Unpopular Opinion - 7/27

becausescience

And not liking LLR doesn't count. 

becausescience

Astrology is a load of crock.

kmalls

Top sheets are gross. A fitted sheet + duvet/comforter is all one needs on a bed. 

becausescience

@kmalls What! A top sheet is needed so you don't have to wash the duvet all the time. 

LiveNLove44

kmalls said:

Top sheets are gross. A fitted sheet + duvet/comforter is all one needs on a bed. 

Noooooooooooo!!! I love my top sheet. Love. I don't think I've used a comforter in years. It stays looking pretty nice though

kmalls

becausescience said:
What! A top sheet is needed so you don't have to wash the duvet all the time. 

Newp. The sole functions of a top sheet are either to suffocate the people in the bed, or get crumpled up at the bottom and prevent optimal sleeping comfort from being reached. I gladly wash the duvet cover regularly just to avoid the horror of using a top sheet. 

TennisLove30

I'm currently lying under my top sheet and loving it. Ha ha! 

vflux33

Nooooooo! I could not live without my top sheet! 

becausescience

#teamtopsheet

muggle621

@kmalls You must live somewhere that has seasons other than summer. I live in the South and all we can really have on the bed is a top sheet and maybe a light blanket. 
Also I hope you use the top sheet in hotels b/c the duvet/comforter is not washed as often. ( I used to work in a hotel). 

kmalls

@muggle621 valid point about hotels. I will choose a top sheet 11 times out of 10 just to avoid contact with a semen-infested comforter. Gross. 

[Deleted User]

ENORMOUS bows on baby girls are ugly AF.  The little ones are cute.

kitandcat

@antoto agreed!! I love, love, love bows on girls.... I don't like the tiny ones or the large ones!! Especially the ginormous ones as big as their heads! Just, why?? But the medium sized ones are perfect. Call me Goldie Locks LOL 

hullabalou

I think "mom shaming" is way over exaggerated. I see far more articles complaining about it existing than actual examples of it happening, and a lot of "examples" I do see are just two women doing things differently (ie. one breast feeds/one formula feeds) and assuming that just because the other mom does it a different way she is judging.

I think the majority of moms are probably too busy keeping their own kids alive to care a whole lot about other people's choices.

missydallas

I can't stand people who wear headphones while driving. WHY? How can you even hear sirens or anything going on around you????

also #teamtopsheet

hullabalou

missydallas said:

I can't stand people who wear headphones while driving. WHY? How can you even hear sirens or anything going on around you????

also #teamtopsheet

My husband does this with NOISE BLOCKING HEADPHONES. I tell him it's illegal and he ignores me. I don't know if it is actually illegal, but it should be.

ambybambi

I adore all the bows on babies, big or small!

pbtoast

I think that elaborate/fancy/stiff "going home" outfits are silly. I threw my son in some comfy PJs and a hat to go home from the hospital. Babies are already put off by the fact that they're in a car seat instead of comfy in the womb like they were just a day or two prior- why make them more uncomfortable in a stuffy outfit?

kmalls

hullabalou said:

I think "mom shaming" is way over exaggerated. I see far more articles complaining about it existing than actual examples of it happening, and a lot of "examples" I do see are just two women doing things differently (ie. one breast feeds/one formula feeds) and assuming that just because the other mom does it a different way she is judging.

I think the majority of moms are probably too busy keeping their own kids alive to care a whole lot about other people's choices.

Eesh. I can't remember if you have a kid or kids already, but if so, did you formula feed? Both of my kids were/are formula fed and trust me, the shaming is real. 

vflux33

@hullabalou Yeah I think a lot of people are justifying their own decisions out loud and it can come off as judgemental to other people who might be feeling sensitive/still justifying their own decisions in a different way. That said, I am new to this game and I can tell once I'm showing people (especially ILs) are going to be pissing me off with comments about what I should be doing and at a certain point I'm not gonna care if they're trying to be helpful or not. 

ambybambi

@pbtoast comfy jams all the way here too. This 2nd baby will wear the same sleeper home that #1 did, just a plane white terry cloth sleeper. I do love looking at the pics of baby's in their grand outfits though, hell I just love babies.

missydallas

hullabalou said:

missydallas said:

I can't stand people who wear headphones while driving. WHY? How can you even hear sirens or anything going on around you????

also #teamtopsheet

My husband does this with NOISE BLOCKING HEADPHONES. I tell him it's illegal and he ignores me. I don't know if it is actually illegal, but it should be.

WHAT!?! Haha, that's crazy!! What is he listening to? My husband hates when I complain about this when we're in the car together - and I always say it's illegal, too (I also have no idea if it's legal or illegal).

megpeg

@kmalls for real! My sister breastfed and is always posting stuff about it but it makes me feel ashamed that I couldn't. 

hullabalou

kmalls said:

hullabalou said:

I think "mom shaming" is way over exaggerated. I see far more articles complaining about it existing than actual examples of it happening, and a lot of "examples" I do see are just two women doing things differently (ie. one breast feeds/one formula feeds) and assuming that just because the other mom does it a different way she is judging.

I think the majority of moms are probably too busy keeping their own kids alive to care a whole lot about other people's choices.

Eesh. I can't remember if you have a kid or kids already, but if so, did you formula feed? Both of my kids were/are formula fed and trust me, the shaming is real. 

No, I didn't formula feed. And I have seen a few cases of way overbearing "breast is best" scenes play out, but I think it is a lot more rare than the internet makes it seem. All of the moms in my friend group have vastly different parenting styles and we all just accept each other. I think that's a lot more common than crappy people passing undeserved judgment. I know mom-shaming does happen, but generally speaking, I think a lot of "mom-shaming" is not actually shaming, just different parenting styles and assuming the other person is judging because they do something differently.

vflux33

@kmalls That's true. My sister got KU with her first on Lexapro and could not BF because of that. She did BF her second. Oddly, the first non BF kid developed language and other skills faster. I don't think that was BECAUSE she didn't BF her, but I do think other factors besides BF mattered more to these 2 particular kids and probably to many others. And she definitely had a friend on FB who
acts like formula moms are the devil. So yeah some ppl are dicks. But I do think a lot of people are just (often poorly) expressing their own ideals. 

hullabalou

megpeg said:

@kmalls for real! My sister breastfed and is always posting stuff about it but it makes me feel ashamed that I couldn't. 

This is kind of what I'm talking about though. Unless she's posting something saying "formula is bad," or
"breastfeeding moms are better," (and if she is, she's a twat) I don't think this is shaming. I posted articles about breastfeeding tips/funny things I related to as a breastfeeding mom, and I don't think those were shaming anyone who didn't breastfeed. My sister baby wears all the time and posts a lot about the benefits of baby-wearing/attachment parenting/etc. and I don't think it's shaming me for not doing those things.

hullabalou

vflux33 said:

@kmalls That's true. My sister got KU with her first on Lexapro and could not BF because of that. She did BF her second. Oddly, the first non BF kid developed language and other skills faster. I don't think that was BECAUSE she didn't BF her, but I do think other factors besides BF mattered more to these 2 particular kids and probably to many others. And she definitely had a friend on FB who
acts like formula moms are the devil. So yeah some ppl are dicks. But I do think a lot of people are just (often poorly) expressing their own ideals. 

My breastfed kid has had a sick visit every month of his life. My formula fed niece has been sick once-and she caught it from my son. I've never been able to look at a kid and say "he must have been breast fed/formula fed" because as long as they're fed and loved, they'll thrive.

kmalls

@hullabalou I'm glad you've had that experience. I have not. While I, too, have a wonderful group of supportive mom friends, I have also encountered nasty individuals shaming me for FF. There was no assumption of judgement on my part, the comments and intent were clear as day. So while you may have never encountered a situation like that, I think it's a mistake to broadly state that it's overblown. 

[Deleted User]

Shaming is definitely real and painful.  When news came out that Beyonce did IVF I saw/heard SO many hurtful things.  People can be pretty awful.

missydallas

hullabalou said:

megpeg said:

@kmalls for real! My sister breastfed and is always posting stuff about it but it makes me feel ashamed that I couldn't. 

This is kind of what I'm talking about though. Unless she's posting something saying "formula is bad," or
"breastfeeding moms are better," (and if she is, she's a twat) I don't think this is shaming. I posted articles about breastfeeding tips/funny things I related to as a breastfeeding mom, and I don't think those were shaming anyone who didn't breastfeed. My sister baby wears all the time and posts a lot about the benefits of baby-wearing/attachment parenting/etc. and I don't think it's shaming me for not doing those things.

This. I feel like sometimes on social media it's hard not to take things personally and I struggled tremendously with pregnancy announcements while dealing with IF. However - I removed myself from FB because people posting pregnancy announcements shouldn't have to censor their joy because I'm struggling with a journey. I will be announcing my pregnancy on FB and hope that people who are struggling with IF realize it's not a post to hurt feelings, but I should be able to share with friends and family that I'm having a baby without worrying about hurt feelings.

hullabalou

kmalls said:

@hullabalou I'm glad you've had that experience. I have not. While I, too, have a wonderful group of supportive mom friends, I have also encountered nasty individuals shaming me for FF. There was no assumption of judgement on my part, the comments and intent were clear as day. So while you may have never encountered a situation like that, I think it's a mistake to broadly state that it's overblown. 

I'm sorry you dealt with such crappy people. Hopefully they're the exception, not the rule. That's really the point I'm trying to make-I think the vast majority of moms have no interest in shaming anyone else, but the small percentage who judge others seem to be how the whole "mom community" is portrayed.

bb3vj3n

@hullabalou you are correct - noise canceling head phones while driving is in fact illegal.  atleast it is here.. big ticket if you get busted 

HappyMonkey817

hullabalou said:

megpeg said:

@kmalls for real! My sister breastfed and is always posting stuff about it but it makes me feel ashamed that I couldn't. 

This is kind of what I'm talking about though. Unless she's posting something saying "formula is bad," or
"breastfeeding moms are better," (and if she is, she's a twat) I don't think this is shaming. I posted articles about breastfeeding tips/funny things I related to as a breastfeeding mom, and I don't think those were shaming anyone who didn't breastfeed. My sister baby wears all the time and posts a lot about the benefits of baby-wearing/attachment parenting/etc. and I don't think it's shaming me for not doing those things.

I agree. I breastfed my first, and when I made it to a year, I posted something about it on Facebook. It wasn't meant to shame anyone in any way; I was just sharing my accomplishment because breastfeeding is freaking hard! I'd feel awful if it made anyone feel ashamed.

vflux33

This is why I hate Facebook so much. A lot of ppl act judgemental on FB and say things they'd never say in person. So many misunderstandings and unfair judgements happen when ppl broadcast their opinions on parenting/politics/anything to their 500 closest friends. Facebook provides some benefits but not enough to make up for the way it has basically totally destroyed how ppl communicate and made what maybe used to be cool ppl into judgmental AWs.

[Deleted User]

vflux33 said:

This is why I hate Facebook so much. A lot of ppl act judgemental on FB and say things they'd never say in person. So many misunderstandings and unfair judgements happen when ppl broadcast their opinions on parenting/politics/anything to their 500 closest friends. Facebook provides some benefits but not enough to make up for the way it has basically totally destroyed how ppl communicate and made what maybe used to be cool ppl into judgmental AWs.

Yeah I think this is the real problem.  Sometimes people aren't even paying attention to how hurtful the comments they are making are to people - and they would never make those comments out loud in public.

I have a friend who posted a picture of a stranger who had super short shorts to her Instagram and shamed her for it.  There is no way she would have done that IRL.

kitandcat

I don't think "mom shaming" is just sensitive moms taking things the wrong way. If you've been lucky enough not to experience it, that's wonderful. It's great that you're surrounded by support and understanding.  Or if you have the confidence to ignore it and move on, more power to you. But a lot of mom's have experienced it, and been hurt by it, and a lot of the time it's from people with no experience in parenting, breastfeeding, discipline, etc. One day we're all going to be the mom in the grocery store with a screaming, insane toddler. Some of us are going to give that kid a toy or some candy or a snack, some of us aren't. Some of those toddlers will be going through a developmental leap, others will be teething, some will have recently discovered their ability to be defiant, some will just have a strong willed personality. No matter what's wrong with the kid and what your reaction, you will be mom shamed... people will judge your child and judge your reactions and over time you will begin to feel it. One day you'll need to feed your tiny baby in public, and whether you breastfeed them at a restaurant table, with or without a cover, or maybe you do it in a bathroom stall, or maybe you feed a bottle of breastmilk, or pumped milk, or formula... you're going to be judged no matter what decision you make. And again, it's almost always by people who haven't been through any of it and be faced with the decisions of motherhood themselves. Mom shaming is everywhere and I think attention should be paid to it so people can learn that it's wrong and disrespectful. 

vflux33

@antoto Yeah it fosters a culture of shit-talking, bragging, etc. and the kind of posturing people do there makes everyone come off as a confrontational asshole. People who would never discuss certain things with each other are suddenly publicly challenging each other on their individual life choices. When if they met IRL they'd probably say "oh I never thoughts of that" or "that's cool but not for me". 

I left facebook because of politics, stayed off because of IF, and now that it's been over a year and I've lived all this time without it I'm just like... why was I ever on there in the first place? Social obligations? Getting invited to events? Sharing articles? I'm not feeling any of that stuff now. MH never even had an account there to begin with.

vflux33

FWIW I don't think "mom shaming exists" and "in some contexts mom shaming is overblown and it's a miscommunication" are mutually exclusive ideas. Lots of great points made in this thread for both. 

kiki75

antoto said:

*snip* I have a friend who posted a picture of a stranger who had super short shorts to her Instagram and shamed her for it.  There is no way she would have done that IRL.

If you don't have the guts to call out, "Your shorts are way too short and I don't like looking at your butt cheeks!" maybe skip posting it to the internet.

My UO: speaking of butt cheeks, I really think that anyone who is going to wear skirts should be taught how to wear them properly. I grew up with lectures on tucking it under me as I sat, keeping my knees together, wearing longer skirts if I was going to be on a stage because everyone is eye-level with your crotch, etc. I see a crazy number of women in public places in short skirts just plopping down. I don't want just panties and likely a thong to be the only thing between me and a public seat, nor do I want to sit somewhere that someone just put their thong-only butt. I also glance across rooms and see crotches all the time. Thankfully people are often wearing panties but still. And, depending on the fabric of the skirt, you need to wear full coverage underpants and/or use a slip so that half your skirt isn't wedged up in there all the time. 

kmalls

hullabalou said:

megpeg said:

@kmalls for real! My sister breastfed and is always posting stuff about it but it makes me feel ashamed that I couldn't. 

This is kind of what I'm talking about though. Unless she's posting something saying "formula is bad," or
"breastfeeding moms are better," (and if she is, she's a twat) I don't think this is shaming. I posted articles about breastfeeding tips/funny things I related to as a breastfeeding mom, and I don't think those were shaming anyone who didn't breastfeed. My sister baby wears all the time and posts a lot about the benefits of baby-wearing/attachment parenting/etc. and I don't think it's shaming me for not doing those things.

Somehow I completely missed this comment, @hullabalou, and I 100% agree with you. Posting articles about breastfeeding or celebrating a milestone in breastfeeding is not shaming. It might sting, much in the way a pregnancy announcement stings when you've been struggling to conceive, but there is no ill will on the part of the poster.

What you said in your initial comment hit a nerve with me because it sounded like a broad "mom shaming is exaggerated, period" when, in my experience, actual shaming is all too real. Like the woman at the mall who hissed "that's poison!" when I was feeding DD. That lady can fuck right off, as can the member of my college mom's group who said I was wasting my brain by choosing to be a SAHM. Those comments don't define the mom community to me, but they are certainly a dark corner of it. 

**Edited for clarity. 

hullabalou

kmalls said:

*snip*
What you said in your initial comment hit a nerve with me because it sounded like a broad "mom shaming is exaggerated, period" when, in my experience, actual shaming is all too real. Like the woman at the mall who hissed "that's poison!" when I was feeding DD. That lady can fuck right off, as can the member of my college mom's group who said I was wasting my brain by choosing to be a SAHM. Those comments don't define the mom community to me, but they are certainly a dark corner of it. 

**Edited for clarity. 

I hope I explained my point better in my later comments. I wasn't trying to discount anyone's experiences with actual shaming, like the kind you experienced. I hate that people like that exist.