OMG I'm so mad/irritated/annoyed that I can't take it. H and I are not on the same page when it comes to S. I want to start sleep training once I finish reading the sleep lady shuffle. I want to give S more of a nap time routine she can recognize. I think night time is pretty decent but might tweak a few things. H will not listen to me when I tell him what I'm doing to get her ready for nap. He just wants to do it his way which isn't working because she just cries. Then he gets frustrated and tries to make me feed her when she's not hungry. He will be staying home days when I go back to work so this worries me and is a lot of the reason why I want S to learn how to fall asleep on her own. I'm also worried he'll over feed her since he thinks eating is always the answer. So I ask him what type of routine does he want to do and I'll work with that on the weekends when I'm with her so we can be consistent. But instead he acts like a child and keeps saying I don't know. Sometimes I actually want to just do it all myself.
Sounds like how my FI used to act... the key here is to drop it for a few days, then revisit the subject when you're not actually DOING it. I brought up sleep training when we were out running errands, because like your situation, FI was just kind of screwing it all up wanting to do it his way. I didn't say that to him (obviously), I just explained the importance of Johnny having the same routine, and letting FI know what I KNOW Johnny likes. Since I brought it up in a more casual way, that pesky man-pride wasn't there to get in the way of his ability to actually listen, and like your H, he would be childish about it if it were brought up WHILE he was trying to make the baby sleep. He didn't like feeling like he couldn't do it, like he was being treated like a baby too, or thinking I thought I was "better at parenting". Just silly misconceptions that the male ego cause that get in the way of progress. My point- discuss it later, casually, over dinner or while driving and just explain all the why's and how's again while he isn't already frustrated. He'll probably be more open to what you're saying then. @Ladybug2821
@AllyTheKid I tried that a little bit but he's so stubborn and gets mad that I somewhat quote things I read (online/books). I just need him to understand that crying doesn't always mean she's hungry and that she will know what is coming if she has a routine. I left today for 15 mins and told him she will not need to eat while I'm gone even if she cries. I made the mistake of letting him know there was a little BM in the fridge so of course when I walk in the door he's feeding her. WTF!!!
That would aggravate me to no end... I hope you're able to make him understand crying=/=food soon, especially before you go back to work. There has got to be someway to get past the stubbornness somehow... good luck! @Ladybug2821
@Ladybug2821 curious on if you guys use a pacifier or not? If you do, maybe you could suggest to H trying that first before jumping to feeding. Ideally you could get him to go through a little checklist in his head before jumping to feeding as the solution (1. Is she wet? 2. Is she cold/hot? 3. Is she in a comfortable - for her - position? 4. Can she be distracted with a toy or book?).
I'm still shaking my head at your 15 minutes away story. That is unreal.
She does take a paci but she's been spitting it out quite a bit when she's fussy so he assumes she's hungry. Basically I realized we have been in the middle of leap 4 and it's clearly kicking our butts. He just keeps telling me I spoil her, he doesn't realize this is what happens when they are going through stages of development.
@Ladybug2821 This phase goes by quickly, just keep doing what you're doing and she'll fall back in line with her nap routine. Johnny just this last week has gone completely back to his sleep routine, other than now he sometimes flips around in his bassinet an hour or so earlier than he normally wakes up and won't go back to sleep until I flip him back over.
mothernorth
member
Re: Monday Bitchfest 02.27.17
I brought up sleep training when we were out running errands, because like your situation, FI was just kind of screwing it all up wanting to do it his way. I didn't say that to him (obviously), I just explained the importance of Johnny having the same routine, and letting FI know what I KNOW Johnny likes.
Since I brought it up in a more casual way, that pesky man-pride wasn't there to get in the way of his ability to actually listen, and like your H, he would be childish about it if it were brought up WHILE he was trying to make the baby sleep. He didn't like feeling like he couldn't do it, like he was being treated like a baby too, or thinking I thought I was "better at parenting". Just silly misconceptions that the male ego cause that get in the way of progress.
My point- discuss it later, casually, over dinner or while driving and just explain all the why's and how's again while he isn't already frustrated. He'll probably be more open to what you're saying then.
@Ladybug2821
@Ladybug2821 curious on if you guys use a pacifier or not? If you do, maybe you could suggest to H trying that first before jumping to feeding. Ideally you could get him to go through a little checklist in his head before jumping to feeding as the solution (1. Is she wet? 2. Is she cold/hot? 3. Is she in a comfortable - for her - position? 4. Can she be distracted with a toy or book?).
I'm still shaking my head at your 15 minutes away story. That is unreal.