this is the first time I have ever written in this board. I unfortunately joined on April 12, 2017 (I would just read what others were saying because it was so hard to admit I had lost him and was comforted by seeing that others felt the same way I did) when I found out my son Colton had no heartbeat. I was 32 weeks pregnant and in shock when I found out. Just 4 days before I had a beautiful and huge baby shower since this was the first grandchild and great grandchild on both sides of the family. My pregnancy had been rough the whole time. I had multiple spottings at the beginning, i was extremely sick the whole time and ended up leaving my job at a daycare because I couldn't take the stress ontop of the sickeness. Then at the 20 week ultrasound they found a cyst on his little brain and my world felt like it was crashing around me even though they said it could go away and everything be fine. 4 weeks later we went back and they said the cyst was gone. We felt we were finally in the clear and going to bring our baby home. However, God had other plans and my husband and I lost our first child. After I had Colton the doctor tested us for multiple things to see if we could understand why at 32 weeks he was only 1 pound 4 ounces and his feet were the size of my thumb. Along with why his head was disfigured and a few other things. We found out he had Trisomy 18 or Edwards syndrome. The doctors were in a lot of shock when the found this out because I am a healthy, active, 22 year old and my husband is 23. We are not the average age to have something like this happen but have learned it can still be common. It has now been over 3 months and we are doing pretty well most days. I have gotten a new job at a real estate company as the receptionist and love it (especially having no stress compared to the daycare). My husband and I are still happily married and became even closer in this season of life. We actually are going on a late honeymoon to Alaska for a cruise. However there are moments during the day or at night every so often that my brain just flips a switch and I start to relieve every moment of the day I found out we lost the heartbeat, and I was in the hospital, to holding him in a blanket, to his church service a few days later. No matter what I do durning these flash backs and I just feel uncomfortable pain and panic. I'm sure it is normal to relieve the moments but does anyone have advice for figuring out how to try and control that.
Im sorry this was so long, I guess I needed a space to write my story all along and didn't know it. Thank you if you read this and if you have an advice you can share. I really appreciate it.
ps. I never knew how strong women could be until I came to this board and read so many stories. I hate that this is a group in the world but am honored to share it with such amazing women who I have started to look up at.
Re: Introducing myself
Tw: my living child has trisomy21 and I was in my 20's and didn't realize how common it is even for non ama moms: end tw. I honestly hate when obs say well you were young and healthy because it has nothing to do with it. Just happened to happen at cell division.