can’t agree more that grief has no timeline! I
know it comes out of nowhere to smack me in the face when I’m least expecting
@funkeykey I so can relate to the triggering. Last year what really got me was the
Christmas Cards. I LOVE sending out Christmas
cards and I love receiving them and hanging them up on the walls. But last year all those people I love. All those friends and family with smiling
babies and kids it was just too much. I
had a fit and while crying I carefully rearranged the overlap so I couldn’t see
the babies anymore. Though what I wanted
to do was tear all those smug faces off my wall and rip them up. Soooo Jealous! I hate being like that! Then I feel awful because I feel like that sometimes. I have a big old stack of Christmas cards on my table I
should address and send out but haven’t…last two weekends I said I was going to do it. I haven't.
I have been MIA because every time I get on the bump, I get
kicked out. It’s super weird but I’m WAY
@funkykey and @businesswife I read through what you have
written the past few days and I can’t believe how strong and wonderful you
women are. You have chosen not to give
up but have also allowed a period of grief and anger. This wasn’t the outcome that was clearly
hoped for and the holidays are a brutal reminder. You aren’t alone and I’m so proud of both of you!
I wish I could give you hugs in real life.
@natehk I’m so sorry the beta isn’t rising as quickly as you
hoped. I am always the one that says
hold on to hope and there are so many people that have been in your position
that had live births. At the same time,
I’m sure you are a basket case of stress and the waiting is terrible. Hoping
that number skyrockets tomorrow!
@tinjp78 so a uterus can change shape? That’s so
interesting. Have ultrasounds hurt
before? Did you do IUI’s? Some people find IUIs very painful or even regular
gyno exams because of the uterus shape. That’s a bummer that DHEA is so
expensive. I heard good things about
DHEA from that book It Starts With the Egg so hopefully great results for you.
How hopeful with a new RE!!
@2momshoping so excited for you!! That’s awesome! How are
you feeling?? You are such a support on this forum. That NY times article was so amazing. When is
your second beta??
Bababatty said:@funkykey and then someone makes a comment about how they're ready to start trying for their second baby, and you can barely hold it together. *TW* Everything you've said is so true, but this line resonated especially with me. I felt like for the first two years we were trying, I was really good about maintaining friendships, but since this summer I've been avoiding people, including one friend I really like a lot who started trying at the same time as me and of course got KU right away. I don't think I could handle it if she told me she was going for #2. Obviously avoiding her isn't going to stop time, but it's like if I don't hear it, it isn't happening. Another friend is KU and when we had our CP, I made DH plan a weekend trip just so I had a plausible excuse for not going to her baby shower in January. I don't even feel ashamed. *end TW*
@funkykey I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried and
screemed to DW I can’t take this limbo anymore. I’ve threated to sell out house
and build schools in Africa or start foster care. It’s hard to stay the course for so so many
years when everyone around you seems to be moving forward….and having awesome Mexico
vacations. I know it builds character but
sometimes I think geeze how much character does one person need?
@Crystal321 you have been through so much and I’m glad you
have been able to gain so much appreciation from it! Thank you for keeping us positive.
@natehk I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. I wish there were answers for
you, and actually I just wish you were in a position where you didn’t even have
questions that needed answers. I’ve been
thinking about you so much these past few days and really hoped things would
start looking up. Do you have a wtf
appointment with your RE? After that
many transfers and PGS testing it seems like you are doing everything
right. I just don’t understand the
universe sometimes. I’ll keeping
praying/thinking about you.
It's been a crazy day
I started bleeding this afternoon out of nowhere. It was a big gush of blood. Immediately called my RE and they saw me straight away. I had clots in my cervix but by then no more active bleeding - u/s showed us everything was fine. I'm super shaken up and got put on bedrest for a week. Now just have to watch for more bleeding. I spotted a little bit a little while ago. Just hoping it stops. I'm having some cramps, but nothing constant. Just pray everything stay healthy and that this is a huge scare. Any words of encouragement are welcomed. Plus I feel super guilty because I've been extra busy at work this week and on my feet a lot. Plus I'm dealing with an awful cold. Yesterday I felt physically drained. I have to start listening to my body more & know when to stop. Sigh.