Dealing with loss: my perspective — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Dealing with loss: my perspective

silvergreensilvergreen member
edited April 2017 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
I've thought a lot about whether or not I want to post this. I understand everyone deals with their loss in a very personal way; however, I wanted to share my own thoughts. It may or may not helpful for others. I hope this is not upsetting, but I apologize beforehand if this is triggering in any way.

I have been dealing with my loss by trying to put things into perspective, focusing on mindfulness and being in the present moment. Not an easy feat when the emotions are so raw. But I feel like it allows me to accept what was, what is, and move forward. I have been very much in a head versus heart mode following my miscarriage.

I have a tendency to way overthink things, so when I start getting caught in the downward spiral of sadness, fear or anxiety, I remind myself to:

  • Make peace with the fact that so many of us go through miscarriages, that they are absolutely normal. Women have been going through this since the beginning of time, and we will continue to do so, with the same strength as those before us.
  • Make peace with the fact that this pregnancy wasn't to be. Statistically speaking, it is likely this loss was because of a chromosomal abnormality that may not be compatible with a long or happy life. I would never want my child to suffer. I am not religious, but I do believe things happen for a reason. Nature does its best to ensure we have healthy, vibrant offspring, and for this I am thankful.
  • Make peace with the fact that more often than not these things are completely out of our control; therefore, I must accept that what will be, will be. I can't be afraid of life - the good or the bad - and this is a part of it. I can't be afraid to live and to try again.

On another note regarding mindfulness, I found this on Wildmind, and would like to leave it here:

"Left to itself the mind wanders through all kinds of thoughts — including thoughts expressing anger, craving, depression, revenge, self-pity, etc. As we indulge in these kinds of thoughts we reinforce those emotions in our hearts and cause ourselves to suffer. Mostly these thoughts are about the past or future. The past no longer exists. The future is just a fantasy until it happens... By purposefully directing our awareness away from such thoughts and towards the 'anchor' or our present moment experience, we decrease their effect on our lives and we create instead a space of freedom where calmness and contentment can grow."
BabyFruit Ticker
40momma

Re: Dealing with loss: my perspective

  • Thank you. I'm still struggling to put my thoughts together but found reading this to be helpful. I am very much trying to stay in the moment, even though this moment sucks.
  • @40momma This moment definitely does. We just have to cope the best we can. I'm sorry you're here with me. We will get through this. <3
    BabyFruit Ticker
    40momma
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  • as a yogi I can totally relate to this!  I'm always reminding myself to live in the present moment and be mindful.  Also be greatful for what we do have.  Thanks!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    silvergreen
  • Thank you so much for your post. I am about 1 week post m/c and really struggling, particularly as I look around at my peers who all seem to be pregnant or with little ones, and I feel so alone. I look back, wondering if I could have done anything differently; and I look forward, so eager to be pregnant and feel whole again. 

    Your post is a good reminder to work our way through the present moment, and feel these difficult raw emotions, so that we may begin to heal.

    Sending love to everyone who unfortunately finds themself on this message board.
    silvergreen
  • @allienewc I am only 12 days post D&C, so I completely understand what you're going through. Same thing with the peers; I had to unfollow an old classmate on FB just so I didn't have to see all the posts.

    Right now I focus on today and all the things I am grateful for, including my health.

    Many hugs!
    BabyFruit Ticker
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