Mental Health Monday

tuxielove93

Starting this check in again so everyone can have this space if they need to talk about anything mental health related. I figured it might also help to have a reference to what you struggle with (anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc. etc.), what you are doing to help this week, and how you are treating yourself. If this is too much for anyone, or you don't want to share, just ignore it. It's just an idea I had. 

tuxielove93

So I'm 19,5 weeks now, I struggle with anxiety and depression (I'm not sure which one is primary) and I also have seasonal affect disorder. Since it has warmed up that's making a huge difference for my SAD, and I am taking walks to help with my other depression and anxiety, which is working fairly well so far. I'm always really bad at this part, but my mental treat to myself is spending today relaxing and watching Love it or List it. 

I'm doing better with things than I have been, although I've been having some anxiety troubles thanks to family drama. I prefer to avoid conflict with people I have to have long term relationships with. It's not that I will avoid it if it's necessary, but I just prefer to be more easy going, because I don't like things to spiral out of control. Also, the baby doesn't move nearly enough to get rid of my PGAL brain problems, but the AS scan should make a big difference for that. I've also been struggling with some minor depression this week because I'm still dealing with m/s and food aversions and as always trying to save money, which really conflicts with that particular problem. But, I made a chart two weeks ago to track my personal care, exercise, and other home activities that I want to do everyday, and I made a huge improvement this week versus last week, so I am super proud of myself for that. 

Dovahkiin_99

For most of my adult life I've struggled with depression and anxiety, but I found that being on anti-depressants really helped to correct the chemical imbalance in my brain and helped me feel much better. When I got pregnant, my family doctor and I decided that I should go off my meds to prevent any potential health issues in baby. It's been 15 months since I completely weaned off my meds, and its become a huge struggle to get through each day. I've been waiting and hoping to feel better since going off of them, but unfortunately the depression is back in full force. It's dismaying because I thought that finally after 8 years, I was in a good place and ready to wean off, and that it would be best for my pregnancy. Today my midwife referred me to a reproductive mental health clinic (didn't know those existed!) where they will be assessing my situation and putting me back on medication. It's hard not to feel like a failure since I worked so hard to get off of them, but it's just not working out and I can't deal with this for another 20 weeks, let alone postpartum. I also found out I'm anemic! But at least there's an easy fix for that. I just want to feel normal again. 

stokesm21

For anyone who was around for my previous struggle which I don't want to mention again (haha!) I am doing much, much better. 

I suffer from GAD which just came into my life while we were building our home in 2015/early 2016 (DIY) I was building and started a second job and I guess my body was just like "TOO MUCH! TOO MUCH!" and bam! My life changed instantly during the drive home one night. Ugh. I don't even want to remember that. I'm on Cipralex (Lexapro in the US) but on a very low dose, only 5mg, so Dr and I decided it was okay for me to stay on. After the first initial months of my struggle I eventually got almost 100% better. My struggle isn't nearly as bad as most people I know. I can go months without an attack. I still worry if I'm predisposing my child to this because of the meds or if she'll go through withdrawal, again because of the meds. Losing my sanity while pregnant wasn't a risk I was willing to take though and the thought of having to wean myself back on scared the shit out of me. (I literally wanted to die those first few weeks) I've been doing okay thus far but sometimes feel like an attack is only a split second away. 

Nausea is one of my triggers but thankfully I had no morning sickness. However, I got the flu 2 weekends ago and although I haven't thrown up in a very, very long time (I'm thinking at least 8 years) it unfortunately came. My anxiety causes me to be irrational and think if I throw up I'll panic and if I panic while throwing up, I'll surely choke and die. DH was in the shower when it happened. Our bathrooms (ensuite and main) share a wall so I started banging on it fervently. He jumped out sopping wet (lol) and came to find me. He doesn't do well with that kind of stuff, weak stomach, and I apologized to him but told him I was scared and afraid of panicking. He rubbed my back while I finished and went back to his shower. (Note: He knows what a struggle my anxiety was for me in the beginning and he's 100% supportive) It was obviously not enjoyable but I'm less afraid of it now that it has happened and I know that I was okay in the end. Baby steps I guess. 

Edit: spelling is hard

stokesm21

@a_wee_bit_terrified Please don't feel like a failure! You tried and it didn't work out and that's okay!  You can't control your physiology. Some people try this or that and get better and others are on meds their entire life. Like my Mom, she has clinical depression and I've never known her ummedicated. If you need it then you need it and no one can fault you for that. Weaning off was a huge accomplishment in itself but now it's time to take care of you. Baby will be okay in the end. I'm a firm believer that the risk to your mental health far outweighs the risk to your baby. If you're not well, baby isn't going to be either. Good luck ❤️

mrscate88

I read all of your comments, and I have to say I admire you for fighting through these struggles and being open and honest about them. My heart is with all of you girls! 

I have no medical advice, just wanted to share my thoughts from one mama to another. 

@kerils I'm glad to hear that getting some exercise helps the depression (exercise is such an amazing drug). And yay for sunshine and warmer weather. I used to live in rainy Portland Oregon, and it was gloomy gloomy. I love my sunshine! I hope your anatomy scan goes wonderfully and gives you some peace of mind. 

@a_wee_bit_terrified I'm sorry to hear the depression is back with a vengeance, and hopefully the mental health clinic can do their assessment and put you on medication that helps you get back to your old self. You're not a failure, you're an amazing mama that cares more about your unborn baby than anything else, and modern medicine is amazing because it can help with mental issues and also keep our babies safe! Hang in there mama! 

@stokesm21 Sounds like your hubby is amazingly supportive, which is wonderful. I'm sorry for the crappy flu and vomiting, and the anxiety that it causes, stupid flu! You have such a good attitude though, and taking baby steps is the best thing you could do. 

stokesm21

@mrscate88 Thanks for the love!  He is wonderful.  We were living with my parents during our build so when it happened I had a lot of support.  I'm predisposed to it anyways because both my Mom and Dad have suffered and it was so wonderful being in the same house as people who knew exactly what I was going through.  DH has never suffered (thank God!  I don't wish this on my worst enemy) but he was amazing.  When we got in our new house I had one really bad morning.  He told me later that night that he was ready to call in work sick and stay with me to make sure I was okay.  And he does NOT have a job where calling in sick is easy.  My heart grew 10 times for him that day haha!  I think mostly because he's heard me describe it to other people he knows just how bad it plagues me and the seriously dark places I can go when I suffer.  He's my rock.  I am so thankful for him.  I have a friend who suffers way worse than me and her boyfriend just doesn't understand it.  I feel for her so much.  I wish every day that she had someone like my DH there by her side to support her like he does me.  For now, I am there for her as best I can so that she knows she can always depend on me for the support she doesn't get from him.  People on my FB support groups have terrible spouses as well and it just ... sucks.  People are jerks lol! 

MrsLa3

I've always had anxiety and depression. After recently loosing my job I feel like my world is crashing. I had to take my kids out of daycare and it broke their hearts, I don't have the energy to do anything with them. DH went to a job fair today for school, he graduates in May. When he gets a job I feel like that will relieve some stress, he isn't working right now. There's just too much I need to vent.

mrscate88

MrsLa3 said:

I've always had anxiety and depression. After recently loosing my job I feel like my world is crashing. I had to take my kids out of daycare and it broke their hearts, I don't have the energy to do anything with them. DH went to a job fair today for school, he graduates in May. When he gets a job I feel like that will relieve some stress, he isn't working right now. There's just too much I need to vent.

Girl, you are dealing with a lot and it's totally understandable to be extra anxious and depressed about it, please vent away! Do you have family nearby, just out of curiosity? I have no family nearby and that makes it harder to get out of the house or have someone trustworthy to vent to...What was your previous job experience? I can start asking around my business groups for virtual assistant jobs (legit jobs where you work from home)...it's not a ton of money, but it's something. Let me know, I'll message you my contact info. Hang in there!! 

mrscate88

@stokesm21 yes it's terrible when someone's partner just doesn't get it. My dad had bipolar depression and SAD, but he also self medicated and died at a young age. Unfortunately, he had NO support, not from doctors or family, and his 4 daughters were just teenagers, we didn't "get it". I look back now and my heart breaks that we didn't know how to support him more. Mental health is surrounded by such stigma it makes me sick, it's something that we need to talk about and protect! 

MrsLa3

@mrscate88 we don't have any family here other than my MIL and she birches if she has to do something with the kids. She always more than happy to help but bitches if she actually has to. I was a vet tech, before that I was an assistant Manger at Kirklands.

tuxielove93

@mrscate88 Thank you! Exercise is awesome. I haven't ever gone on meds for anything (mostly I'm stubborn and don't want to, no judgement at all for people who need them) so ANY things like exercise, and using adult coloring books, that I can do, I try to do. I think having a cat is also helping too. My AS scan was great, and everything with the baby was perfectly healthy. But he has jumped from 4 days behind to 1, and is 11 ounces instead of 10. Now I'm just worried that he's going to be a big baby boy at birth!! 

@stokesm21 That's fantastic that your DH is so supportive! Thankfully my husband is too. But I had a boyfriend who was NOT. Well not in the right way anyways. And it definitely made it harder. None of my family or other friends really know about my struggles, so having a husband who does know, and supports me, and I can talk to about it is a huge deal to me. 

nikkiandchris

Hi. I feel like it's time to join this discussion. I have severe anxiety, and have for a long time. Ironically it's usually best during pregnancy, the hormones even me out somehow. But not this time, especially this week with my A/S coming up. My Blood Pressure is through the roof and I know I need to rein it in or they are going to want to treat the BP issue somehow. But even thinking about my BP makes it go higher. Blah. 

We had had a scary start to this pregnancy, and lots of bleeding. Plus some issues while TTC, and the year from hell (my mom has advanced uterine cancer and leans solely on me)... I think I was at my max even before my first high blood pressure reading- and it's spiraled from there. I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I'm just praying for some relief after Thursday.

It helps to have a place to talk about it and not feel so isolated. My husband doesn't get it, and he is a good guy but preoccupied with work and not as present (more mentally than physically) as I need him to be.

SpongeWorthy

@nikkiandchris Oh I'm so sorry for all the stress you are going through. I know exactly the feeling re: elephant on your chest.  I went through a breast cancer scare 3 years ago.  I distinctly remember the moment after getting my MRI results of feeling like I could actually breath after 6+ months of testing. I hope you get similar relief after your AS on Thursday.  I will keep my fingers crossed for you girl!  In the meantime, sending hugs your way.

Dovahkiin_99

@stokesm21 @mrscate88
Thanks for the encouragement, it helps put things into perspective. I'm so looking forward to going back on medication and climbing out of this dark hole I've been in the past month. 

@nikkiandchris
Girl I so understand. I also have bad anxiety and have dealt with the illness of a close family member. You're this far into your pregnancy and the odds are strongly in your favour for having a healthy baby. Sending lots of good thoughts your way and I hope you find some relief soon. 

nikkiandchris

Thank you for your support ladies-- today's scan went well and I'm feeling some relief here's hoping that helps with the blood pressure issue!

BabyMama4Life

@a_wee_bit_terrified. My Dr had a great comparison. Would I judge myself if I had to take medication for a thyroid issue?  Why judge for the antidepressants?

Depression and anxiety are serious issues. Untreated the impacts can be far worse than any side effects in the baby. Do this for you and for the baby. No shame. 

Sending you love and support.