***This thread has a general trigger warning! This post can be replied to at any time during the week! Not limited to those with a diagnosis, but please be sensitive others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!***

How are you doing? Feel free to share a gif, pic, or meme that helps you.
Re: Mental Health Check-In Week of 03/20
On top of all of this, I really don't know where I belong on TB anymore. I don't feel right posting in WTO for over 2 months straight, so I called that off until AF. The randoms/daily bitching threads are fair game, but they've been so dead lately. Posting here just makes me go on a depressing rant like this one. I'm around enough to be happy for everyone else, but I feel like I'm in purgatory right now. I don't even feel like I'm TTC anymore...
Thank you for all the well wishes in the weekend randoms thread. Your kind words helped to brighten my day and made me feel a lot less alone. The pain from the blood clot has gotten a lot better and hopefully my doc will give me good news about the deep vein thrombosis tomorrow.
@LoveInDC - I'm sorry to hear that AF has been absent. I know you've been trying to be patient while waiting and I can't imagine what it's like to not know when you will ovulate again. I'm also benched until further notice, so I've been lurking/posting in the random forums here and on the IF board. If you ever want to chat, you can always send a message. I'm on bedrest for the rest of the week, so I'll be around. Or we could start an epic meme thread with each other.
TTC since June 2016
Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016
AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017
Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017
October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total)
Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen
12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP
2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN
Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone
Abnormal SIS Oct 2018
Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis.
12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN
Our journey has come to an end.
I have no idea what's going to happen with our treatments now that I have a blood clot, but I'm hopeful that the fertility clinic will let us continue on if my PCM gives me the all clear in a few weeks.
TTC since June 2016
Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016
AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017
Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017
October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total)
Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen
12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP
2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN
Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone
Abnormal SIS Oct 2018
Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis.
12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN
Our journey has come to an end.
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
I tried out a new OBGYN ( Dr. B ) in January because my last one (Dr. A) is 2 hours away from me. I loved Dr. A and knew no one could live up, so I decided to give Dr. B a couple chances. But at every opportunity, Dr. B would talk at me and over me. Dr. B was also big on using Clomid and not big on testing or monitoring. When this cycle turned out to be an-O, I didn't feel comfortable reaching out to Dr. B. That's when I knew I had to find someone new. I did my research and found Dr. C who is in high demand and specializes in PCOS and anovulation. I got her schedule finally, but it's not until the end of the month (3/31), early in the morning, and at her further office. By then, I'll be at CD73, but I hope it will be worth it.
Dating 03/31/2011 Married 10/18/2014
DS Born 12/28/2017
TTC #2 06/2019
TTC 10/2016
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
@Avrilmai Thanks for the vibes and hugs. I tried just doing R/R and GTKY, but being lapped and being left out of half the conversation just wasn't good for me mentally. I don't think an an-O thread would be that popular. Most of us won't know we're an-O until after CD30. Even then, fewer will reach CD60. Most will get something to kick start their periods after that point. Those with chronic an-O cycles are usually on the IF/testing check-ins, which I might join soon, but I don't belong in yet. I only have 2 more weeks of this madness before I should be back on track. Just gotta power through for now.
P.S. I thought of you this weekend because we played the Game of Thrones Board Game! But I think it was the first edition, not the second....
Dating 03/31/2011 Married 10/18/2014
DS Born 12/28/2017
TTC #2 06/2019
@LaurenEG14 Thank you. I know you weren't being malicious or intentional. I know you've have your own an-O struggles and this is nothing new to you. But as someone with distant hope and no answers, it's hard enough to not blame myself right now. I can't speak for everyone, but I think "relax" is the advice we all hear far too often and it just starts to do more harm than good.
Let's liven up these other boards so that we've got other things to discuss, like Game of effing Thrones!
In other news, I went to my third - yes THIRD - therapy Appt yesterday. And I must say; it's pretty nice to be able to whine and bitch about various things in my life, including this maddening TTC journey. It's helping me to not bombard my husband and friends with my frustrations and gives me a place to let all of my negative thoughts go for an hour at least. Small win for me this week!
I would love a GOT chat! I don't know how active it would be until the premiere. And no offense, I really hope I'm not still here at that point. Maybe a weekly TV talk? We have a VPR/housewives thread. But maybe turn it into a weekly chat about all things TV?
Congrats on getting into the therapy groove! I know how amazing it can feel to finally have that outlet
I will definitely be jumping on the Vanderpump thread later after I watch the episode. I feel asleep like immediately after starting it last night lol.
And no offense taken - I hope we've all moved onto our BMB's by then!
Xoxo
Also, would like to point out that I am a huge fan of GOT. So right there with you and @BreezyBee on that one. I'm sad that its not premiering until summer. In past years it would have been right around the corner. Having withdrawals *sigh*...
Dating 03/31/2011 Married 10/18/2014
DS Born 12/28/2017
TTC #2 06/2019
Therapy update! My therapist essentially told me to get my head out of my ass. I definitely needed that kick in the butt. Fun mantras to remember:
- I am living my life like all that matters is getting pregnant, which is wrong for so many reasons.
- I can't put my life on hold and embrace the depression hoping something good comes out of it.
- I need to put some good in my life, and I have the power to do that.
- My life will not be decided by one OBGYN appointment and I can't hang my life on it. There may be tests, more waiting. I can't expect it to solve everything.
- There are a ton of things I can do that will be good for me mentally, physically, and emotionally which will ultimately help any TTC efforts. But I need to do them for me first.
I'm taking this motivation and putting it to good use. One of my main things I need to improve are my fitness and nutrition. When I got home, I took my pup for a mile walk. Good exercise, bonding with and training the dog, plus some good vitamin D and endorphins. After the walk, I made a healthy fruit and yogurt smoothie for lunch. I'm going to start looking for a church that I can socialize with and volunteer for. Motivation. Positivity. Moving forward.DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
TTC since June 2016
Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016
AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017
Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017
October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total)
Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen
12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP
2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN
Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone
Abnormal SIS Oct 2018
Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis.
12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN
Our journey has come to an end.
*snip*
Motivation. Positivity. Moving forward.
@LoveInDC so glad your session went well. What great mantras. I love the way you ended your post. I think that is something we can all use a reminder of sometimes
TTC 10/2016
"Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks,
some doors are open, some roads are blocked"
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
The rest of this post has a huge *TMI* warning:
What was your sex life before this? Once a week? Twice a month? Once a month? If he doesn't typically have a high sex drive, you can't expect that to totally change (even if you really want/need it to).
Here are some other suggestions that could help:
- Along the lines of what he's doing now, try to keep a rhythm of him finishing (either by masturbation, oral, or sex) every other day. And that's always (FW, AF, TWW, etc.). My DH and I used to go up to 3 or 4 weeks without anything. Now that we make sure to do something every other day, he can't make it past day 3..
- As unsexy as it is, find out whether he can masturbate to completion. There are days where DH for one reason or another just can't get there with just sex. On those days, he goes at himself for as long as he has to and pulls me in for the finale. It's not the ideal, but it gets the job done when we have to.
Again, hugs hugs hugs. This is not something fun to be going through. Remember that there is HIO outside of making babies. Utilize the HIO during the TWW or before FW to connect and have fun so that sex doesn't become all about the pressure to make babies. Good luckBefore TTC we probably had sex at least twice a week and he would masturbate about twice a week. Last month during my FW, he totally psyched himself out and the following week he was fine. So, we talked about what caused the anxiety and what we both could do to mitigate the effect of it. And we were both in a really good mindset going into this cycle. I didn't tell him when FW was this month, but he kinda knows it starts shortly after I stop bleeding which why he made the "no masturbating" proclamation. To top it off, he has trouble finishing during sex anyway so he has to finish manually (just as you mentioned).
I'm really discouraged that the only time he has trouble finishing is during FW. The rest of the month is fine. I keep thinking and rethinking about everything I'm doing to figure out if I'm doing something that triggers his anxiety. It feels like he's sabotaging himself and I don't understand why and when I asked for an explanation he just said "I don't know" and "I'm sorry."
DSS born 01/2016
TTC since 01/2017
Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018