"Did You Really Just Say That?" - Mother's Day Edition

KariAnn323

Okay ladies, we all know it's going to happen. What are your neighbors/ coworkers/ friends/ family/ complete strangers saying this Mother's Day Weekend that makes you want to say, "Did you really just say that?"

KariAnn323

Started for slightly selfish reasons (though given the upcoming holiday I figured many of us would be getting some crappy advice).

1. Yesterday at my grandma's memorial service my dad's best friend came up to me and asked when I was going to make my dad a grandpa.

2. One of my coworkers who *TW* knows about our losses *end TW* asked if we were trying again. I explained that we are and that I'm on progesterone after O to prevent more losses. She then went on and on about some friend of a friend who tried for years and had several failed rounds of IVF. Apparently this friend is now 4 months pregnant after stopping everything and relaxing. *Insert your favorite eye rolling gif and that was basically the expression on my face.*

JennyColada

I'm just getting asked at work a bunch "are you a mother?" Which mostly annoys me because these customers never ask the guys "are you a father?" around Father's Day but oh because I have two X chromosomes I obviously had a child.

justkeepswimming8

FIL - "I probably shouldn't say this but I can't wait to hold your children" while holding the grandson he already has and I'm sitting there on CD1. 

purplg8r

From a first grader today while we're doing Mother's Day craft. "Why aren't you a mom yet?  You're a teacher and married so you should have a kid. Really a daughter.  You should have a daughter by now. ". They mean well, but thanks kid!

Cricket648

@purplg8r I can soooo relate to that one! My students are seriously obsessed with me having kids. They think I'm a freak becasue I'm nearly 27 and married with no kids (I work in a neighborhood where people have kids really young). 

50Wife

It wasn't recent, but for Christmas my MIL got us a personalized ornament...there was an extra stocking for our future child.  That was the first ting that came to mind. 

Outside of that, just about every girl in my work is pregnant (legit I think there are 6 at the moment) so naturally I keep getting questioned as to when I'm having another. Sorry guys, it's not that easy. If it were, I'd be home on my maternity leave right now.  But thanks for asking 

sunniegrly

"You two better hurry up!" 
:::everyone looking at me to see if I'm drinking:::
"Well if it makes you feel any better I didn't have my 3rd until I was 40."

LoveInDC

I'm not 100% back and I'm thinking of taking a bump break the rest of the week, but since you asked...

I was at a professional conference for a society where I hold a high-level leadership position. An older gentleman from a different chapter, with whom I've had minimal conversation, decided to have this exchange with me:

Old guy: I heard you got married. Congratulations.
Me: Yes, thank you.
OG: So are you trying to start a family?
M: Oh, you know, maybe. We're just trying to figure everything out.
OG: I know, your generation just doesn't believe in that stuff anymore. My daughter and her husband decided to be childless. I guess that's what people do nowadays.

Thanks, dude. This conversation is definitely not overly personal, condescending, or downright rude. Please tell me more about how I should be using my uterus. I'm sure if you tell it you're disappointed, I'll magically become pregnant.

flashley-2

Well I'm a stepmom and I contribute more than the kids mother actually does but apparently I'm not part of the Mother's Day celebration until I have technically pushed a baby out of my vagina. I will be hunkered down in my pjs Sunday unreachable to the world. 

starla

Aww @flashley-2 That's so not fair! You deserve to be spoiled and recognized. DF should get his shit together? Side note, is he still DF or did you get married?

flashley-2

@starla I do agree. I think it's terrible I'm not recognized but whatever. Yeah still mf until July 4th lol you can take mf whatever way you want hahaha. 

50Wife

@flashley-2 I agree with @starla. Spoil yourself this weekend if nothing else!! 

flashley-2

@50wife thanks girl. I don't want to be all needy and bitchy and make a big deal about it. Hopefully they will someday see how important of a role I play someday and will make me feel special but until then I will just avoid and do what makes me happy that day !

pebbledam

@flashley-2 - I'm in the same stepmom boat as you. DSS has a wonderful and very engaged mother, but DSS calls me "mama," too. I don't want to ask for the attention, but it hurts a little that DH/MIL don't do anything to acknowledge my role. 

icecubeinthedesert

Last fall (***TW*** one month after my first MC) I was shadowing a pathologist to learn more about the clinical side of the gynecological cancers I study. The guy started making conversation about family, and asked if I had kids yet. I just replied no, and he went in a rant about how I shouldn't wait too long. His wife waited too long and they couldn't have kids anymore. Luckily I just told him we were trying and he stopped the conversation, saying "oh, well you don't have to tell me anything." And on we went to look at "products of conception" under the microscope. In retrospect, I wish I'd just said "dude, I just had a MC" and make him feel like crap. Also, I'm only 29 and actually look younger than that, so I'm sure I just looked at him like "really?"

petethecat

Oh shit @icecubeinthedesert that must have been really hard to get through. I'm so sorry. 

SCK2411

DH's Uncle called him today to congratulate him on my pregnancy. DH was obviously confused as I'm not pregnant. Apparently there's a rumor going around the family... Which explains DH's mother's phone calls last week wondering if we had any news to share. 

Even if I WAS pregnant, wait till we announce instead of just speculating!! 

@flashley-2 I'm sorry that you aren't being appreciated. My parents are divorced and both remarried so I have both a stepmom and a stepdad. I can't say it was always easy or that as the child in the equation that I always appreciated my four parents but it was actually my MOTHER who made my siblings and me acknowledge my stepmom on mother's day. And now that we're older, my siblings and I all recognize both of our stepparents as a integral part of the family. 
I don't want to butt in to your relationship but if it's bothering you, why not say something to DF?

@50Wife I live in a community where people tend to get pregnant pretty much right away after marriage or at least within the first year. I've been married for a year and a half and no baby (**********TW*********** at least not one that people know about, MC three months ago ***END TW***). So people won't stop asking me when we're having kids. Not only that but when I meet new people that don't ask me IF I have kids but rather HOW MANY kids I have.

flashley-2

@pebbledam It's tough girl. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm !

@SCK2411 Hey girl, you're not butting in at all. I guess I always felt I should be recognized but never said anything because I feel like being recognized because I ask for it isn't the same as being recognized because I'm recognized if that makes sense ? 

WhitSawyer21

I can TOTALLY agree!!!!! It's so frustrating and hard. I hate when everyone wishes me a HMD.... just makes me more depressed. They don't not acknowledge it so nobody else should. 

zamoraspin

@flashley-2 That sucks and I also understand what you mean about wanting to be recognized without pushing for it. My parents are divorced and remarried. My relationship with my stepmom was not initially great. But over the years she has grown very dear to me. She texted me today to thank me for some flowers I sent for Mother's Day and it meant so much that she texted me - so thankful and excited - and told me she loved me. Anyway, someday when your step child is old enough and mature enough to appreciate you you will be appreciated.

justkeepswimming8

I have to stop in on my trip to tell yall what my mother just did. Not 30 minutes after seeing her, she rubbed my belly and said "is there a bun in the oven?" When i replied no and showed her my beer, she says "oh good because i dont want you to have kids for a long time." 

pebbledam

flashley-2 said:

@pebbledam It's tough girl. If you ever want to talk feel free to pm !

@SCK2411 Hey girl, you're not butting in at all. I guess I always felt I should be recognized but never said anything because I feel like being recognized because I ask for it isn't the same as being recognized because I'm recognized if that makes sense ? 

^^^ exactly. It's not the same if I ask for the attention.

@justkeepswimming8 - WTAF? 

icecubeinthedesert

So I just found a card left by my FIL for me to open on mother's day. He left one for my SIL too (she has a LO). I'm equal parts flattered that he thought to get me one and very sad. **Sigh** honestly, I wish he would have just given SIL her card when I wasn't there.

[Deleted User]

<blockquote class="Quote">
<div class="QuoteAuthor"><a href="/profile/justkeepswimming8">justkeepswimming8</a> said:</div>
<div class="QuoteText">I have to stop in on my trip to tell yall what my mother just did. Not 30 minutes after seeing her, she rubbed my belly and said "is there a bun in the oven?" When i replied no and showed her my beer, she says "oh good because i dont want you to have kids for a long time." 

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</div>
</blockquote>
My mom did almost the same thing to me not long after we were married, and not in so many words.  But still.  I was like,
<img src="https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/v0/p7rd9f3btvci.gif" alt="" title="Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/v0/p7rd9f3btvci.gif">
I think that ish is more about them, than us.  If it makes you feel any better... but I'm with ya.  It's weird. :/ like what kind of future grandma ARE YOU???

multifariousmermaid

Just a couple weeks ago a family friend stopped by my office looking for my Dad. Well, this family friend made himself comfortable in my office while waiting and struck up a lovely conversation about how much I OWE my parents grandchildren. The look on his face screamed "what's wrong with you?" and his words just about matched.

I just don't understand why some people think it's OK to say the things they do. My husband and I hadn't been trying until now but we also hadn't been using protection for several years so, I already wonder if there's something wrong with me... I don't need everyone else adding to it!

eggplantface

@SCK2411 I don't understand people who speculate like that. Like they're trying to "out" your secret. Why can't you have the secret? Why do they have to prove they "knew" before you announced? Just back off, people. Especially when, ya know, you're NOT pregnant!! Make it worse, why don'tcha.

I think you all will get a kick out of this one: A coworker told me on chat that someone who works in his room (we have several rooms of cube farms) is handing out a rose to all the mothers today. After I picked my jaw up off the floor I said "It's a lovely sentiment, but entirely unprofessional and, if I want to get militantly feminist, demeaning." He said "Everyone here went militant feminist. And agree on unprofessional." He goes "Everyone seems to be on the same page with this, yet [coworker] thought it was a great idea." I then pointed out how it's alienating all the women who don't have children, and is extremely hurtful to women who want/wanted children but don't have them, and is doubling the pain of Mother's Day by stretching it into two days. He hadn't even thought of the infertility angle, as most don't. As background, this coworker is known for being insane and weird so I'm not at all surprised he did something like this to try to curry favor. It's just so obtuse.

.

JennyColada

@justkeepswimming8 @BusinessWife OMG I feel you two SO HARD. At brunch this weekend I had a come-to-jesus talk with my mom about money, with the line "what happens when I call you someday and tell you 'hey mom I'm pregnant!', is your reply going to be 'oh gosh, that's going to be really expensive'?" and she just says "ARE YOU PREGNANT?!" No mom, I'm drinking a mimosa.

eggplantface

**TW for losses throughout** I'll share a story for my cousin-in-law (married to H's cousin): She had two IUIs, both successful, both losses. Early in the second pregnancy, before she lost it, she skipped a big event she usually attends with several of the cousins because it's mainly drinking. Afterward, after she lost the pregnancy, she saw one particular cousin and the cousin asks "Are you pregnant??" Because she had guessed she skipped the event because she was pregnant. Cousin-in-law says no. Cousin goes "Aw. I thought you had skipped it for a good reason." Cousin-in-law goes "Well, I DID have a good reason, but it's gone now." And to me she says "I thought to myself 'And thanks for bringing it up, bitch!' " So, again with the speculation. Just back. Off. **end TW**

[Deleted User]

Yikes @eggplantface. That's pretty bad  :#