Breastfeeding?

silvergreen

I am a FTM and I am hoping to breastfeed when baby arrives. I figured I would start a thread for those who may have questions about breastfeeding.

To start off, I am curious to know: how long did you breastfeed your baby? How long do you consider too long? I know it's a bit of a hot topic, so curious to see what the general consensus is.

BayCamp

My best advice is not to think loooong term when you start. Make short goals and celebrate achieving them, then set your next goal. I started small "let's make it a week" then a month, 3 months, 6 months, etc, and eventually made it to a little over 2 years. I never thought we'd make it that long. My initial end game was a year but it worked for us so we kept going until it didn't. Mainly just bedtime/nap time. We weaned totally just last month partially because we were both ready and partially because of the pregnancy. We'd be in the process of weaning since his 2nd birthday in December though. 

mariposa_767s

I agree with BayCamp.  Don't try to envision too much in general with how things will be.  It's really hard not to do that, but things always turn out different in some form.

Originally, I was going to exclusively pump with my first.  But after I saw him and had my "ah-ha" moment, I got him to latch and never looked back.  We EBF for six months before starting solids and then I went almost to two years still nursing him.  I work full time, so I had to pump until he was just over a year old.  After a year, we transitioned to just night nursing.  I knew it was time to wean when letdown started giving me anxiety.  He was around 2.

This time I plan on nursing, but I'm going to play the pumping at work thing by ear.  I also have ADHD and can't take my medicine while nursing, so I have to consider my mental health as well.  But, knowing me, I will probably go at least 6 months this time.

ElizabethSchuyler

Agree with making short term goals. We always had formula on hand (and donated it once I felt I was okay to donate) and I was very fortunate to have a wonderful nursing relationship with my son. 

I nursed my son for 18 months. I am a firm believer if it's not working for either one of you it's okay to stop. No length of time is too long if it's working for the both of you. 

emucoleman

I have a different perspective...I was totally dead-set on nursing for the first year. I nursed for a few months but never liked it. My DD had a tongue tie, which I didn't realize was an issue at first. By the time we got it resolved, neither of us really enjoyed breastfeeding. I got to the point where I would pump in the evenings and DH would give her a bottle because I actually liked that better. She liked the bottle better too and eventually wouldn't nurse anymore. I pumped until she was about 6 months old and then I just didn't have enough supply to feed her anymore, so we switched to formula. 

With this LO, I want to try nursing again, but I'm going to just see how it goes the first few weeks. I learned a lot last time and I think I could learn to like it (plus, formula is so expensive!), but I also don't want to push myself as hard as I did with DD. Pregnant women these days are barraged with messages that breastfeeding is the ONLY healthy way to feed a baby. I felt like if I weren't trying my absolute hardest to nurse, I wasn't being a good mother. And then when I finally gave it up, it was hard not to feel guilty. 

So I guess what I have to say is, do what's right for you and your baby...which doesn't necessarily mean nursing as long as possible (but might mean that!). I think it's a great idea to go for certain milestones and then just see how you're doing. If you get to the point where breastfeeding is stressful, it's okay to quit. It's much more important for your baby to have a happy, mentally healthy mom than to be breastfed. 

08-16-08jms

With DS & DD both I chose to pump and give them breastmilk from a bottle. It was too much for my anxiety to try and keep them awake and worry if they were getting enough in the early days. My brain worked better seeing the ounces on the bottle and having something to track. My DH was very supportive of this. We would both get out of bed each time, he would give baby a bottle and I would pump. Later on, I was more comfortable just nursing once I got used to their "cues". With DS I was working full time, by 8 months or so I was tired of pumping at work, so when the freezer milk ran out, he went to formula. I quit working when DD was 3 months old, so she got breastmilk until around age 1. Sorry for the novel! 

elsieisamoocow

One thing to keep in mind is that it isn't as easy as it looks in movies and tv shows, where they hand you the baby and it latches immediately. Sure, that happens for some people, but it's normal to be a bit uncomfortable at first. I highly recommend looking for a lactation specialist (some hospitals provide them) to visit with a couple of times after baby comes, to make sure the latch is good and to check for any tongue or lip ties. 

My experience was very different than most because DS was born at 30w4d and spent 6.5 weeks in the NICU. I'll write a bit about it in case any of you have preemies, which hopefully very few of you will! He was too young to be able to drink from a bottle until 34 weeks, so he had a feeding tube. I pumped exclusively for that whole time. Once he got pretty decent at the bottle we started latching him to get him to figure it out a little, but he was so tiny that it was difficult. Once he came home I tried slowly making the bottle feeding sessions less and less and the breastfeeding sessions more and more, and that wasn't working great so my LC suggested going cold turkey on the bottles and thankfully that worked! I had supply issues, though, and he struggled with gaining enough weight so we had to supplement once a day, and then start solids earlier than we would have liked to, but it all worked out and he's healthy and way high up on the charts now. I originally set my goal of breastfeeding for one year, and I thankfully made it. I came to really love our nursing sessions and I'm actually very excited to do it again with the new baby, and I'd like to maybe go longer. 

ariasbabyblog

I agree with all of this, but I would also add to manage your expectations. Breastfeeding is not easy. It does not always happen the way you want and THAT'S OK. I couldn't nurse my first, between latching issues, biting, and poor consultants, it didn't work out. I was in so much pain, my son wasn't getting enough to eat and eventually I broke out the pump, hooked it up, and cried for the first 2 weeks of using it because I felt like a failure as a mom and as a woman. We constantly hear that "breast is best", when what we should be saying is "fed is best". Pumped milk vs straight from the boob milk vs formula, they are all best. Our birth class instructor said formula isn't rat poison. There is nothing wrong with bottle feeding your baby, formula or breast milk. I pumped for 9 months and was able to stop that early because I had a huge stash. We did get breastfeeding to work with our second and it was great, but pumping and being able to have my DH feed the baby and bond too was also great.

As far as how long is too long, when you and your baby are done, that's long enough.

ElizabethSchuyler

I want to add that I am forever grateful to the ladies on my first BMB for their support through everything parenting and especially feeding. It was so great to have someone else up at midnight, 2am, 4am, and 6am feeding their babies. You're not alone in your triumphs and you're not alone in your struggles. I didn't have a local support system and the only person in my life who nursed was my mom who nursed me 30+ years ago for six months. 

BayCamp

I want to add this as well, go in to it with an open mind. There is no shame in stopping if it's best for your family, supplementing, or whatever works for you. Just because I was successful the first time doesn't mean I will be again this time. It's a relationship between you and the baby and both parts have to work together for success. 

There are a lot of "booby traps" in our society that make nursing difficult (lack of paternal leave, inadequate maternity leave, growth charts based on FF babies, difficulty pumping at work, etc) but formula is an amazing thing for that reason. Fed babies are happy, and moms are always at their best when they are the least stressed. 

ElizabethSchuyler

@elsieisamoocow NICU mamas are amazing. I know a woman who's story is very similar to yours. I hope this journey is smoother for everyone. 

cottingham3

I have three kiddos and three different BF journeys. I agree with EVERYONE when they say, set your expectation that you are going to feed your baby. You will worry, you will fret, you will WILL make the right choice as long as you choose to feed. Try and let your body and your baby be your guide. Seek help from whomever you feel the most comfortable with.

Here goes my story:

DD1 -born and 35 weeks. Tried to exclusively BF. She was taken to NICU 3 days after birth at which time I had to start pumping. I was off to a good start supply wise and with a few unsuccessful nursing attempts (too few, looking back now) I decided to exclusively pump. I was only able to do so for about 7 months before my supply began to drop and I was, honestly, tired of the whole thing. We switched to formula and never looked back.

DS2 -born at 37 weeks. Latched on right away and we never looked back. Each night at the last feeding (lets say 9-11pm) I would pump and let DH feed him with a bottle. For us, this served so many purposes. DS was in daycare at my school where I taught so he had to take 1-2 bottles per day (I could nurse him on my lunch), DH had bonding time and I would pump and take a warm bath each night Plus, I generally I would pump more than he ate so I began to build a supply for school (and I pumped 1 during my planning period each day.) He was exclusively BF until 6 months when he started solids and continued until about 14 months. Honestly, we could have gone longer and I probably let the judgment of other effect when I stopped which is a BAD idea:)

DS3 -born at 26 weeks. Obviously he was in NICU for almost 3 months and several weeks of that he was intubated. He only took CCs at first so I built a supply quickly. I did try to latch but we were unsuccessful after that much time so I decided to just pump. I did this successfully until about 16 months when my supply began to dwindle. I donated a LOT of milk to other NICU mommas and programs which was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done! 

I am hoping to have a similar experience with both the birth and BF with #4 as with #2! Hope this helps someone

liz4382

How often did you all have to pump when at work?

KeHill08

I nursed for the first year. He got less and less though, as he began eating solids. To be honest, there were times when I personally hated it, but I was pretty proud I made it that long. Whatever is best for you and baby though!

ElizabethSchuyler

liz4382 said:

How often did you all have to pump when at work?

@liz4382 I started with 3x when I first went back, then went down to 2x after solids started taking over, then once, then zero around a year because freedom and once he was eating mostly solids and drinking milk. 

Tourmalily

I am really hoping to breastfeed (ftm) because this baby is going to break our budget to begin with and any way I can cut down on our costs will be worth it. I have no other feelings about breast vs bottle feeding. Feeding a baby is great! I just really want to save money. 

RiverSong15

 Can anyone recommend a good book or online resources that aren't all judgy? I bought one book previously, but it's written by people in Le Leche League and they make it sound like if my baby gets one drop of formula that I'll have ruined him or her for life. I plan on giving breastfeeding my best shot, so I'd love a book that has a lot of tips and explanation of ways to do it sucessfully, but I don't need one that is going to guilt me if I end up supplementing. My anxiety levels are too high for that. 

ElizabethSchuyler

@RiverSong15 Kellymom maybe? I always felt like it was packed with just info and typically one of the first things to come up in Google when I typed in a question. 

hopeful87-2

Yes to https://kellymom.com that was my go to resource. I pumpe a nursed for 3 months and then did a little bit of that and formula once I went back to work. At 6 months we switched to just formula. Pumping at work was tough!

hopeful87-2

 Yes to supplementing if necessary. I really think being gentle with myself and being okay supplementing let me keep nursing for a longer amount of time

TeacherMama7

Hey all!

I was blessed with a very easy breastfeeding experience. I took a breastfeeding class which helped to prepare me, and we had lactation consultants in the hospital to help us. My son was born with a great latch, and needed very little coaching. Breastfeeding didn't hurt from the get go, it was a little sore at times but didn't hurt. My pediatrician recommended starting bottles at three weeks and doing one a day so he wouldn't forget it. So, I pumped right before I went to bed  and my hubby would feed baby a bottle before putting him to bed. That way, I would get extra sleep before baby woke up for the first feeding. 

My goal was 1 year but at one year it felt so weird to stop, so I kept going for a few more months. By 14 months i was ready to be done, and so I took a month to fully wean my son. It was so gradual he barely noticed! 

ibanezstarburst

I'm a FTM and I hope to be able to breastfeed. For those of you who have breastfed in the past, do you recommend purchasing a breast pump as well or waiting to see how things go/what baby needs? I feel so lost in this area as I only have one person close to me that has breastfed and she EBF. She was/is very adamant that she didn't want to pump so she didn't didn't purchase a pump at all. I am open to pumping if it means I'm able to give baby breastmilk. My insurance company does not pay for breast pumps so I'm hesitant to purchase one if it won't be needed/used as they are pricey. Anyone have any recommendations/thoughts/experiences to share on this?

tashandma

To start off, I am curious to know: how long did you breastfeed your baby? How long do you consider too long? I know it's a bit of a hot topic, so curious to see what the general consensus is.

I'm still currently breastfeeding my son. He's 11 months old and drinks formula throughout the day while I'm at work and bfs in the evening and once through the night. I don't feel that there is necessarily a specific age that you should stop breastfeeding. Some babies bf just as much for the emotional bond and comfort as they do for nutrition. 
As for pumping at work..I pumped for about 6 months at work every two hours. It was super stressful for me but worth it!

Airynn Chica

Both DDs breastfed until 9months when my milk dried up. DD1 had trouble latching and there are not LC in Botswana, Africa where we were living. Drs told me to supplement because her weight gain wasn't meeting African standards so I did. It was fine. Pumping didn't work for me, nothing came out and I worked full time. DD2 latched better do I had better milk but supplemented again from 3 months. This time around I will try to EBF as long as I can the first year. I enjoy the time with LO. 

As as to how far is too long...I know it's a touchy subject. I once taught with a K teacher who BF her kindergarten son during her lunch break in her room!!!!

Asivec

Wow such different and amazing stories.

i breastfed my LO for 9 months. I personally had a tough road but really wanted to bf. In the beginning i was syringe supplementing formula after presenting breast using sugar water to latch. I finally exclusively bfed from 1 month  to 9 months. I used a shield for awhile, rented a scale to weigh baby before and after feeds, and cried a lot. My HB was great, although a worrier and unintentionally made me feel awful like I was starving her. I'm more in tune now and see that my LO was getting what she needed and to trust myself and not pay attention to the charts so much.

And in the end a fed baby is all that anyone wants no matter how they are fed. 

@christyh0912 It seems like everyone responds differently to pumps. You may be able to rent a pump to try or see how your results are with a hand pump. Also most are closed systems so you can purchased used and just get a new starter set for it. I personally would wait especially if you stay at home. 

cmessamore

I agree with so much of what has been said. I want to reiterate "Fed is best!" Do what is best for you and your baby. I agree to start with small goals and go with the flow. I don't think there is an age that is right or wrong to stop at. It's all about you, your baby, and  the nursing relationship. As for a pump, I suggest talking to your OBGYN and your insurance company before purchasing one! With each pregnancy, I've either qualified for a free pump in style by medela or with DS2, I qualified to rent a hospital grade pump, which was amazing!

DS1- I was a young mom and had no breastfeeding support and gave up after a couple weeks. It wasn't working and I didn't know who to turn to.

DS2- He was in the NICU and intubated, so I pumped and when he was extubated, we began breastfeeding. I nursed him for about 6-8 months. Until it became too difficult and unpredictable to pump at work (I'm an EMT in a busy community) and my supply began to dwindle.

DS3- I've been slowly weaning him over the past couple months (he'll be 8 months tomorrow) he was having weight gain issues and reflux and formula and solids has done a lot for him.

hopeful87-2

 Pumping:  (sorry can't tag on mobile for some reason) Honestly it really depends on your lifestyle. I used my pump a lot even when I was on maternity leave. I pumped atleast one bottle a day that H could give DD and this was the Best for us because they got to bond and I got to be off duty for a bit. Having pumped and stored milk allowed me to go out to the store and not be concerned that baby wouldn't be able to eat. Going back to work and still giving breastmilk it was a necessity. 

On the other hand my sister is a SAHM and her daughter never took a bottle and she never pumped. This just meant she always had to be available to her daughter, but she was able to do it and she did that for a year. So really depends on you! 

may be total ignorance on my part, but I thought under the ACA insurance had to cover breast pumps?

ArtificialRed

Looks like I'm the outlier here with extended nursing. DS didn't fully wean until 3.5. I NEVER anticipated going that long. I was (and now that I'm not currently nursing anyone, am again) a bit weirded out by the idea of nursing. Logically I know that's what breasts are for. Anxiety wise, my brain said, but that's your body?? Despite all of that, I was determined. We needed to save the money, and more importantly (to me) I didn't want to have to make the choice as a vegan about what kind of formula I would feel comfortable giving my baby.* So we had a rough couple of weeks to start, but had set aside some money for an IBCLC to come to our house and help us. And help she did. We made it through antibiotics for mastitis, bad latch, needing a shield, thrush, and probably something else too... but then I fell absolutely in love with it. It was amazing. Our last couple of years were very gradual decreases. I'm very curious to see if baby 2 will want/need that extended time, or if one of us will say we're finished much earlier!

*the science behind formula is f***ing amazing and we are so lucky to live in a country with this amazing scientific gift available to us on every corner. That being said, I am morally against the use of animal milk and it would be hard for me to choose a formula based on cows milk. Soy based is also an option, but soy is another huge allergen and it just worries me a little. But I will obviously feed my baby something scientifically proven to be sufficient, and, if necessary, that includes some variety of formula I can agree on with my doctor. 

ibanezstarburst

@Asivec thanks for your thoughts. I will be home with baby for 10 - 12 months. I know our local health clinic does rent out pumps so maybe if I'm having trouble with breastfeeding I will look into trying that before buying.

@hopeful87-2 that makes sense! I like the idea of DH being able to feed a bottle or like you said not worrying if you run out for a bit without baby. I live in Canada so it must be dependant on which insurance company you are with. I called my insurance company this week and they said they don't cover breast pumps which is a huge bummer! We have such good coverage with everything else that I didn't expect to hear breast pumps are not covered. Thanks for sharing your experience!

alparodi

I originally had a goal of a year. Made it 10 months before DD was ready to stop. She was interested in solids early (4 months) and a big eater from the start (think 95th-99th growth percentile for the first year). Supplemented starting the first week. Not every day, but 1-2 oz some days. Could never fully keep up with her demand despite pumping between feedings, drinking 2 gal water/day, trying all kinds of milk enhancing foods.

Went back to work at 3 months. I think my body just doesn't respond as well to a pump as some ladies, so supply after going back to work didn't quite cover the day. Gradually it became 1, then 2, then 3 formula feedings per day starting around 5 months.

I also travel a fair bit for work and pumped all over the country and brought back the milk every time except for my international trip. I even pumped in an apple orchard once (work in agriculture), so the dedication to breastfeed was there, but ultimately we were just ready to wean at 10 months!

hopeful87-2

@christyh0912 sorry i was only thinking about the US. That is really odd that pumps aren't covered in Canada. But trust me, We would trade our breast pump for your maternity leave any day!!

CubsFan7

I breastfed my son for 3.5 years. He would have gone longer if I didn't force him to stop. For those wanting to breastfeed, please remember that in the beginning, it may be tough. We had a tough first month. My son was tongue and lip tied. We got it fixed at a month but I didn't know he had it at first and bf was very very painful for me. At one point, I told hubby that I am ready to have him run out and get formula. Instead, he ran out and got some nipple shields for me (pharmacist told him to) and we were able to make it work with that. We gradually weaned him off the nipple shield and he was fine after that. 

Also, if you have to go back to work after baby is born, please remember that you are protected by law (in the US), to have to have reasonable ac commendations to pump at work. That means no bathrooms . They also have to give you the time to pump. I am lucky in that my job has a lactation room with a mini fridge to store my milk. 

I also agree with the other mamas in that you should set short term goals instead of long term. 

My best advice though is that fed is best. You will run into a LOT of people who look down on people who don't want to or can't breastfeed. My thing is that if it is not working for you and it is causing you anxiety or causing you to dislike your baby, please, please, use formula. Breastfeeding may not be for everyone. We are fortunate enough to live in a time that we are able to go to the store and buy formula. Do what is best for you and your baby. Don't feel like a failure for not making it as far as you wanted to or not being able to do it at all. You are a wonderful mama no matter how you feed your baby.

ElizabethSchuyler

@ArtificialRed I kept making goals and my last goal was to get to 2! We were only down to nursing once a day at 18 months and one day he just didn't nurse. I feel like I'd still be nursing if that one day he wasn't too busy to nurse. Also, my son has a dairy allergy and I've never even thought about formula that way for the future. Is there a nut based formula as opposed to soy? We use a really delicious almond cashew milk for him. I probably wouldn't use dairy for this little one given the issues we had with my son. 

ArtificialRed

@ElizabethSchuyler I haven't done much research but I know there some "hypoallergenic" formulas that are dairy and soy free, like Alimentum. But I have no idea what's actually in them lol. I also have no idea if I could say to my doctor, I don't want dairy or soy, I'm just going to go straight to one of these other formulas. Those formulas, I've heard, cost even more ridiculous amounts of money. And then I have a friend whose baby is on a prescription easy-digest, hypoallergenic formula. I think I would have some options, but I don't know a lot about them. 

mariposa_767s

liz4382 said:

How often did you all have to pump when at work?

I pumped every three hours.  If I could, I'd pump again after he went to sleep.  I had overactive letdown so I could pump one side while he nursed the other.  I hated pumping though, even though I did it for a year.  It's awkward and uncomfortable and everyone at work knows you're doing it.  Plus I had to wait for my nipples to get to a regular size again before opening my office door and monitor myself for leaks.  After he was 4-6 months old, I had to eat oatmeal and take fenugreek to keep up my supply.  That's the "not so pretty" side of it.  It's very inconvenient.  But I was determined.  I may not be as determined this time around.  Fed is best and I may end up supplementing during the day and nursing at night.  It really all depends and only time will tell what baby and I can handle.

emucoleman

@christyh0912 I probably wouldn't purchase an expensive pump before the baby is born; it's worth waiting to see what happens. However, I think it's a good idea to buy a cheap hand pump ahead of time so that you have something on hand right away. My DD had low blood sugar when she was born, so the nurses were anxious for my milk to come in quickly, so they had me pump before and after nursing her. Then when my milk did come in, it was like Niagara Falls! I would pump like 4 oz from each breast after nursing, every time, for at least a week. I hadn't bought a pump so I had to order one, and I used a hand pump while I was waiting for it. The hand pump is annoying but it was totally necessary. And if you end up not pumping that much, it's at least nice to have something on hand just in case you ever need to. 

For me, it is impossible to imagine breastfeeding a baby without ever pumping, but I also am not the kind of mom who likes to have her baby with her at all times. Some people are, though. You won't know how you'll feel until the baby is born. 

peregrinefalconx

My BF story: 
 
I never thought further than "of course I'll BF". I had no idea. My DD had tongue tie and lip tie that didn't get diagnosed until she was a month old. Got the frenectomy, which was so hard to do. 90% babies self correct their nursing technique (she could latch and nurse, but she did this swishing thing that left me raw). So on top of the nonstop feedings, I was taking her to occupational therapy 1-2/week and doing exercises on her every day. It was a LOT of work. She was almost exclusively BF for 6 months (or bottles withBM at daycare) with some minor supplementation. I had to pump when I went back to work and I watched my supply steadily decrease. She would whine all evening and I would nurse nonstop. She was small but growing. 

I was extremely anxious and caught up in providing all of her milk, but she was hungry in the evening, like too hungry. So I finally started giving her bottles in the evening and she was so much happier. At 6 months she was already eating solids (started at 4) and with the increase of formula, she went from the 10th percentile to the 50th. This all tanked my supply and I was devastated. She kept nursing less and less and she finally weaned from me. And *I* wasn't ready. I made it technically til 10 months and pregnant here. But really she was done a month before that and I was forcing her. She jumped from the 10th to the 50th percentile in 3.5 months.  I had no idea how extremely deep this would run in me. I still miss nursing her even though I didn't love nursing her.

So my advice it to echo others. It's hard. Do your best. Make sure your baby is fed. Seek help from lactation specialists when you need it. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work the way you expected it to.

CubsFan7

@liz4382 I pumped twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon. It equaled to about every three to three and a half hours. 

ariasbabyblog

During the height of my pumping, I would pump twice a day, morning and night. I was one of the lucky ones who could have fed the world, so the two sessions gave us enough to feed him throughout the day and have at least 5oz left over to put toward my stash. Morning was my major pump, anywhere from 15 - 20oz, and in the evening it was usually closer to 10oz. It was kind of hard to stop pumping, and I had to wean from the pump because my boobs were very much "it's pumping time! lets start leaking!" for weeks.

ibanezstarburst

Oh absolutely @hopeful87-2 !! I feel terrible for all the mama's who don't get a year with your little ones. You guys are so strong! I think some insurance companies here do cover pumps but mine doesn't

@emucoleman a hand pump is a good idea to start out with just in case! Thanks for the great idea! At least it would give me something if needed! 

Thanks so much for everyone's insight/ideas. You've all been so helpful!

Knottie1454966866

Ill be exclusively breastfeeding the first 6 months then continuing along with food for as long as the baby chooses or until I'm pregnant again. I've set a limit for age 5 though.