Wow, some of these are just hard to read. I am sorry for all of you. I haven't had comments like some of you, but an annoying one that I seemed to have gotten several times was "are you sure there aren't twins in there?" Yep, pretty sure. And I just remember getting so tired of answering the same question over and over and even to the same people. They would always ask what were you having again? and when are you due? By week 35 I was ready to just have it printed on a t-shirt. Or wanted to just stay home. I guess I got annoyed easily in my last trimester.
Okay everyone heads are gonna roll I don't communicate with MIL. I don't like her, she is toxic. SO has a young sister (11) that he likes to keep in touch with so he calls every once in a while to talk to her. I told him that if he wanted to tell her that we were having twins, to feel free. He is supportive of my feelings about her, but knew that if he wanted to tell his sister, he should tell his mother.
*TW*
"After what the two of you did to your daughter I'm shocked you're bringing more children into this world. That is highly selfish"
She passed away. Of a very rare heart defect that is not genetic. "What the two of us did"
I finally feel justified that this woman has only ever met our son once. Hate isn't a strong enough word. Especially since I'm freaking out before this test we have on Tuesday (early fetal echo)
I'm raging. This is why the woman will be lonely forever.
@HappyMonkey817 she has never liked me (I still used to try very very hard) She hates anything that resembles happiness. She is lonely and miserable and has done it to herself. I just hate that my SO wants to have a mom in his life (he lived with his dad growing up) and this is what he gets.
@syssa-o I am so very sorry. Her comment isn't even logical. It sounds like you know her hateful comments stem from her own darkness and insecurity. I get why your SO wants a mother figure, but sometimes it's just time to step back and not engage. I am seriously concerned for his sister and the environment she is growing up in.
When I was around 10 weeks I visited my parents (They already knew I was pregnant). The first thing my mom said was "Do you have a pooch yet?", and proceeded to rub my belly. I was mortified! First off, as a nurse she knows FTM don't usually show early, but I do have a little belly fat. I also told her I was really uncomfortable with people(even her) rubbing my belly. It's just too intimate, especially when you aren't even showing yet! She was clueless about why I didn't like it and hurt... So I was both mortified and felt guilty for hurting her feelings.
@DDRRT1982 that's exactly why he has kept contact up until this point, he feel s so bad that his sister is growing up in that environment. Unfortunately we do have to put our family and our wellbeing first. He is more upset than me (I get it, he hoped his mom wasn't truly a witch.... and she proved him wrong again) but we will be just fine.
@syssa-o Raging for you guys. I'm so sorry that you both have to deal with this horrible woman. You two are strong and have the joy of your children. She can go choke on her own spite.
@syssa-o, I can't even. Your MIL sounds like an absolutely horrible person. I'm glad you have little to no contact with her. You don't need that in your life. No one does. I am so sorry on her behalf. That is sick.
I just had my first experience with a random stranger touching my belly. He was a creepy older dude that regularly comes into my work (restaurant) and asked why I'm not serving these days, only hosting. I told him I'm pregnant and starting to get too big around the middle to comfortably carry a tray. He immediately stoked my belly and said "oh there's a baby?"! I was so taken aback that I didn't tell him no. Then he did it again a few seconds later!! At least now I know yo say no as soon as someone starts to reach. I honestly didn't know people *actually* did that!
Edited to say say that this SAME old man asked how old I am and if it's my first. I told him I'm 28 and yes it is. He had the audacity to tell me that I sure waited long enough.. like what!!
@syssa-o I am horrified. I am so so sorry you experienced this. We already experience so much guilt in parenthood and I'm sorry this person forgot that encouragement hurts no one and degradation hurts everyone.
A student of mine in one of the graduate classes I teach asked, "is your partner happy about this?" after I made the announcement to one of my classes. WTF!!?!? First off, WTF!??! Second, how in the hell does a student have the nerve to ask such a question, almost as an implication that the pregnancy was an accident and my partner is somehow disappointed. I was blown away!
Before we knew we were expecting #3 my grandma told me that I should get 'fixed' so that we don't chance having another baby with issues. Both my older two were born with clubfoot plus my daughter also had hip dysplasia and dislocated knees. Now I am terrified to tell her we are expecting our third.
Before we knew we were expecting #3 my grandma told me that I should get 'fixed' so that we don't chance having another baby with issues. Both my older two were born with clubfoot plus my daughter also had hip dysplasia and dislocated knees. Now I am terrified to tell her we are expecting our third.
@syssa-o I just saw your post. my lord...that woman would be banned from contact so fast...Totally and completely unacceptable. I am so sorry for your loss, and I hope your MIL gets diarrhea every day for the rest of her life.
i got a good one from my boss when I told him I was pregnant.
"Oh, I'm surprised. You told me you weren't planning on getting pregnant any time soon."
backstory: I told him that over a year ago at my annual review. news flash: a lot can change in a year and when I choose to get pregnant is not your business, nor do I have to explain why or when I change my mind about my family planning.
I'm sorry to everyone that's had horrible things said to them! We have only told close friends and family, and so far it's been nothing but loving and congratulatory remarks. We are planning to go public the end of this week though, but it's making me feel a little nervous about all the unwanted commentary that might be headed our way
@npkat honestly, you build a thick skin quick when it comes to people giving their unsolicited opinions about your pregnancy/parenting style. Just take it all worth a grain of salt and remember that the people who are disgusting enough to make negative remarks are just showing you who they truly are and that they don't need to be in your life. Like, "Bye Felicia." Plus, they'll seem so insignificant compared to all the love you'll receive.
I'm with @npkat, we have thankfully had nothing but encouraging and positive comments from people. *TW* I think after 3 ectopic pregnancies people realize I'm not for the shit if they come for me *end TW*.
Also @syssa-o you are a good, strong woman. I'm glad you have seen that evilness for what it is. And if you need any backup I'm here for it. I need some kind of foolishness to blame pregnancy hormones on
Wow many of these are shocking, esp @syssa-o. I've got another MIL story: When DH told her, her response was...
nothing. She did't reach out to me at all. At first I didn't even know DH had told her. Then I texted her about something else and she asked "is it true that you're expecting?" I was so shocked I didn't even know how to respond. When I replied yes, 12 weeks today. DH's phone rang, and she launched into bitching about BIL! Then said to him "now that I know it's true, I'm very happy for you."
TW I've had two MC's and she knows this. But she didn't say anything like "Oh good, you've made past your milestones." Not even "How are you feeling?" WTF?
My SIL has yet to say congratulations to me. For any of my pregnancies. I understood the first two because she was struggling with fertility. But the last 2 she's been pregnant for 1 and had her son for this current one. There's no reason for her not to say congratulations.
I'm so sorry for all those who have heard such awful things, especially when you have lost a child. People can be so thoughtless,so heartless, sometimes just downright nasty. I can't imagine it coming from your own family.
lol I finally got someone who needed to know how on earth we were having twins... "twins? Wow. Are you taking fertility medication?" -nope "well there must be a reason. Twins must be somewhere in your family." -nope "well you know, everything we ingest has crazy hormones these days, so I guess that would make sense."
I am appalled at some of these comments y'all are getting!!! People can be truly awful. I am so sorry to those of you who are getting these unsolicited ugly comments about your pregnancies and I hope ppl learn to STFU one of these days (doubtful I know but one can dream).
Nothing I have gotten has been too bad so far. The most common comment I have been getting is some version of "Get ready to never sleep again!! " Yeah, I know I am a FTM and will definitely be getting a lot less sleep, esp at first but these people (nor I) know how much the baby will be sleeping!! He may decide he likes sleeping 6 hours a night! You never know!
We are having a boy but as a (dumb) joke my H told my MIL we were having a girl. She was so upset she said she had to get off the phone! He told her it was a boy before she hung up but it kind of pisses me off that she was about to get THAT UPSET if it was a girl!!! WTF!! My H told me she had a hard time with his niece when she was little but all girls are different. Just b/c his niece was a handful doesn't necessarily mean ours would have been (if we were having a girl). Hell, our boy may be a handful - you never know! I'm not a huge fan of my MIL to begin with but this made me respect her even less.
Me: 36 DH: 37 Married: 5.27.16 Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
@justkeeptrying I'm so sorry that's the case for you. *TW no one in our lives other than my two best friends know that this is my third pregnancy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my SIL got pregnant a few months later and unfortunately miscarried at about 9 weeks. It was devastating to all of us an I know it was hard on her to see me go through a healthy pregnancy. With this pregnancy, there's been radio silence from her and I can't help but feel like she's still having a hard time. I try to be understanding but it still sucks. Sometimes I wonder if we had been more open about my miscarriage if maybe things would be different right now with her.
I am appalled at some of these comments y'all are getting!!! People can be truly awful. I am so sorry to those of you who are getting these unsolicited ugly comments about your pregnancies and I hope ppl learn to STFU one of these days (doubtful I know but one can dream).
Nothing I have gotten has been too bad so far. The most common comment I have been getting is some version of "Get ready to never sleep again!! " Yeah, I know I am a FTM and will definitely be getting a lot less sleep, esp at first but these people (nor I) know how much the baby will be sleeping!! He may decide he likes sleeping 6 hours a night! You never know!
We are having a boy but as a (dumb) joke my H told my MIL we were having a girl. She was so upset she said she had to get off the phone! He told her it was a boy before she hung up but it kind of pisses me off that she was about to get THAT UPSET if it was a girl!!! WTF!! My H told me she had a hard time with his niece when she was little but all girls are different. Just b/c his niece was a handful doesn't necessarily mean ours would have been (if we were having a girl). Hell, our boy may be a handful - you never know! I'm not a huge fan of my MIL to begin with but this made me respect her even less.
So after struggling with infertility, unsuccessful treatments, and IVF we finally called MIL to tell her I was pregnant with a girl and her FIRST response was "You should have picked a boy."
Guess who I'm NOT inviting to the hospital. *eyeroll*
Why are people such big a holes about the sex of a baby?
It's so interesting that it is women and mother's with those responses, @antoto and @muggle621. I personally like being a woman and I am happy to be part of creating the next generation of women.
So when I was pregnant with my second and people asked me if it was a boy or a girl and I said boy a lot of people would say "oh perfect you'll have a boy and a girl you can stop now"-um what? so if we were having another girl we should keep going?
Going along with some pp's a lot of people are asking me if it's planned because it's the third one (even my OB asked!). Not that it's really any of their business but we had been kicking around the idea of a third one but not actively trying. If I try to say it was a bit of a surprise (because it's always a surprise when you find out you're pregnant, you can't tell the second you get pregnant) a favorite comment is "well you know what causes this right?" why yes, thank you. I'm 31 with 2 other children I know how babies are made.
One that my aunt said was just kind of crazy-I told them over the phone because if I had waited to tell them in person and they heard it from another family member first I never would have heard the end of it-after a long silence the first words out of my aunts mouth were "Oh your poor mother she's so tired already, now you're adding another one!". What. My mother watches my kids half a day, in the afternoon, most of the time they're napping. And when I told my mom this she just scoffed and said "she's just jealous because her son never had kids and she really wanted grandkids, she's jealous of me, I'm not tired and even if I was I wouldn't tell her!"
Mine are not terrible compared to other's and I feel really bad that some of you have had to deal with some really insensitive people who need a good dose of STFU.
It's so interesting that it is women and mother's with those responses, @antoto and @muggle621. I personally like being a woman and I am happy to be part of creating the next generation of women.
Hah yeah H's response was "But... YOU'RE a woman. How can you not like girls?"
TBH part of it is because H is originally from China. There is unfortunately a lot of deeply entrenched preference for boys there especially in the older generations. Luckily H has no preference.
@LaurenAnn0405 we don't know sex yet but we get the "if it's a boy it'll be perfect because you'll have one of each!" Comment ALL THE TIME. We are tentatively planning to only have two, but quite frankly, two little girls would be just as perfect as a girl and a boy. I hate that comment. Ugh.
@LaurenAnn0405 we don't know sex yet but we get the "if it's a boy it'll be perfect because you'll have one of each!" Comment ALL THE TIME. We are tentatively planning to only have two, but quite frankly, two little girls would be just as perfect as a girl and a boy. I hate that comment. Ugh.
FFFC I actually hope I have more daughters in the future. I am one of three girls in my family and we are SO close. I think 2 or 3 girls would be awesome.
Re: Sh*t People Say to Pregnant Women
*TW*
"After what the two of you did to your daughter I'm shocked you're bringing more children into this world. That is highly selfish"
She passed away. Of a very rare heart defect that is not genetic. "What the two of us did"
I finally feel justified that this woman has only ever met our son once. Hate isn't a strong enough word. Especially since I'm freaking out before this test we have on Tuesday (early fetal echo)
I'm raging. This is why the woman will be lonely forever.
These posts are making me lose faith in humans.
in his life (he lived with his dad growing up) and this is what he gets.
I was mortified! First off, as a nurse she knows FTM don't usually show early, but I do have a little belly fat.
I also told her I was really uncomfortable with people(even her) rubbing my belly. It's just too intimate, especially when you aren't even showing yet! She was clueless about why I didn't like it and hurt... So I was both mortified and felt guilty for hurting her feelings.
Edited to say say that this SAME old man asked how old I am and if it's my first. I told him I'm 28 and yes it is. He had the audacity to tell me that I sure waited long enough.. like what!!
"Oh, I'm surprised. You told me you weren't planning on getting pregnant any time soon."
backstory: I told him that over a year ago at my annual review. news flash: a lot can change in a year and when I choose to get pregnant is not your business, nor do I have to explain why or when I change my mind about my family planning.
Since DS is only 15m, I keep getting something similar to "Pregnant again already?" Can't you just say congrats? Ugh.
DS 6/3/2016
MC 1/12/2017
BFP 7/19/2017
EDD 3/31/2018
Also @syssa-o you are a good, strong woman. I'm glad you have seen that evilness for what it is. And if you need any backup I'm here for it. I need some kind of foolishness to blame pregnancy hormones on
I've got another MIL story: When DH told her, her response was...
nothing. She did't reach out to me at all. At first I didn't even know DH had told her. Then I texted her about something else and she asked "is it true that you're expecting?" I was so shocked I didn't even know how to respond. When I replied yes, 12 weeks today. DH's phone rang, and she launched into bitching about BIL! Then said to him "now that I know it's true, I'm very happy for you."
TW I've had two MC's and she knows this. But she didn't say anything like "Oh good, you've made past your milestones." Not even "How are you feeling?" WTF?
I've been pregnant 4 times now.
My SIL has yet to say congratulations to me. For any of my pregnancies. I understood the first two because she was struggling with fertility. But the last 2 she's been pregnant for 1 and had her son for this current one. There's no reason for her not to say congratulations.
EDD March 12, 2018
"twins? Wow. Are you taking fertility medication?"
-nope
"well there must be a reason. Twins must be somewhere in your family."
-nope
"well you know, everything we ingest has crazy hormones these days, so I guess that would make sense."
Nothing I have gotten has been too bad so far. The most common comment I have been getting is some version of "Get ready to never sleep again!! "
Yeah, I know I am a FTM and will definitely be getting a lot less sleep, esp at first but these people (nor I) know how much the baby will be sleeping!! He may decide he likes sleeping 6 hours a night! You never know!
We are having a boy but as a (dumb) joke my H told my MIL we were having a girl. She was so upset she said she had to get off the phone! He told her it was a boy before she hung up but it kind of pisses me off that she was about to get THAT UPSET if it was a girl!!! WTF!! My H told me she had a hard time with his niece when she was little but all girls are different. Just b/c his niece was a handful doesn't necessarily mean ours would have been (if we were having a girl). Hell, our boy may be a handful - you never know! I'm not a huge fan of my MIL to begin with but this made me respect her even less.
Married: 5.27.16
Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
Guess who I'm NOT inviting to the hospital. *eyeroll*
Why are people such big a holes about the sex of a baby?
So when I was pregnant with my second and people asked me if it was a boy or a girl and I said boy a lot of people would say "oh perfect you'll have a boy and a girl you can stop now"-um what? so if we were having another girl we should keep going?
Going along with some pp's a lot of people are asking me if it's planned because it's the third one (even my OB asked!). Not that it's really any of their business but we had been kicking around the idea of a third one but not actively trying. If I try to say it was a bit of a surprise (because it's always a surprise when you find out you're pregnant, you can't tell the second you get pregnant) a favorite comment is "well you know what causes this right?" why yes, thank you. I'm 31 with 2 other children I know how babies are made.
One that my aunt said was just kind of crazy-I told them over the phone because if I had waited to tell them in person and they heard it from another family member first I never would have heard the end of it-after a long silence the first words out of my aunts mouth were "Oh your poor mother she's so tired already, now you're adding another one!". What. My mother watches my kids half a day, in the afternoon, most of the time they're napping. And when I told my mom this she just scoffed and said "she's just jealous because her son never had kids and she really wanted grandkids, she's jealous of me, I'm not tired and even if I was I wouldn't tell her!"
Mine are not terrible compared to other's and I feel really bad that some of you have had to deal with some really insensitive people who need a good dose of STFU.
TBH part of it is because H is originally from China. There is unfortunately a lot of deeply entrenched preference for boys there especially in the older generations. Luckily H has no preference.