Pregnant after a Loss

~*15 weeks pregnant and scared after stillborn 2 years ago*~

Ok...My first child was stillborn and now again I'm pregnant. Short story: I gave birth at 30 weeks..she stopped growing after 21 weeks...passed at 29 weeks. (Said she had been passed away for a week and like a idiot, I didn't know) Her bones didn't fully form either. Ending up getting Pre-Eclampsia but doctor told me that it happened after her passing (within that week) so it didnt cause her leaving me. Here I am again pregnant again...supposedly 15 weeks TODAY. But I just had a ultrasound at 14 weeks and the ultrasound tech said I was measuring one week behind. ( and it was even worse that she didnt let me hear the heartbeat... I'm literally trying NOT to cry on the table) Although I felt like she was rushing through and shrugged when I asked her.."So what does that mean?" And she said.."You have to ask your Dr." I'm still worried. Anywho, I asked my Dr. After she had to calm me down from crying, she said that the ultrasound is usually off by 1 or 2 weeks..and people like to think that these ultrasound machines are accurate magical machines and they're not.  She came in with the Doppler and let me hear my nuggets heartbeat at 150 bpm and said everything was fine...and my due date hasn't changed.  If this goes through, this will be my first living child and I'm on edge... I'm not sure how to feel about this.. do I still say I'm 15 weeks or 14 weeks? Is "one week behind " something to worry about? I'm waiting to feel those kicks as well that are said to happen around 16 weeks... I'm just so..negative about this whole pregnancy. Me and my S/O..i don't think we can handle this again..

Re: ~*15 weeks pregnant and scared after stillborn 2 years ago*~

  • Oh Hun.... I can;t even imagine all the emotions and anxiety you must be feeling right now. I do want to say, that it is pretty normal to be off by a week or two as your doctor mentioned - especially after 10 weeks. The "measurements" get more inaccurate the farther you get into pregnancy. I'm in the growth ultrasound phase and freaked out because my US tech told me the baby was measuring "small" only to find out from my OB that the US could be off by 2 pounds in either direction!

    I know there is little I can say to relieve the anxiety you must be feeling due to your previous loss - of the "PGAL Brain" as we often like to refer to it - but as @HGRich pointed out, that heart rate is perfect and a very good sign that all is well. I will pray for you daily - keep us updated!
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  • My first was at 9 weeks. I was 9 weeks and 3 days When I had my first ultrasound, but baby was measuring at 9 weeks on the dot. They just told me then it was no big deal. But..the second one I had just made me panic because of the tech saying a whole week. Thank you guys, I'm going to gather some more questions in hopes that it eases my mind. I appreciate you all talking to me and letting me know that it's common. My next appt is April 5th. I'll be 19 weeks at that point and I'll be getting another ultrasound and hopefully find out the sex. When your bloodwork and everything comes back normal and they see nothing wrong, it kind of confuses you as to what could have happened. So I don't know what to ask since they couldn't find anything wrong with me..except for "It's just something that happens." So, I'm just taking it easy and trying my best to look at good things and not the bad. 
  • @Jadedm I just wanted to say so sorry for your loss. I just cannot imagine the grief of a late loss. 
    I have to agree with the other ladies who said being off by a week is common, among SO MANY other things that put us on high alert. During this pregnancy I've had so many red flags popup at one scan and then be dismissed at another. All the extra testing and scans are a blessing and curse at the same time. PGAL makes it all so much worse for us. Practically all of this is totally, completely out of our hands, it's really hard to "let go" and take it day by day, but that's my only advice. 
  • @jadedm welcome to the group. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. But congrats on your new little rainbow.  Do not worry one bit about the dating on your US.  My doc told me not to worry unless the baby starts to measure more than 2 weeks ahead or behind. It is so common for the measuments to be off by at least a week.  I've had several US with this pregnancy and I gotta tell you the measurments have been all over the damn place that I stopped asking unless it was something to worry about.  I'm glad your doc did bring out the Doppler and you were able to hear a healthy strong HB. Keep that sound in your head everytime you worry.  Also don't think anything of movement.  With my first son I didn't start really feeling him til 22 weeks and with this guy prob around 19-20 weeks since this time I have an anterior placenta (on the outside).  The positioning of your placenta makes a difference.  Anterior placentas make feeling movement much harder.  At you AS ask them where the position is and don't be afraid to ask as many questions as possible.  If your not getting any answers demand to speak with someone who will give them to you....
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  • Yea for Rainbow Baby!

    I want to ditto what a lot of people have said:
    1. the further you are into your pregnancy, the less reliable the measurements are.  Early on all babies grow at a pretty consistent rate, but by late-1st/early-2nd-trimester they start to diverge.  I'm 22 weeks, and the healthy range is 1.5 inches apart!
    2. It's super normal not to feel movement until mid-late-2nd-tri.  I've only felt daily movement maybe for the last week, and it's not predictable at all (again, I'm 22wks).  My friend was 25 weeks before she felt much movement.
    3. That heart rate sounds great!
    Two other thoughts:
    1. Are you calculating your weeks off your last period? Maybe your ovulation came a little late.  That's normal.  Also, your first u/s was 3 days "behind," so the current one is only 4 days "more behind" from that one.  Totally in the normal range, since it is hard to get perfect measurements and babies grow at different rates.  I had biweekly ultrasounds with this pregnancy thru 16 weeks, and I often would flip between behind and ahead of my due date.
    2. I would check with your clinic if there is a nurse or doctor who can be in the room during your ultrasounds to do real-time interpretations (or if you can get your u/s done at a different place that has this ability).  It helps so much with the anxiety!  My clinic during my first pregnancy just had techs, and they were only authorized to tell you certain things.  She wasn't allowed to tell me when there was no heartbeat, because that would have been diagnosing a mc.  My current clinic has both techs and nurses who have been trained, and if you are pgal they schedule you with the nurses so that they can do the interpretations right away.
  • @Jadedm I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have anything else to add, but sending good thoughts for your rainbow baby <3 

    Me.30 DH.31 
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

  • I know exactly how your feeling and it's a horrible situation to be in. I lost my daughter Lillian in 2015, she was born at 29 weeks and was also passed for about a week (and I'm the idiot that didn't realize either). about 4 months later my husband and I got pregnant again and it was EXTREMELY nerve wracking. everyday I would replay my entire previous pregnancy looking for ANY possible clue that would point towards me loosing the new baby. I had multiple ultrasounds though and ALWAYS expressed any concern to my obstetrician. 
    my only advice is don't over think everything, the ultrasounds don't give you EXACT measurements and a month from now your LO might even be measuring a bit bigger. they all grow at different rates and it's perfectly normal. this baby is going to be perfectly healthy. keep telling yourself that. you will get your little rainbow ♡ 
  • Update:  (First I want to thank all off you who took the time to reply) 
    OK! SO I am 21 weeks...ill be 22 weeks tomorrow. Found out that I've been blessed with a baby boy. (Even though I found out at 17 weeks because I was involved in an accident where this idiot was flying and sent me into a brick building) At my 20 week scan (the whole big shebang. Where they get everything)...he was measuring on time..and actually a bit bigger than normal babies. Not by to much..he was 12oz and most are ten. I asked the U/S tech if it was normal and she was like "It could go either way..he could be 12oz or 14 oz...give or take plus or minus 2." I got to go back for another ultrasound because he was stubborn and didn't want to show his they want to make sure everything there is right. Found out I have an anterior placenta so that's kind of freaking me out and not to mention me being paranoid because at 21 weeks, my first stopped growing and at 29 weeks she passed. This WHOLE thing keeps replaying and I'm speaking more positive around this baby... but still keep thinking that it's going to replay the same as my last. I desperately want to see my baby MOVE outside my stomach this time. Rosalyn was 1lb 13ozs so all I saw were thumps...that's it. No full rolling, my husband could let feel that point..i thought it was normal. So this time I'm trying EVERYTHING in my power to do right while not searching Google because Google can kill your brain. I just pray he continues to grow healthy with no problems. 
  • Jade, thanks so much for the update - I'm so happy to hear all is going well for you! I too had a stillbirth last year at 23 weeks and it took a lot of time (and medical help!) to get pregnant again. I'm 8 weeks now and it's really hard not to freak out...especially since it's so early on, I can't really be 'just happy' since I know lots of things can still happen. It's hard for women like us - I think someone who didn't have a loss can never understand the anxiety that we live with during a new pregnancy. After our loss, I went to see a grief counsellor and what she told me is that it's so easy to get carried away with worrying and anxiety, and thus it's very important to really take it a day at a time. She said whenever I get overwhelmed with fear, I need to think "today I am pregnant and this is good. I don't know and can't influence what happens tomorrow, but today there's no reason to worry". It does help me a little bit when it gets all too much,so just wanted to share. All the very best!
    Me 31 / DH 37
    TTC ~ 2 years
    IUI #1: Jan 16 BFP!
    May 16: Stillbirth angel
    IUI #2 - IUI#5: Sept - Dec 16 -> all BFN 
    Dec16: laparoscopy & hysteroscopy 
    IUI #6: Jan 2017, BFN 
    Feb'17: first round of IVF
    March 17: 1st FET
  • Good to hear an update! Glad you got to find out the sex and baby is measuring well! It's kind of nice when they don't cooperate and you get to see them again. Though yikes about the car accident! Hang in there. I don't blame you for your anxiety but I hope you can feel and see lots of movement soon. I had an anterior placenta too. 
  • Just wanted to join in the support! I lost our Hope at 24 weeks last June and am now 33 weeks. I think a lot of my anxiety started to calm down when I could feel her constantly, but that's definitely still not the magic cure for PGAL thoughts. Just keep reminding yourself of truths and hang in there! 
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