Benched Check-in week of August 21st

[Deleted User]

<h1><b>*please notice*</b></h1><b>This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched. (There is also a TTCAL "sister" thread.)</b>

<div>***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***
</div><div>
</div><div><b>This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. </b>You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.</div><div>
</div><div>Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons</div><div>TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________</div><div><b>
</b>Are you benched or TTA? </div><div>
</div><div>What brings you here? </div><div>
</div><div>How long do you think you'll be here? </div><div>
</div><div>How have things been going?</div><div>
</div><div>Any R/R/CS/Q? </div>
<span>GTKY:  What are the top 5 songs on your summer playlist this year?</span>

[Deleted User]

I didn't see this started last week (8/14) and I know there are still some Benched folks out there. Please don't by shy!  We see you! ❤

starla

Are you benched or TTA? 

Benched

What brings you here? 

2nd MMC. OBGYN advised that we wait until I have a normal AF to make sure any retained tissue is shed (ultrasound showed potentially some retained tissue).

How long do you think you'll be here? 

One cycle, however long that is. 

How have things been going?

Shitty. I want to TTC this cycle. I talked to DH about it last night and he thinks we should wait to make sure we're emotionally and physically ready. I know we should, but I'm struggling. 

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

Nope. 

GTKY:  What are the top 5 songs on your summer playlist this year?
I don't know... I just listen to random playlists on Google Play. 

lulu1180

I guess I'll jump in this week!

@starla I'm so sorry you're feeling conflicted about your benched time.  I hope that it goes quickly and you get your take home baby soon!  Hugs friend!

Are you benched or TTA? TTA

What brings you here? Taking care of myself

How long do you think you'll be here? I haven't completely decided yet.  It depends how I feel and where I'm at mentally, emotionally, physically

How have things been going? Mostly good!  I've replaced my TTC obsession with working out and eating right.  And DH has mentioned on more than one occasion that he can tell how much less stressed I am.  

Any R/R/CS/Q? I had a f/u with the RE last week and that appointment went really well and I feel good about the team I have behind me if I decide to pursue fertility treatments when I start TTC again.  But yesterday, I got the bloodwork back for AMH and it wasn't good at .358 but I realized that there's really not much I can do about it so stressing over it won't make any difference.

GTKY:  What are the top 5 songs on your summer playlist this year? I don't really have a summer playlist, although I've been listening to 90s country a lot recently.

dukestar5

@BusinessWife  Thanks for starting this thread

@starla  I am sorry that you are here. ((creepy internet hugs))  I hope AF comes soon so you do not have to wait long to try again.

@lulu1180  Eating right and exercising definitely makes me feel better!  (Unfortunately, when AF comes around I tend to get sad and want to eat a lot of ice cream  )

Are you benched or TTA?  Benched

What brings you here?   Hubby is going on a two+ week work trip and it is over FW...unfortunately no way for him to come back or me to go there

How long do you think you'll be here?  1 month

How have things been going?  The last two days have been very emotional for me.  I did not even feel like going to yoga yesterday with my best friend, but she brought me lunch instead.  Faith is important to me, so I have been praying for peace.  And I think the benched time may be positive...a time just to rest and not think about TTC so much.  I still love TB community, so I plan on checking in though.

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY:  What are the top 5 songs on your summer playlist this year?
Well, I do like Justin Bieber's Despacito, but I have eclectic taste in music and like a variety of styles.  Right now I'm really digging Rising Appalachia Radio on Pandora.

WildMagelet

Thanks for posting @BusinessWife !  

Are you benched or TTA?  Benched

What brings you here? 2nd trimester MMC diagnosed 7/28, followed by an induction & subsequent D&C on 8/4.

How long do you think you'll be here? My post-op follow-up is 9/11.  After that it's up to DH for when he wants to start trying again.  We're going to talk about it over our vacation (which starts a week from Friday, weee!) but DH has already expressed he's not sure if he's ready yet.  

How have things been going?  Ok, I guess.  There was like a weird 3 week lull where nobody (who knew) talked to us and asked how we were doing, with the exception of DSS14.  I thought it was odd, but as soon as I expressed a comment about it suddenly I got 2 phone calls.  There are still 2 close relatives on DH's side that haven't said a word to me about it, which I find weird and out of the ordinary.

Any R/R/CS/Q?   Not at this time.

GTKY:  What are the top 5 songs on your summer playlist this year?  Whatever happens to be on the radio.  I've been listening to podcasts more than anything else (specifically "Up & Vanished" and "Hello from the Magic Tavern"  

@starla  I know how you feel about being anxious to try again.  Part of me logically knows we should probably wait longer, but part of me wants to be pregnant right NOW.  

@lulu1180 I'm glad you've found something that helps reduce your stress levels.  Hopefully you can find ways to continue that when you eventually decide go to back to TTC.

@dukestar5 We had a lot of iffy cycles this time last year due to DH's wonky work travels.  Is this a regular thing for him or more of a one-off or annual sort of thing?

starla

@WildMagelet I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to YH for taking it hard...

We had our MCs on the same day, but mine was Misoprostol induced. It's so hard to not have these dates etched in my memory. I hope you're doing OK - about as well as someone in your situation can be doing. It's such a tough thing to endure.

It was kind of sweet that after my first loss, DH's grandma shared with us that she had had a MC between having her two kids. We were talking about other people's kids and out of nowhere she said it then changed the subject. I knew it was her way of comforting us. Everyone has their own way dealing with grief and communicating it. I think some people are so saddened and overwhelmed that they don't know what to say. They probably also don't want to upset you so they don't say anything. It doesn't mean that they don't recognize your pain or that they don't care. 

[Deleted User]

@starla That is so touching that your grandma had shared that with you. ❤  Somewhere along the line I learned that - if I'm not mistaken - my mom had two losses between me and my brother.  And we are 9+ years apart!  This whole TTC journey puts that so much more into perspective for me, what that must have been like for them... what a miracle I must have felt like! Lol. She would have been 35 at the time too, I guess or almost, 34 something like that when I was born.  But we didn't grow up talking about these stories... makes ya think. (((Hugs)))

zamoraspin

*lurking*
@WildMagelet I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry that you are not getting support from people you have told. You lost a baby, that's a fact, and it should be recognized. It's so hard to tell people about the loss and then to feel like they don't care or can't be bothered to at least say they're thinking about you is hurtful. Before I had my first loss I never really knew what to say to women who struggled with IF or mc's (or both) or if what I did say was helpful, and I was afraid that when I asked about it I would make them sadder by "reminding them" of it. BUT, now I realize just giving someone the space to talk about something so difficult is valuable, and that there is no "reminding," it is always on your mind at some level. The best thing others can do is give you a place to let the sad out. It's hard to have to be the person to train others, but maybe if you're up to it, express to those who do ask, hey, thank you for asking and giving me space to talk about it, it is hard but it helps. 

We told a small handful of friends and my immediate family about loss #1. I have told some people about loss #2 and our RE referral, but really only the people who have been supportive about loss #1. I have been lucky to have a few friends and family who have checked in with me and asked how I am doing and given me the space to talk about it. 

One of the friends I told about loss #1 basically said "we are ttc too and I think about this happening to me all the time," that she was sorry, and then "let me know how I can support you" and since that text has literally never ever brought it up or even asked how I was doing. I have found that very hurtful and don't want to share with her anymore. 

WildMagelet

@starla  Thanks.  I'm sorry that you're in the same situation and hope that you're healing well both physically and emotionally.  My best friend said the same thing about them not wanting to upset me, but at the same time it's such a foreign concept to me that someone might think that I already wasn't constantly thinking about it at this point in time.  That's really sweet of your grandmother. 

@zamora_spin Thanks.  I appreciate your suggestion in regards to talking to close family about it.  We had just told immediate family that we were PG towards the end of first tri, just days before we discovered that there may have been a problem.  We were going to wait until our A&P results next month at our 22-week U/S to disclose any potential issues, but our 16 week check-up had something different in mind for us.  It IS always there, and sometimes it's difficult not to talk about it, but we hadn't got around to telling work or general acquaintance/friends yet so it's a burden that's always there that sometimes I can't help but think that I am carrying all by myself (when I'm not with DH - who is obviously also very much affected).  My MoH & I talk daily, and her mom has been asking about/checking in on me regularly and it's just SUPER strange to me that it's been 3 weeks and the bulk of my family and DH's family have not been doing the same.  Aside from the day we told people, the only one aside from DH & my MoH who's talked to me directly about it is DH's ex-W (who we're both close to at this point).

starla

@WildMagelet I think people may be waiting for a cue from you before bringing it up. I know most of my and DH's family haven't brought it up, but would just ask how we're doing. I'm sure our family would be willing to talk about it if we brought it up, but honestly I don't want to talk about it. I'm close with my sister and we talk about it all the time. For everyone else, I'm worried that they would say the wrong thing and I'd start bawling my eyes out or worse - get upset and yell at them.

holly321

Are you benched or TTA?   Benched

What brings you here?  TW technically I am still pregnant, just waiting for the pregnancy to end, but the miscarriage board is dead, so I figured I would hang out here. Besides, as of right now, I want to TTC ASAP

How long do you think you'll be here? Hopefully just a month or two.  When I miscarried in the past, my doctor didn't make us wait past my first cycle, and I was much farther along.

How have things been going? Terrible. 

Any R/R/CS/Q?  None

GTKY:  What are the top 5 songs on your summer playlist this year?
I don't really listen to current music much, but so far, a lot of Metallica this summer, we saw them in May

@WildMagelet, I am sorry you aren't getting the support you need. After my first miscarriage, I saw so upset NO ONE would talk about it to me, and they seemed so uncomfortable when I brought it up, that I constantly felt like I was trying to protect their feelings.  I hope you can find someone (s) you can confide in.

starla

@holly321 I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally get the feeling of wanting to TTC as soon as possible. Is your doctor going to do any testing? Were you on the Feb BMB?

holly321

@starla, we aren't doing any testing.  I am hoping to miscarry without a d&c.  While this isn't my first miscarriage, mine are 5 years apart and very different, and TW, I did have a child in between end TW.  So while something can be wrong that would be good to see in testing, I am trying to be optimistic and just hope all goes well next time.  And I was on April BMB.

[Deleted User]

@holly321. So sorry to see you back here like this... (((hugs)))
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/70/sjtp8vo0tdyo.gif" alt="">

WildMagelet

@holly321 - I'm sorry that you back here like this.  FX for you that you can M/C naturally without surgical intervention.

starla

@holly321 I'm so sorry. It's such a tough thing... If you find that you can't wait any longer and want to go the cytotec/Misoprostol route, feel free to PM me with any questions. I hope it's over quickly for you.