SO Rants and Raves - 4/20

knottie0d8cc4d43bacc09f

Instead of our usual "Why my pregnant self is crying" thread, I thought we could switch it up. Tell us what your significant other has done lately - good or bad!

DeansGirl14

SO rave- he brings free junk food home from the office. Many of his colleagues like to bake and I have brownies sitting in my fridge right now. 

smallbutmighty77

I'll rave-He takes the dog to the park when we get home from work and does her late night walk-everyday! He knows by the time I get home my feet are swollen and he doesn't want me having to be on guard at the park about dogs running into me or anything. So all I do is the morning walk, it is awesome.

and_peggy

As soon as he gets home from work he jumps right in with DD and plays with her. It's just nice to have a hands on husband.

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18

I'll rant- so I try talking to my man about putting money aside for bills for the baby and bills when I'm on maturnaty leave. He tells me I worry too much and that everything will be fine. He keeps buying stuff he doesn't need like gaming systems and games that he almost never uses or vaping stuff that I know he will use a few months and then stop when another one catches his eye. How can I get him to see if we don't save any money we are screwed when I don't get a few paychecks...?
Rave- on the up side he does cook dinner and tries to make sure I always eat something, even if my body is iffy.

littlebug2010

My DH is awesome.  He figured out how to get AC/Heating into our house, brand new windows and doors and a new tub.  On top of all that work, he put in new floors in the bathrooms, re-finished the sink in out bathroom to make it white, and put up new base board and crown moulding. He also painted the whole nursery last night, and is selling some of our now unneeded furniture.  He is also the one who cooks and honestly, becuase Ive been so tired, he has done most of the cleaning and dog care too.  He is fantastic, and I love him so much! Now that my energy is sort of back, I have been helping a lot more.  DH is just amazing! 

PinkPrincessPiper

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18 said:

I'll rant- so I try talking to my man about putting money aside for bills for the baby and bills when I'm on maturnaty leave. He tells me I worry too much and that everything will be fine. He keeps buying stuff he doesn't need like gaming systems and games that he almost never uses or vaping stuff that I know he will use a few months and then stop when another one catches his eye. How can I get him to see if we don't save any money we are screwed when I don't get a few paychecks...?
Rave- on the up side he does cook dinner and tries to make sure I always eat something, even if my body is iffy.

If your DH doesn't get a reality check pre-baby, it'll hit him hard when your LO gets here.

and_peggy

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18 said:

I'll rant- so I try talking to my man about putting money aside for bills for the baby and bills when I'm on maturnaty leave. He tells me I worry too much and that everything will be fine. He keeps buying stuff he doesn't need like gaming systems and games that he almost never uses or vaping stuff that I know he will use a few months and then stop when another one catches his eye. How can I get him to see if we don't save any money we are screwed when I don't get a few paychecks...?
Rave- on the up side he does cook dinner and tries to make sure I always eat something, even if my body is iffy.

Yeah, I wish you luck. But when you decide to have a baby, your focus has to shift. I don't know how to make him realize since I don't know him or personality but he sounds rather selfish. I'm sorry that you're already raising a child.

SarahBethBR

I hope he's not vaping around you!  

kvh22

Rant: DH cannot come up with an idea of what to cook for dinner. Even during the first trimester morning sickness and tired phase for me, he couldn't do it. I have a horrible cold and told him I just wanted strawberries last night (granted I made him stop at the grocery store on the way home) and he just looked at me like I was crazy. Until this pregnancy I didn't even realize it because I have always loved to cook and have so much fun coming up with ideas of what to make.
Rave: DH will cook anything I tell him as long as I give instructions, he'll go to the grocery store, do all the dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, etc. without complaint. He just has some mental block where he cannot for the life of him look in the fridge/pantry and think of what he can make on his own. When I travel, he can make chicken picatta (which I am not in the mood for this pregnancy) and scrambled eggs and toast (which is what we had last night lol). Oh and he's going to a croissant making class with me on Saturday morning, but I think he just wants to eat them

DeansGirl14

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18 said:

I'll rant- so I try talking to my man about putting money aside for bills for the baby and bills when I'm on maturnaty leave. He tells me I worry too much and that everything will be fine. He keeps buying stuff he doesn't need like gaming systems and games that he almost never uses or vaping stuff that I know he will use a few months and then stop when another one catches his eye. How can I get him to see if we don't save any money we are screwed when I don't get a few paychecks...?
Rave- on the up side he does cook dinner and tries to make sure I always eat something, even if my body is iffy.

Do you have a budget written down, even in something simply like a spreadsheet?
DH and I have every bill written down with a total of outgoing commitments per month. It's balanced next to our incoming paychecks and savings goals. When I go on Leave my paychecks will be reduced to 70 or 80% (can't remember which) so I can calculate what my pay will be those three months. 
If you won't have any paychecks, your man needs to see that his pay needs to cover ALL your bills. Maybe seeing that number will spur some action. If you need to be drastic, add up his gaming and vaping stuff, deduct that from his pay and the bills, and show him what's leftover to do important stuff like EAT and buy diapers. 
Good luck! 

SouthernMama15

Whenever DH does laundry, he lets DS help him sort the stuff into baskets and makes it into a game. It's so funny and cute. Makes me happy 

kodariah

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18 said:

I'll rant- so I try talking to my man about putting money aside for bills for the baby and bills when I'm on maturnaty leave. He tells me I worry too much and that everything will be fine. He keeps buying stuff he doesn't need like gaming systems and games that he almost never uses or vaping stuff that I know he will use a few months and then stop when another one catches his eye. How can I get him to see if we don't save any money we are screwed when I don't get a few paychecks...?
Rave- on the up side he does cook dinner and tries to make sure I always eat something, even if my body is iffy.

How do yoy guys handle you finances?? The best way I have found to make sure bills are paid but not take control what my DH buys is having two different accounts with different banks. I know a total of how much bills and expensive are every month so I divide the total by 4 and pull that much out of his check every week and put it into the bills checking account. The rest of it goes into our personal checking account and he can do whatever he wants with that. He works hard so if he wants to spend his money on stupid stuff thats fine by me, but the bills need to be paid first. 

My Rave... These last few weekends we've been busy. Last weekend, Easter weekend, my DH spent all day saturday running around after my busy 1 year old so I could visit family i don't see often. The weekend before that we went to a Neil Diamond concert, he's one of my all time favorites. My LO wasn't having sitting still so my DH took him out and let him run around while I enjoyed the concert with my sister and he even brought he back a Neil shirt. It's so nice that he will step up and take over parenting so it's not always on me. 

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18

No we don't have anything written down. I pay my truck payment, are phone, the credit card and a storage unit that has my stuff in my home state since it would cost an arm to ship it to Alaska. He pays his truck, the insurance and the tv bill. Things always got paid so I never pushed when he didn't seem into writing everything down. But my work does not do paid maturnaty leave so for while I'm off the bill will have to be up to him. I'll have to try your tactic, maybe it will be the wake up call he needs.

TRA0816

@Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18    My husband had the same problem for awhile. While our paychecks go in the same acct for bills, we created a separate acct with a fixed deposit out of his paycheck. Depending on our bills it has been about $200 a month.  So now he has to use that money for his "Toys". Electronics and truck upgrades are his thing. It honestly helps him be more conscious of what he is spending. I did the same for my pedicures and shopping money.

cmmiller531

Knottiedbf930c6a9e6cf18 said:

No we don't have anything written down. I pay my truck payment, are phone, the credit card and a storage unit that has my stuff in my home state since it would cost an arm to ship it to Alaska. He pays his truck, the insurance and the tv bill. Things always got paid so I never pushed when he didn't seem into writing everything down. But my work does not do paid maturnaty leave so for while I'm off the bill will have to be up to him. I'll have to try your tactic, maybe it will be the wake up call he needs.

Most people don't have paid maternity leave so a lot of us are going to be going with none or less pay while we are out. I agree with some of the above posters about writing down bills and seeing what excess, if any, you have at the end of every month then take away whatever your income is and let him see the difference. Also show him a receipt from the store when you purchase items like diapers and wipes. It all adds up. My DH and I have been stocking up on diapers and wipes since we started 2nd trimester so it's less to worry about when I'm out of work. 

lewliv

I only had to tell DH how much daycare will cost for him to give me all his income and tell me to give him an allowance. 

SouthernMama15

The past couple times DS has gone to my in laws he's come back acting like a holy terror, especially to me. I don't think they're teaching him bad habits, but they do spoil and MIL is super goofy and makes everything a game. DS has a fit when he has to leave because he knows there are rules at home. She called yesterday wanting him to spend the night tonight and the day with them tomorrow. I told her I'd let her know. I was super nervous about talking to DH about it because sometimes he takes it as a dig at his parents. He was completely receptive and said he was feeling the same way.  It's always nice to be on the same page.

caity024

DH has a spending problem and knows it - so his half of the bills comes out of his paycheck and right into my account.  He knows that what's left is his to play with and there's no risk of him spending money we shouldn't.  I have most of the bills set up on autopay and monitor them regularly.  I don't know if we can ever be TRULY prepared for all the costs associated with our coming LOs, but hopefully all this budgeting and penny pinching will help minimize the damage.  

Rave for DH though - I've been out of state most of this month and he has taken over care of our garden.  it's only my second year doing it here in AZ (there was quite a learning curve!). He never had any interest in gardening and it's so cool to see him really getting into it.  He has our first batch of pickles pickling in the fridge and sends me pictures every day of our growing vegetables! 

LSP87

I am pissed off just because.

SouthernMama15

I swear, my husband is so loud. I would give just about anything for 5 minutes without the tv or music blaring. Earlier I was trying to get DS to take a nap, but please, turn up the speaker in the bathroom super loud because God forbid someone hear you pooping. 

dinofreak

Rant: my husband loves his video games. I work afternoons/evenings and so we get very little time together before bed, we don't eat dinner together. Every night when I come home he's parked in front of his computer with his headset on, totally engrossed in Rocket League with his buddies. He'll say "ok guys, just one more..." Then play for an hour+. I never nag him about it, but I do have fears of him being emotionally neglectful to our baby because his attention is on a screen and not LO. He does have other healthy hobbies, like playing guitar and distance running, and I hope those are what he makes time for once baby takes up our otherwise free hours. 

and_peggy

@dinofreak it's hard to say now what he will do
but I empathize. DH is a huge gamer. It was really a point of contention in our marriage before kids but I realized it was his outlet and how he socialized. Now he waits to play until after we put DD to bed, and after we spend time together. I usually go to bed early because I need more sleep than he does. He also may binge it now because he may feel like all that will be going away after your baby is here. I would have a conversation with him so he understands that it's important to you to have a solid foundation before baby gets here, but also compromising because that may be how he feels recharged. Atleast that's what happened in my case. 

JCPSand2B

@dinofreak My husband is big on computer games. I was worried before our daughter was born about it, but he's super attentive to her probably 99% of the time. Every once in awhile when he's had a crappy work day he just needs to go an zone out on his computer and can't really deal with the toddler craziness. I honestly can't remember the last time he came home and went straight to his office though. It's his way to decompress and deal with his anxiety. He's pretty great at balancing it, waiting till she's in bed, during nap time on his days off etc. 

For a lot of people, it's hard to make the changes before the baby arrives. He's one of those people and it wasn't real to him that life was changing until she was actually born. 

Hopefully you and your DH will be able to find a balance that works for everyone 

SarahBethBR

My H also loves playing computer games. I've actually told him to play as much as he can now because he's not going to be able to do it nearly as much with two newborns. I'm doing the same with sewing and binging tv. But it's important that you're both on the same page about priorities shifting when your baby arrives. 

I'm really not sure it's possible for first time parents to be prepared for how our lives are going to change, though. No matter how much you talk it out beforehand!