TWW Thursday 6/22 - Page 2 — The Bump
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TWW Thursday 6/22

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Re: TWW Thursday 6/22

  • petethecatpetethecat
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Photogenic
    member
    edited June 2017
    Edit- Just realizing that I posted this sans TW. 

    *TW
    @vflux33 I'm going to just +1 to everything @doxiemoxie212 said, because she really said it perfectly. Loss is painful, and can be a total mind fuck some days, but it doesn't give your sister (or anyone) the right to say ignorant or hurtful things to others just because they themselves are hurting. If she can't talk about her loss without mentioning IVF or saying things that cross a boundary for you, then I agree that a little distance might be the best thing until she can get that out of her system. Saying stuff like that to you, or to anyone, is unacceptable. Period. I also want to comment on the fact that you said that you want to help your sister get over her loss. You can't do that for her. There is nothing that you can say or do that will fix this for her and you shouldn't try to carry that burden. She will be able to heal on her own in her own time. Is her relationship with her husband good? Since it is his loss as well, perhaps she should be turning to him so that they can work through their grief together.

    doxiemoxie212vflux33pebbledam
  • @vflux33 literally just reading the words "Donnie Darko" were enough to get Mad World stuck in my head
    Oh my gosh I know. 
    doxiemoxie212vflux33
  • Loading the player...
  • @catlady1215
    here's a screenshot I just took that should help you out with finding the "spoiler" tag. :) But really thanks to @vflux33 for showing me!


    catlady1215vflux33
  • kiki75kiki75
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    edited June 2017
    @vflux33 She is... a trial. Wow.
    How about: You know what's lucky? Getting pregnant on your first or second try and staying pregnant and having a glorious healthy baby. What you're going through is absolutely terrible, I'm going to need you to muster one effing ounce of sympathy for what I'm going through. Going through IF treatments is neither fun nor cheap nor anything resembling effing lucky. Unless you can act like you give a damn about my emotions and what I'm going through, we're not going to be able to talk about this stuff. Talk to mom and leave me out of it. You and I can just talk about the weather. 
    *TW* As someone who has done both, I have never felt like one gave me any right to diminish the other. 

    edit: deleted a line that was there on accident

        
    Me: 34 DH: 38
    Married: June 2011
    TTC since Feb 2016
    BFP#1: 7/7/16 MMC: 8/16/16 
    BFP#2: 5/8/17 - CP
    BFP#3: 6/27/17 EDD: 3/10/18
    vflux33holli0801pebbledam
  • @looeeze let's see if this works.... 

    ... I didn't really have a 'question'. And yah, only watching the next few days will I know for sure. But just posting for a grrr moment. My cover line is usually higher. And my first couple post O temps are as low as my normal pre-o temps


    me:35 DH:34
    DS: born oct 2012
    TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
              BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
              BFP #3 sept17  EDD 5/31/18
    fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
    looeeze
  • Woohoo! It worked! Look at me learning bump stuff lol
    me:35 DH:34
    DS: born oct 2012
    TFAS: BFP #1 aug16. miscarriage sept16
              BFP #2 nov16 MMC dec16. d&c jan17
              BFP #3 sept17  EDD 5/31/18
    fingers crossed for our rainbow baby
    looeeze
  • vflux33vflux33
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited June 2017
    Thank you for letting me vent, guys. It helps to see how you react and reminds me I'm not an asshole for not letting her get away with those kinds of statements.  

    @kiwi2628 I wanted to bring it up like that, but I'm conflicted b/c my mom suggested not doing that to me on the phone yesterday and said my sister would just shut it out and ignore me, which might be true (and kinda happened via text). But in the spirit of bluntness and honesty that is definitely what I'd prefer. Maybe I'll try again. I was thinking about doing it yesterday and we were supposed to talk on the phone but she sent my call directly to voicemail. 

    @catlady1215 Yeah, I am constantly conflicted about doing what I just said to kiwi above and just giving up and refusing to discuss it with her. It may be too late to force empathy on her.
     
    *TW
    @kbamomma33 You're right, I can't make her feel better about her loss. That's so important to remember. Unfortunately, my parents and I suspect her new H is too much of a child to support her emotionally in the way she needs. And she refuses to see a therapist (I was on her about this all last week). But I can't do anything about that or her H, and TBH I still feel like I barely know the guy and kinda miss my old BIL. 

    @kiki75 I really appreciate what you said about having gone through both and not wanting to diminish either. She isn't acknowledging that people who have gone through both exist (though I have pointed it out to her a bunch of times). She has 2 beautiful and healthy kids from a previous marriage which she got KU with moments after starting TTC. I'm not saying that makes loss easier, but you'd think it would give her some perspective, generally speaking. 
    Me: 34 H: 37
    Dating: 2003 Married: 2010
    TTC #1: Started April 2016
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility  Dx: NIR PCOS
    Twin boys born by unplanned c section 2/22/18


    pebbledam
  • holli0801holli0801
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited June 2017
    Month/Cycle: 5/5

    CD/DPO: 23/9

    Timing: meh... -2 and o  think 

    Testing: next Thursday or Friday before vacay

    R/R: *tw* toddlers are jerks and hurt my feelings! That is all... 

    CS/Q:

    GTKY: What are your top 3 favorite movies

    It is so hard to pick! I love movies... favorite classic is The Sandlot for sure. Favorite romance is PS I love you (I love Gerard Butler and Ireland. So. Much.) Movie I really want to rewatch for the 300th time right now, Boondocks Staints. And a bonus... fav childhood flick, Fern Gully <3
  • @vflux33 I think it depends on who you are. If you are the kind of person who can let stuff go, try to let it go, as it may damage your relationship. I am not a 'let it go' kinda gal. The few times I have tried to let stuff go, I simmer about it for a week or a month or whatever and then explode at inopportune times, so for me, exploding does WAY more damage than calmly talking stuff over, even if it is uncomfortable stuff. Its all about you and her.
    Started TTC #1 August 2016
    Diagnosed Unexplained IF/Poor Responder
    6 med/IUI cycles failed
    IVF #1 December 2017- canceled d/t poor response
    IVF #2 January 2018- 4 frosties and a BFP! 
    DS born Sept 2018
    Baby #2 Due Feb 2020



    vflux33
  • @kiwi2628 Yeah, I don't let stuff go either... Maybe I'll try one more time to explain and if she ignores it again and continues talking about IF/IVF folks as "lucky" then at that point I'll use the distance tactic. 
    Me: 34 H: 37
    Dating: 2003 Married: 2010
    TTC #1: Started April 2016
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility  Dx: NIR PCOS
    Twin boys born by unplanned c section 2/22/18


    petethecatkiwi2628
  • @vflux33 I'm so sorry! You are definitely not an asshole. Your sister was being super insensitive(to put it mildly) 

    @mispanda sorry about BFN :-( 

    @scoogy19 best of luck!!

    @kiwi2628 a margarita sounds ammmaazzzing right now! 
    vflux33mispandaccmama3
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