Second time mom's with toddlers

rebeccad7

Hi all...I just got my bfp last night!! I have a 21 month old right now and she is kind of a handful. I hold her a lot...Sometimes I need to pick her up when she's throwing a tantrum and she likes to make herself dead weight and it makes it even harder to hold her. She's about 26ish lbs. Should I stop trying to hold her so much? I'm going to talk to my Dr about it it but was curious if others have toddlers aroun the same weight and have issues with holding them sometimes lol. For instance when I put her in her car seat and she doesn't want to go in I have to use all my strength to lift her into there and hold her down so I can buckle her. Any advice would be appreciated. 

baker1jm2

Congrats! I have a 19 month old.   She's 21lbs but no issues picking her up.  They say workout wise you can continue to do what you were doing before so I don't see how this is different (unless you end up with complications that put you on activity restrictions). Your body is used to lugging around 26 lbs. I lifted a lot more weight than that at the gym my first pregnancy up until I delivered. But if it eases your mind ask your dr!

kissthesky32

Hold your toddler. My 22 month old is almost 40 pounds. I carry him around all the time. I wouldn't start a weight routine with heavy lifting, but your body is used to carrying your kid. 

ShePersisted

I have a 3 year old. He is not that heavy but he is tall and hard to manage. I do carry him when needed but not all the time and I keep saying you are now a big boy and can walk. He's getting the message now and not asking to be carried as much but he is 3 so it's easier. I do find it hard to carry him frankly at least these couple few weeks. 

MississippiCatfish

kissthesky32 said:

Hold your toddler. My 22 month old is almost 40 pounds. I carry him around all the time. I wouldn't start a weight routine with heavy lifting, but your body is used to carrying your kid. 

That's a solid kid!!

I still carry my 4 year old sometimes. It's getting heavy, pregnant or not, but he's going to stop asking me soon. I'm going to say yes while I can. While he's still little enough to want it:)

elsieisamoocow

I've been thinking about this too. I agree that your body is used to it (my 2 year old is a little over 30lbs), but I'm also high risk so I've been conscious of the ways I pick him up, and want to do it in the gentlest way that doesn't strain my back or make me twist at all, so I've been teaching him to climb out of his car seat and the car. Still working on getting him to climb all the way up and in to the car seat, but picking him up for that doesn't strain my back so it's not a huge priority. 

BayCamp

@elsieisamoocow I've been fighting the urge to not turn my 2yo forward facing for this reason. We went to a drive in so we turned his car seat around and I haven't fixed it yet and damn if it isn't so much easier than hauling him in and out of it. If I try to let him do it himself he says "I drive!" And dives in to the front seat lol 

bcashaw

I'd say hold your toddler. My 17 month old weighs 26 pounds and I still carry her a lot. The exception being that if someone else is able to, I will delegate them to hold her instead. This is for a few reasons. 1. She's heavy. 2. I'm exhausted 3. She's a velcro baby and I'm trying to teach her that she is safe while other people are holding her and she doesn't need to be permanently physically attached to me for me to be emotionally present for her. 
Also she always tries to kick and hit my stomach... even before I knew I was pregnant. It's like she knows and she does not like the baby. This happen with anyone else? 
Note: she is not my biological child... not that it changes anything 

cabbeeby-2

I have a 25mo old at around 30 lbs. I had gall bladder surgery before getting pregnant again and wasn't supposed to lift him for a month...  Haha impossible.  I mostly did a week and then just lifted and carried him as infrequently as possible and as carefully as possible.  
However dealing with a STRUGGLING 26 lbs is much different than merely carrying her on your hips with careful lifting to pick her up.  As pregnancy processes that will get harder and harder and she's not going to pass this stage for a while. So I would say that you don't need to try to cut down on carrying her but to work out some new strategies for the tantrums and struggling that don't require you to pick her up (I'm a genius, right?  Just stop the toddler tantrums, haha). 

I read that the basic of disciplining children is not to train them to obey you, but rather to set them up do that they practice doing good behaviors and don't practice doing bad behaviors.  My husband is a great resource for me to figure out new approaches to doing things so that I don't have to have a battle with my kid.  He doesn't spend as much time watching a toddler so his brain is a little more fresh and not locked in to any habits. 

For example, I pick up my son from his standing bench and put him in his high chair because it's time to eat.  He likes the standing bench and doesn't like being restrained, so this results in screaming and tears.  My husband says "Luke! It's time for us to all have lunch.  Can you come over and climb into your chair and buckle up?" Kid likes climbing and fastening buckles, so he gets down himself and moves to the highchair and then instead of angry sobbing he's holding his hands out for his plate. 

So, avoiding tantrums as much as possible for one thing.  If there's some forbidden object that she always wants to play with, for example, just remove it or eliminate access. (We gave up on our bar stools and they now sit in our office until he's old enough to handle them better). 

Maybe you could have some kind of ritual with your daughter to handle tantrums that doesn't involve carrying her?  Hold her hands in yours, talk about how she feels upset but you can't do anything because she's not calm, have a little song to sing?  I don't know specifically and I know that it will be hard to stick with it until it works but perhaps something along those lines. 

I wish I could be more helpful but believe me I know how hard it is!! 

jka427

Mine is just about 3 and 27 pounds. I carry him all the time. He loves to be carried off and on during the day and is terrified of walking by himself in the dark or on a road. I just recently decided he needs to walk himself down the stairs though, it's just too awkward and I'm scared to drop him. 

vppittman

I agree that it's okay to continue lifting them because we did it before pregnancy and our bodies are used to it. I think it's unrealistic to think we won't be lifting them. My 16mo is 26lbs. She's not big into being held, so I cherish it when she wants me to hold her. I also don't want to miss out on this time in her life. When I was pregnant with her I wouldn't hold my nephew and by the time I had her, he was too heavy for me to lift. (He went from 3-4 during that time and hit a huge growth spurt). That made me sad and I can't imagine missing that time with my own child. 

bravoandprosecco

@BayCamp I have a 16 month old and I'm dying to turn him forward facing! He looks so uncomfortable with his legs and just like squished in there.

QTAMum3

Sarah052085 said:

@BayCamp I have a 16 month old and I'm dying to turn him forward facing! He looks so uncomfortable with his legs and just like squished in there.

While it may look "uncomfortable" it really is safer than FF at such a young age. 

elsieisamoocow

QTAMum3 said:

Sarah052085 said:

@BayCamp I have a 16 month old and I'm dying to turn him forward facing! He looks so uncomfortable with his legs and just like squished in there.

While it may look "uncomfortable" it really is safer than FF at such a young age. 

Yeah it's SO much safer to continue RF until you reach the weight/height limits of your seat. Kids are flexible. Their legs can bend or hang off to the side totally comfortably. DS is tall but we won't be switching him to FF until he reaches the limits of his Diono Radian, which probably won't be until he's 3 or even 4 years old. Look up the research of the comparisons in safety. It's worth it. 

QTAMum3

@elsieisamoocow my 3 yr old is still RF in her Radian. She's a peanut though at 28lbs and 35" tall

baby3forme

I have a 17 month old who is about 30-35 lbs (big girl!!) and a 4 year old who is about 40 lbs. I still lift both of them and plan on it until probably my third trimester. I lifted up to 50lbs at work with DD2 occasionally and could really feel it the next day towards the end!

hopeful87-2

I have a 19 month old and still carry her as well. Hi to all the other
toddler moms on here! Pregnancy with a toddler is a whole different game. The only change I will be making is that normally we don't buy her a
seat on the airplane yet-- really just to cut costs. I am flying with her alone when I am 20 weeks and she is getting her own seat! I told H there was no way around that. Having a flailing toddler on your lap is a whole different story when pregnant. Girl has some serious strength when she wants to!

rebeccad7

Hopeful 87 you are brave !! I don't think I could do that even when I'm not pregnant. And yes these toddlers sure are strong!! 

bcashaw

Anyone else having a difficult time giving the toddler attention they usually get? I'm just too exhausted to be on the move as much as my 17 month old! 

Jsmith8484

bcashaw said:

Anyone else having a difficult time giving the toddler attention they usually get? I'm just too exhausted to be on the move as much as my 17 month old! 

Jsmith8484

Haha woops! Bit of a fail. Posted too early. But yes to finding it tough spending quality time with the toddler. Exhaustion but also my irritability is getting in the way. Dealing with toddlers requires patience and I don't have much these days.

Jsmith8484

Haha woops! Bit of a fail. Posted too early. But yes to finding it tough spending quality time with the toddler. Exhaustion but also my irritability is getting in the way. Dealing with toddlers requires patience and I don't have much these days.

jka427

Exhaustion is definitely making it harder to attend to my high needs/high strung toddler. he is constantly on the go and also can be very uncooperative and the irritable side of me tries to take over sometimes. Also the only thing worse than multiple times a day vomiting is having to do it with a crying toddler outside the door yelling "what's wrong with mommy!?!?"  

BayCamp

My 2yo now says in the morning "shhh mama's belly hurts!" And it makes me sad. I do feel like I've been being really short with him, so I try to make up for it in the afternoons when I feel a little better. But the guilt is real. 

elsieisamoocow

I've definitely not been the greatest mom to my 2yo the past few weeks. My temper gets short when I'm pregnant, which until now I thought was just while driving. But when he's being a butthead sometimes I snap and yell at him and then of course I feel like crap so we cuddle. It's hard. He doesn't know what's going on so I'm sure he's kind of annoyed that many days I need to lay on the couch while he plays near me. At least he's a cuddle bug and likes to read books. But man, by the end of the day now I'm just SO ready for his bedtime to have some quiet. He's in the talking nonstop and repeating himself over and over phase now, which is exhausting. 

emucoleman

Hi other toddler moms! @rebeccad7 I second what the others said, keep holding your toddler as long as it's comfortable for you. 

I am finding it hard to deal with my 2-year-old. She loves to play with me and climb all over me. Oh the nausea...

hopeful87-2

yes! I'm trying to look at this time as a brief period of daddy daughter bonding bc H has had to pick up so much of the slack with DD. 

BayCamp

DS is normally an angel when DH is home. Tonight he is way overtired and he's finally getting to see the side I get to deal with on a regular basis. Sweet sweet justice. 

bcashaw

My 1.5 year old has starting coughing and gagging at the edge of every toilet or potty we see. Not so great. 
She's so active and can't stand being held (unless I'm extremely busy doing something else) or forced to stay still so it's been pretty rough  

peregrinefalconx

My 10 month old, who was the perfect sleeper right up until the time I found out I was pregnant, decided she doesn't like going to bed anymore and is waking up during the night. After many a sleeplessness night, and every MS symptom, I told my DH I didn't want any more kids. He told me it was a little late for that. I, too, am looking at this as a great bonding time for the two of them! A positive spin!

MississippiCatfish

My coffee aversion is starting kick in:( boooooooo. 

rosalie12

Still carrying both of my kids (2.5 & almost 1), and it's hard sometimes! Luckily my 2.5 year old usually wants to be independent, but when she wants up, I don't want to tell her no because who knows how long it will continue? DS was up pretty much all night, when he usually STTN or wakes up once, so I'm dead tired today. 

bcashaw

Planned to take 1.5 yr old swimming today with a friend friend bailed. Trying desperately to get the energy to take her on my own. Ughhh 

rain0831boww

My 1.5 year old has started having tantrums and my husband is gone a lot for work. Our errands have turned into tiny nightmares. We have a Florida trip planned in June and I am worried as to how she will behave at the theme parks. We went when she was 12 months old and she was great but now that she wants to be miss independent and not care to be in a stroller or carrier, it's going to be...interesting...

pawcall

My 6yo is about 45 pounds and I still carry him a lot, and I'll keep doing it as long as it's comfortable for us both.  The issue I'm having with him is diapers - I absolutely cannot handle wiping butts right now without throwing up, so that's fallen on FI.

pawcall

bravoandprosecco said:

@BayCamp I have a 16 month old and I'm dying to turn him forward facing! He looks so uncomfortable with his legs and just like squished in there.

Others have said the same, but I'll chime in too.  I'm sure you know, but keeping him RF'ing as long as you can is umpteen times safer - there are videos you can google that show how their bodies respond to crashes both FFing and RFing, and they're pretty eye opening.

My son RF'd until he was 4, at which point I was in a car accident (he was not in the car) and needed to replace his seat.  At that point it made more sense to buy a seat he could use longer rather than buying another RFing seat, so I got him a harnessed booster.  At 6+ years old, he is still in his 5 point harness in his Britax Frontier (really great and long-lasting seat once you're done RFing).  In fact, we have a Frontier in my car, his dad's car, my FI's car, and on his schoolbus.

BayCamp

rain0831boww said:

My 1.5 year old has started having tantrums and my husband is gone a lot for work. Our errands have turned into tiny nightmares. We have a Florida trip planned in June and I am worried as to how she will behave at the theme parks. We went when she was 12 months old and she was great but now that she wants to be miss independent and not care to be in a stroller or carrier, it's going to be...interesting...

DS is a crazy runner, but he's usually pretty good at theme parks. He gets tired and likes the carrier for breaks and so he can see everything better. Do you have one of those frog togs or other cooling towel? I'd definitely recommend one because it gets SO hot here in June. Fx she cooperates! 

BayCamp

I completely agree @pawcall I'm hoping I can keep him RF until he maxes out his seat. He got carsick the other day and it made me nervous. I'm hoping this doesn't become a regular thing. 

rain0831boww

BayCamp said:

rain0831boww said:

My 1.5 year old has started having tantrums and my husband is gone a lot for work. Our errands have turned into tiny nightmares. We have a Florida trip planned in June and I am worried as to how she will behave at the theme parks. We went when she was 12 months old and she was great but now that she wants to be miss independent and not care to be in a stroller or carrier, it's going to be...interesting...

DS is a crazy runner, but he's usually pretty good at theme parks. He gets tired and likes the carrier for breaks and so he can see everything better. Do you have one of those frog togs or other cooling towel? I'd definitely recommend one because it gets SO hot here in June. Fx she cooperates! 

Thanks! I definitely have to get one of those. Maybe I am worrying for no reason but I am going to bring stroller and carrier in hopes she'll want to be driven around. 

momov1

Same concerns. My 21 month old is 32 pounds, full of energy, and all boy. I'm wondering as I get bigger will it be safe to hold him still. We already work with him to be gentle, but I hope he learns quick with a new sibling on the way. 

BayCamp

@rain0831boww mine hates the stroller and can only be bribed in to it for really short spurts with snacks. We still always bring one just to haul stuff around if nothing else.