MC after ivf — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

MC after ivf

Dear all,

Myself and DH have be TTC for 5 years. We tried so many things, finally trying IVF this year. There were complications and it took a lot longer than I originally thought but we finally got one embryo and at the end of May discovered that I was pregnant. We were still both so scared but then we saw the little perfect heartbeat at 7weeks and my fears lifted. 'They' say once you see a heartbeat you're 95% there. I really began to think everything was going to be ok. For the first time we really allowed ourselves to be happy about this; we picked names (I was sure it was a girl!), we made plans for Christmas, for the house, for a new car.

At 9 weeks (last Friday) I started brown spotting and had light cramps. I wasn't too worried at first - I had nothing like this up until now and read so many times that this was normally nothing to worry about. My GP sent us to the ER, by then the spotting was red. I was kept in and it just got worse and worse, by the morning I had lost the baby. When they scanned me the next day there was just nothing there.

The first advice/help on any support page is that women fear they will never get pregnant again and that this isn't the case - that most women go on to have perfectly healthy babies after a m/c. But I can't get over this point. I have never naturally got pregnant - despite many types of medications. The ivf was much tougher than I had ever expected - and only got one embryo. 

I feel like I'm grieving twice, for my little baby and for the fact that I will never be a mum (and never give DH a baby he wants so desperately). I'm trying to deal, to be strong, to act the way I'm supposed to (whatever that is). But I'm just so sad. It just feels like we've struggled so long, had so many disappointments, only to have the best news possible and then have it pulled away from us. I just can't understand any of this.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right way to start a conversation, I realise I'm not really asking a question. I'm new to boards (originally signed up to joint the ivf board but didn't actually post there). I'm sorry if I got this wrong, I just feel so lost.
**History in Spoiler**
Me 39, DH 40
Married Oct 2010, TTC ~7yrs
Seeing RE since Spring 2013
Clomid - no response
Letrozole (6 months) 2015 
Laperoscopy/Hysteroscopy in 2015
Puregon injectibles + trigger x5 in 2016 - all BFN
Started IVF March 2017 - 25 follies, 9 eggs, 3 fertilised, 1 survived-> frozen due to hyper stimulation of ovaries
FET May 16th 2017, BFP May 27th 2017, m/c @ 9wks
IVF #2 February 2018 - 16 eggs, 8 fertilised, 3 frozen embabies
Awaiting FET April 2018 - cancelled (cyst)
FET May 2018, BFP June 2nd 2018, m/c @ 8wks
FET October 2018 - BFN
Final FET - late November 2018


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