MC after ivf

roisis

Dear all,

Myself and DH have be TTC for 5 years. We tried so many things, finally trying IVF this year. There were complications and it took a lot longer than I originally thought but we finally got one embryo and at the end of May discovered that I was pregnant. We were still both so scared but then we saw the little perfect heartbeat at 7weeks and my fears lifted. 'They' say once you see a heartbeat you're 95% there. I really began to think everything was going to be ok. For the first time we really allowed ourselves to be happy about this; we picked names (I was sure it was a girl!), we made plans for Christmas, for the house, for a new car.

At 9 weeks (last Friday) I started brown spotting and had light cramps. I wasn't too worried at first - I had nothing like this up until now and read so many times that this was normally nothing to worry about. My GP sent us to the ER, by then the spotting was red. I was kept in and it just got worse and worse, by the morning I had lost the baby. When they scanned me the next day there was just nothing there.

The first advice/help on any support page is that women fear they will never get pregnant again and that this isn't the case - that most women go on to have perfectly healthy babies after a m/c. But I can't get over this point. I have never naturally got pregnant - despite many types of medications. The ivf was much tougher than I had ever expected - and only got one embryo. 

I feel like I'm grieving twice, for my little baby and for the fact that I will never be a mum (and never give DH a baby he wants so desperately). I'm trying to deal, to be strong, to act the way I'm supposed to (whatever that is). But I'm just so sad. It just feels like we've struggled so long, had so many disappointments, only to have the best news possible and then have it pulled away from us. I just can't understand any of this.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right way to start a conversation, I realise I'm not really asking a question. I'm new to boards (originally signed up to joint the ivf board but didn't actually post there). I'm sorry if I got this wrong, I just feel so lost.

dpjennifer

I'm sorry for your loss. Well, really for your losses (of baby, of hope, of the future you envisioned). It's really not fair that you've had to struggle so much. Things are going to be very difficult while you still have the hormones in your body because they will amplify all the emotions you are feeling. It should calm down a bit after that, but only time can heal.
I hope you're able to find some peace at this time, and after a while be able to think about what you want to do (whether you want to try again or not). My DH and I have not had a problem naturally becoming PG, but after 4 MC and no reasons for it, we have had to look at the possibility of a future without children. After you're feeling a bit better, try to envision the various possible avenues your life could take.
Also, were you able to have the tissue taken for testing? Hopefully you're able to get some results and a reason why.

roisis

dpjennifer. It all happened so fast we didn't have time to analyse anything.
I'm so sorry for your losses. I cannot begin to imagine how tough it would be to go through this four times. I really hope your testing shows nothing wrong (or something easily fixed) and that it has just been a terrible coincidence for you. Best of luck in everything you do.

And I really like your little duckie-gif!