Desperate for Some Advice

whiteys4

I apologize if this is lengthy, but I would appreciate any and all feedback. 

I am am super embarrassed and ashamed of my situation, but I am really hoping I'm just overthinking things. 

My cycles are regular (about every 30 days). My last period was 09.09.16. I slept w someone on 09.13.16. I had a lot of guilt and emotional stress over this after it happened. On 10.09.16, I had what I thought was going to be the beginning of my period, but it ended up being more like I just passed a blood clot and that was it. My SO and I had sex 10.15, 10.16, 10.24 and 10.25. I took ovulation tests from 10.19 - 10.27 (all negative). On 11.06 I started getting a watery brown discharge that lasted a little over a week. 

Pregnancy tests:
10.06.16 - Negative
10.08.16 - Negative
10.15.16 - Negative
10.20.16 - Negative
10.26.16 - Negative
11.14.16 - Positive

Ultrasound dates:
11.29.16 - 6w2d - EDD 07.23.17 - Concept. 10.30.16
12.06.16 - 7w1d - EDD 07.24.17 - Concept. 10.31.16
12.12.16 - 8w3d - EDD 07.21.17 - Concept. 10.28.16
12.21.16 - 9w4d - EDD 07.22.17 - Concept. 10.29.16
01.04.17 - 11w2d -EDD 07.24.27 -Concept. 10.31.16

All my conception dates come back to the 4 days I didn't take an ovulation test. 

I really want to know what the likelihood was that I could have gotten pregnant in September and could the mental stress have caused me not to find out until 2 months later?? I pray everyday that it didn't, but it just scares me not knowing exactly what happened when I was supposed to get my period on 10.09. 

glitterfish-2

Not everyone turns an "ovulation test". They could also have a small window during which they would turn a test that one would not test during. 

Sleeping with someone else while taking O-tests with a SO? Yikes. I think the kid is your SO's though.

I don't think 5 ultrasounds would all be a month off of dating the gestational age.

ginger1228

whiteys4 said:

I apologize if this is lengthy, but I would appreciate any and all feedback. 

I am am super embarrassed and ashamed of my situation, but I am really hoping I'm just overthinking things. 

My cycles are regular (about every 30 days). My last period was 09.09.16. I slept w someone on 09.13.16. I had a lot of guilt and emotional stress over this after it happened. On 10.09.16, I had what I thought was going to be the beginning of my period, but it ended up being more like I just passed a blood clot and that was it. My SO and I had sex 10.15, 10.16, 10.24 and 10.25. I took ovulation tests from 10.19 - 10.27 (all negative). On 11.06 I started getting a watery brown discharge that lasted a little over a week. 

Pregnancy tests:
10.06.16 - Negative
10.08.16 - Negative
10.15.16 - Negative
10.20.16 - Negative
10.26.16 - Negative
11.14.16 - Positive

Ultrasound dates:
11.29.16 - 6w2d - EDD 07.23.17 - Concept. 10.30.16
12.06.16 - 7w1d - EDD 07.24.17 - Concept. 10.31.16
12.12.16 - 8w3d - EDD 07.21.17 - Concept. 10.28.16
12.21.16 - 9w4d - EDD 07.22.17 - Concept. 10.29.16
01.04.17 - 11w2d -EDD 07.24.27 -Concept. 10.31.16

All my conception dates come back to the 4 days I didn't take an ovulation test. 

I really want to know what the likelihood was that I could have gotten pregnant in September and could the mental stress have caused me not to find out until 2 months later?? I pray everyday that it didn't, but it just scares me not knowing exactly what happened when I was supposed to get my period on 10.09. 

QFP. 

Your posts makes it sound like you had weekly ultrasounds. Weren't they able to get you an EDD that would give you the conception date? Looks like those all equal conception in October. September was probably just a wonky month. 

AdaByron

All signs point to conception happening at the end of October. 

PurplePoppy424

The dating scans done by the doctor's office are what you should go by. Just because an ovulation test was negative doesn't mean you didn't ovulate. You easily could have ovulated during the time lapse between tests. Not to mention, you're talking a whole month here. There is a huge difference in growth of the baby in a month. 

All of that being said, I'm assuming your situation in September was a cheating on your SO scenario given how you've described your situation. You still should probably tell him what happened regardless of the paternity of your baby. 

LoveLee85

AdaByron said:

All signs point to conception happening at the end of October. 

My thoughts also. 

greenbean-2

What they said. You've had a lot of ultrasounds. I don't see how the dating could be off by 4+ weeks... a 6w u/s looks a lot different than a 10w+ u/s. 

But if you cheated on someone you're now having a baby with, I'd suggest counseling, at least for you and maybe with your SO.  (And I don't mean that in a disparaging way - going to counseling during a difficult time was one of the best things I've ever done for myself). 

tuxielove93

OP, I do not know a whole lot about ovulation tests, but I can try to help with everything else. It is extremely unlikely that 4 ultrasounds would date the baby off by a whole month. Couple days, maybe a week at most is the farthest an ultrasound that early should be wrong. At most, you may have conceived with the other guy, miscarried early, and then conceived with your SO. Even still, if you are truly concerned, you can do a paternity test. I'm not sure when they are available (before or after birth) but I'm sure a quick google search should bounce that back. That being said, you would almost definitely need your partner to know about the paternity test. And even if you decide not to go that route, you should still tell him. If he ever found out, it would be ten times worse hearing it from someone else than you telling him yourself. He may question whether the child is his or not himself, and depending on how old the baby is, you really don't want that getting in the way of their relationship. Plus, it could be traumatic for the child if they were forced to take a paternity test way after the fact. In addition, your relationship really matters now that you are going to have a child together, and a secret this big is just a bomb waiting to explode. It's really better to deal with it now than when the child is already here. So for the sake of the child, tell him now and deal with the consequences so you can go from here knowing what is truly going to happen and plan accordingly. I know that's really hard and obviously not talking about it with him sounds way easier, but it isn't in the long run. In all likelihood, he will eventually find out, and the longer you wait the worse he will feel about it. I wish you the best of luck in figuring this out, and know that this whole community is very supportive if you ever need someone to talk to. 

AdaByron

@whiteys4 why on earth did you have so many ultrasounds in the first trimester? There has been some recent research that suggests this is a bad idea.

JAM85

It sounds like you conceived the end of October by all the dating u/s but if you cheated on your SO who you were trying to have a baby with just weeks before then yeah I would suggest counseling and telling him. That's a lot of guilt to carry around and between you and he deserves to know the truth. 

whiteys4

I had D&C earlier in the year and Dr. wanted to make sure growth was happening. I also had very low progesterone levels and I am very anemic. 

longhairdntcare

I don't understand why you are unsure. If 4 ultrasounds say your conception date was in October, then that is when your conception date was. Congrats, your baby is your SOs. 

plumpous

I have a similar edd and conceived at the end of Oct. 

I can't advise you about your relationship but take the advice people have given you with a grain of salt if only for the reason that they do not know your situation and cannot presume the consequences. 

kat0607

I'm not an expert, but if your period ended on 9.09, ovulation would not be occurring as soon as 9.13 unless you normally have an extremely short luteal phase, which is not favorable for conception at all. I'd say don't get too bent out of shape about the ovulation tests because they are not always 100% accurate, and if you miss the LH surge (which the tests detects) even by a few hours, you could get a negative result.
I conceived in September after also having a strange month, menstrual-cycle wise. I believe it was due to stress of my husband being away for 2 weeks for work. It's more likely your mental stress caused your period to be lighter or different than usual, rather than caused you not to turn a positive test until November. 
As many PP have said - and your ultrasounds confirmed - it looks like you conceived in October. But, judging by the stress this has caused you thus far, I'd advise you to come clean to your SO just to have your own peace of mind. Good luck! 

BusyZee

https://healthland.time.com/2011/08/16/who’s-your-baby-daddy-new-paternity-test-can-tell-at-12-weeks/

nikkiandchris

I agree with PPs based on ultrasounds it seems very unlikely you conceived in September. However you really need to find some counseling to deal with this stress, and to decide a way forward. Life with a baby can be very stressful, you need to deal with this event before the baby is here.

julybaby17-2

My EDD is two weeks before yours, and I conceived early October. I know when I conceived as I was previusly staying in another state with my parents. If you conceived in mid-September, your due date would be in June. 

crzyforbabies

I agree with everyone that it is your SO's baby. If you didn't turn a test until November and your cycles are 30 days, you probably conceived in October. Ovulation tests aren't perfect, and if you aren't taking them multiple times a day, you could miss your surge.

I don't know what you should do about your relationship. I don't think the baby is the first guy's, but it is a big secret to keep. It might be better to fess up and repair your relationship. Relationships should be built on a foundation of trust. 

MrsLa3

plumpous said:

I have a similar edd and conceived at the end of Oct. 

I can't advise you about your relationship but take the advice people have given you with a grain of salt if only for the reason that they do not know your situation and cannot presume the consequences. 

I can't even take your advice with a grain of salt. 

JmUDuuuukes 07

As others have said, most likely SO's, so yay?

*Removed for TOU Violation*
 
Regardless of what the outcome may be (outside of physical harm to you and/or baby) I think you should come clean. Deal with the consequences now, have the difficult discussions now, work through it if you can, now. It won't get any easier with a crying baby, running toddler, stubborn 3 year old... etc.