I usually go food shopping alone during the day and shop for the essentials, try not to get to many extras since it's on my husbands card.. It's still kinda new to me cause when I was working I bought groceries no problem and splurged all the time. After he came home from work I asked if we can go food shopping together, so we did, and I was like a kid in the candy store, well grocery store He just kept saying get whatever you want, and he loves his fair share of food and snacks too. I think we need to shop together more often!
Did he let you eat the groceries too?! Your post is strange and I hope that you just worded it incorrectly. If you feel like you need to ask your husband for food or permission for groceries... you need to reevaluate your relationship. Please get help.
ETA I didnt know you ladies turned this into a thing... I tend to jump the gun before reading the rest of the post. Hey guys, I like FFFC, please dont get it shut down.
It is a difficult transition when you go from working to not working and relying on one income. It is an adjustment, and she shouldn't be judged for feeling the way she does. I feel the same way she does, I am naturally a bargain shopper, especially when on one income. I could win the lottery and still shop the same way. When my husband goes with me, and we are doing well financially, I feel like a kid in a candy store too, because it's like you instigate eachother. There was a year when I was 23 and was bringing home 2000 to 3000 every two weeks or so (summers in Coronado spas are very lucrative) AND my husband made good money too. I didn't even blink at buying a huge fruit bowl everyday for lunch for 11 to 12 dollars a day. But still budgeted for groceries. Like I said, an adjustment.
I know a couple who keep their finances completely separate, and even will call the other to ask if he/she will chip in for pizza. They have lived together for years, are engaged and expecting a baby in Sept. Which is really strange to me, but hey, to each their own. I have a feeling that will change once baby is here.
@Stankonia2014 I had to stifle my laughter in my quiet office when I read your edit. I didn't even blink twice when you said pooping out kids and then reading your edit made it that much better.
@CarsonsMommy, nobody told her to come in and divulge that information in a confession thread. I personally could care less about how her and husband do their finances, but I don't understand putting that info in FFFC and expecting not to get judged. We only know the info she chooses to share.
@Itsnotyourturn very true, however many relationships work very differently. I know many women who prefer to "wear the pants", women who like giving their husbands control and living 1800s style and it works for them. Couples who do everything equally. I choose not to judge them, because it works for them. I do not tell them that they need help just because it would never work for me. My husband has some strange ideas sometimes, but we share all finances. Whether I have a job or not, we discuss budgets and purchases with eachother, and I see nothing wrong with that.
@neludelu How is my post strange? Maybe you just don't get it. I would never have to ask permission for food or groceries. I limit myself when I shop alone only because I don't want to go crazy with snacks and things we don't need and will waste, also not to run my husbands card $200+ every trip. I eat, quite well, thank you. All I was insinuating was we together both went a little crazy on food this trip. Things I wouldn't normally buy, things we could've went without. I'll eat all the groceries happily. Thanks for your concern.
I didn't think a thing of your comment. I knew what you meant. You use to splurge on anything at the grocery store, now it's one income and more budget friendly. We eat very healthy in our home, but then when we shop together things like pop tarts, frozen breakfast sandwiches and jumbo boxes of fruit roll ups somehow make the cut! Haha. You are fine. Nowhere in your post did it seem like you aren't allowed to eat/have to ask for permission to eat....and you don't need help or to evaluate your relationship. Her comment was the weird one to me.
Eta: I wrote this BEFORE all the back and forth reply. Lol I won't dirty delete but I don't want to add to it.
Yeah, my thoughts too. Just seemed like she jumped down her throat for what was to me a cute confession. But my feeling is that there is a history there that I do not know about.
@CarsonsMommy, nobody told her to come in and divulge that information in a confession thread. I personally could care less about how her and husband do their finances, but I don't understand putting that info in FFFC and expecting not to get judged. We only know the info she chooses to share.
I didn't expect to get judged over my initial post. I don't think what I wrote was divulging in any way. All I was trying to say was we indulged in a shit load of junk food and other stuff, and I'm happy we went shopping together. That was my confession. This was taken so far wrong I really don't even get it. But okay judge me for being a SAHM for now and having my husband take care of the finances, judge me for being conscious when I shop alone. And lastly judge and think me and busyzee are the same person. Judging my relationship over a statement that people took wrong is mind blowing, even after I tried to clear it up.
@neludelu How is my post strange? Maybe you just don't get it. I would never have to ask permission for food or groceries. I limit myself when I shop alone only because I don't want to go crazy with snacks and things we don't need and will waste, also not to run my husbands card $200+ every trip. I eat, quite well, thank you. All I was insinuating was we together both went a little crazy on food this trip. Things I wouldn't normally buy, things we could've went without. I'll eat all the groceries happily. Thanks for your concern.
I didn't think a thing of your comment. I knew what you meant. You use to splurge on anything at the grocery store, now it's one income and more budget friendly. We eat very healthy in our home, but then when we shop together things like pop tarts, frozen breakfast sandwiches and jumbo boxes of fruit roll ups somehow make the cut! Haha. You are fine. Nowhere in your post did it seem like you aren't allowed to eat/have to ask for permission to eat....and you don't need help or to evaluate your relationship. Her comment was the weird one to me.
Eta: I wrote this BEFORE all the back and forth reply. Lol I won't dirty delete but I don't want to add to it.
Yeah, my thoughts too. Just seemed like she jumped down her throat for what was to me a cute confession. But my feeling is that there is a history there that I do not know about.
Stuck in a box:
nope there is no history here. I'm just an adult who believes in acting like one and being treated like one. I only know what she posted and her post painted a dismal view of her relationship. I feel that any woman who feels like her husband controls their finances, relationship... whatever needs help. It's 2017, we are just as able as men.
It is funny/ ironic that the women who claim to have similar relationship agreements/ limits are also the ones who have to sneak purchases or complain about asking. Stay at home moms and house wives are no less valuable to society than a woman in the work force, your job makes his job easier SO THAT GE CAN BRING HOME THAT MONEY. It's time women like the OP realized that and had some confidence in themselves to make decisions.
@CarsonsMommy You have the right idea, it was just supposed to be a cute confession. Apparently my wording sucks, my English isn't very good. Less is more. I should've left my statement simple.
@LM1007 seriously there isn't any need to justify anything at this point. Your post was confusing to me too but I don't know how that led to you needing help and not eating. People will believe what they want to believe regardless of what you say.
I don't understand one thing, even if your post was unclear, how does that lead you or me being in an "Oppressed" and "Horrible" relationship? And suppose that was true, is that what you say to people or around people who you think or may actually be in that kind of a relationship? This doesn't even make sense.
@Itsnotyourturn Wait, what's the point of a FFFC if its not to divulge and confess stuff? I'm not trying to start anything, I'm genuinely confused on what it's for if that's not it.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@kerils, true but you choose what you share, or to participate at all. FFFC is not a requirement. If you choose to participate it works the same as any other thread, you can't control the responses you get.
ETA, I didn't take offense @kerils, I see how what I wrote could be interpreted differently than I meant it.
@Itsnotyourturn Wait, what's the point of a FFFC if its not to divulge and confess stuff? I'm not trying to start anything, I'm genuinely confused on what it's for if that's not it.
it is the point. But then don't get all pissy when people call you out.
If it was intended to be lighthearted and funny, she missed the mark, as has previously been mentioned.
Ok, well let's move on. Anyways, my FFFC is that I started this pregnancy at 127lbs. According to my doctors office, I am 141 lbs now. Owch. 17 weeks measuring at 18 weeks. I mean I know I have had my aversions and maybe indulged in too many carbs and frosted brownies, which I shamelessly indulged in. And MILs cooking is far from healthy (I have actually started to refuse some things she makes on her days because it makes me nauseous with all the extra calories and fats) but I was unpleasantly surprised by that. This pregnancy has flown by, and I guess I am at the half way point, but was hoping to only gain 18 lbs like last time. Oh well.
Eta I REALLY wish people would stop saying "have another bowl, you're eating for two now" or "you can't lift that, your pregnant" F***ING Bullshit Shit. I am not disabled, I am pregnant. Huge difference. And no, the extra 200 calores allowed is far from eating for two. Quite acting like I should be inhaling two plates of food. NO.
@LM1007 seriously there isn't any need to justify anything at this point. Your post was confusing to me too but I don't know how that led to you needing help and not eating. People will believe what they want to believe regardless of what you say.
I don't understand one thing, even if your post was unclear, how does that lead you or me being in an "Oppressed" and "Horrible" relationship? And suppose that was true, is that what you say to people or around people who you think or may actually be in that kind of a relationship? This doesn't even make sense.
I feel the need to provide a disclaimer to my response. **Please take my response with a grain of salt - I am not trying to be rude or mean or obsess over comments, just want to explain since you asked. **
I believe the wording she chose was due to a culmination of your previous 'odd' comments about your relationship (i.e. your DH obsessing about your nails being done and your body hair, having to 'sneak' clothing purchases on his card). I feel like there as another but I can't remember and don't care enough to go back and look. But these things combined make it sound like it's a very controlling relationship. Again, just the way it sounds based on what you've shared, not saying I know you relationship or anything like that.
@Rae1 I get the assumption part, but I don't see why you would unnecessarily say that to someone just because you got that impression.
If I genuinely thought someone needed help I wouldn't think it's necessary to point fingers at them. Especially with something as serious as their relationship
And yes he does notice my nails being done or not, and "eyebrows". I also chose his clothes for him because he ends up buying horrendous stuff. It's just how it is. That may seem oppressive and horrible to someone but seriously, would you actually say that to someone? That's all I'm saying.
@BusyZee well since we're the same person I guess our comments collectively make it seem this way. As we both know it's not true. Even if we were in such situation, I think it's incredibly rude for someone to say we're in horrible and oppressed relationships, over some comments. And to judge our relationships as a whole. Same thing with other comments that were made, like English being my first language.. and if it wasn't what is that supposed to mean, considering I'm sure there are a few woman on this board that it is not... also what if I was a gypsy? We're all different and should respect other life styles but that doesn't matter when jokes come to play. Also I forgot being a SAHM means I'm sitting home all day popping out kids.. insensitive is an understatement.
Also I forgot being a SAHM means I'm sitting home all day popping out kids.. insensitive is an understatement.
Is THAT what it means?! Oh man, I will just get right on that!!! Lmao. Gotta say, I miss meeting new clients/patients everyday, but I LOVE being a SAHM.
@LM1007 The thing is people will judge and everyone does to some extent. Correcting someone is different, but telling them they must be in oppressed and horrible relationships is quite a careless thing to say. Like I said, if that was true, would you actually say that to someone?
@BusyZee well since we're the same person I guess our comments collectively make it seem this way. As we both know it's not true. Even if we were in such situation, I think it's incredibly rude for someone to say we're in horrible and oppressed relationships, over some comments. And to judge our relationships as a whole. Same thing with other comments that were made, like English being my first language.. and if it wasn't what is that supposed to mean, considering I'm sure there are a few woman on this board that it is not... also what if I was a gypsy? We're all different and should respect other life styles but that doesn't matter when jokes come to play. Also I forgot being a SAHM means I'm sitting home all day popping out kids.. insensitive is an understatement.
Again - I'm not the one that asked the question, but I was legitimately wondering. It's not a bad thing if it wasn't and the question wasn't intended in a rude way. I think it was more looking for an explanation as to some of the comments or wording being odd. That's all.
@CarsonsMommy You have the right idea, it was just supposed to be a cute confession. Apparently my wording sucks, my English isn't very good. Less is more. I should've left my statement simple.
Just a lurker here.... you told everyone English was your first language. So do you mean your writing/grammar isn't correct?
OK seriously? I was trying to be nice and explain. How do you know how she intended it?? Asking a question isn't automatically rude. For someone who is annoyed at other people reading your own posts wrong, you are sure jumping to do the same to others.
@BusyZee well since we're the same person I guess our comments collectively make it seem this way. As we both know it's not true. Even if we were in such situation, I think it's incredibly rude for someone to say we're in horrible and oppressed relationships, over some comments. And to judge our relationships as a whole. Same thing with other comments that were made, like English being my first language.. and if it wasn't what is that supposed to mean, considering I'm sure there are a few woman on this board that it is not... also what if I was a gypsy? We're all different and should respect other life styles but that doesn't matter when jokes come to play. Also I forgot being a SAHM means I'm sitting home all day popping out kids.. insensitive is an understatement.
Clearly reading isn't your forte, I said gypsies stay at home and pop out kids all day long, it's true, I've watched the show. (FFFC? Perhaps) not SAHMs.
@Rae1 And how are you so sure it wasn't meant in a rude way? Going off the other comments she made towards me, I'm pretty sure it was not a question out of genuine curiousity. I was not annoyed with people taking my post wrong, I was annoyed with the immediate snark and judgment.
@CarsonsMommy, nobody told her to come in and divulge that information in a confession thread. I personally could care less about how her and husband do their finances, but I don't understand putting that info in FFFC and expecting not to get judged. We only know the info she chooses to share.
I didn't expect to get judged over my initial post. I don't think what I wrote was divulging in any way. All I was trying to say was we indulged in a shit load of junk food and other stuff, and I'm happy we went shopping together. That was my confession. This was taken so far wrong I really don't even get it. But okay judge me for being a SAHM for now and having my husband take care of the finances, judge me for being conscious when I shop alone. And lastly judge and think me and busyzee are the same person. Judging my relationship over a statement that people took wrong is mind blowing, even after I tried to clear it up.
No one is judging you for being a SAHM. I'm judging based on the fact that the tone of your post led me to believe you think that you have less of a right to the money than your husband. My initial response, was intended to enlighten you of the tone of your post. My subsequent responses were for the sake of snark. It physically hurts me to see women who undervalue themselves. If you don't value your worth who will? And while you might not be in a relationship with a controlling man there are a lot of women who are and a lot of those women have been conditioned to believe it's normal or ok. It's never ok and every person who turned a blind eye to a situation like that is just as wrong as the man doing the controlling. As a community and society it's our job to empower each other.
Regardless of what you meant to say your post did come across with oppressive under tones and I feel it's important to point that out so that other women who are in those situations don't think it's ok or normal. It may have not been what you meant but it is exactly what you said.
I hope that your post was just worded oddly and that you are in the healthy happy relationship you envision.
BusyZee- I look forward to your weird response to this also I know how you love the last word. Like Kanyae imma let you have your moment girl.
FCCC: I don't even understand or enjoy the board drama (or any social media drama). I skim right past it and only occasionally pick up on the context of the various disagreements. And when people posts gifs about how much fun it is, I'm sooo confused! I genuinely just don't understand the thrill of it. Flame away!
The original post from @LM1007 didn't strike me as strange, I knew exactly what she meant....I didn't read past the first few response comments though, so there's that. I sure wouldn't waste any time trying to defend my confession to strangers on the internet though, because I don't really care what other people think of my relationship and my shopping habits.
You're probably right but the "nice truck" comment got me thinking Gypsy Sisters.
Exactly my thoughts! A girl who just sits at home pooping out kids and her husband pays for everything including her 'nice truck', then she said 'school tuition' and I thought 'nah', because gypsies don't do school.
edit: popping, not pooping, but it's appropriate, so I'm leaving it.
Here we go again, my literacy is a problem. Well maybe your post was worded wrong. Because those were still all your thoughts of me, except I go to school so you were able to rule out me not being a gypsy, solely because I go to school.
Lurking from June because you all are hilarious. Yup.
Asking if English is someone's first language isn't insulting, it's finding out if there is a legitimate reason to give more leeway on communication issues. I think everyone would feel bad to be criticizing someone's English only to find out that it isn't their primary language. If you are a native speaker, then you are just being careless and deserve the flack you get when you don't communicate clearly.
@LM1007 The thing is people will judge and everyone does to some extent. Correcting someone is different, but telling them they must be in oppressed and horrible relationships is quite a careless thing to say. Like I said, if that was true, would you actually say that to someone?
@Rae1 And how are you so sure it wasn't meant in a rude way? Going off the other comments she made towards me, I'm pretty sure it was not a question out of genuine curiousity. I was not annoyed with people taking my post wrong, I was annoyed with the immediate snark and judgment.
Did you not just preach about people making assumptions?!?!?!??? But it's ok for you to....???
@LM1007 you opened yourself up to snark and judgement simply by posting in this thread? Do you not see that?
I think this is where a lot of the problems lie! So many people consider this whole site to be just for "support", when really, it's just an Internet forum with random women from around the world who happen to be due around the same time. Support is nice, but anything we say has the potential of someone calling us out or judging us...just comes with the territory. I wouldn't take it personal.
@Rae1 And how are you so sure it wasn't meant in a rude way? Going off the other comments she made towards me, I'm pretty sure it was not a question out of genuine curiousity. I was not annoyed with people taking my post wrong, I was annoyed with the immediate snark and judgment.
I know because I was talking to her about the question before it was posted.
and again - it's the internet. If you don't like snark and judgement then.... (not finishing my thought because I don't want to get in trouble lol)
@LM1007 you opened yourself up to snark and judgement simply by posting in this thread? Do you not see that?
I think this is where a lot of the problems lie! So many people consider this whole site to be just for "support", when really, it's just an Internet forum with random women from around the world who happen to be due around the same time. Support is nice, but anything we say has the potential of someone calling us out or judging us...just comes with the territory. I wouldn't take it personal.
I know what I opened myself up for, but no means did I think I'd get snark and judgment or even support for a stupid confession. And like I said, immediate snark and judgment, which I guess makes no difference in timing, but at the same time I wasn't given a chance to clarify before it spiraled out of control. But okay.
@Rae1 And how are you so sure it wasn't meant in a rude way? Going off the other comments she made towards me, I'm pretty sure it was not a question out of genuine curiousity. I was not annoyed with people taking my post wrong, I was annoyed with the immediate snark and judgment.
I know because I was talking to her about the question before it was posted.
and again - it's the internet. If you don't like snark and judgement then.... (not finishing my thought because I don't want to get in trouble lol)
Lol okay well I really don't think any of my posts were so far off that my native language or literacy had to be questioned. But I'll take it.
Re: FFFC
It is a difficult transition when you go from working to not working and relying on one income. It is an adjustment, and she shouldn't be judged for feeling the way she does. I feel the same way she does, I am naturally a bargain shopper, especially when on one income. I could win the lottery and still shop the same way. When my husband goes with me, and we are doing well financially, I feel like a kid in a candy store too, because it's like you instigate eachother. There was a year when I was 23 and was bringing home 2000 to 3000 every two weeks or so (summers in Coronado spas are very lucrative) AND my husband made good money too. I didn't even blink at buying a huge fruit bowl everyday for lunch for 11 to 12 dollars a day. But still budgeted for groceries. Like I said, an adjustment.
I know a couple who keep their finances completely separate, and even will call the other to ask if he/she will chip in for pizza. They have lived together for years, are engaged and expecting a baby in Sept. Which is really strange to me, but hey, to each their own. I have a feeling that will change once baby is here.
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017
I don't understand one thing, even if your post was unclear, how does that lead you or me being in an "Oppressed" and "Horrible" relationship? And suppose that was true, is that what you say to people or around people who you think or may actually be in that kind of a relationship? This doesn't even make sense.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
ETA, I didn't take offense @kerils, I see how what I wrote could be interpreted differently than I meant it.
If it was intended to be lighthearted and funny, she missed the mark, as has previously been mentioned.
Ok, well let's move on. Anyways, my FFFC is that I started this pregnancy at 127lbs. According to my doctors office, I am 141 lbs now. Owch. 17 weeks measuring at 18 weeks. I mean I know I have had my aversions and maybe indulged in too many carbs and frosted brownies, which I shamelessly indulged in. And MILs cooking is far from healthy (I have actually started to refuse some things she makes on her days because it makes me nauseous with all the extra calories and fats) but I was unpleasantly surprised by that. This pregnancy has flown by, and I guess I am at the half way point, but was hoping to only gain 18 lbs like last time. Oh well.
Eta I REALLY wish people would stop saying "have another bowl, you're eating for two now" or "you can't lift that, your pregnant" F***ING Bullshit Shit. I am not disabled, I am pregnant. Huge difference. And no, the extra 200 calores allowed is far from eating for two. Quite acting like I should be inhaling two plates of food. NO.
I believe the wording she chose was due to a culmination of your previous 'odd' comments about your relationship (i.e. your DH obsessing about your nails being done and your body hair, having to 'sneak' clothing purchases on his card). I feel like there as another but I can't remember and don't care enough to go back and look. But these things combined make it sound like it's a very controlling relationship. Again, just the way it sounds based on what you've shared, not saying I know you relationship or anything like that.
If I genuinely thought someone needed help I wouldn't think it's necessary to point fingers at them. Especially with something as serious as their relationship
And yes he does notice my nails being done or not, and "eyebrows". I also chose his clothes for him because he ends up buying horrendous stuff. It's just how it is. That may seem oppressive and horrible to someone but seriously, would you actually say that to someone? That's all I'm saying.
edit: I don't mean you as in YOU said that.
@Wearmi1 I was being sarcastic I suppose.
Regardless of what you meant to say your post did come across with oppressive under tones and I feel it's important to point that out so that other women who are in those situations don't think it's ok or normal. It may have not been what you meant but it is exactly what you said.
I hope that your post was just worded oddly and that you are in the healthy happy relationship you envision.
BusyZee- I look forward to your weird response to this also I know how you love the last word. Like Kanyae imma let you have your moment girl.
The original post from @LM1007 didn't strike me as strange, I knew exactly what she meant....I didn't read past the first few response comments though, so there's that. I sure wouldn't waste any time trying to defend my confession to strangers on the internet though, because I don't really care what other people think of my relationship and my shopping habits.
Asking if English is someone's first language isn't insulting, it's finding out if there is a legitimate reason to give more leeway on communication issues. I think everyone would feel bad to be criticizing someone's English only to find out that it isn't their primary language. If you are a native speaker, then you are just being careless and deserve the flack you get when you don't communicate clearly.
and again - it's the internet. If you don't like snark and judgement then.... (not finishing my thought because I don't want to get in trouble lol)