July 2017 Moms
kat0607
member
What NOT To Say To A Pregnant Woman
kat0607
member
I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread like this here, since we're entering the stage where strangers, family and friends will most likely be sharing unsolicited advice and comments. Have you heard any strange advice, backhanded compliments or anything that makes you say "WTF?"
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Re: What NOT To Say To A Pregnant Woman
No...please don't act like my position is disappearing and take my assistant away because I'm going to be gone for two months...
It doesn't really matter what you think will be better or worse, or how it was for you. If I'm telling you something about my experience, don't undermine it or make it about you.
hey, unless you're offering to retire and watch this kid full time (which I wouldn't even want), I don't want to hear it!
The "you just waits" are so obnoxious. A huge part of the reason is that it's coupled with this perspective that once you've had kids, you KNOW what having kids is like. No, you know what having kids is like FOR YOU. I've even encountered people who think they know what having kids is like because they babysat. Sure, you have experience caring for young children, but you've never been a mom, and you're not ME, so please stop telling me what eating and sleeping schedule my child will be on.
Ummmmmm what the actual f*%#? How am I supposed to respond to that? Some people act like pregnancy just "happened" to me and now my life is a ticking time bomb before all hell breaks loose when the baby is born. Why would anyone assume my child is going to be mean and spoiled? I don't get it.
Probably meant as a compliment but a) I'm less than 4 months did you expect a basketball belly overnight? And b) still not ok to comment on a woman's body.
Edited to add c) my belly feels huge to me and I actually like my growing bump. I don't need to develop a complex that it's not big enough.
-My lovely husband after coming home from a three week trip and seeing how I popped.
"But don't you want to contribute to society?"
-Regarding my decision to be a stay at home parent to my son
"Oh, I hope it's not a girl! Girls are awful!"
-My lovely mother in law who, for the record, had two sons and no daughters
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Mine is when we announced and bunch of people said, "Finally!" Oh I'm sorry that I had a planned pregnancy and waited until I was really ready. I don't see why that's a problem? Yes, I'm 29. Did I think I was going to have kids sooner? You betcha! But now that I did wait I am so happy that I did. Zero regrets. Another is how my MIL talks about DH's pregnant niece. She's 18. Please don't compare us. I'm married, I own my own home, I didn't have random sex with some random guy and get pregnant. Just don't ffs!!!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
But also, I would hate being compared to your DH's niece like you said. My DH's cousin is also pregnant (I think a couple weeks behind me) so I'm sure there will be constant comparison, even if no one says anything out loud. Luckily my MIL and FIL are very supportive and aren't the type to make comments.
I've found a very immature way of handeling these inconsiderate comments. I just ask them about their weight. Turns out, people don't like it. Childish, I know, but they never mention my weight again
@CPR79 I'm not entirely sure if I'm reading too much into your comment. Are you directing that at me or at society at large? Society at large, I'm 100% with you. I had someone tell me that "my kids will grow up, and what will I do then?" when I said that I want to be a SAHM. It was like I couldn't possibly have a "career" or job or mission if I didn't do it now. If you're directing at me, I'm sorry if that's what you read, but I was 100% not judging anyone. That's why I said " the best way YOU think YOU can". I couldn't care less how anyone wants to raise their kids, whether SAH, WAH, or having a job outside of the house. Whatever you have to do, whatever you think is best for your family. It's kind of how I feel about everything when it comes to parenting, which is why I pretty much stay out of parenting discussions on this board, and everywhere else for that matter. I have my opinions about what I want to do, but that's it. My kids, my problem, your kids, your problem.
Edit: forgot to add something
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
We aren't close to DH's siblings on his Dad's side at all. His sister is okay, although we don't really know her, but we hate his brother whose daughter is the pregnant one. His bio Dad's side of the family are just not the greatest people. DH was never around them as kids then went around when he was a teenager only to find out why his Mom kept him away from them his entire life. Honestly, they're really all just a bunch of losers! We really don't even see MIL that much despite living 10 minutes away from each other so thankfully I won't have to listen to it often lol!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Yes, I am completely aware of this, it was a choice, we planned it this way, we can handle it.
Your ONLY __ weeks along? Your huge/ enormous/ to big/ are you sure there's only 1?
Thanks, nothing like being called enormous to boost the ego! (I REALLY hate the word enormous) and to be honest, this is my second round and I have very little tolerance for that shit this time and have no problem voicing that.
I am with you ladies on the "just you wait" comments. Yes, at some point my kid will get sick/ start teething/ potty train/ whatever... but it won't be the same as when your kid did. And when your snuggling your new little baby who cares about that. You should be soaking up the moments that are happening now. I have always tried really hard to not offer advice unless asked for it.
Our Angel: EDD: 05/11/17. MC at 6 weeks
Baby #2- EDD: 07/18/17
"Are they natural?"
No, they're completely, 100% plastic.
Now, I get that there is a lot of interest in twins, but seriously, is my fertility and ovulation really any of anyone's business? My husband and I had sex, I ovulated two eggs, now I have two babies growing. And if you answer that you took fertility medication or had IVF, it's often followed up by something along the lines of,
"Oh, ok then, that explains it."
And it's ALWAYS said in a way that somehow invalidates the pregnancy, like having two babies through the help of science makes your pregnancy somehow less important or exciting.
-Insert eye roll here-
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Makes me laugh every time I see it.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Re: IVF. I have mad respect for women who go through that. Pre-pregnancy my husband and I were actually really concerned that we would be infertile, or at least have a really hard time conceiving (boy were we wrong). I told him whenever it came up that I really wasn't sure I could go through all of that.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Back story, I'm not the usual person that signs for the stuff. The person that normally does was in the restroom yesterday when he came through with his lunch time delivery. This is an internal delivery company. He literally only had to wait 30s for her to return but made me do it instead. It's sick season and my coworker asked him to just wait for her to get back since I'm pregnant and can't take hardly anything if I get sick. He seriously used the "I have to handle the thing all day" card when we asked him to wait for her from now on. I wouldn't have even gotten upset with him if he hadn't have been an ass about it.
1. Can't wait till you have kids, just you wait what happens. You won't ever be thin anymore and forget about couple time forget about a clean home and dressing up forever (WTF?) haters.
2. You know men get so put off sex after they see their wives giving birth? (WTF)
3. I hope you have twins, I hope you have a baby girl, I hope you have a baby boy! (I hope you die hoping )
4. Was this a planned baby?
Wth does that mean, are you trying to ask if it was ivf or drunk sex or are you trying to figure out how many times I had sex, or are you just stupid ?
"you have no idea how busy you will be", "you have no idea how tired you will be", "you have no idea how hard it will be to keep up"
I was a FTM who watched several close friends and family members become parents and had a very good idea of what was coming. I wasn't surprised by the lack of sleep (although the 4 month regression was a special kind of hell I wasn't fully ready for), wasn't surprised by how busy I was or how hard it was to keep up. People like to make their situation seem like it was the hardest most impossible thing and that everyone will experience the same things in the same way. So message for FTMs - labour is not fun but its usually not the worst thing in the world either, everyone's experience will be different, you might end up with an awesome sleeper and a shitty eater, you might have a dream baby that is content hanging out while you do laundry or you might have the ultra clingy cant put him/her down even to pee baby. You might love all the snuggles and not even care that you get zero done or it might drive you crazy....and which you are might totally surprise you...or it might not. Tell all the "you just wait" and "you have no idea" people to STFU and just know that everyone's experience will be so different and parenthood is challenging, rewarding, magical and awesome and nobody will know what you will find easy or hard until you get there.
@BusyZee 2! Lol my husband saw more than probably preferred, and 6 weeks post baby couldn't come soon enough for us.
- this happened to me all the time during my first pregnancy. The sad thing was *tw* that I lost a twin and was pretty devastated by it.
We hope you'll have a boy because girls don't love their moms.
-maybe because the moms telling me this are a little "beachy"??
Thanks, I'm aware it's Texas and the heat is insane. I'll be inside my nice A/C filled house thank you very much.
Me: 26 Him: 27
Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014
Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016
BFP #1: 12/01/2016
EDD: 07/24/2017