Monday Bitchfest 5/22 — The Bump
July 2017 Moms

Monday Bitchfest 5/22

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Re: Monday Bitchfest 5/22

  • BusyZeeBusyZee
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Why did I agree to make dessert for 15 people? I've got 15 other things to do. I'm sick of the boring work... I want to escape and have a little fun just before baby arrives!! 
    hyperangel_8509
  • What are you making @BusyZee?  15 people is a lot!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • rnw2019rnw2019
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    We are packing out this week, and then won't see our shipment until August. H's new job pays for the shipping, but we are packing everything ourselves. It's been challenging to buy all our baby supplies ahead of time and try to anticipate all of our needs for the first year as first time parents. The place we're moving isn't the middle of nowhere, but won't have the same standards of baby equipment (example: "car seats" there are just these soft foam harness things that you attach to the seat belt, as far as I can tell). It's haaaaard. We will then have a bare-bones house for the next 3 months!  :'(

    Maybe this wasn't bitching so much as just venting. Sorry!
  • @BusyZee those sound amazing! Can y I make me one? Only kidding. But they sound yummy. 
    BusyZee
  • BusyZeeBusyZee
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    @BusyZee those sound amazing! Can y I make me one? Only kidding. But they sound yummy. 
     <3 hehe
  • rnw2019rnw2019
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    Agreed! Lava cakes sound amazing right now  :)
    BusyZeevirginiaunicorn11
  • wolfmumwolfmum
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    @busyzee mini lava cakes sounded like the EASIEST thing u could make!?!? That sounds like an impossible thing to achieve once nevermind fifteen times! You're ambitious af!
    BusyZeemanillabaralcrimmins
  • Bitching at my stomach today.. why get a cake for your party when you're going to be so nauseous after you eat it  :s ate a big slice for lunch and I'm now on my third ginger ale and can't stomach dinner. Made DS a frozen pizza and white rice for me.
    I. Am. Miserable. 
  • BusyZeeBusyZee
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    @busyzee mini lava cakes sounded like the EASIEST thing u could make!?!? That sounds like an impossible thing to achieve once nevermind fifteen times! You're ambitious af!
    Haha yes not hard at all with a kitchen aid;) want the recipe ?:p 
  • BusyZee said:
    @busyzee mini lava cakes sounded like the EASIEST thing u could make!?!? That sounds like an impossible thing to achieve once nevermind fifteen times! You're ambitious af!
    Haha yes not hard at all with a kitchen aid;) want the recipe ?:p 
    uh, I do! lol Lava cakes are my faaaaavorite

    also @rjoys8 I was just about to ask the same question, where are you moving to?
    TTC history in spoiler
    Me: 30 Him: 35
    Married: Oct 2015
    Baby G born June 2017
    TTC#2: July 2018
    BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19


    BusyZee
  • acstec1acstec1
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    @BusyZee that sounds absolutely delicious! Please share the recipe if you have time! Yum! 
    BusyZee
  • rnw2019rnw2019
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    @busyzee YUM. I'll definitely have to try those sometime. 

    @chiquita928 and @manillabar we are headed to Egypt. I think they sell some American-style carseats there, but they're way more expensive, and there are no safety requirements. Like I think it's OK to just carry your baby in your lap in a car. It's not the middle of nowhere, so I know I'll be able to buy stuff there, but I'd rather be prepared! 
    BusyZee
  • @rjoys8 what does your H do that is sending you guys to Egypt? (if you don't mind me asking)
    TTC history in spoiler
    Me: 30 Him: 35
    Married: Oct 2015
    Baby G born June 2017
    TTC#2: July 2018
    BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19


  • acstec1acstec1
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    @BusyZee thanks so much! These sound so delicious!
    BusyZee
  • rjoys8 said:
    @manillabar he is a first grade teacher (with a side hustle in photography), so it was a conscious choice to go. We wanted me to be able to stay home with the baby, and that's definitely impossible at his current job, and unlikely anywhere in the states. We met teaching overseas, so it will be a fun experience! 
    oh wow, that's super interesting! And definitely not what I expected lol
    TTC history in spoiler
    Me: 30 Him: 35
    Married: Oct 2015
    Baby G born June 2017
    TTC#2: July 2018
    BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19


  • Yeah it's Tuesday. Oh well. 

    My mother told me that she told my brother's gf (whom I've never met) to come with him to the hospital when I have my baby. Really? You think that's the appropriate time to meet me? I don't necessarily care about her coming, but shouldn't someone have asked if I was comfortable with that? I think they think the hospital is going to be an open door policy... nope nope nope. Couldn't be more wrong. 

    Then my mother "warned" me that she will have some friends who will want to come to my house to meet the baby. Uh wut? Not gonna happen. Especially before shots. I don't mind her very best friend bc I've known her forever, but why would random people want to come over? Why aren't pics enough?? 

    I've told my mom a million times that I don't want even her around a lot while I'm learning to breastfeed bc I want to feel comfortable in my own home. Why would you think it's okay to bring your friends?

    Am I being crazy thinking that's a little much?? Especially during the newborn stage?
  • @rae1-3 thanks! I didn't think I was being crazy but just wanted to double check. 

    My mother also told me that I can just throw a blanket over me while I'm breastfeeding instead of her leaving. My whole point was while I'm getting used to breastfeeding - not once it's established. I want privacy for those first weeks. Obviously they can come over, but I don't want to have to feel like I have to leave the room to be comfortable in MY home. 

    It's frustrating bc she doesn't seem to be listening. I just want to establish some kind boundary that my house is not going to be a hang out spot for those first weeks. I have NO clue what to expect but I have a feeling I'm going to be emotional, hormonal, protective, and want lots of space. 
  • Oh - she also told me I worry too much bc I'm not putting blankets in the crib and I don't want to use toys MIL bought at yard sales bc they're dirty (some are cloth and that grosses me out). MIL keeps buying random used stuff and I mentioned that I need to check for recalls on those things (like a walker toy). 

    Apparently those things aren't a big deal... :unamused:
  • Oh - she also told me I worry too much bc I'm not putting blankets in the crib and I don't want to use toys MIL bought at yard sales bc they're dirty (some are cloth and that grosses me out). MIL keeps buying random used stuff and I mentioned that I need to check for recalls on those things (like a walker toy). 

    Apparently those things aren't a big deal... :unamused:
    my MIL tried to buy a used carseat (expired) off facebook...I hear you. lol Times are different now and sometimes they don't understand that. 
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    virginiaunicorn11WeddingNotes13
  • wolfmumwolfmum
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Lol @ginger1228 - the number of LOVINGLY HANDKNIT crib blankets I have gotten is comical. No explanation of "those are useless" seems to get through. My mother said she couldn't imagine what problems anyone could possibly have with breastfeeding (bc it's so easy duh) and there was no chance I could have any (so don't bother w that breastfeeding class)  Bc I didn't have any problems breastfeeding when I was a baby.

      I think that some amount of the obsessive "I'm going to be living in your house" crap that we get from the older generation is just part of what was expected from them at the time. There was some concept of respecting your elders meaning that you couldn't disagree with them on anything and you certainly couldn't make it so that your will was the one exerted over their's. So our parents had no choice over whether their parents were going to be there at the birth. They just accepted whatever happened to them. My mother would take any advice from her mother as GOSPEL even though my grandmother thought babies CAME OUT OF YOUR BELLYBUTTON.

    i vote that you LOCK THE DOORS and draw the blinds. We're just not going to tell people until after the baby is born and I'm out of the hospital. And I have no problem telling people to get the F out of my house. I think it's a good time to practice being upfront and setting boundaries with your mother. Sometimes you have to be stern (and "mean" according to how my mother thinks I act) to get things through to them. They're blinded by the baby.
    greenbean-2BusyZee
  • @ginger1228 Nope you're not being unreasonable at all. If she won't listen to you, then ask the nurses to be gatekeepers at the hospital, and your husband to be gatekeeper at home. Seriously don't feel bad about turning away people at the door even if "they've driven all this way and just want to drop something off and it will only be a minute". You get to make the rules here, and your preferences sound completely reasonable. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @ginger1228 big fat NOPE to people you've never met coming to the hospital!! I agree with @rae1-3 let the nurses be the bad guys in the hospital for you if need be. 

    Also @Potterphile your grandma thought babies came out of the belly button? Please tell me that was *before* she started having babies...
    TTC history in spoiler
    Me: 30 Him: 35
    Married: Oct 2015
    Baby G born June 2017
    TTC#2: July 2018
    BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19


  • @rae1-3 :flushed: not only used, but an expired car seat?! Eff no! Holy cow.

     I get that "back in their day" whatever bullshit, but kids DIED from suffocation and whatever. Just bc we lived doesn't mean everyone else did!

    @Potterphile - your whole post cracks me up. Especially the belly button sorry. Every single time. 
    My mom also made a blanket, which I love and am throwing over the glider. She mentioned making another once she knows the sex. How many blankets do people think we need?! Sheesh. I mean, I'll accept it and love it but I'd rather she just save her time and money. 
  • @ginger1228 when I was pregnant with my first, my MIL insisted we take the crib from her house. I was like "what crib, I have been over many times and I have never seen a crib?" She said oh it's in the garage! Then she proceeded to tell me it was a hand me down from my husband's cousin that was in her 40's....as in she slept in it as a baby! Umm, what? It was also filthy disgusting covered with bugs and in pieces in her garage. She tried guilting it as a 'family heirloom'?! I said so my husband slept in it? She said, no. Wtf? I very nicely said, "I can't even use the 7 year old crib my sister tried to give me because it isn't up to code anymore. Plus, I want to buy a new one as this is our first baby and I want a fresh, safe, clean crib for him'. She still pushed it. It's weird reasons like this I'm not comfortable with her watching our LO. She doesn't think of safety, ever. 

    She seriously wanted me to put my 6 pound infant in a 40 year old crib that was bug infested.....some older people do NOT get it. Lol. 
    ginger1228julybaby17-2
  • @LoveLee85 - ha! I love all these stories! They're baffled on why we want new stuff. It's not even necessarily that it's new - CLEAN and SAFE are the priority and they don't get that either!
  • @ginger1228 Exactly! Lol I dare say that probably 75% of the stuff, if not more, we used for LO was in fact used from my sister. She had just had a baby 12 months before me, also a boy, so it worked out perfect! LOL But it was all 100% clean and safe for use. I wasn't mad at MIL, just shocked she even thought that was a good idea. Lol. Yikes. 
  • wolfmumwolfmum
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    @manillabar she went into labor with her first thinking that is where it was going to come out of. So she got all the way there thinking "yep my belly button is just gonna explode and it's going to crawl out of there". My response to that story is always "how did the baby get IN there?" Like wasn't that an indication of where it was gonna come out of..? Apparently not. Silly me. Next time she tells the story (if I can sit through it without flipping the table w rage) I will ask her if she knew then how babies are made. I can't even believe that I'm alive sometimes if I came from these people. Truly it must have just been luck that they didn't all die out. I guess above all else, the human desire/instinct to have sex wins out. 

    @ginger1228 - my mother said "oh things must have changed" and I said "YEA PEOPLE DIED"
    ginger1228manillabarLoveLee85WeddingNotes13
  • BusyZeeBusyZee
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
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    I really don't want my brother in laws and father in law anywhere near me in the hospital. Ideally I just want my dad, then my husband and then my mum. But my MIL will be there which I understand and my SIL has very conveniently planned a trip during my due dates, which actually works out for me because she's filthy and I don't want her touching any newborn let alone mine. 
     
    I wish she could read this. 
    ginger1228star_beagle
  • @Potterphile In her defense, sometimes it feels like my baby thinks that my belly button is the exit and she's trying to push her way out. :)

    Seriously though, that's nuts. And it makes me very sad that there was a time when women had so little knowledge of their own bodies that they could get to labor and not have any idea what was about to happen to them. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    WeddingNotes13
  • I'm pretty sure I will be writing a list of things we do/do not want for the labor, delivery, and after the baby is here and not only giving them to family but also making the nursing staff fully aware of what we want. Under no circumstances do I want my MIL in the room while I'm delivering or for the 2 hours after birth when they are cleaning and stitching me up. Hell no. DH & I want to be ALONE with the baby during the actual birth and the 2 hours afterward until they move me to my recovery room. It's OUR daughter. I have already made this clear to my mom and sister (who understand and respect my wishes), but I highly doubt DH has even mentioned it to his mom. *eye roll* I can totally see MIL throwing a temper tantrum because I said no to her looking at me while I push a baby out my hooha.
    Married: 10/13/2013
    TTC #1: Mirena removed 5/26/2015; DH - normal SA, me - diagnosed with PCOS 8/4/2016 - on Metformin; BFP - 10/29/2016!!!, EDD - 7/8/2017; DD born 6/29/2017
  • These stories are cracking me up.  I can't believe some people.  Bug infested cribs?!  Babies coming out of belly buttons???  Filthy SILs?!  LOL

    @ginger1228 I definitely don't think it's out of line to ask that your brother's GF you've never met NOT be there to meet you the first time when you're delivering a baby for crying out loud.

    My uncle is constantly doing stuff like that.  Every time he gets a new girlfriend/wife he wants to bring her to the most intimate family gatherings like my bridal shower, my close family gender reveal party, Easter, Mother's Day, etc.  My grandma protects him tooth and nail said we need to be more accepting of wife/gf number 248249104, but I told her that he could be more accommodating by having us meet her at something he plans rather than throwing her into the mix with our family at these special gatherings.  Yeesh.

    Me: 26  Him: 27
    Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014

    Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016

    BFP #1: 12/01/2016

    EDD: 07/24/2017



    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @star_beagle and others trying to figure out how to give specific instructions to family - a few weeks ago I sent my parents, ILs, sister, BIL, and BIL's girlfriend a "Hospital Logistics" email. 

    We have a relatively reasonable family, but I wanted to make it clear what our boundaries would be. So, I started by giving them directions to the hospital with info about parking (city hospital, not always clear) and visiting hours. I told them when we'd be in touch about me going to labor (once I was admitted), what to expect in terms of updates (or lack thereof), and that WE would let THEM know when baby had arrived, and when we were ready for visitors.

    I think I put things pretty diplomatically, so PM me if you'd like to see the text I sent!
    star_beagle
  • rnw2019rnw2019
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    edited May 2017
    Oh my goodness, this is some major ridiculousness! Love the belly button story, but I agree it's sad that women didn't know about their own bodies in that era. And an expired car seat?!?! She should def. know better.   

    Some of these stories are making me glad that we live a 10+ hour drive from either set of parents. We invited them to be here for the birth time (mostly because we feel a small twinge of guilt at whisking their grandchild away to a foreign country), but I certainly don't want any of them in the room during the actual birth!!
    Strangers are even less okay! I can't imagine. 

    "Warning" you instead of asking permission is so disrespectful. Ugh. You are a much more patient person than I because that would fill me with white hot rage. I'd "warn" her that your bro's gf will not be allowed in the hospital room and that her friends will be turned away at the door. But maybe that's just me being "mean" too.  

    Apparently I'm "mean" to my mom as well... a few weeks ago when she asked when we would ever be spending christmas with them (my fam did not celebrate it when I was growing up, and kind of made fun of the whole spectacle... same with halloween and I LOVE both holidays now). When I said that might not ever happen (trying to manage expectations), she burst into tears because it's "so unfair" and my in-laws "get the best of everything" and she and my dad "just sit at home alone on christmas and no one ever visits them." Well, yes. You raised us thinking it's stupid. I told her I didn't appreciate being guilt-tripped, and that sent her over the edge because none of those things she said were meant as a guilt-trip. Of course not.  :|

    ETA: I have a friend who didn't let anyone (no friends or family) near the baby or in the house for a 3-month quarantine period, so I definitely don't think being picky during the newborn stage is over the top. 
    wolfmum
  • Thanks everyone for the validation! I am going to have to put my foot down. I try to tread carefully bc my mom goes crazy in seconds and we just recently began speaking again. She already got crappy when I said I don't want people at my house all the time during those first few weeks and she got all defensive "Well I want to see it when it's little!" I've never said she can't come over at all. Just don't expect an open door policy when I'm emotional and exhausted. 
    OperaSingerMommymanillabar
  • wolfmumwolfmum
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Lol @rjoys8 I can SO relate with the mom thing. I'm always "hurting her feelings" by being honest with her. It doesn't matter how calm I say it, just doesn't matter. She hasn't visited me here (1,000 miles away but still in the US) in about 3 years and outright said "why would I come there?" Like what is there to do here- Bc seeing me isn't enough. I've been there like five times. But she expects me to go there w an infant for Christmas. Nope. We've spent the holidays at my husbands family's house for the last 5+ years Bc being w my family is a miserable dramatic shitshow where people are so disrespectful. But of course this baby is going to CHANGE ME and I'm going to NEED for the baby to have a relationship w all those rando family members down there who treat me like crap. She actually said "your baby is going to ask you about your aunts" I was like excuse me WHAT. You think my child (at literally any point) is going to ask me about MY aunts? I didn't even gaf about my own aunts when I was a kid nevermind my great aunts!

    i often just can't speak to her and have to keep living my life. I think you're going to upset people whatever you do- and the more you comply with what they want or change what you would do to suit them, the more they expect it and the more upset they are when you don't do what they want. I change the "can't please everyone" to "basically can only please yourself".
    rnw2019rosepinkslipper
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