March 2018 Moms
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Mental Health Check-in

*Copied from another BMB*

I thought this might be a nice thread for those of us who are struggling with mental health in any way.   Depression, anxiety and all mental health disorders are real issues that impact our health and that of our babies, not to mention our careers and relationships. This is a safe place to share how we're feeling and offer support and advice.
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Re: Mental Health Check-in

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    I can usually feel my anxiety symptoms welling-up inside of me too and I try really, really hard not to take it out on MH.  Sometimes the best thing I can do for myself is find a quiet place to practice deep breathing and try to "brain dump."  It usually helps within 20 minutes or so.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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    I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I haven't been on medication for a few years now. I was convinced I would have OLD with my DS who was born last summer, but surprisingly I feel the best I've felt... ever! I am pretty concerned this time around though as my symptoms tend to rear as SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and March is usually my trigger month. I'm going to do my best to stay on top of my mental health throughout the pregnancy. 
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    I am super anxious to have to stop my medications if this is a viable pregnancy. I had a really, really hard time coming off my meds with my last daughter. I have GAD, OCD, and clinical depression. I also struggled with PPD after both my girls were born. 


    Spontaneous pregnancy #1
    DD1 July 31, 2011

    Trying for #2 since Oct 11
    732973 Clomid Cycles
    2 IUIs 
    3 Fresh IVFs= 1 Ectopic treated with MTX
    Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
    Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
    Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
    Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!! 



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    tosh24tosh24 member
    @jesuisjamie Thinking of you. I have had OCD since I was about 7 so I've also had it all my life, although it was fairly manageable until I had kids - then whoa! I hope you are able to get into the therapist quickly. I know I always feel so much better when I am regularly seeing mine. CBT has been amazing for me and it really helps me to be aware of my anxiety level and talk myself down. 

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and OCD on and off throughout my life. It comes in cycles and gets pretty bad every few years, most recently toward the end of last year. I was on medication for a few months until I balanced back out and seem to be ok for now. I am trying not to let myself become obsessive over this pregnancy and just keep my same routine and stay busy to keep anxiety low. I am not seeing a therapist right now but am considering going back to one just to have a plan in place if I develop PPA again.
    Married 6/2013, TTC 9/2013.
    ***TW***
    MC 12/2013, Blighted Ovum 04/2014, CP 06/2014
    Began RPL testing 07/2014
    BFP #4 10/26/2014; Theo born 07/2015
    BFP #5 06/17/2017, EDD 02/28/18


    BabyFruit Ticker
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    Wow. I'm surprised to see how many of us have OCD. I've never met anyone IRL who has it, so I've always felt alone in this disorder. I'll echo what some PPs said, CBT saved my life regarding OCD. It used to be all consuming and would take me forever to leave the house or get anything done because I was constantly having to do my compulsions. My therapist helped me immensely and I got to the point where I wasn't doing them at all anymore in 2014 (started presenting OCD symptoms around the age of 3, which is rare). Last year, however, it came back and it's been getting increasingly worse with the anxiety that comes with pregnancy.
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    tosh24tosh24 member
    edited July 2017
    @JournoGrl23 I was thinking the exact same thing. I have only ever met one other person IRL with OCD. I'm amazed that there are so many of us here. Because I never get to talk to anyone else with OCD, I'm really curious to know what everyone else's obsessions/compulsions are if you guys are willing to share. 

    I have a number or smaller ones, but my biggest are: 

    1) Obsessive thoughts about my kids getting hurt or dying that I can't shake. I have a ritual with how I buckle my son into his car seat among other things.

    2) Contamination - mainly with things that could cause gastrointestinal upset or a fatal illness. I try not to let this rub off on my kids but it's hard. I freak out a lot about this in public especially when they are touching everything in sight and eating. Hospitals are my worst trigger. My husband needs to talk me off the ledge a lot. The skin on my hands look like it belongs to a centenarian. I have emetophobia which is related to all of this as well.  

    3) Food safety/hygiene. This probably causes my worst anxiety. I have trouble eating out, and when I do, I only order a select few things. I don't trust other people to cook food for me. I don't like eating at people's houses. I will not eat or allow my kids to eat at certain people's houses because of their lack of proper food/kitchen hygiene. I won't touch raw meat. I disinfect the kitchen obsessively and thermometer every piece of meat I cook. My fridge and freezers have thermometers in them as well so I can keep my eye on the temperature. I am terrified of food born illnesses and obsessively worry about them.  

    4) Locking doors and windows at night (and checking, and re-checking.....)

    Writing that all out makes me feel like a crazy cakes lol!
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    My OCD is mainly obsessive. I have obsessive/intrusive thoughts about religion (I am a religious person and am secure in my faith, but when my OCD kicks up I have obsessive thoughts about other religions/God/afterlife/etc.). I also have obsessive fears of something happening to my son. I have never come close to forgetting him in the car, but when I had a bad mental health period at the end of last year, I was walking downstairs on every break (3-4 times a day) to check my car and make sure I had dropped him off at daycare. I check/recheck locks, lights, the AC setting, and electronics (straightener/oven/etc.). Eating food prepared by other people. I am usually ok in restaurants, but I have a totally unfounded fear of eating something contaminated with drugs (I am well aware of how crazy this sounds).

    Thankfully, my OCD is usually well controlled but if my anxiety/depression start to ramp up my OCD starts to spiral out of control too.

    Married 6/2013, TTC 9/2013.
    ***TW***
    MC 12/2013, Blighted Ovum 04/2014, CP 06/2014
    Began RPL testing 07/2014
    BFP #4 10/26/2014; Theo born 07/2015
    BFP #5 06/17/2017, EDD 02/28/18


    BabyFruit Ticker
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    tosh24tosh24 member
    @hullabalou Thanks for sharing. So, oddly enough, I worry about something happening to my daughter at times, but I have completely obsessive and intrusive thoughts about my son dying. It can be totally overwhelming, so I feel you on that one. Although I am not happy that other people suffer with OCD, it's nice to know there is a group here that "gets it"

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    @tosh24 After writing mine out, I feel crazy as well! Especially because my compulsions have always been embarrassing to me.

    I have obsessive thoughts of someone I love getting hurt or killed. I see the worst case scenario in every situation and can actually picture it. It causes immense anxiety for me, and then forces me to do my compulsions in order to avoid it. Ever since symptoms first presented for me, this has been the biggest one. I always have to complete my compulsions, and in my mind, if I don't, then someone I love will get hurt. When I was younger, my compulsions included walking in and out of a room several times, turning the light on and off several times, closing cabinets and doors and opening them again, etc., in sets of three. CBT helped me to stop doing those things, so now I just take a deep breathe and tell myself that's not going to happen and wait for the anxiety to pass. My parents couldn't stand it when I did my compulsions as a child, so I used to get yelled at a lot, which only made it worse. Now, while my parents are proud of me for going to therapy, I still get made fun of a good bit for the things I did when I was younger. DH is the one who forced me to seek therapy. I was driving him crazy when we first started living together.

    Overall, I worry about my health to the level that I appear as a hypochondriac. I actually have a good amount of health problems, so sometimes it's hard to tell when they're acting up vs. anxiety causing certain symptoms. Because of this I actually went undiagnosed with an illness I was probably born with until 2015.

    I also check all the windows and doors at night to ensure everything is locked. I also do that before I leave, and I check the stove to make sure it's not on. When my anxiety is high, sometimes I have to drive back to my house after leaving to check everything (haven't done that in a few years, thankfully).
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    tosh24tosh24 member
    @JournoGrl23 Thanks for sharing! I, like you, got in trouble a lot when I was younger for my compulsions. I distinctly remember being sent upstairs for the night without dinner when I was about 7 or 8 because I couldn't tell my mom the reason why I had just washed my hands. They still roll their eyes and tell me I'm being dumb when I freak out about stuff (like hovering over their shoulder in the kitchen when I have to eat at their house), which does hurt sometimes, but whatever. They're still not the most supportive and I can't force them to be. Glad you have people in your corner!

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    jesuisjamiejesuisjamie member
    edited July 2017
    @tosh24 how did you go about finding a CBT therapist that worked best for you?  A little backstory (*TW*): I absolutely loved my first therapist – started seeing her with my husband shortly after our losses, and then she became my therapist alone. I saw her through so much and she was incredibly helpful (and life-changing in many ways) for about five years. Shortly after my second daughter was born, my once-manageable OCD mutated into a horrendous postpartum OCD that she failed to diagnose (and actually actively attempted to convince me wasn't real, prior to taking the diagnostic at my midwife that placed me off the charts with postpartum OCD/anxiety).  I no longer felt we were a good fit, so I ended up seeing a different therapist that my midwife recommended. It was like night and day: new therapist didn't listen to me, would repeat herself as though she forgot what she was saying, and just generally felt like a bad fit for me.  So now I find myself getting ready to see a third therapist, and I'm nervous that this isn't going to work out. I just want someone who understands my process and can guide me towards a healthier mind space. 
    TTC #1 since 6/2011 ~ BFP #1: 8/19/2011; C/P 8/27/2011 ~ BFP #2: 9/28/2011; Blighted Ovum DX 10/19/2011; D&C 11/2/2011 ~ (DX 1/2012 w/ hetero MTHFR) ~ BFP #3: 5/3/2012 (RX BA & Progesterone supplements) EDD 1/11/2013 PLEASE be our rainbow baby ~ Ultrasound @ 7 weeks 5/25: We have a heartbeat! :)BabyFetus Ticker image
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    @tosh24 It does really suck when parents punish/make fun of you for a mental health disorder, when they should be the ones who are most supportive. I'm sorry you had to go through that as well.
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    My OCD is primarily health related. Following the birth of my second daughter, the intrusive thoughts (which were really always present, pretty much as long as I can remember, but very quiet and more or less crammed in the back of my mind) ballooned into an uncontrollable monster. I became convinced I had every imaginable type of cancer. Small twinges in my body set me off and convinced me I was dying. I actually plowed through three GP doctors and two specialists in an attempt to diagnose what was "wrong" with me. All the while, in an attempt to quiet the storm in my mind, I would throw myself into these cleaning/organizing compulsions that were outrageous: vacuuming and washing the floors of my first floor no less than 4x/day, organizing the baby and toddler toys to within an inch of my life, etc. 

    zoloft helped immensely.  Now that I've stopped taking it, I've noticed many of the thoughts returning, but I've been able to put into place some of the management techniques my therapists have gone over with me to try and quiet the thoughts. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. The OCD is definitely aggravated by my PgAL brain at the moment. 
    TTC #1 since 6/2011 ~ BFP #1: 8/19/2011; C/P 8/27/2011 ~ BFP #2: 9/28/2011; Blighted Ovum DX 10/19/2011; D&C 11/2/2011 ~ (DX 1/2012 w/ hetero MTHFR) ~ BFP #3: 5/3/2012 (RX BA & Progesterone supplements) EDD 1/11/2013 PLEASE be our rainbow baby ~ Ultrasound @ 7 weeks 5/25: We have a heartbeat! :)BabyFetus Ticker image
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    I am just going back and reading everyone's comments! @hullabalou I'm a little too excited to see someone else who has a fear of drug contamination lol!! I've never met another person with this fear! Everyone who knows IRL (except SO) thinks I'm a fucking whack job! Lol!  



    Also, I forgot to add to my comment that I'm a huge door locker/checker/"is the oven off" kind of person.  
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    tosh24tosh24 member
    @chasingroygbiv I'm not the only one who wipes down steering wheels! Yes! 

    I also check in on my kids during the night as well. Just looking at all of this written out in front of me reminds me how all of our thoughts/anxieties are always brewing. It is quite exhausting. 

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    tosh24tosh24 member
    @jesuisjamie I went in to see my GP and she gave me a list of resources and local clinics which offered CBT. I just researched online and basically looked at client reviews as well as all of the psychologists' personal profiles and areas of expertise to pick which one I thought would be best suited to me. I can't even tell you how many therapists I've been through since I was a teenager so it can take some time to find one that clicks. Good luck!

    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    I've never been formally diagnosed but I suffered silently with PPA after my son and I don't think it ever went away. It nearly ended my marriage but through raw communication we worked on our issues. *TW* DH and I have been TTC since I got my BC removed, it came to an almost complete hault when I tragically lost my brother last month. I was pretty shocked when I got a BFP but couldn't be happier. I guess since the sudden loss of my brother, I'm afraid something bad is going to happen. I freak out with every little twinge of pain that occurs in my lower abdomen. 

    Btw- love this post. 
    DD born August 17, 2010
    DS born October 13, 2014
    Baby #3 due March 2018

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    Wow...Just THANK YOU for this thread!! 

    While I haven't been diagnosed, life at times has felt debilitating. My germiness has gotten way better and I no longer break down in tears over it, but I still have the horrible flashes of horrible thoughts. 

    I knew none of this with my first and had no way to get in front of anything. This time, I have a wonderful counselor, acupuncturist, tools and a different support network I have sought out. 

    No idea what is in store for me as the hormones shift, but I'm not going to accept darkness like I did last time. 
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    @Staciefacie I'm so sorry for your loss! Isn't it crazy when we get our bfp's at times of extreme stress or loss?  That makes everything so hard to process, like you get I thinking, "can I be happy about this and still be sad about that? Should I tell the family or let them focus on what else is at hand here?" 

    With my first pregnancy, I found out when my mom was in the hospital with brain damage, unconscious. This time, my sister is in the hospital.  (I'm definitely not comparing my experiences to the intensity of yours, I do recognize how fortunate I am to not have experienced a loss of a loved one during this time.) I just mean, it can be so overwhelming to get a bfp during a time of family crisis or emergency. 

     <3 
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    @staciefacie I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother.
    Married 6/2013, TTC 9/2013.
    ***TW***
    MC 12/2013, Blighted Ovum 04/2014, CP 06/2014
    Began RPL testing 07/2014
    BFP #4 10/26/2014; Theo born 07/2015
    BFP #5 06/17/2017, EDD 02/28/18


    BabyFruit Ticker
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    @Staciefacie I'm so sorry for your loss.
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    With my first pregnancy, I had crippling ppd and anxiety, both of which started before the baby was born. I'm feeling okay so far with this one. Thanks for starting this thread!
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    I am having a rough go at this guys.  There's so much stress and pressure on me I worry that I won't be able to handle it all. I'm trying so hard to use the skills I learned in therapy to help me cope, but I'm having a really hard time.  This week has been a challenge. I'm trying to keep hope that these intense emotions will soon pass.
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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    @ladybugsamom We are here for you! 
    Me: 36    DH: 37
    Married: 5.27.16
    Baby Boy Due: 3.18.18
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker



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    Married 6/2013, TTC 9/2013.
    ***TW***
    MC 12/2013, Blighted Ovum 04/2014, CP 06/2014
    Began RPL testing 07/2014
    BFP #4 10/26/2014; Theo born 07/2015
    BFP #5 06/17/2017, EDD 02/28/18


    BabyFruit Ticker
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    @ladybugsamom hormones are sucky! Thinking of you!
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    @ladybugsamom Sorry you're having a tough time. I'm not having the best week, either. Trying not to let myself stress, but it's pretty difficult due to such circumstances. I hope your days get brighter, sending creepy internet hugs! 
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    fullofhope25fullofhope25 member
    edited July 2017
    ladybugsamom I am sending you strength and positive, relaxing vibes. 

    You mentioned that you are trying to use the skills that learned during counseling. Are you still seeing a counselor? If not, is it an option for you to start again? Before I started teaching at the university, I used to be a counselor (which I actually miss very much), and I always have been a strong proponent of seeking counseling services as needed.

    Let's face it, sometimes one, two, or even three rounds of counseling does not cut the mustard.  :) I was actually thinking about getting a counselor myself recently. Not necessarily because I am experiencing issues with anxiety, depression, etc., but because I have experienced several huge life shifts in the last year. It's always a great idea to have an objective party to talk to. 
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    Thanks everyone! Today is a better day. I still have waves of sadness and weapiness hit me occasionally but overall, today is a better day. I was able to talk to MH about some of the things that were bothering me. He's being really supportive and caring so that helps.

    @fullofhope25 I would have to get going with a new therapist if I did it again. The last one I saw was during the worst part of our rough patch last year and I don't think she'll have anything positive to say about me having another baby. Fear of judgement gives me so much anxiety I've been avoiding telling anyone that we're expecting. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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