@babydale2018 I've been having the same issue. I'm only 5 foot and I've had people touch my belly and say things like "oh wow it's still soft. Is the baby okay? Why no hard belly?" As if my anxiety wasn't already high...
I'll give you a dollar if next time you say, "Well actually, at this point, the uterus ends about an inch or two below the belly button so what you're actually caressing right now is probably just displaced intestines." P.S. Extra points if you say, "See! Like this!" And show them the full picture with breasts and everything.
@jeanbean15 "And yours looks like a B* face. Accurate!"
@sarah_haha760 Does he realize that it isn't necessarily a choice? And what's with the whole "I learned about C-sections and they're terrible...they're easier than vaginal but..." wut? They are certainly not easier. Both have pros and cons so you go with whatever is medically indicated for you.
@vflux33 I wish that these had been from people who knew about IUI. Then it would be an annoying joke instead of one in which they're remarking on H's supposed impotence and/or my infidelity. At least then it would be a lab mix up joke.
@justkeeptrying I'm so sorry. I had pretty much the same thing happen to me at close to those gestation dates. I'm still glad that the first lady I told her, "Nope! Just fat!" and made her feel at least a tiny bit as bad as she should have. And the thing is, even if it's obvious enough that you can see an elbow run across my stomach through my clothes, if I'm not ready to talk about it, keep your pie hole shut.
As we prepare to actually tell more people, I'm trying to decide how I'm going to react to the questions of if it was planned, if it was natural, etc. I think I'm going to go with, "Why do you ask?" I don't want to be a total jerk but I would like people to learn how inappropriate those questions are. Hopefully when they can't come up with a decent answer as to why it's their business, they'll realize it's none of their business.
Me: 34 DH: 38 Married: June 2011 TTC since Feb 2016 BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
So my SO slaps my butt today and states..."wow! It's gotten a lot bigger!!" I was flabbergasted. He says it was a compliment, because I don't actually have an ass otherwise.
OMG some of these are just terrible. I'm sorry for all of us dealing with social idiots. My new one's fairly mild by comparison, but still annoying.
DH was talking to a friend/coworker with whom we've been pretty open about the whole process. She said to him, So since you got the NIPT you know the sex right. Are you having a boy or girl? DH: It's a surprise. Friend texts me: So, should I keep saving all the little girl clothes I have?
Um, do you think I'm stupid? Like you're gonna trick me into giving away something I don't want to share? SMH.
@becausescience we’re having a third girl and I keep hearing that I need to have a fourth to try for a boy. Or ‘oh your poor husband.’ Oh please, he is surrounded by ‘women’ who adore him, he’s just fine.
@becausescience, we're expecting a boy as well and have a daughter as well. For me I'm bothered more by reactions like, 'good, now dad with have someone to play catch with.' Like, dad and mom already have someone to play catch with, and she's pretty good. Or reactions where they are clearly excited it's a boy versus a girl (like one of DHs friends reactions being 'f-yeah!' definitely wasn't that level of excitement when we were having a girl). Even if we were having another girl, we'd be in for people saying things like, 'oh poor dad.' As I'm sure people with more than one boy get comments like 'oh poor mom' or something.
I was checking out at a store the other day and the cashier asks when I was due. When I told her late March she was like, 'oofff!' I'm standing there like, what?? Oooff what? You think I'm big? Something wrong with being due in March? It was just weird.
I’m having more and more people ask if this baby was planned. Is it really anyone’s business? I usually ignore them, but DH’s aunt is especially nosy. I can’t stand it. It doesn’t matter if she was or not? We’re thrilled either way.
My absolute favourite is “are you guys excited?” No. We are absolutely miserable that we are having twins and let me tell you all about it, dear stranger.
Or, whether they were conceived naturally. I honestly don’t get where that info became public business??
H said a few people have asked him if we were trying for twins? Can you even do that?
I get lots of was this one planned (no, but that doesn’t mean I love him any less!) But honestly even though people ask that they have mostly been super supportive. I just can’t stand when people say the kid was an accident.
Also, I have had a few of “oh you are pregnant, I wasn’t sure because when I saw you last month you just looked like you gained weight and you know since you stay home now I thought you were just getting fat. Now you look like you have a basketball in your belly and you look cute!”
I’ve heard a lot of “did you plan to have another?” We have an almost 2 year old boy, and when they hear we’re having a girl they say oh great one of each.
I have lots of feelings about calling a baby “unplanned.” Maybe this is a UO, but no baby is unplanned. Even if you weren’t trying to get pregnant, once you found out that you WERE, you had options and you made the choice to go ahead and have and love that baby. And then you spent the next nine months preparing. In that way, they were planned.
+1 on the “when are you going to start trying for another so you get a boy?” Comments. Never.
Also, just found out our insurance won’t cover my husband getting a vasectomy in a couple years because we haven’t had a boy yet. I’m sorry, WHAT?
Of course once people found out it’s a boy (we have 2 girls) I got the “your H must he so excited this time.” To which I reply “yes, the girls have been nothing but disappointments since we found out their sex”
We also get a lot of “boys are so much easier” comments which always leads me to a rant about how outdated their BS views are. Afterward they don’t talk to me for a few weeks. (Win win really)
“oh must be a Boston Calling baby!” Nope i was on my period during that music festival- fun fact: parents can have sex in their own homes while there are children under the same roof. But please stop speculating about my sex life.
“Why did you decide to have another after 5 years?” The condom failed, next.
“Wow you're getting REALLY big!! Because you were so tiny”. Because apparently skinny girls have never had body issues so it’s cool to basically call them fat now. I am just going to start responding “you too!” And walking away.
@syssa-o Yeah, I have a big problem with the "natural" question re: twins. We conceived via IF treatments, so ours are not "natural" in the sense that people are actually asking, but they are "natural" in the sense that they have developed naturally since conception and are actual real humans/ ie. not "artificial" alien robot people. Also just practically for those of us who did conceive twins via IF treatments, it puts us in a super awkward position, like, clearly you're not a person who I told we were going through that at the time, so what makes you think you're in that close circle of knowledge now? What if that's something I wanted to keep private? It's personal and stigmatized, and you're just coming right out and asking, and for what reason? What do you learn by knowing whether it's "natural" or not?
I was told yesterday by a patient's family member that my husband and I need a TV in our bedroom. I guess the implications is we have lots of sex and that's why we are about to have our fifth. That's so far from the truth, because kids, but I also find it really awkward when people directly or indirectly discuss our sex life.
This goes along with my UO, but if one more person tries to tell me how many more people should occupy my uterus after this baby boy...... what is wrong with an only child?! He has plenty of cousins and who's to say he will love a sibling if we have one?! Also @ShawnnaO stop the madness, please don't tell me TriCare is still doing that foolery
@Mass-girl-at-heart someone on fb commented on how I’m still so small, and I responded telling them how nice that was to hear because I don’t feel small, and then I was BOMBARDED with “what are you talking about, you don’t have anything to be self conscious about, have you seen how I look???” Like sorry, didn’t know I wasn’t allowed to have self image issues.
@barrelocarol@amylonghorn we’re an army family, so we have military health insurance (which I will whole heartedly say I’m so grateful for because it’s been a saving grace not having to pay a cent for any of pregnancies) But because it’s the military, there’s a big emphasis on having a boy and carrying on the family name, etc etc. I think my husband has to be thirty before they’ll cover it? Same with getting my tubes tied. Which that’s a ways off seeing as I’m 21 and he’s 22, sooo... I guess it’s an IUD or the pill until then. Yaaaayyyyyyy (sarcasm)
@cford08 ugh girl you know they are. Our plan already was that I would get an IUD for two years until we’re SURE, so hopefully policies change before then. Either way, in two years we’re going to try getting it done and if they don’t let him, I’m giving them hell for it.
@ShawnnaO my SIL has to wait until she was 30 to have her tubes tied and she pretty well almost bled to death with one of my nieces' birth at 27. My BIL was Army and was not interested in a vasectomy. I was floored when they told me about that "policy"
@cford08 my husband is all for getting a vasectomy. He says my body has already been through enough and he doesn’t mind being the one to get give his done instead of me. But this is ridiculous.
@ShawnnaO Thanks, patriarchy! I can’t believe that it’s legal to have a requirement like that on federally sponsored insurance. I’d get it if it was a faith-based company but yeeeessshhh.
@Gingermom15@k318 I can't stand the "was it planned?" question either. The first time someone asked me I was kind of unprepared, and just felt so weird because I realized it was like they were asking about our sex lives. It's no ones business how a baby was conceived! And technically every BFP is a surprise, even when it's after IVF or not. I eventually just said "we weren't doing anything to prevent it". But what else was I going to say? Did they want some sort of crazy sex story? Ick. It's like once babies are involved in the conversation, random people feel like they have carte blanche to ask private questions.
I never saw this thread until today for some reason, what is wrong with everyone?! I really had a higher opinion of people in general before I got pregnant. I feel like 3 out of 4 people I talk to say something weirdly offensive or intrusive, and reading all of these, from horrifying and cruel to dumb and unnecessary, I feel like there needs to be a public service campaign regarding speaking to pregnant people (and not touching them if you don't have a touching kind of relationship already)
@SoFlaMommie1128 we also have a two year old boy and are expecting a girl this time. Those comments are so irritating! Family telling us they’re relieved it’s a girl (ugh), acquaintances, coworkers and friends all ask if we’re done now that we have one of each. Like babies prizes or soemthing??
I was told yesterday by a patient's family member that my husband and I need a TV in our bedroom. I guess the implications is we have lots of sex and that's why we are about to have our fifth. That's so far from the truth, because kids, but I also find it really awkward when people directly or indirectly discuss our sex life.
If anyone says this again tell them the baby was conceived on the couch with the TV on, so that birth control didn’t work. I like to say things like this so people put their feet their mouth. Ha
To everyone getting the "one of each" comment: people said that to me last time when we found out our second was a boy (first is obviously a girl). Someone actually said to me "oh perfect you have one of each you can stop now!" It was an old man so that was really creepy and like everyone has said it's really none of their business. If I remembered who any of them were I would want to flaunt this pregnancy as a big middle finger to them haha.
I also get a lot of "was this one planned?" I guess because it's our third and people think that you should stop after 2? No we were not expecting this pregnancy but as @ShawnnaO said, once you find out you are pregnant there are options so technically yes we planned to keep and raise and love and nourish this baby. People lose their filters with pregnant ladies and they need to STFU.
In general, JFC, people are terrible! I am also surprised by all the girl baby hate I'm reading on here from strangers and acquaintances and family (and insurance companies!). I guess it really is a crime to be female.
I haven't had any real jaw-droppers like some of you, but at a Halloween party one friend, who is a mother of one, told me, "make sure you just take all the drugs, whatever they give you, just take it, it will be so easy!"
Same party, another friend, who isn't a mother, not that it matters, said, "you should try to have a natural birth, it's so much better and better for the baby. You really should try to go natural if you can."
Both are former coworkers so we're not super close but not super distant. To both I just responded with my usual neutral "oh." I use that so much, lol. For the record and I am aiming for a natural birth in a hospital and have hired a doula to support me in this. I have an OB but I think having a doula will help with my confidence and not getting unnecessary interventions. But it is nobody's damn business!
Not in this pregnancy (yet) but in my last, when my midwife asked me if I was planning on getting an epidural, I told her no, I wanted to go med free. Her response was “oh thank god, I just hate to think of all the chemicals people are pumping into their unborn baby when they get an epidural.” Like wow lady what would you have said if I told you I DID want one??
@alice0218 I highly recommend Hypnobirthing! I had zero confidence last time and it took me a long time to get over how I birthed my sweet boy bc of that. This time, I'm doing Hypnobirthing; I see marked difference and I feel able to ninja kick away any negativity!
@ShawnnaO I hate that response. You captured the after thoughts perfectly.
@leilaquinn I knew people could be rude and ridiculous to pregnant people. Hell I'm sure in my younger days I said some stupid stuff to my preggo friends. But this thread just goes to show how much crap women take about making a new human.
@ShawnnaO I am so glad all the MW's I've had are pro do what you need to during childbirth. My first birth my MW suggested I get it because of the doctor having to manually turn baby.
@ShawnnaO, wow, and what if you ended up getting an epidural when the time came (for whatever reason)? While she already planted the seed of guilt/judgement.
I was done at 2 and my family knows that. I’m still working out my feelings with this new path in life (obviously I love my baby but this was not the plan). This is the exact text message one of my sisters sent me last month:
“I have a friend who can't have any more babies and wants one if you wanna give her yours”
when is that ever an OK thing to say? Oh but she thought she was so funny and clever.
Re: Sh*t People Say to Pregnant Women
P.S. Extra points if you say, "See! Like this!" And show them the full picture with breasts and everything.
@jeanbean15 "And yours looks like a B* face. Accurate!"
@sarah_haha760 Does he realize that it isn't necessarily a choice? And what's with the whole "I learned about C-sections and they're terrible...they're easier than vaginal but..." wut? They are certainly not easier. Both have pros and cons so you go with whatever is medically indicated for you.
@vflux33 I wish that these had been from people who knew about IUI. Then it would be an annoying joke instead of one in which they're remarking on H's supposed impotence and/or my infidelity. At least then it would be a lab mix up joke.
@justkeeptrying I'm so sorry. I had pretty much the same thing happen to me at close to those gestation dates. I'm still glad that the first lady I told her, "Nope! Just fat!" and made her feel at least a tiny bit as bad as she should have. And the thing is, even if it's obvious enough that you can see an elbow run across my stomach through my clothes, if I'm not ready to talk about it, keep your pie hole shut.
As we prepare to actually tell more people, I'm trying to decide how I'm going to react to the questions of if it was planned, if it was natural, etc. I think I'm going to go with, "Why do you ask?" I don't want to be a total jerk but I would like people to learn how inappropriate those questions are. Hopefully when they can't come up with a decent answer as to why it's their business, they'll realize it's none of their business.
Married: June 2011
TTC since Feb 2016
BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16
BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
DH was talking to a friend/coworker with whom we've been pretty open about the whole process. She said to him, So since you got the NIPT you know the sex right. Are you having a boy or girl?
DH: It's a surprise.
Friend texts me: So, should I keep saving all the little girl clothes I have?
Um, do you think I'm stupid? Like you're gonna trick me into giving away something I don't want to share? SMH.
Now that we know we're expecting a boy I keep getting the "one of each" comments. We would have been happy either way!
Dx: PCOS
Married: June 2013
TTC#1: January 2015
BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
TTC#2: June 2017
BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
I was checking out at a store the other day and the cashier asks when I was due. When I told her late March she was like, 'oofff!' I'm standing there like, what?? Oooff what? You think I'm big? Something wrong with being due in March? It was just weird.
It doesn’t matter if she was or not? We’re thrilled either way.
My absolute favourite is “are you guys excited?”
No. We are absolutely miserable that we are having twins and let me tell you all about it, dear stranger.
Or, whether they were conceived naturally. I honestly don’t get where that info became public business??
H said a few people have asked him if we were trying for twins? Can you even do that?
any less!) But honestly even though people ask that they have mostly been super supportive. I just can’t stand when people say the kid was an accident.
Also, I have had a few of “oh you are pregnant, I wasn’t sure because when I saw you last month you just looked like you gained weight and you know since you stay home now I thought you were just getting fat. Now you look like you have a basketball in your belly and you look cute!”
+1 on the “when are you going to start trying for another so you get a boy?” Comments. Never.
Also, just found out our insurance won’t cover my husband getting a vasectomy in a couple years because we haven’t had a boy yet. I’m sorry, WHAT?
Of course once people found out it’s a boy (we have 2 girls) I got the “your H must he so excited this time.” To which I reply “yes, the girls have been nothing but disappointments since we found out their sex”
We also get a lot of “boys are so much easier” comments which always leads me to a rant about how outdated their BS views are. Afterward they don’t talk to me for a few weeks. (Win win really)
“oh must be a Boston Calling baby!” Nope i was on my period during that music festival- fun fact: parents can have sex in their own homes while there are children under the same roof. But please stop speculating about my sex life.
“Why did you decide to have another after 5 years?” The condom failed, next.
“Wow you're getting REALLY big!! Because you were so tiny”. Because apparently skinny girls have never had body issues so it’s cool to basically call them fat now. I am just going to start responding “you too!” And walking away.
@barrelocarol @amylonghorn we’re an army family, so we have military health insurance (which I will whole heartedly say I’m so grateful for because it’s been a saving grace not having to pay a cent for any of pregnancies) But because it’s the military, there’s a big emphasis on having a boy and carrying on the family name, etc etc. I think my husband has to be thirty before they’ll cover it? Same with getting my tubes tied. Which that’s a ways off seeing as I’m 21 and he’s 22, sooo... I guess it’s an IUD or the pill until then. Yaaaayyyyyyy (sarcasm)
Married: 5.27.16
Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
My MIL is CONSTANTLY asking me how much weight I've gained... like why? Why does that matter? STOP ASKING ME THAT!!!
My friend from church actually recommended I ask her the same question in response to hers.. LOL. That would go over well!
we also have a two year old boy and are expecting a girl this time. Those comments are so irritating! Family telling us they’re relieved it’s a girl (ugh), acquaintances, coworkers and friends all ask if we’re done now that we have one of each. Like babies prizes or soemthing??
To everyone getting the "one of each" comment: people said that to me last time when we found out our second was a boy (first is obviously a girl). Someone actually said to me "oh perfect you have one of each you can stop now!" It was an old man so that was really creepy and like everyone has said it's really none of their business. If I remembered who any of them were I would want to flaunt this pregnancy as a big middle finger to them haha.
I also get a lot of "was this one planned?" I guess because it's our third and people think that you should stop after 2? No we were not expecting this pregnancy but as @ShawnnaO said, once you find out you are pregnant there are options so technically yes we planned to keep and raise and love and nourish this baby. People lose their filters with pregnant ladies and they need to STFU.
Also I did it! I finally zinged someone today!
Jolly, rotund and generally humorous neighbor: Have you had your sonogram yet? One or two?
Me: Just one in there. How many are you having?
This doesn't read like a zinger but in the moment, it was sharp, well played and my husband laughed as he overheard this exchange.
In general, JFC, people are terrible! I am also surprised by all the girl baby hate I'm reading on here from strangers and acquaintances and family (and insurance companies!). I guess it really is a crime to be female.
I haven't had any real jaw-droppers like some of you, but at a Halloween party one friend, who is a mother of one, told me, "make sure you just take all the drugs, whatever they give you, just take it, it will be so easy!"
Same party, another friend, who isn't a mother, not that it matters, said, "you should try to have a natural birth, it's so much better and better for the baby. You really should try to go natural if you can."
Both are former coworkers so we're not super close but not super distant. To both I just responded with my usual neutral "oh."
@ShawnnaO I hate that response.
Edited: "thoughts" does not = "this ggts"
“I have a friend who can't have any more babies and wants one if you wanna give her yours”
when is that ever an OK thing to say? Oh but she thought she was so funny and clever.