Documentary - Infertility and Pregnancy Loss

tosh24

Hi Ladies,

This documentary (called "Jacob - A Short Documentary about Pregnancy and Infant Loss") floated around Facebook about 6-8 months ago when I was in the throes of my grief after my first miscarriage. I assume that at some point someone may have posted a link to it on this board so some members may have seen it already, but I thought I would post it anyway as this board unfortunately sees new members quite often and I am hoping it will be helpful to others.

This documentary REALLY helped me to understand that I had every right to grieve for my baby and that there was no shame in that because my baby was a "real" baby despite what others may think. I feel like it gave me permission to hurt and be sad and talk about my baby as MY baby. It really validated a lot of my feelings. The couple of nurses/pregnancy loss counselors that were interviewed really said things that resonated with me and I keep their words in the back of my mind.

It's only about 15 minutes but just a warning in case you are at work or in a public place, that it's pretty much a tear-jerker. No matter how many times I watch it, I always blubber away.   

I hope it will help anyone who is struggling with how to grieve such an invisible loss.


https://vimeo.com/194173778

rosemaryandthyme

Thank you for sharing this, I had not seen it before and it was really well done.  I recently heard about another documentary being made called Don't Talk About the Baby that focuses on the culture of silence around pregnancy loss and infertility that I'll be interested to see when it's finished.  I'm so glad to see films like this being made and shared, and for the positive shift we've seen in recent years with more and more people being willing to share openly about their losses.  I hate this this is even still a taboo topic, and particularly feel so bad for women in past generations who felt they had no choice but to pretend it never happened.

tosh24

I just took a sneak peek at Don't Talk About the Baby - I'll definitely be following along and watching for its release. Thanks for sharing!

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite. I will talk to any friend or even stranger about my losses, but when it comes to family - no way. I have a distant cousin who miscarried at 9 weeks and I overheard what people said to her at a family reunion regarding the loss and I just can not put myself through those kind of comments and ignorance. I know if I spoke up it would help to educate my family members but I am not in a place right now where I can do that. I hope to be able to one day.

leahcimmichael

@tosh24 oh goodness. That Jacob documentary got me crying. I wish everyone would watch that to learn about what NOT to say. Yes, at least I know I can get pregnant. But that doesn't mean I can stay pregnant. And even if I do have a baby, I will still want the babies that I lost too. 

And family has been the least understanding for me in a lot of ways as well. They want to hear about the lab results and the doctor appointments, but haven't been as open as my girlfriends about hearing how I FEEL about my MCs. Like anything outside of optimism isn't to be talked about. No wonder I developed this scathing sense of sarcasm...

dpjennifer

@tosh24 Ugh... family... Maybe it's because they all just want to 'help' and be on the positive side so much that causes them to say such asinine things.... ? Or maybe that's just my family? But my friends are way more understanding than my family is.

tosh24

@dpjennifer I have no idea why family is so much worse. The other part of it for me too is that I don't want people all up in my business asking me about TTC all the time since it's obviously a sensitive subject. With friends, I think they're a little more respectful of personal space. With family, it's like they think they're entitled to updates all the time and answers to really personal questions. I guess part of it is also that some days I'm OK to talk about it and some days I'm not so I like to bring it up on my own terms. Sorry your family isn't more understanding either. 

cryssieaddis

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm so sorry for your loss.  Is your heart better with everything now?

robyn2201

Thank you for sharing! I totally cried but it was good though.

Mack2342

Thank you for sharing 

cseley321

Yeah family can be the worst. I have been very open about my struggle with miscarriages and my visits to the infertility clinic. Now I kind of regret it. I didn't tell my mom about my most recent pregnancy or loss this time around.