I know we have an unsolicited advice thread but it got kind of buried and I thought a general things people say might be fun!
This didn't happen to me, but to DH: He told a friend of his we're expecting. The friend said "Oh, that's really early." (meant in relation to when we got married) To mess with him because that's obviously very rude, DH said "What do you mean?" Cue his friend stammering a lot and eventually just saying congratulations like he should have in the first place, lol!
This is more of a postpartum thing but about 2 months after I had the baby we were at a birthday party full of people. My mother loudly exclaimed "Oh my gosh honey, why are you still in maternity pants?!?" The entire party turned to look at us. She then went on to say how she was back in her jeans one week after delivering her 3rd baby and blah blah blah. NO. No no no. It's just rude.
@av2323 Seriously? For the first month after both my boys I wore pajama pants, then for the next 3 I wore maternity pants. Really though, who cares what you wear?
I'm getting the "are you done/are you going to have more?" followed closely by their opinions on how we should live our lives. Seriously people, this is our third and it's really none of your business if we intend to have more kiddos. I love kids, I wouldn't mind having more, but that is OUR decision. Also, we told our mother's yesterday about the pregnancy and my mom said "I had wondered, that sweater makes you look round." Umm, I'm not showing, that is left over from DS2. Thanks for telling me I look fat mom.
@av2323 that is so rude and also no one's business? @ariasbabyblog I keep telling people upfront we want four kids so they can keep their opinions to themselves when we have three more. My least favorite is "well you say that now, but wait til you have your first!" Yes, obviously we may change our minds but right now we still want four so hush.
One of my regulars said she was surprised I was having a boy, not because I've had so much nausea this time but because I was getting wide as well as getting a belly. F@&$ you lady.
We always get the "you know what causes babies right?", "how many are you going to have anyways?", "aren't you done yet?" Or the most crude one anyone has said to us was at a gathering with a bunch of friends and a guy who is an acquaintance of DH came up to us, said congratulations to me and then turned to DH and said, "dude, you know every ejaculation doesn't have to turn into a baby!" Ummmmm are you friggin kidding me?????
@BayCamp I literally cannot believe the things people say! You look great and not wide in your HDBD pictures @cmessamore that's disgusting. I don't like crude conversation and that is just so unnecessary.
I was told this weekend that I'm getting chubby. Thanks...I'm pregnant so it kinda comes with the territory.
I've also gotten the whole "was it intentional" question. I always respond with "If you mean did we intend to get pregnant, then yes, we know how it works." I also hate the more vanilla "are you excited" question when it's really a mask for "was it intentional". I much prefer when the excited question comes off more like "OMG! Congrats! Are you excited!!" instead of "Oh wow! Are you excited?"
Posted in another thread already, but told a friend recently and her response was "Oh, that's why your face looks fat." Um, excuse me, but I'm still under pre-preggo weight and I think I look good, thank you very much! Also, @cmessamore, seriously?! Gross man child. Honestly, I feel like I'm getting a lot more from my new mom friends. Like I'll say "I feel good!" and they'll reply "just wait." And God in heaven help me, but if one more person tells me I have to read this or that book, I'm going to slap them with it. I will read what I want, when I want, if I want, otherwise- if I didn't ask, keep your opinions to yourself... I actually had a new mom tell me yesterday that if I wanted any hope of breastfeeding successfully I had to read [this particular book] before baby came. I retorted with the fact my SIL didn't read it but said she asked every nurse who passed her room for help/advice and she's rocking the BF and that everyone's story is different as to their ability/desire to BF so I'd probably take my chances. The reality is, I may look into the book she recommended. But not because it's my only hope for BF... if you're going to give unsolicited advice, at least don't come at a person like they'll fail at life if they don't take it.
~Ziggy
Me:27 (diagnosed anovulatory May 2016) DH:29 (normal) Met 2008 | Dated 2010 | Married 2012 TTC#1 since June 2015 June 2016- 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 12), thin (2.45) lining | BFN July 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 10), thin (~4) lining | BFN August 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | BFN | Referred to specialist, visited once, was told we have less than a 3% chance even on medication, recommended to IUI for up to a 50% chance, decided not to pursue at this time | Stopped "trying" October 2016- We became licensed foster parents November 9, 2016- Arrival of DD#1, 4yo March 1, 2017- 1 day late, feel like crap (low fever & exhausted) | Mom suggested test before taking meds, I laughed but did it anyway | BFP! *shock*
Do you think I'm up all night partying? I'm trying to get comfortable. I have insomnia. Everything hurts. I gotta pee. Why am I hungry at 2am? As if sleeping now will actually help with not sleeping later. Doesn't work like that, guys.
@elizabethschuyler omg yes...I got better sleep when DS was a newborn than I got the whole last four months of that pregnancy. And with this one, I seem to be up at 2 and 4am every night with bizarre dreams and restlessness in between. The people who tell us to sleep now can suck it.
When we told my MIL we were expecting again we were met with, "we'll I wish you would have waited.." uhm excuse you. I'm sorry we did clear it with you first. Our littles will be about 20 months apart. Honestly we wanted them closer but that didn't happen. DH quit talking to her for about 2 months after this comment because he was so upset.
We had sooo many people ask if our first was an accident since they knew I was still in college for another year and noone knew we were trying at all. That particular month was a surprise since I thought I had ovulated a week earlier when I was out of town... But we hadn't been using any form of birth control for most of a year, sooo no not a surprise. My husband always answered "not that it's your business but we had unprotected sex so not a surprise" I love him. Always has my back so I don't have to answer questions like that when he's around.
My FIL was really ridiculous over the weekend when we told him. While he was happy as the initial reaction the next thing he says is, 'yes but this time it MUST be a girl'. My husband said that's not in our hands and he goes yes it is, there are ways to 'comcieve' a girl than boy, I did it and it worked! Surely you must know that!' Argh I just could not on the phone anymore and said actually I just wanted a healthy baby so could not care less.
We still haven't announced to anyone besides our parents and closest friends this time. I'm just not ready to deal with the brain farts of the general public.
My mom and her cousin were talking with me and my mother said "Don't even think about trying to go natural, you need to get an epidural." Her cousin responded with "Yeah, there is a point of no return"
Yes I know. Although I haven't had the baby yet, I know what the process is. I've read countless books, I love reading and I've watch video upon video while I run. Please don't tell me that I can't go natural if I want to. If I choose to get an epidural that will be my choice when the time comes.
@furmommy People keep asking if I'm having a VBAC. I just tell them it's a very personal decision and I may end up keeping it personal. Many will ask you those kinds of questions (or offer the unsolicited advice) and I find that to be a very broad but acceptable answer. It's just a nice way of saying "it's not relevant to you, so don't worry about it"
I can't count the number of people who ask "Were you trying?" Does it matter? Do you need to know our sex schedule? Is the baby less wanted if it was an accident? I launch in to our 5 year struggle with infertility and loss and make them wish they hadn't asked.
"You are planning on breastfeeding, correct?" I will never understand why anyone feels like they need to have a say in how someone else's baby is fed. This is worse than the unsolicited belly rub in my book.
I think the most pretentious thing I've gotten lately, from at least 15 people is inquiries of whether or not we are going to move to a bigger house now. We have a 3br 2bath ranch, 5br if you count the two basement bedrooms that are an office and storage right now. I like my small house, my kids already share a bedroom and the third bedroom "playroom" is getting moved into the basement living room. So... no. We are just fine in our "small" house, thanks. Less to clean too
Pretty much the one I keep getting is "when are you going to find out the gender???" which annoys the crap out of my husband and me because it's not the gender you find out, it's the sex. These words do not mean the same thing.
Second, omfg, NEVER. I am NEVER going to find out the sex, not ever. I'm going to ask the doctors to wrap the baby up like a mummy and N E V E R look at what's going on down there.
Or at least, you'd THINK that's what my response was based on the shock and dismay that I'm preventing everyone from buying me color coded crap I don't want that isn't on my registry. Looking at you, tiny 3 piece suits for boys and ridiculous bows for bald baby girls.
Me: 32 Husbando: 49 Married Since: 7/29/2012 omgosh
@Tourmalily I have to admit, I love a cute baby headband, but I usually opt for the knotted rabbit ear style paired with a gender neutral outfit. Everything else though, YES. It's like people take personal offense to not knowing what kind of parts the kid has. Actually that kind of became my favorite part of being Team Green with my first - watching everyone around me implode at the idea. That, and actually getting useful stuff at my showers because people couldn't buy me clothes and blankets.
@Tourmalily OMG this is a pet peeve of mine. I have so many GNC friends that we are really sensitive to this, and people demanding the gender drive me nuts. We will know the sex, gender will become clear later! We are going to find out the sex, but I'm half tempted to only tell a handful of close friends because if we get 8,000 heavily gendered items we will never use, I'll be so cranky!
@Tourmalily and @ooodalollly I wish I was strong enough to remain team green. My main motivation was to destroy the lives of those who can't fathom someone not finding out the sex.
When DD1's bio dad found out I was pregnant with DD2 he said "oh that must be why you look like you gained weight" I know it was just a jab at me though. Shortly after I had given birth to her some stranger said "wow you look like you are expecting" I politely said I already had the baby and died a little inside for still looking so pregnant when I wasn't. I would NEVER assume someone was pregnant for this reason.
I may have mentioned this before - I can't remember - but my mom is mad at me for not letting her tell people I'm pregnant yet. She went on and on about how I'm stealing her joy. I told her "sorry you're having such a hard first trimester."
I'm really glad all our friends are being cool about getting vaccinated for baby butttttt:
"Can you remind us all in the fall to schedule appointments for vaccines?"
Hard no. I am this child's mother only, you're an adult. Remember to schedule your own appointment or ask your own mother to remind you! And to be honest, I'm probably going to be/already have been so annoying about vaccination and my kid that you'd be hard pressed to forget.
And here's another while I'm thinking of it. I had a complicated recovery after my daughter and had to go see a bunch of specialists and was in limbo for awhile about whether there would be surgery or not and only the most basic of details were shared (outside of our inner circle) in order to let people know what was up. It was embarrassing when people would probe for more, because it was all very TMI and nothing I really enjoy saying out loud. But it was also frustrating when people didn't ask questions and just assumed (very patronizingly) that they could relate to what I was going through.
AND THEN people always want to ask new mothers, who are still leaking the remnants of their firstborns, when they're having another. Like at least let my vagina heal before asking me that asinine question.
Told my grandma yesterday and her response was "oh does this mean you're finally going to stay home now?". I replied "I'll stay home for my mat leave and then I'll be going back to work full time. I like working." Shut it gma, not everyone wants to be a sahm.
@ooodalollly my MIL asked me the day after DS was born if I regretted having a natural childbirth and if I'd do it again. Well right now I don't want to do any of it again natural or not, please ask me when my vagina has returned to some semblance of normal and I don't have an infant hanging from my raw nipple.
am+mommy Someone told me, "I bet you are expecting a baby!" When I was 14 months pp with #2. I just smiled and, said, nope it's leftover from the last birth. He said, "Oh when did you have him?" And I was like, uh, 14 months ago.... The guy's wife just about died. I just laughed. That's one of those things you should never ask about ever, ever, ever.
@BayCamp OMG YES. I heard that so many times. Another reason I'm dreading announcing because I really don't want to hash out the details of my next birth plan or hear how shocked/thrilled anyone is that we decided to have another after all that.
@Tourmalily We are Team Green, and were woth DD. When people would ask when, my DH would say "around the 18th..." and they would get excited "of this month or next?" To which he would answer, "Oh, no. The 18th birthday." He is Team Green this time for the sole purpose of trolling all of our friends and family. And its working for a second time. Lol
Why does anyone care about my decision to know the sex of the baby or not. Lots do find out and lots don't. I want to be surprised and am not a huge planner so it doesn't bother me to not know. But it is always one of the first questions. My SIL keeps asking as if I'm going to change my mind with her constant questioning.
DuchessOfCambridge
member
Re: Sh*t People Say to Pregnant Women
This didn't happen to me, but to DH: He told a friend of his we're expecting. The friend said "Oh, that's really early." (meant in relation to when we got married) To mess with him because that's obviously very rude, DH said "What do you mean?" Cue his friend stammering a lot and eventually just saying congratulations like he should have in the first place, lol!
Married: 11/2013
"Q" DS1: 3/2011
"T" DS2: 10/2012
"A" DD: 1/2014
EDD #4: 11/26/2017
I'm getting the "are you done/are you going to have more?" followed closely by their opinions on how we should live our lives. Seriously people, this is our third and it's really none of your business if we intend to have more kiddos. I love kids, I wouldn't mind having more, but that is OUR decision. Also, we told our mother's yesterday about the pregnancy and my mom said "I had wondered, that sweater makes you look round." Umm, I'm not showing, that is left over from DS2. Thanks for telling me I look fat mom.
@cmessamore that's disgusting. I don't like crude conversation and that is just so unnecessary.
At least follow that up with a congrats...sheesh!
DD- 9
DS-6
c/p- April 2016
missed m/c- 6w5d; discovered 8w2d- September 2016
I was told this weekend that I'm getting chubby. Thanks...I'm pregnant so it kinda comes with the territory.
I've also gotten the whole "was it intentional" question. I always respond with "If you mean did we intend to get pregnant, then yes, we know how it works." I also hate the more vanilla "are you excited" question when it's really a mask for "was it intentional". I much prefer when the excited question comes off more like "OMG! Congrats! Are you excited!!" instead of "Oh wow! Are you excited?"
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Um, excuse me, but I'm still under pre-preggo weight and I think I look good, thank you very much!
Also, @cmessamore, seriously?! Gross man child.
Honestly, I feel like I'm getting a lot more from my new mom friends. Like I'll say "I feel good!" and they'll reply "just wait."
And God in heaven help me, but if one more person tells me I have to read this or that book, I'm going to slap them with it. I will read what I want, when I want, if I want, otherwise- if I didn't ask, keep your opinions to yourself... I actually had a new mom tell me yesterday that if I wanted any hope of breastfeeding successfully I had to read [this particular book] before baby came. I retorted with the fact my SIL didn't read it but said she asked every nurse who passed her room for help/advice and she's rocking the BF and that everyone's story is different as to their ability/desire to BF so I'd probably take my chances. The reality is, I may look into the book she recommended. But not because it's my only hope for BF... if you're going to give unsolicited advice, at least don't come at a person like they'll fail at life if they don't take it.
Met 2008 | Dated 2010 | Married 2012
TTC#1 since June 2015
June 2016- 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 12), thin (2.45) lining | BFN
July 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | 2 follies (14 & 10), thin (~4) lining | BFN
August 2016- 1mg estradiol CDs 1-7, 50mg generic clomid CDs 5-9 w/TI | BFN | Referred to specialist, visited once, was told we have less than a 3% chance even on medication, recommended to IUI for up to a 50% chance, decided not to pursue at this time | Stopped "trying"
October 2016- We became licensed foster parents
November 9, 2016- Arrival of DD#1, 4yo
March 1, 2017- 1 day late, feel like crap (low fever & exhausted) | Mom suggested test before taking meds, I laughed but did it anyway | BFP! *shock*
Do you think I'm up all night partying? I'm trying to get comfortable. I have insomnia. Everything hurts. I gotta pee. Why am I hungry at 2am? As if sleeping now will actually help with not sleeping later. Doesn't work like that, guys.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
DH quit talking to her for about 2 months after this comment because he was so upset.
Yes I know. Although I haven't had the baby yet, I know what the process is. I've read countless books, I love reading and I've watch video upon video while I run. Please don't tell me that I can't go natural if I want to. If I choose to get an epidural that will be my choice when the time comes.
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Second, omfg, NEVER. I am NEVER going to find out the sex, not ever. I'm going to ask the doctors to wrap the baby up like a mummy and N E V E R look at what's going on down there.
Or at least, you'd THINK that's what my response was based on the shock and dismay that I'm preventing everyone from buying me color coded crap I don't want that isn't on my registry. Looking at you, tiny 3 piece suits for boys and ridiculous bows for bald baby girls.
Married Since: 7/29/2012
omgosh
"Can you remind us all in the fall to schedule appointments for vaccines?"
Hard no. I am this child's mother only, you're an adult. Remember to schedule your own appointment or ask your own mother to remind you! And to be honest, I'm probably going to be/already have been so annoying about vaccination and my kid that you'd be hard pressed to forget.
AND THEN people always want to ask new mothers, who are still leaking the remnants of their firstborns, when they're having another. Like at least let my vagina heal before asking me that asinine question.
DS#2 3/15
Baby #3~
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