Gender disappointment

alexrosem

I am so nervous this time around when it comes to finding out the gender of my baby. I don't want there to be any feelings of disappointment. I'm thinking of waiting to find out the gender when I give birth. My husband and I have four boys and I really want to have a daughter.. Has anyone else felt this way? 

harpseal135

alexrosem said:

I am so nervous this time around when it comes to finding out the gender of my baby. I don't want there to be any feelings of disappointment. I'm thinking of waiting to find out the gender when I give birth. My husband and I have four boys and I really want to have a daughter.. Has anyone else felt this way? 

I'll put it bluntly:  feel blessed you can have kids. The sex of a child should not matter, yes, it's nice to hope for a boy or girl, but in the long run the health of a child is most important.  I know too many people that would love to be in your shoes,  they can not have 1.  I'm extremely blessed to have my 1, as I wasn't supposed to have kids.   I needed a hysterectomy (29 years old) soon after giving birth due to major medical issues. Celebrate your child, the way it pees and will (maybe reproduce) isn't what matters.

Jyoung327

3rescuepups said:

alexrosem said:

I am so nervous this time around when it comes to finding out the gender of my baby. I don't want there to be any feelings of disappointment. I'm thinking of waiting to find out the gender when I give birth. My husband and I have four boys and I really want to have a daughter.. Has anyone else felt this way? 

I'll put it bluntly:  feel blessed you can have kids. The sex of a child should not matter, yes, it's nice to hope for a boy or girl, but in the long run the health of a child is most important.  I know too many people that would love to be in your shoes,  they can not have 1.  I'm extremely blessed to have my 1, as I wasn't supposed to have kids.   I needed a hysterectomy (29 years old) soon after giving birth due to major medical issues. Celebrate your child, the way it pees and will (maybe reproduce) isn't what matters.

Preach. I grow weary of questions like these. If it mattered so much you should have gone about selective Ivf. I agree you should wait til the birth, that way you have many months to work through the potential "disappointment" 

ShawnnaO

I disagree. Find out when you can at your anatomy scan, that way you have another half of your pregnancy to fall in love with the idea of having five amazing boys. I'd hate for you to be worried and continue building up the desire for a girl for the next nine moneths, and then have a boy that you weren't prepared for. 

As as far as being disappointed, I don't truly think you will be. As a mother, you're going to be in love with this baby no matter what. But it's okay to be hoping for something. You're human, you're allowed to have emotions.   

lifesabeach85

It's ok to be wishing for a girl. I think gender preference (however slight) is normal. I have known many people to experience this, but they all say it passed quickly. I would find out ahead of time to prepare, but waiting also has its advantages. I'm sure if you're holding your baby you won't care what's between their legs! 

momof2buggs

ShawnnaO said:

I disagree. Find out when you can at your anatomy scan, that way you have another half of your pregnancy to fall in love with the idea of having five amazing boys. I'd hate for you to be worried and continue building up the desire for a girl for the next nine moneths, and then have a boy that you weren't prepared for. 

As as far as being disappointed, I don't truly think you will be. As a mother, you're going to be in love with this baby no matter what. But it's okay to be hoping for something. You're human, you're allowed to have emotions.   

This.

All of the people who tell you to feel blessed because you're able to have children, and shame you for having a preference for a girl over a boy, or vice versa, are women who are in denial. It's silly to not be able to admit that we are all human and we all have a preference. Some are just more mature and able to admit it. It doesn't make you less of a person to want to nuzzle a head full of curls, or paint tiny finger nails, or pick out pink clothing and blankets. I was the same way. Any boys are amazing and beautiful, for sure, but there was just something about holding a precious, pink bundle, that melted me. 

harpseal135

momof2buggs said:

ShawnnaO said:

I disagree. Find out when you can at your anatomy scan, that way you have another half of your pregnancy to fall in love with the idea of having five amazing boys. I'd hate for you to be worried and continue building up the desire for a girl for the next nine moneths, and then have a boy that you weren't prepared for. 

As as far as being disappointed, I don't truly think you will be. As a mother, you're going to be in love with this baby no matter what. But it's okay to be hoping for something. You're human, you're allowed to have emotions.   

This.

All of the people who tell you to feel blessed because you're able to have children, and shame you for having a preference for a girl over a boy, or vice versa, are women who are in denial. It's silly to not be able to admit that we are all human and we all have a preference. Some are just more mature and able to admit it. It doesn't make you less of a person to want to nuzzle a head full of curls, or paint tiny finger nails, or pick out pink clothing and blankets. I was the same way. Any boys are amazing and beautiful, for sure, but there was just something about holding a precious, pink bundle, that melted me. 

Don't you think this is a bit of a cruel statement to make?  Guess what a couple that can't have kids are NOT in denial.  They wouldn't give a crap the sex of their child.  It's not denial, it's a reality. 

LadyMillil

3rescuepups said:

momof2buggs said:

ShawnnaO said:

I disagree. Find out when you can at your anatomy scan, that way you have another half of your pregnancy to fall in love with the idea of having five amazing boys. I'd hate for you to be worried and continue building up the desire for a girl for the next nine moneths, and then have a boy that you weren't prepared for. 

As as far as being disappointed, I don't truly think you will be. As a mother, you're going to be in love with this baby no matter what. But it's okay to be hoping for something. You're human, you're allowed to have emotions.   

This.

All of the people who tell you to feel blessed because you're able to have children, and shame you for having a preference for a girl over a boy, or vice versa, are women who are in denial. It's silly to not be able to admit that we are all human and we all have a preference. Some are just more mature and able to admit it. It doesn't make you less of a person to want to nuzzle a head full of curls, or paint tiny finger nails, or pick out pink clothing and blankets. I was the same way. Any boys are amazing and beautiful, for sure, but there was just something about holding a precious, pink bundle, that melted me. 

Don't you think this is a bit of a cruel statement to make?  Guess what a couple that can't have kids are NOT in denial.  They wouldn't give a crap the sex of their child.  It's not denial, it's a reality. 

THIS. After IF, IVF and a scare that my pregnancy was not viable, I can.not.comprehend more than mometary disappointment about the sex of your healthy baby.

rklinge0

@momof2buggs I honestly think it's your experiences in life that help change your perspective on what really matters.  I have a living child who has a genetic disorder and has been through 2 life saving surgeries before she turned 2. We were monitored third trimester because the mfm was nervous she had a higher risk of still birth. When she was born, we were team green turned pink and both me and my husband were just glad she was alive. 
Tw I also had a miscarriage last fall end tw. 
If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again I will give two sh&%$ about the sex of my next baby.
And I do side eye people who linger on the fact that they aren't having a specific sex. 

kamio92

I think gender disappointment is totally normal. I don't agree with the others. You have every right to feel however you want and YOUR feelings are totally valid - because they are your own. Don't worry about others opinions! You are a beautiful amazing lady. Take care of yourself! All the best for you and your growing family! 

I've just found out that I am pregnant. I have a feeling that this baby is going to be our second girl. I'd be disappointed for my husband - because he will be the last of his name on his fathers side and he'd love a little boy. But we both know that you don't get to pick and we'd be super excited for another girl. I love the idea of my daughter having a sister. I never did.

pettycrocker

 

Yup.

mcarbajal2015

Yes I totally understand you I have 3 beautiful girls ages 15, 14, 10 and I'm really hoping this could be my boy. I recently remarried 1 year ago so to my husband it doesn't matter just that it will be a healthy baby this would be his first baby so he is super excited. 

BabySunshine4

I have three boys and we waited to find out with our number three what his sex was until her was born. It was exciting waiting and although I would have loved a girl it was a healthy boy. That is what my reality and I accept it and love every minute of it. Just like those people who think it's okay to shame you because you have feelings towards sex disappointment, they are entitled to their opinion of feeling that it doesn't matter what the sex is as long as you have a healthy baby. They have struggled to conceive and will never understand the frustration of "gender disappointment."

alexrosem

Thank you! I am in no way ungrateful to be having a healthy baby or trying to make it seem like I wouldn't love my baby regardless of the sex. I love my children but having a daughter would be a new experience. From picking out the nursery and the clothes. It would be exciting to me to buy dresses and bows this time around. I'm just hopeful which has caused some anxiety. "Disappointment" may have been the wrong word to use but I think some are offended which is not the intention of my post. I'm not ignorant to the fact that some women struggle with fertility and my heart goes out to them. 

finallypreggers1

For someone who has dealt with infertility issues for years, I don't think it's fair for people to tell you that you should just feel blessed to get pregnant and not worry about the sex of your baby.
Everyone is entitled to share their opinion and their feelings based on THEIR own experiences. How would we (women struggling with infertility) expect other women to feel the same way we do? They haven't gone through the same journey, and why would we expect them to? 
I think you should find out the sex of your baby, so you can picture what it will be like moving forward.
Best of luck! 

Gingermom15

Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they simply exist. Nobody has the right to tell you how to feel just because their experiences and feelings are different. Recognize and acknowledge your feelings, explore them and know they are there. You are not ungrateful or a bad mother because you have a preference, ignore anyone who indicates that you are. They have their own set of struggles that dictates their feelings, just as you and I do. 
Personally, I would find out the sex at the AS just so there aren't big surprises during that already emotionally fueled time of delivery. 

mrssouthernyankee

I understand both sides. I have two boys and am hoping this one is a girl but am most concerned that our baby is healthy, regardless of gender. That is what matters most to me. If it's another boy, we can always try again. I love being a mom to boys so I absolutely won't be devastated if it's another boy even though I'm super hoping it's a girl. I figure God has His reasons and who knows what's best for us better than He? Praying for healthy, happy babies and uneventful pregnancies for all the expectant mommas here.

TheAnalyticalMommy

I know how you feel. I wanted a girl when i was pregnant with my second and had a boy. Now I LOVE having two boys and couldn't see it any other way.... but i did cry. Don't feel bad about having a preference. I'm sure you'll love him or her regardless but you're allowed to feel however you feel. 
I don't think waiting until you give birth is the best idea though - you'll have enough other things going on then.

Knottie1442875410

I have 3 sons and a daughter, my youngest is 12. My husband has no children and it took us 2 years to conceive. I'll be 40, so this is very likely the last baby and I hope its a girl.

Knottie6542eeaec2e29e2d

It's okay to want a girl as long, as it's not really an all consuming issue for you. I get annoyed by people who always have to take it a step further and tell you what you should be worried about or what you should be grateful for. Clearly you just wanted someone to commiserate about this little hope. I, for one, would love a boy for my first. I'm sure you'd love your child regardless. Good luck!

lifeisbetteronthered

This is our 4th and last child.  Our oldest is a girl, and the only girl in 15 grandchildren.  We would really like for her to have a sister, and so are really hoping for another girl.

If we have a 3rd boy we will rejoice in the child we have, but we will also mourn the child we won't have.

Your pregnancy and feelings about it are your own, and you owe nothing to anyone who will try to make you feel bad about them.

Dumbgurl04

When I had my first I really wanted a boy.  I'm a tom boy and I hate the over girly things.  When we found out we were having a girl i was down for a few days.  I hated looking at all the girl things cause I found them awful and I didn't want to put my daughter in them.  Well I looked up how I was feeling and it's actual pretty normal and ok.  Yeah it sucks to fill disappointed because there are some many who want babies and don't care what the gender is.  But you are allowed to be upset.  Found out so you can give yourself a few days to be down and then move on.  Pretty much I made it clear if you buy my DD frilly girly dresses you will be wasting money because I won't put her in them.  My family understands and while some of them are a little down about it they have gotten over it too.  I did say if my daughter ever told me she wants the frilly dresses then I will buy them for her cause she is the one to make that choice for herself.  Although when we went and buy pj's for one day she actually picked out ones that were for boys because they had paw patrol on and she loves paw patrol.  She is happy and that is all that matter.