Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I feel alone- husband not communicating how I need.

babybakiebabybakie member
If he were to see this post headline it would be an argument because he feels he is being very supportive. 

We just had an argument because I said I wanted to talk about how I feel. I started to talk calmly about how I missed having the baby inside me, he spoke of how there was nothing that could be done, that we would heal in time. I said yes, but continued to give details of what I am struggling with and tears started to form as I spoke. He started to look at his phone. I waited. He didn't say a word. I asked what he was looking at. It was nothing relevant or related. I told him, please, I need you right now, please look at me.

An argument began. He said he was listening, he was there. It elevated into how I can't about it without crying or that we have talked about it enough, that he just wants to move on, that all he has been doing is being there for me. I only miscarried this passed Monday. Today is Wednesday. 
Anyone else have this type of problem? I feel so alone. 

Re: I feel alone- husband not communicating how I need.

  • So sorry for your loss and for how you are not feeling supported. One thing I learned after several mc's... everyone deals with pain and fear differently. I'm not sure why he's having trouble giving you the support you need, but know that all of us here are with you... Hopefully he will be able to come around and give you the level of comforting you need, but till then, please make sure you reach out to others and get the support you need. Again, so sorry you are feeling like this, you are not alone... 
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. You are not alone. We found out last Thursday that our little embryo had was not where it should be and I started spotting on Saturday. I took Misoprostol on Tuesday. This has been so painful emotionally. 

    I'm sorry your husband is  or communicating well with you. He likely is hurting too and the only way he knows to deal with it is to push forward. That doesn't mean it's right, it's just people respond in different ways to loss. Try letting him know you need to talk about it to move forward. My husband does this some too, he talks about how we will get through this when I am still feeling in it.

    It has really helped me to tell my mom and sister what is going on. My sister lets me talk about it if I need to and mostly doesn't try to minimize it or fix it. (I find that everyone I tell has to tell me several successful pregnancy after loss stories but that doesn't bother me as much as it bothers others). Is there anyone you are close with who might be able to help support you? I don't think your husband is being malicious but I understand why that is hard. 

    Also feel free to send me a message anytime and share your feelings. You need time to grieve and like you, sharing is part of my grieving process. 

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  • @babybakie I'm so sorry for your loss.  I agree with other posts that everyone grieves differently and I don't think he is doing it intentionally it's just how he grieves.  I experienced this with my DH.  I finally gave him an article to read and said this is how I feel and it helps me to talk about it.   I told him I didn't need him to answer or say anything just listen and that seemed to help.  The article also helped him come to terms with his own feelings.  When I experienced my 2nd loss, he became way more supportive and actually showed his emotions. Just don't push to hard on him.  These boards are great and have helped me so much.  I also talk about it to anyone who will listen.  So I would encourage you to speak with other people as it sounds like you need that support. Talking helped my grieving process so much.  You may want to look into a support group as well.  Hugs to you take care of yourself 
  • Thank you so much everyone. I am sorry I haven't had the chance to personally and thoroughly address each one of your​ insightful responses but today has been particularly physically difficult and I feel so exhausted. You all really​ have helped me. My DH is an amazing man. Our coping and communication styles are very different and I we both need to find a way to meet in the middle I guess. We are both suffering. I am so sorry you kind sweet moms had to go through this terrible loss also. This community has brought me much support. Thank you. ❤️
  • I will say that accepting you will both deal with it differently is very big. I went through a loss and a breakup. I applied a ton of pressure on him to talk to me and looking back I should have given him some space. I highly reccomend reaching out to women on here. Creating a pinterest board with uplifting pregnancy quotes, read books on loss, see a professional, and write down your feelings. Many of us women need to pour out our feelings and that is okay! I will be thinking of you and if you ever need to talk we are all here xo
  • Thank you so much @HowICircus I am very sorry for your loss and for your break up. I can completely see how this type of trauma can tear a couple apart. You are 100% correct that accepting that we have different styles of coping is key. My husband definitely did need space and the ladies on these boards have been angels. I am doing so much better now only a month later, and I couldn't have done it without you all ❤️
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