Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Had to shop for a baby shower I missed last week...

It wasn't as awful as I thought it would be! At first my plan was to go to her registry and just make sure those items were pulled to avoid going to the baby section, but Target had different items at different stores, I decided to suck it up and just go. I definitely overspent my usual $30 limit for gifts... it was closer to $70  :s I think it was guilt.

I had messaged the mutual friend who was throwing the party ahead of time of my procedure on the 26th explaining the details, that I didn't want to bring the mom-to-be down with my news, and that I didn't think I'd be mentally, emotionally, or physically ready to attend a baby shower; I asked for the mom-to-be's new address so I could mail something later. Turns out my worst day physically was last Friday and the shower was Saturday, so I was right.

Anyway, I was kinda horrified when mom-to-be reached out... I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that mutual shower-throwing friend didn't tell her much (vs. um, preferably nothing beyond "she wanted to come, but couldn't make it"), other than she said "I didn't know you guys were trying" and she "hope(s) she didn't hurt (my) feelings by inviting (me)". Which IDK, I kinda felt like barring full knowledge of the situation pegged me solidly in the bitter barren bitch club, like jealousy by itself was my reason not to come. She followed with "I'm really sorry. I wish it wasn't like that so you could come and enjoy your time and we could see one another." Like, um... no, I can't just suck it the fuck up solely for her benefit.  :|

Anyway, I got a portable white noise machine, and ubersoft blanket off the registry, plus a teething plush, pacifiers, and a tether that were similar to registry items that neither store had in stock. I packed it all in gift tissue in a sturdy decorative gift box: everything was in the gender-neutral orange/green/blue/yellow animals theme since baby's sex is going to be a surprise at birth.

I just hope by throwing all that karma out there for someone that I've seen maybe twice in the last 6 years since leaving our apartment complex, it comes back multi-fold.

Re: Had to shop for a baby shower I missed last week...

  • Hugs @GhanimaAtreides that whole situation sounds incredibly uncomfortable. 
  • NYTino24NYTino24 member
    edited February 2017
    @GhanimaAtreides I had to decline an invite while I was bleeding, but hadn't MC yet. I waited until the day after the shower to say I was sorry I couldn't attend since it was a surprise. By then I had miscarried and she knew. That was almost a month ago. She randomly texted me a couple of days ago and I told her a gift would be coming, but that I just couldn't bring myself to shop yet and she understood. Pretty sure she had been trying for almost TEN YEARS, so I am very happy for her. (She's 4'10'' and was 85 lb. last I checked, so that may have been a problem, who knows.) I think I'm just going to send a gift card. Hugs, lady. It's isn't easy.
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

    Me: 36 DH 35 
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
    TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
    TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
    TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
    IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

    AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
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  • Totally get it! My first m/c Iavoided a baby shower for a friend. When I was ready I reached out to her and explained what happened. Going through this is definitely not easy- sending you lots of hugs. 
    Me 36 DH 38
    Married 1/22/10
    BFP #1 3/11 m/c 7w 3d blighted ovum
    BFP #2 5/11 DD born 1/12
    BFP #3 3/16 Chemical Pregnancy
    BFP #4 12/16 m/c 7w blighted ovum
  • I don't even like to see pregnant strangers, so I get it! If it wasn't family or a very very close friend, not only would I have skipped the shower, I probably wouldn't have even purchased a gift.  I probably would have just said I couldn't make it without a reason to avoid awkward conversations. People are busy and it is not out of the ordinary to simply not be able to attend something. I think it is ok to focus on yourself and do what is best for yourself. Some would say that is selfish but women are just more susceptible to being the care givers to others and putting themselves last. You could always wait until you are feeling better and give a gift after the baby is born if you wanted to do something.

    Anyway, that timing was crappy. Sorry you had to go through that. 
  • Ugh the worst! I am supposed to go to a baby shower tomorrow but no way. It's not jealousy. It's pain- sadness for my own loss and my dead babies that should not have died and the memory of them being rubbed in my face. I can't. 
    Siggy Warning--------

    CP #1- due April 2017 lost 5.5 weeks
    cp #2- due May 2017 lost at 4.5 weeks
    iUI #1- BFN
    IUI #2-BFN
    IVF#1- transfer 2- BFP! Due October 2017 c/p#3 lost at 3.5 weeks
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