Mother's Day: What to Expect When You're Expecting

NYTino24

This question is mainly for FTM and women whose first pregnancy or pregnancies resulted in losses. *Please play nice as I expect this to be a sensitive topic. It is NOT a debate on when life begins.*

Do you have any Mother's Day plans? Do you expect to be recognized by your partner or family as a mother yet? 

Tourmalily

I don't, and I'm not expecting anything, but it would be nice! 

I think it's sweet and doesn't hurt anyone so I would never judge someone for making plans. 

DuchessOfCambridge

We are kind of going to be celebrating "negative one year Mother's Day" by going to a lilac festival that happens to fall on that day that we wanted to go to regardless. If we didn't have that planned we probably wouldn't be doing anything. We're not making an actual fuss, no card or presents or anything like that. Saving that for next year when Baby can join in on the fun

angbaby83

I like this topic. I will be interested to see what people say.  I am anticipating it will feel different for me this year, but I am not doing anything special.  My mom will be here and I haven't spent Mother's day with her for awhile.  I was already given a lecture by my SIL about how it only counts when you actually have a kid.  This was after my MIL told my husband he needed to do something nice for me.   I think everyone has an opinion.  If you want to be recognized go for it.  Someone will tell you that is wrong.  I am just excited for all the first time mommies! Especially those who have gone through so much.  

av2323

I was pregnant with DS in May of 2015.  We totally celebrated Mother's and Father's day that year.  My mother bought us a beautiful weeping cherry tree.  I took a belly pic with it the first year and will continue taking pics with DS (and DD when she is here) each year to watch both the babies and the tree grow.  I am a firm believer that you are a mother and a father no matter how long the baby is with you.

mariposa_767s

With DS, I was actually kinda sad when the ex didn't recognize me for mother's day.  However, the rest of my family and coworkers did.  It felt really nice to have that recognition.  So Happy Mother's Day ladies!!

CubsFan7

When I was pregnant with my son, we celebrated mothers and fathers day. 

MississippiCatfish

@angkay711 Rolling my eyes at your SIL! None of her business! 

zigzag8412

I told DH I wanted him to take me to a certain (super cutesy/retro/inexpensive) local diner with DD Saturday for lunch and asked for a prenatal massage when I hit 20 weeks as my gift.  It's kinda cheating cause while this is my first bio, we're in the process of adopting DD and it would have been my first mother's day either way.  All my friends who are or have been preggo with firsts have celebrated pregnant mother's day and gotten a little happy so I assume DH would have picked up on it on his own.  But while I'm a super chill party person, I'm a super anal gift person so we've found it best if I just tell DH what I want so there aren't any frustrations about missed expectations.

ugoglencoco

@angkay711 tell your SIL that anyone who has been pregnant whether they have a take home baby, angel baby, or are currently pregnant IS a mother. She stinks. I think all the mommas deserve to be recognised on mothers day!

LadyBugMe101

May 2016 when I was pregnant with DS my DH got me some flowers and we went to brunch. Nothing too crazy, no card or gift, just a sweet gesture on his part. Then we went to visit our moms like usual. It was sweet! This year I have 2 amazing reasons to celebrate and I am beyond blessed. 

It's a beautiful thing to recognize mommas at any stage, so FTMs enjoy and Happy Mothers Day!

BayCamp

When I was pregnant with DS I think he got me a card and we went to lunch. We're both service industry workers so most holidays like that get a little lost and we celebrate the day after 

ineedsixeggs

With my first I wasn't expecting anything because we didn't tell our parents until that weekend, so only a few close friends knew. But one of those friends got me a sweet little gift and it made my day. I agree that mothers of all stages should be celebrated.

On the other hand though, some people -like my MIL- don't like to celebrate mother's day. She had to go through IF treatments for each of her kids and mothers day was really painful for her all the years of trying, so she doesn't like to make a big deal about it. 

ArtificialRed

Kind of like what @ooodalollly said, I would say to keep expectations low because Mother's Day is not revered amongst everyone. Personal beliefs aside, you will find people that think it's a crappy holiday for a myriad of reasons, different views on when motherhood begins, women (and men) who grieve all day, and what have you.  If you feel comfortable, you can take a moment to explain to people of your choosing how important the day is (or isn't!) to you. I think Mother's Day is actually one of those holidays where the world needs a surprising amount of education on how differently we can react to it. 

peregrinefalconx

Last MD, when I was 8.5 months pregnant and out to lunch for indian buffet and told my husband that I wanted it to be for MD, he told me I wasn't "really" a mother yet. I paid for lunch. And I made him buy me a $36 candle while we waited for the restaurant to open. I just laughed when he said it bc he could barely keep a straight face. 

It was not a big deal for me, nor will "really" being a mother be this year. After years of IF stuff, I had people be sensitive to me or ask how I felt about MD. I felt blessed that I had a mother, so I always answered that it was fine. Just one more day we are supposed to do something for and I never know what to do. Cards, flowers, etc. played out. The love is there every day. 

angbaby83

@MississippiCatfish @ugoglencoco  yeah my SIL is generally annoying.  She always has an opinion.  I usually ignore her.  She has also given me "helpful" opinions about pregnancy and motherhood. 

lancomechica2

When I was pregnant with my first we celebrated mothers and Father's Day before our LO was born. The pregnancy had been so trying and difficult on me ain't no body was gonna steal my day that I felt like I earned. 

KLink15

While it would be nice I don't have any specific plans other than DH and I are going to spend the day together. My mom will be out of town and we will see his mom on Saturday.

NYTino24

All I want is for people to say Happy Mother's Day to me. *TW* I may not have gone through labor at 9-10 months, but I did at 8 weeks and that's even more of a reason to celebrate this baby in my opinion. */TW 

deemariec

I don't know if I'll be given anything or told anything for MD. I'm going to do something for my mum but this is the first year I'll be a mom, I just got married recently and have a wonderful 1 year old step son and we have this lil one on the way 14 weeks so far! I plan to do something for DH with DS for father's day but i think it would be nice to be noticed as a mom but I don't think anyone will..

TeacherMama7

This is my second but with my first, I definitely insisted that we celebrated Mother's Day. I had already lost one baby, and I was 8 months  pregnant with my son. I was carrying a baby, I was a mom! I told my dh what expensive diaper bag I wanted And so he got that for me.

slaven

Well I already bought DH a tactical baby carrier that he's talked about for Father's day so I am expecting something for Mother's day, even if it is "just" a baby item for me (like a nice diaper bag or something).

Not to start a debate on anything, but I wonder how many of the people that think you can't celebrate Mother's day while pregnant with your 1st also think that abortion is wrong..... just saying


I have a child inside me, I consider myself a mother

ss145

Yes! I am a mother! I have a baby in me and she's my baby. I'm a mum. Also Mother's Day is my birthday, so we'll be celebrating ahahaha

ss145

@slaven I wonder if it's the same brand I've been looking at!! My DH is STOKED for tactical baby carrier and tactical teddy ahaha. Makes me happy to see him so psyched 

slaven

@ss145 It's the Mission Critical carrier. I got the bundle with the day pack diaper bag. It's expensive but the only baby thing he's specifically talked about since we started TTC till now. 

ss145

@slaven aw that's great. If that's the thing that he's had his eye on... gotta get it! Sounds so cool

Furmommy

@NYTino24 I completely agree with this. My mom never had a MC and she was asking how it happened and what I had to go through. Although she was very sad for me and our loss she also said "wait until you actually give birth to a baby" and I said yeah but at least you have something happy after all that pain...

my mom is the best though. She cleaned my house yesterday and bought DH and I groceries since we've been working so much this last week. She also brought me a MD gift which was really sweet and I wasn't expecting anything especially after her doing all that stuff for me. 

MaximumEffort

This isn't my first but is my first with my DH. Prior to that it was hit or miss if someone would help my DD with mother's day. This year I'm really not sure if DH will do anything, I'm sure he's half forgotten that it is this weekend. I'm fine with a normal Sunday with some extra hugs. 

photogal1317

Mom and I are going to one of those "paint and sip" places again this year for MD (without the sip part, unfortunately).  As over the moon she is about us, I think a small part of her is sad that this is her last MD with the focus just on her.  I'm not expecting much, but it will be nice to have a girls day out to have some fun.

bcashaw

@angkay711 your SIL sounds a whole lot like mine. Solidarity. 

 I have been a step mom for 4 years and I have never been recognized for mothers day. I assume that it will be the same this year except that when I told my DH that I would go buy his mom a gift he said no because he was just gping to buy mine at the same time... so I dunno.  

kaitlinliz

We're going to a family BBQ. I wasn't expecting anything but we went to visit both families last weekend and my mom mentioned she got me a gift and his mom handed me a gift while we were there - it was an ultrasound picture frame since she knew I was going in this week for one. 

I think it's extremely thoughtful that they're doing this for me since technically it would be my first mothers day. But I wouldn't have been upset or offended if I didn't get recognized. 

jamieandwill

My first Mother's Day after my son was born was hard. DH's mom had just passed away. He barely even said happy Mother's Day and got me some weird random plastic gardening shovels I saw on the clearance rack at Home Depot. I was beyond distraught he was such a jerk, but now I realize he was still just so sad his mom was not there to celebrate the day that he could barely function. It didn't occur to him that he was supposed to celebrate the mother of his child. So, long story but I think it depends on the people around you and their overall feelings about the day. It's a hard and sad day for many so if someone doesn't recognize you, don't take it personally. My personal opinion is having a life inside you deserves to be celebrated regardless of the day!

calico27

I don't fall under the category OP specifically mentioned.. but I am a little bummed.
I usually do small cutsie things for my DH (we have pets) on Father's day - he has never done anything for me for Mother's day. This time, I jokingly mentioned he better do something - and he casually said - "you are not a mother yet". I will be kicking him in the nuts one of these days.

bcashaw

@calico27 kick him twice, once for me. 

MaximumEffort

My SIL just had a baby on Monday. Her DH has asked my family (DH and DD) to come visit this weekend. I feel like my BIL doesn't always think because what new mom wants a whole house full of guests less than a week after giving birth? I'll be running this by my MIL since she is up there helping out.
On another note DH said he DID get me something for Mothers day but it's been delayed. 

foxaírt

Personally no I don't feel like a mother .. nor would I expect to be included in the celebration . But we are anouncing to family on mothers day (14w+4d on sunday and still haven't told people) so kind of relevant in a way 

I wouldn't feel like it would be unexpected or odd if expectant others chose to tho 

For me I'm not convinced giving birth will make me feel like a mum or tbh If I'll ever fit the role. I defiantly feel at this point like I'm struggling more than I should and that maybe I'm not up for it . Wanting something something doesn't automatically qualify you to have it so I'm processing some fairly serious adequacy issues . 

For now being pregnant is mind-boggling and hard being a parent is a whole other challenge 

bcashaw

@foxairt someone advised me ( it might of been here) to not stress about being emotionally prepares for the future. You don't need to be a good mom right now my you don't need to know how to be a mom right now. All you need to do is be able to be 14 weeks pregnant. Which you're doing great at , so you're already doing everything you need to. 
Also that being said, I've realized that none of us know how to parent and we all feel like we suck at it. But we are trying out best and that's what makes us parents 

foxaírt

@bcashaw
Oh part of myost rational self totally knows this but she's not really avaliable at the moment and someone else is driving 

All I need to do at the moment is not implode when it comes time to tell people 

bcashaw

@foxairt  it's funny how common sense and logic seem to have just left the building, isn't it

BayCamp

@foxairt it's an abstract idea to me even with a 2.5 year old. Some days I totally feel like a mom, some days I say "my son" and it feels like I'm a kid playing pretend. Don't stress about when you'll "feel" like a mom because there is no right or wrong way to feel it.