Mental Health Monday 2/6

SaphireSweetie88

This is a place for anyone to come and talk about any issues they may be struggling with this week.

tuxielove93

I'm actually doing better this week. I always forget when I'm in it that I take awhile to adjust to new situations. I'm a dip the toe in and out of the pool type person. But I was just really upset with how I've been acting and feeling, and DH said that he thought I was holding myself back, which was kind of true. Anyways, I made some new promises to this little baby last night, and so far it's going well. I'm just mentally in a better place, have a little more energy, am doing more things. Still took a nap this morning though. So for anyone still struggling (and somewhere I am sure I will be again during this pregnancy) it can get better  

lvcpatt84

@kerils I'm glad to hear you're doing better! It gives me hope that I might too...

I've been struggling a lot lately. The nausea and vomitting is out of control. I was admitted to the hospital last week for severe dehydration, and I'd had a splitting migraine non stop for about 72 hours when I was admitted. I felt better for about 24 hours after I was released and was able to stay ahead of it, but it soon caught up to me again. My doc doesn't want to give me zofran bc she doesn't like the risks, but she has me on phenergan, which I eat like candy, diclegis still, and she prescribed be an anti-reflux so what little I can eat doesn't burn a hole through my esophagus. 

I'm just feeling really low. I can barely take care of myself, let alone my toddler. We used to go out and do fun things together, and now our days are spent with me on the couch, crying a lot, and her playing on her own or watching ipad. 

My bump is finally starting to poke through, and I'm starting get to get more uncomfortable sitting, laying, and sleeping. I just feel like I'm only going to start feeling worse, and that it's just going to make me resent being pregnant. 

Wish I had a positive note to round this out on, but I'm just not there. I never experienced anything like this with my first pregnancy. I really want to be happy and enjoy this, but I'm so tired and so sick, and I just want it to be over.

SaphireSweetie88

@kerils - Glad things are better!

@lvcpatt84 - I am sorry to hear things are still rough with you. I wish I had some words of advice but I really don't   I am here if you need to talk though!

tuxielove93

@lvcpatt84 Im so sorry to hear things are rough for you. A HUGE hurdle for me was the m/s. I just hate being nauseous. I have thankfully been mostly free of it for 5 days, but it likes to make a comeback after a couple days of being gone, so we'll see. Cautious optimism. Mine has been slowly trading for more good days than bad days. Anyways, I really hope it gets better soon, and one thing that kind of helped me out was that the baby can't stay in forever! They have to come out eventually. 

ljd2010

@lvcpatt84 boy do I relate to your post. I haven't been as sick as you, but I'm on my fourth straight week of some kind of bug or violent nausea that knocks me out for a couple days. My first pregnancy wasn't like this, and I'm just so miserable. And worst of all, I can't be there for my son. I'm lying in bed and I hear my husband playing with him, and I'm so sad that I barely have the energy to move. Fingers crossed for improvement for both of us!

BabyBump2

I don't know if I've ever posted in this before..but today is my day. I've always struggled with anxiety and depression..it kinda skyrocketed after my loss in July. Getting pregnant kinda brought me back to earth. 

Im literally exhausted all the time. Between my husband working nights, my 5 year old daughter acting like a 15 year old diva, my 3 year olds G-Tube problem and my crazy one year old..I get zero time to myself. 

Some days I literally feel like I could sleep all day and I'm at my breaking point and could just cry all day. It doesn't help that my husband doesn't really believe in depression and my OB sucks so I have zero help. 

SaphireSweetie88

I am sorry for your loss @BabyBump2

Is there a way that when your DH is home (day off) he can watch the kids for a couple hours and you can have "you time"?

Also, I'd suggest looking for another OB or talking to your GP if your OB isn't taking you seriously in how you feel.

BabyBump2

@SaphireSweetie88 he usually lets me have Saturdays to myself, when possible! He tries and that's important to me!

And I only have to see my OB one more time, as I am transitioning out of the military and will then be getting care at a civilian hospital so I'm hoping that will help!

SaphireSweetie88

@BabyBump2

I am glad he's able to help when he can! FX that things will improve when you switch.

tuxielove93

@BabyBump2 I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. I too deal with depression and anxiety. They tend to cycle each other in and out. Your OB should definitely be taking you seriously! I'm glad to know that you'll be getting a new doctor. If it's at all possible, I would try to find a midwife, even for just an appointment or two. Mine are amazing about it, and actually offer support for mental health issues, ask you about it, and do screenings to see if their patients may be suffering from it. It's much more comprehensive care (which makes me nervous, but ultimately, I love it). If nothing else,can you find a therapist or at least a friend to talk to? Sometimes just talking can really help. 

stokesm21

Okay ... it's taking A LOT for me to come out and say this and most of me is screaming in the back of my head "Don't do it!  Don't do it" because I'm sure that the judgment is just going to be hell but I really need to talk it out.

I'm really struggling with quitting smoking.  I've been on the quitting bandwagon since July and was doing really good then I stupidly smoked my entire vacation (3 week, 10,000km road trip so lots of driving and boredom.  Not a good combination) and that set me back.  I've been struggling ever since.  I was waiting for the BFP to throw me over the edge.  I swore that would be it but when it came ... man, I still struggled and I'm still struggling.  I have cut back from over half a pack a day (I never smoked that much after I got my BFP) to 1 or 2 a day. Sometimes I'll even go a few days without one then a few days with.  So I've made some serious progress.  

DH still smokes and gives me a lot of shit when I light up, understandably.  I feel guilty every.single.time.  I cry and I worry about it and my baby and yet this addiction just won't leave me.  I wear the lowest patch and some days it helps and others it does nothing.  I know this isn't right.  I was that person that judged smoking pregnant women and now I've turned into one of them.  Besides DH, it's a dirty secret that I carry around.  The guilt ... it's always there, shows up in my dreams ... I can't shake it and part of me doesn't want to because I don't want to stop caring.  I'm not looking for someone to come on here and justify it and say it's okay because it's not.  I just needed to get it out there that I'm just at such a loss as to how to kick this last little bit.  A friend of my Mom's gifted me Allen Carr's book and apparently this thing is like the be-all-end-all of quitting smoking.  It has a 53% success rate compared to the minuscule under 10% success rate of patches, prescriptions etc.  I figured I should probably give it a read to help me with that last little push.

ETA:  Does that fall under mental health?  (My head is still going, "Delete! Delete! Delete!" lol) 

BabyMama4Life

@stokesm2  You are so brave to admit your issue online.  Great first step, sweetie!  It's a really stressful time, a time when smoking can really calm your nerves.  I quit drinking last year and used an online program called SMART (Self Managed Addiction Recovery Training).  smartrecovery.org  They address all kinds of addictions.  They have online meetings and chat rooms and discussion boards.  I really liked the true anonymity.  I'm sure you will find women who have gone through similar scenarios.  Give it a try.  xoxo

stokesm21

@BabyMama4Life  Thank you!  And thanks for the recommendation.  I quit drinking too well before my BFP mainly due to some new medication I was taking and now am on.  Smoking is a serious crutch for me.  But I never quit trying to quit.  This is my ... 1274592356153th attempt :P 

BusyZee

@stokesm21 I'm so sorry your going through this, iv never been a smoker myself, max just a social smoker and I never liked it. But somehow everyone I love has been a heavy duty smoker and I understand how you feel. 
My dad used to smoke tons and we managed to get him to stop for 9 years now and still going strong! I think his main motivating factor was me always getting the cough and one day I just said I think it's your fault. It was harsh of me, because he always did smoke away from us but it made him quit that's all that matters. 

My Best friend loved to smoke, she's still struggling so I got her packs of Nirdosh smokes. They are these herbal cigs I got from amazon, I'm not suggesting you use them but the placebo for her worked and she hasn't touched a cig in three months. She says she can't have more than one of those herbal ones and at this point she's over the nicotine high.

My husband had been smoking cigarettes and pot since he was 15 and I had to gradually wean him off everything. It took a lot, I had to join in with him so he doesn't think I'm judging, I had to find alternatives for him, and then I had to really explain to him why I want him to stop. Iv put him through so many cleanses, juice cleanses, herbal cleanses (which i know is a pseudo science so please do your own research) but it worked for us. He doesn't even drink coffee now. Three years and he's only socially smoked the herbal cigarette(not that it's any better for you but still) like 5-6 times a year I think. 

it will be very hard for you, but soon you will realize that physically you are not dependent on anything if you are mentally strong. Just keep making your  mentality stronger and stronger and one day you'll be able to quit and you won't be a slave to your physical addiction.
 
That was dramatic but you get the point 

BabyBump2

@stokesm21 zero judgement!! I literally have dreams of smoking. My husband and I both were smokers before I was pregnant. I still crave them 24/7. 

I have no advice but I just want you to know you aren't alone!!

Dcwtada

@stokesm21 you are the bravest one on this board. I never smoked because I saw exactly how my mom struggled with it and as much as she tried she couldn't kick it until she was in her 40s. 

I hope you kick it, I truly do. But you have my ear if you need it and support no matter what. Addiction is not something as simple as "stopping" and I know you can love your child to the moon and back and struggle every day. Keep trying but don't be too hard on yourself momma, it only makes it worse. 

SaphireSweetie88

@stokesm21 - No judgement. I quit smoking years ago but there have been times during this pregnancy where I feel like I could go for one. You're doing 1 of the hardest parts / steps and talking to someone about it (TB). Hugs!

stokesm21

@BusyZee I'm not going to make DH quit if he doesn't want to (I know you're not implying that, just so we're clear haha!) I know he will in his own time.  We usually always do it together.  I do very much enjoy smoking but I know how terribly unhealthy it is and I don't want to get a smoking related cancer and blame myself for how I could have prevented it.  The e-cigs actually helped me a lot.  Maybe I should pull that thing out of the cupboard.  I know the jury is still out on their safety but it can't possibly be worse than the 4000 chemicals there are in a cigarette.  Maybe it will help me get over this hump.  A lot of people I know replace smoking with the e-cig but the e-cig is not something I would enjoy long-term.  It's awkward in the fact that it's not anything like an actual smoke haha!  It's the inhaling and exhaling that I enjoy about it.  

As for everyone else @SaphireSweetie88 @BabyBump2 @Dcwtada thank you all so much for the support.   

My Dad quit I think over a decade ago but my Mom is still going strong.  To my knowledge she only quit during pregnancy (how the eff is it that she could quit but I can't?! lol) and once recently.  She hasn't really tried otherwise and I suspect she will smoke to her dying day.  As I said, I keep trying and hope one day that it will stick! 

tuxielove93

@stokesm21 You are so brave for even admitting this! Yes, it does belong in mental health. Addiction is a mental health issue, regardless of if the drug is legal or not. I'm sorry your struggling with this. I'm not a smoker myself, but I do know some smokers, and one woman in particular who has struggled with quitting for a long time. She quits for awhile, and then she goes back. As far as actual help with the smoking itself, I'm not really up on the resources that are out there. But I bet there are support groups and possibly even addiction recovery groups/programs that could help. I've also heard that some people try to chew gum, or eat a certain thing insted of smoking the cigarette. Eventually they end up addicted to the other thing rather than the cigarette, but especially in pregnancy, gum is better than cigarettes. Also, I can totally sympathize with the guilt. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and have SAD in the winter. I feel guilty ALL THE TIME that it's going to affect my baby, that he/she will be born low birth weight, pre-mature, etc. etc. etc. My mantra is really just, do the best you can, and take one day at a time. You have already made a huge improvement in cutting back to just 1-2 a day. Also, I'm a random internet stranger, but I believe that you can go all the way and fully quit smoking! 

stokesm21

@kerils Thank you.  I do believe that I can quit.  I've quit for a year at least 3 times but I usually don't make it any further. And when I go back, again with the guilt.  I avoid prescriptions (wellbutrin, champix/chantix etc.) because of their very real side effects (I suffer from GAD so I'm more susceptible to said side effects), patches have helped me a few times and I don't think I've ever gone cold turkey.  E-cigs help and I am 100% confident that I would not replace smoking with that habit because it's just too far out of the realm of an actual cigarette.  Popsicle's ... I eat a LOT of popsicle's when I'm trying to quit haha!  I'm going to start reading that book and see how it goes.

I am currently part of a smoking cessation program where they give you free patches.  I've never used the actual support part of the program but maybe it's time to start.  I know if I called my nurse practitioner up she would be nothing but helpful.  I should probably do that ...